Still can't help but feel bad... Confidence has to be rebuilt once a while...
niniundlapin
Posts: 327 Member
Funny that half way through typing this I decided not to publish it here but keep it in my personal blog, but something went wrong (I didn't press anything) & I found it being posted already... So here I am! Sorry for sharing this only 20-30% positive experience... 
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It's the time of the year, I guess... Just want to vent a little bit. Thanks in advance for reading this!!
Everyone of us who'd like to lose weight would somehow have certain spots that just won't shrink as we'd like them to. Mine are the upper arms' bingo wings. They remain pretty much the same size (maybe reduced 1-1.5 cm in circumference) even after losing 11 kgs from my heaviest weight (64.5kg to 53-ish kg). It's bothersome. But it actually didn't bother me too much since I finally realized there's no spot reduce and was thinking many years of BodyCombat should be enough to do the trick for me. And, I know I've purposely ignored upper body strength training throughout these years, so I blame all these to myself "lacking of the knowledge." Also, I feel relieved when I saw Tony Horton's floppy "wing area" in DVD (the moment he raised his arms demonstrating one of the moves), knowing that "even this guy has loose skin/ tissue in that area, what am I worrying about since I can't even train myself like that."
This brings out another area that I'm not happy about my body: I'm pretty flat at the top. With my floppy arms, it makes my upper body awkwardly disproportional. No revealing tops for me in the public, even during hot summer days. Because of this, I always feel like there's something wrong with my genes for fat distribution. Yeah, maybe a few augmentation surgeries could solve all these and brought an end to my whining. The awful part is, my body is the type that's not suitable as a candidate for such surgeries, since the tissue type won't end up with ideal result and the history of multiple benign tumor removal totally knocks the thought out. I believe I still love my life more than my appearance (at least at this point), and plus, that's what a pair of Nu-bras for, right?
Well, life is good, until one day your SO tells you "hey, your arms are really big."
Woosh~ bye-bye, confidence.
This happened last night. I wasn't feeling too much frustration until this morning. I've been working out harder and harder, going from almost zero push-ups to 15 in a row with appropriate form (of course, with stands and on my knees)... Maybe I should also mention that I was jealous of his recent unintentional 5 kg weight-loss. No intense workout, no food/ diet control, and 5 kg's gone. He's about the same height as me and had to bulk-up intentionally (not to look too skinny), so it's not unhealthy for him to be in a weight like that.
I guess this brings out the fact that I'm not as confident as I thought, especially when the areas I hate the most become the target/ center of focus...
Feeling better after typing all these out. Life is still good, just need a little bit pause and re-direct. Going back to normal routine now!
Appreciate your attention!
*****
It's the time of the year, I guess... Just want to vent a little bit. Thanks in advance for reading this!!
Everyone of us who'd like to lose weight would somehow have certain spots that just won't shrink as we'd like them to. Mine are the upper arms' bingo wings. They remain pretty much the same size (maybe reduced 1-1.5 cm in circumference) even after losing 11 kgs from my heaviest weight (64.5kg to 53-ish kg). It's bothersome. But it actually didn't bother me too much since I finally realized there's no spot reduce and was thinking many years of BodyCombat should be enough to do the trick for me. And, I know I've purposely ignored upper body strength training throughout these years, so I blame all these to myself "lacking of the knowledge." Also, I feel relieved when I saw Tony Horton's floppy "wing area" in DVD (the moment he raised his arms demonstrating one of the moves), knowing that "even this guy has loose skin/ tissue in that area, what am I worrying about since I can't even train myself like that."
This brings out another area that I'm not happy about my body: I'm pretty flat at the top. With my floppy arms, it makes my upper body awkwardly disproportional. No revealing tops for me in the public, even during hot summer days. Because of this, I always feel like there's something wrong with my genes for fat distribution. Yeah, maybe a few augmentation surgeries could solve all these and brought an end to my whining. The awful part is, my body is the type that's not suitable as a candidate for such surgeries, since the tissue type won't end up with ideal result and the history of multiple benign tumor removal totally knocks the thought out. I believe I still love my life more than my appearance (at least at this point), and plus, that's what a pair of Nu-bras for, right?
Well, life is good, until one day your SO tells you "hey, your arms are really big."
Woosh~ bye-bye, confidence.
This happened last night. I wasn't feeling too much frustration until this morning. I've been working out harder and harder, going from almost zero push-ups to 15 in a row with appropriate form (of course, with stands and on my knees)... Maybe I should also mention that I was jealous of his recent unintentional 5 kg weight-loss. No intense workout, no food/ diet control, and 5 kg's gone. He's about the same height as me and had to bulk-up intentionally (not to look too skinny), so it's not unhealthy for him to be in a weight like that.
I guess this brings out the fact that I'm not as confident as I thought, especially when the areas I hate the most become the target/ center of focus...
Feeling better after typing all these out. Life is still good, just need a little bit pause and re-direct. Going back to normal routine now!
