"Desexualizing self" and clothing (men)
Fithealthyforlife
Posts: 866 Member
I saw a reply in a recent thread about how it's potentially dangerous to "desexualize" the self (at least for women) through clothing. I agree for the most part.
But how do you people feel about the same for men? Is it even possible? If it is, I am probably guilty of it, lol...I usually wear pretty basic, un-trendy clothing that feels a notch below what most others are wearing. Is this a bad thing?
But how do you people feel about the same for men? Is it even possible? If it is, I am probably guilty of it, lol...I usually wear pretty basic, un-trendy clothing that feels a notch below what most others are wearing. Is this a bad thing?
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Replies
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My first relationship was with a guy who was very trendy. He wore brand name clothing and accessories, cared a lot about appearances and material goods and was always disappointed that I didn't give a rip. We were not compatible.
My second relationship I was with a guy who didn't care at all. We spent most of our time in jeans and sweat pants. He was more about doing things and having experiences and having fun. We were much more compatible.
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
ANYWAY, if you want the person that cares about appearance then you have to care about your appearance, if you want the person who is chillax and don't give a *kitten* then do that.0 -
To me it is pretty damn hard for a guy to "desecualize" himeself. To me it is if you wear something for the opposite sex like skinny jeans or try to dress like Justin Beiber or a kid from One Direction for guys and girls that wear oversize bagging no shape clothes. It doesn't matter if someone is casual or dressed up as the "vibe" their are giving off.0
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My first relationship was with a guy who was very trendy. He wore brand name clothing and accessories, cared a lot about appearances and material goods and was always disappointed that I didn't give a rip. We were not compatible.
My second relationship I was with a guy who didn't care at all. We spent most of our time in jeans and sweat pants. He was more about doing things and having experiences and having fun. We were much more compatible.
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
ANYWAY, if you want the person that cares about appearance then you have to care about your appearance, if you want the person who is chillax and don't give a *kitten* then do that.
Makes sense. Do you feel clothing trendiness is (for guys) one of the differences in apearing as a safe teddy bear versus a strong, sexy grizzly bear?
I think as a rule, the equivalent woman cares a bit more about appearances and dresses a bit better than the equivalent guy. But only by one notch or so. I feel like most of the time, my clothing is two notches below, and I feel like in the past I have sometimes stuck out and appeared less trendy due to what I was wearing.
I do want a woman who cares about her appearance. Like, if 10 is caring the most, and 1 is caring the least, I want someone who is an 8 or so...someone who looks good/well-dressed when we have to make a good impression, but around the house doesn't care to the obsessive point if one of her make-up bottles is low. So, maybe I need to aim for a 7.5 level of grooming, then. I'm probably at a 6 level right now (grooming wise, I'm probably an 8, but clothing wise, a 4.5-5 out of 10, which averages to a 6-6.5.
I know the number scales can be annoying to some people (including me), but it was the best way to think of it in this case. (I never use numbers to rate people's faces/bodies.)0 -
To me it is pretty damn hard for a guy to "desecualize" himeself. To me it is if you wear something for the opposite sex like skinny jeans or try to dress like Justin Beiber or a kid from One Direction for guys and girls that wear oversize bagging no shape clothes. It doesn't matter if someone is casual or dressed up as the "vibe" their are giving off.
Yeah, I tend to wear lose clothes that are pretty plain. I would say I dress like a geek more often than not. Personality-wise, I'm halfway between the extremes, so there is a definite mis-match there. Is that the sort of thing you mean?0 -
To me it is pretty damn hard for a guy to "desecualize" himeself. To me it is if you wear something for the opposite sex like skinny jeans or try to dress like Justin Beiber or a kid from One Direction for guys and girls that wear oversize bagging no shape clothes. It doesn't matter if someone is casual or dressed up as the "vibe" their are giving off.
Yeah, I tend to wear lose clothes that are pretty plain. I would say I dress like a geek more often than not. Personality-wise, I'm halfway between the extremes, so there is a definite mis-match there. Is that the sort of thing you mean?
No what I mean is you are not dressing like a girl. You can dress as geeky or as plain or as trendy as you like as long as it is still masculine.0 -
To me it is pretty damn hard for a guy to "desecualize" himeself. To me it is if you wear something for the opposite sex like skinny jeans or try to dress like Justin Beiber or a kid from One Direction for guys and girls that wear oversize bagging no shape clothes. It doesn't matter if someone is casual or dressed up as the "vibe" their are giving off.
Yeah, I tend to wear lose clothes that are pretty plain. I would say I dress like a geek more often than not. Personality-wise, I'm halfway between the extremes, so there is a definite mis-match there. Is that the sort of thing you mean?
No what I mean is you are not dressing like a girl. You can dress as geeky or as plain or as trendy as you like as long as it is still masculine.
Oh, of course. I totally get what you're saying.
Sounds like I don't have much to be concerned about then.0 -
But how do you people feel about the same for men? Is it even possible? If it is, I am probably guilty of it, lol...I usually wear pretty basic, un-trendy clothing that feels a notch below what most others are wearing. Is this a bad thing?
