A Little about me and why I started "Fat Girls Fighting for Fitness"

HeatherKatan

I have never done a blog so I figure the best place to start is with an introduction. So in a Nutshell my name is Heather and I am a 25 year old woman who is embarking on a journey to regain my health. I started this journey on September 14th, 2015 at 245 pounds (eek!) and I am only 5'3". That was a scary number for me to face as I have battled with my weight and body insecurities my entire life. So I guess a brief history would also be due. I grew up as an active healthy child, I played outside a lot loved to run and ride bikes with my friends and my parents made sure we had a well-balanced diet. My insecurities with my weight and body began around the start of middle school when I noticed that I was developing much faster than other girls my age even my own older sister! I was embarrassed of my body and developing curves so I began to hide my body in baggy over-sized clothes. Around my 6th grade year of school I came across a couple of older girls that were in the bathroom throwing up after lunch and they told me that if I would just do that then I would become slender like all the other girls in the magazines and media that was targeted at young girls to be thin. By the time I had reached 8th grade I was an expert at hiding my after lunch bathroom visits but much to my horror as a child I still did not look like all those other girls but I had already done a devastating amount of damage to my body from my teeth starting to go bad and my stomach not being ab to keep food down because it was such a habit to vomit everything up. It would take me a fabulous high school counselor my freshman year who recognized the signs of my disorders help to start fixing the damage I had done to my body by beginning to live a healthier lifestyle again and coming to some semblance of body acceptance. During the next 4 years of high school I would battle the highs and lows of my disorders and confidence but I discovered a side of me that loved the dance and movement of aerobics class and an acceptance that thin did not equal healthy. By my senior year with aerobics class 5 days a week and a healthy set of food idea's and a body confidence I miss most days I was at 145 pounds (my goal weight again) running a 7 ½ minute mile and felt physically great and healthy. However the dreaded after school slump hit and I was working two jobs and just didn't find the motivation to work out anymore now that it was not a requirement and between graduating in January of 2009 to March of 2010 I had gained 10 pounds. At this time though I had made a major life decision and joined the United States Navy in February and was sent to boot camp in Chicago in March. Once again with daily work outs being required and being in constant motion I once again got to 145 pounds and was physically fit and healthy and had a brand new sense of confidence that I had NEVER had before. No one was more surprised than myself when I graduated boot camp. I felt invincible, confident, and beautiful basically everything that every woman deserves to feel like. However by the time I left boot camp and got to my training assignment I had this desire to live life and a thirst that I wanted everything at once. So I ended up in an abusive relationship that over a three year Navy career period would send all my confidence shattering back to Earth. My ex-husband was not only physically abusive but mentally so as well. Like most toxic relationships I began to blame myself for his cheating and physical abuse, saying it was my fault "if I was prettier" "if I was smarter" "if I was anything but who I was". After three years of running myself physically and emotionally in the ground I finished my Navy time and tucked my tail between my legs and ran home scared. I had gained such a large amount of weight between a miscarriage, bad lifestyle, being to physically injured to maintain, and bad choices I had gotten so physically unfit that I was no longer able to maintain my standards and was a whopping 210 pounds!! This was honestly the lowest point I had ever been at in my life. I had lost a military career I loved, I was emotionally beat back into the insecure little girl hovering over the toilet trying to be thin and had gained so much weight due to my health issue and lack of taking care of myself that I truly felt like the worthless person my ex had told me I was. A couple of months later I slowly started to get my confidence back when I began to work at my current job. I was supporting myself had divorced my cheating husband and made some real progress once again for myself. At this point I had once again stacked on weight to the point of 225 pounds (YIKES it just keeps going up!) Well my current job required me to spend the next year travelling and living in hotels to the tune of another 10 pounds. However in that time I had met my now fabulous husband Bryan and began the slow process of emotionally healing myself. During the next year (this past year) however my husband and I suffered two devastating miscarriages that once again sent my weight soaring to 245 pounds and my emotions in a downward spiral. Finally in September of this year facing my 25th birthday and realizing that no amount of regret was going to change the past or get the weight off and knowing that I HAD to change if I wanted the future my husband and I were planning I finally decided I WAS READY!!! On September 14th I made the small step of giving up soda cold turkey as my first step towards taking back my life and by October 20th I had lost 10 pounds by that small step alone. It was not easy. I began to drink coffee at work but my first day off 5 days into giving up soda was the first day I had no caffeine and was the worst migraine I can recall ever having. I actually broke down crying in the soda aisle at Walmart! But I kept strong and slept the migraine off. I decided after a month of no soda to me the next step seemed to be to start tracking my food so that I can see what I am doing and make the right changes there as well. I have also gotten a beginners guide to getting back in shape and am going to be starting that as well. Small steps begin every journey!!!