Appreciate your attention!
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Replies
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Sorry to say, but my exercise physiologist told me hat no matter what I did , I would still have that loose skin, I was devastated to say the least.0
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I'd love to accept that no matter what, my thighs won't get smaller but I still have that niggle that says if they are fat. .. They must get smaller?! I totally understand, I hope your frustration subsides as I certainly don't have advice!!0
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Thank you both for replying... Yes it does subside. I think the hardest part for this whole journey is neither the sweat while exercising nor the learning curve of making proper food choice, but how we accept ourselves... It's hard... but I'm making progress! 0
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SO like the rest of us can be a clutz! Mine said (in the late 1980's) :
"for something so big, how can your bum be so bony?).
I was at my ideal weight and a sensitive teenager at the time. Yes I have not forgot! My butt and thighs do carry my weight and from a clinical engineering perspective, he was and is right - quite a remarkable combination.0 -
Thats how I feel about my stomach. Exactly.
The rest of my body looks (now) thin and fit, and then there's my stomach
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Me too its my stomach.0
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Love yourself. Not liking yourself, even if it's only the way you look, makes it easier to give in, and harder to maintain weight loss.0
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That's a good way to think about it! Thanks!!
I'd never thought of giving up though, cuz it's just not worth doing that. I might spent too much time doing this wrong, or maybe just that my standard got higher and higher whenever I passed a goal... Learning to love seems tougher than I thought, I guess... 0 -
I was watching The Good Wife, and they showed, ever so briefly, the main character's not entirely taut tummy. She looked great. When you're healthy and active, minor physical flaws, a round tummy, a little jiggle, stretch marks, curvy legs: whatever it is only makes you more beautiful.0
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And I think that's called confidence from the inside 0
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Everyone, and by everyone, I do mean EVERYONE, fixates on some less desirable trait of their physique. Odds are, if you and I were to meet, I would not only not notice your upper arms, you would probably have to do a really bang-up PowerPoint presentation to convince me that there was something wrong. For me, its my hips and thighs. Even when my weight unintentionally hit the anorexia end of the spectrum on my 5'8 frame (totally unintentionally, I was really, really sick), my thighs were still rounded and curvy. Damn it, seriously, still no thigh gap! But, my thighs and I are now really good friends since I work really, really hard to keep them fit and strong.
Continue the upper body strength training, because you know what? Being able to do 15 honest-to-god pushups is AWESOME. And the criteria for how you feel about your body should be about how fit, strong, and capable it is of taking care of all the more important things in your life. Now that's beautiful!
And, honestly, my SO said something similar to me recently after I took a medication that caused me to gain an extra 10lbs or so. Since he is kin to stick people, he never, ever struggles with his weight. I love him, I really do, he's a great guy, but I would suggest you tell your SO the thing I told mine: "F*** OFF." And mean it. But lovingly, of course.0 -
@newtosd1 hehe I love what you said!!
Yes I did say that at the moment but just in my mind... I think my tears would be more powerful for him to back off
Sometimes I see my SO as a good motivation to engage to a healthy, active lifestyle, even though I know that's not the reason why he has never struggled with weight (yes he's also part of the stick population). But once a while I'd also wish he could be a little bit sensitive and more thoughtful on this kind of things. Maybe there will be one day that I'd consider comments like that as funny, harmless jokes when my confidence grows sky-high, but it's usually more hurtful to hear it from a person who's this close and supposed to know our sore spots.
There's no doubt that our men love us, just that it'll be much better if the part labeled "sensitivity/ consideration" inside them can be built a little bit larger!
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@niniundlapin -- Lol -- yes, tears are also a good offensive weapon.
It is hurtful. Usually no matter how confident you are, I get it. It is to me too. I hope your SO is now encouraging you to get yourself where you want to be rather than unknowingly tearing you down. I find that men just don't get how different women's body composition is -- my body is always ready to whether a famine or have babies. Anytime, anyplace. It's a whole different ballgame for women to lose weight.
That said, I would really encourage you to continue with the strength training. I find it to be a real confidence booster! It can really change how you feel about your body,
Good luck!0 -
I can totally relate!!!! Ultimately you need to please yourself. Are YOU happy with YOU? We all have flaws... (My hair Falls out!) Things could always be a lot worse! Find what's beautiful about you, and appreciate it! Try to improve what YOU want to improve. If you're like me, you've done this long enough to know what works for you what doesn't!0
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Thanks, @newtosd1 & @SunnyCyndie !!
Yes, now I regret not to start strength training earlier. It is amazing to see changes at this point when I almost believe there's no way to improve how my body looks and performs.
Funny thing is, we were talking about high school reunion (yesterday was the 111th year since my high school has founded) and I said to my SO, with not-unusual-but-rare confidence, "I'll never go back to how I look in high school since I'm slimmer, healthier, and funnier (personality-wise) than 12 years ago." I must not forget about that and keep the spirit up 0 -
Good luck, keep it up!0
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