Yes, it's possible. Go try to find something to wear for a 6'3 nearly 500 lbs man that's remotely masculine or sexy. It doesn't exist. Yes, they make clothes for men that size but it's all ugly. Never cared about trendy or brand name clothes in the past because they just didn't make it for someone my size. . Now that I'm much smaller, my selection is wider and though I still mostly have to buy Big & Tall, I am finding I can get nicer looking clothes and not the ugly stuff from before.0 -
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
I've heard this from a few women. I'm a big teddy bear. I've been teddy-zoned.. :sad:0 -
I am a T-shirt and jeans guy. While I like the idea of dressing more trendy, I just don't know where to start. Plus I don't want to look like a D-bag.0
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So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
I've heard this from a few women. I'm a big teddy bear. I've been teddy-zoned.. :sad:
Teddy bears are good... Women want to snuggle with teddy bears0 -
I saw a reply in a recent thread about how it's potentially dangerous to "desexualize" the self (at least for women) through clothing. I agree for the most part.
But how do you people feel about the same for men? Is it even possible? If it is, I am probably guilty of it, lol...I usually wear pretty basic, un-trendy clothing that feels a notch below what most others are wearing. Is this a bad thing?
I can't say that I have ever been turned off by a guy that I was otherwise attracted to based on the clothing he was wearing at the time. Now if the clothes were smelly, I'd probably have a problem.0 -
My first relationship was with a guy who was very trendy. He wore brand name clothing and accessories, cared a lot about appearances and material goods and was always disappointed that I didn't give a rip. We were not compatible.
My second relationship I was with a guy who didn't care at all. We spent most of our time in jeans and sweat pants. He was more about doing things and having experiences and having fun. We were much more compatible.
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
ANYWAY, if you want the person that cares about appearance then you have to care about your appearance, if you want the person who is chillax and don't give a *kitten* then do that.
Makes sense. Do you feel clothing trendiness is (for guys) one of the differences in apearing as a safe teddy bear versus a strong, sexy grizzly bear?
I think as a rule, the equivalent woman cares a bit more about appearances and dresses a bit better than the equivalent guy. But only by one notch or so. I feel like most of the time, my clothing is two notches below, and I feel like in the past I have sometimes stuck out and appeared less trendy due to what I was wearing.
I do want a woman who cares about her appearance. Like, if 10 is caring the most, and 1 is caring the least, I want someone who is an 8 or so...someone who looks good/well-dressed when we have to make a good impression, but around the house doesn't care to the obsessive point if one of her make-up bottles is low. So, maybe I need to aim for a 7.5 level of grooming, then. I'm probably at a 6 level right now (grooming wise, I'm probably an 8, but clothing wise, a 4.5-5 out of 10, which averages to a 6-6.5.
I know the number scales can be annoying to some people (including me), but it was the best way to think of it in this case. (I never use numbers to rate people's faces/bodies.)
Hmmm, clothing can help manipulate that impression yes. But my point was more about being the person the people you are attracted to want to be with.
So you want a woman who cares about her appearance but isn't turned off by yours? You'll be hard pressed to find that. If you want to attract a woman like that, you have to be the kind of guy she would want to be with. Dressing down isn't gonna cut it in most cases. I've never been one to advocate settling but there is a point where we have to take a realistic view of the person we want to be and the people that we want to surround ourselves with.
Or just be very very rich.0 -
I feel obligated to insert the overtly sexual comment here.
Why would I care what clothes he is wearing as long as he plans on taking them off?
But that's just me...0 -
My first relationship was with a guy who was very trendy. He wore brand name clothing and accessories, cared a lot about appearances and material goods and was always disappointed that I didn't give a rip. We were not compatible.
My second relationship I was with a guy who didn't care at all. We spent most of our time in jeans and sweat pants. He was more about doing things and having experiences and having fun. We were much more compatible.
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
ANYWAY, if you want the person that cares about appearance then you have to care about your appearance, if you want the person who is chillax and don't give a *kitten* then do that.
Makes sense. Do you feel clothing trendiness is (for guys) one of the differences in apearing as a safe teddy bear versus a strong, sexy grizzly bear?
I think as a rule, the equivalent woman cares a bit more about appearances and dresses a bit better than the equivalent guy. But only by one notch or so. I feel like most of the time, my clothing is two notches below, and I feel like in the past I have sometimes stuck out and appeared less trendy due to what I was wearing.
I do want a woman who cares about her appearance. Like, if 10 is caring the most, and 1 is caring the least, I want someone who is an 8 or so...someone who looks good/well-dressed when we have to make a good impression, but around the house doesn't care to the obsessive point if one of her make-up bottles is low. So, maybe I need to aim for a 7.5 level of grooming, then. I'm probably at a 6 level right now (grooming wise, I'm probably an 8, but clothing wise, a 4.5-5 out of 10, which averages to a 6-6.5.
I know the number scales can be annoying to some people (including me), but it was the best way to think of it in this case. (I never use numbers to rate people's faces/bodies.)
Hmmm, clothing can help manipulate that impression yes. But my point was more about being the person the people you are attracted to want to be with.
