"In a hole and can't get put"

matthewsfive

If some of you are reading this twice i am sorry. So here goes, I have really let myself go once again. I haven't checked into MFP for weeks. Stopped checking in on my groups. Haven't been to the gym in weeks. Kept my streak going by just opening the app which is cheating. I feel like the biggest failure ever. I have failed myself and failed all of you. I have been MIA and i have dug the biggest hole and can't get out. I am sorry if this feels and sounds like a broken record. I have been in this place before but not for this long and i have put back on 12 pounds. It makes me sick to say 12 pounds. I have worked so hard and don't know why i let myself go back to a place i swore i would never go back. I come to realize that i will always need to be that person who can't eat whatever i want, as long as its once in a while. That will not work for me. I always have to eat clean. My problem is once i start eating the wrong foods i become addicted to the food. I can't just eat 1 cookie i have to eat the whole bag. If i stay away and not eat that cookie i can say no to the bag of cookies. I really feel like i am addicted to sugar. I can't seem to stop myself even when i am full i keep going back. I need to get back and reach my goals. I woke up this morning pissed at myself for how bad i ate this weekend. Today i am going to really stop and think hard when i reach for that cookie or whatever that bad food is. I am going to say no. I need to refocus and always remember how i felt 80 pounds ago. I don't want to go back there ever again. Thanks for listening and i hope you all have a great day.