So you want a woman who cares about her appearance but isn't turned off by yours? You'll be hard pressed to find that. If you want to attract a woman like that, you have to be the kind of guy she would want to be with. Dressing down isn't gonna cut it in most cases. I've never been one to advocate settling but there is a point where we have to take a realistic view of the person we want to be and the people that we want to surround ourselves with.
Or just be very very rich.
Hmm, so maybe I don't have much to worry about per se, but I still need to improve my clothing by one or two notches to be congruent with my personality.
Thing is, I'm not sure "wear" to start. I've been wearing clothing from Kohls, JCPenny, Lands End, and LL Bean mostly. Any advice on where to being? I'm not looking to overhaul, just transition slowly to something a bit nicer, at least part of the time. I could really use suggestions of names of brands and stores to look out for.0 -
My first relationship was with a guy who was very trendy. He wore brand name clothing and accessories, cared a lot about appearances and material goods and was always disappointed that I didn't give a rip. We were not compatible.
My second relationship I was with a guy who didn't care at all. We spent most of our time in jeans and sweat pants. He was more about doing things and having experiences and having fun. We were much more compatible.
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
ANYWAY, if you want the person that cares about appearance then you have to care about your appearance, if you want the person who is chillax and don't give a *kitten* then do that.
Makes sense. Do you feel clothing trendiness is (for guys) one of the differences in apearing as a safe teddy bear versus a strong, sexy grizzly bear?
I think as a rule, the equivalent woman cares a bit more about appearances and dresses a bit better than the equivalent guy. But only by one notch or so. I feel like most of the time, my clothing is two notches below, and I feel like in the past I have sometimes stuck out and appeared less trendy due to what I was wearing.
I do want a woman who cares about her appearance. Like, if 10 is caring the most, and 1 is caring the least, I want someone who is an 8 or so...someone who looks good/well-dressed when we have to make a good impression, but around the house doesn't care to the obsessive point if one of her make-up bottles is low. So, maybe I need to aim for a 7.5 level of grooming, then. I'm probably at a 6 level right now (grooming wise, I'm probably an 8, but clothing wise, a 4.5-5 out of 10, which averages to a 6-6.5.
I know the number scales can be annoying to some people (including me), but it was the best way to think of it in this case. (I never use numbers to rate people's faces/bodies.)
Hmmm, clothing can help manipulate that impression yes. But my point was more about being the person the people you are attracted to want to be with.
So you want a woman who cares about her appearance but isn't turned off by yours? You'll be hard pressed to find that. If you want to attract a woman like that, you have to be the kind of guy she would want to be with. Dressing down isn't gonna cut it in most cases. I've never been one to advocate settling but there is a point where we have to take a realistic view of the person we want to be and the people that we want to surround ourselves with.
Or just be very very rich.
Hmm, so maybe I don't have much to worry about per se, but I still need to improve my clothing by one or two notches to be congruent with my personality.
Thing is, I'm not sure "wear" to start. I've been wearing clothing from Kohls, JCPenny, Lands End, and LL Bean mostly. Any advice on where to being? I'm not looking to overhaul, just transition slowly to something a bit nicer, at least part of the time. I could really use suggestions of names of brands and stores to look out for.
I'm not the right person to ask at all. I'm the girl that's content in the jeans and tank top 90% of the time, and I could care less about mens fashion - except when the hems are rolled up so the pants become high waters. No one looks attractive in that. I prefer my men to be dressed down so that we're fine chillin' at home, or if we feel like picking up and going on a hike all we'd have to do is put on shoes.0 -
Hmm, so maybe I don't have much to worry about per se, but I still need to improve my clothing by one or two notches to be congruent with my personality.
Thing is, I'm not sure "wear" to start. I've been wearing clothing from Kohls, JCPenny, Lands End, and LL Bean mostly. Any advice on where to being? I'm not looking to overhaul, just transition slowly to something a bit nicer, at least part of the time. I could really use suggestions of names of brands and stores to look out for.
The fit of your clothes matters 500x more than the brand name. You also need to dress for your audiance so we can't say "wear such and such" as it might look out of place in certain situations.0 -
I'm not the right person to ask at all. I'm the girl that's content in the jeans and tank top 90% of the time, and I could care less about mens fashion - except when the hems are rolled up so the pants become high waters. No one looks attractive in that. I prefer my men to be dressed down so that we're fine chillin' at home, or if we feel like picking up and going on a hike all we'd have to do is put on shoes.
I hear ya. When I'm at home, I'm most comfortable in a t-shirt (white under shirt) at least in warmer weather. but I want to dress better than I have been in public most of the time, which means better professional attire when required for school/work, and more trendy clothing when I'm on a date with a lady.
What is the female equivalent to wearing a t-shirt (undershirt) at home, anyway? T-shirt? Tank top? I want a girl who is comfortable like this at home.The fit of your clothes matters 500x more than the brand name. You also need to dress for your audiance so we can't say "wear such and such" as it might look out of place in certain situations.
I agree, to a point. Like, what you mean is brand really doesn't matter, but it's how it fits. Can you give me an example of what you consider well-fitted for casual guys' clothing?0 -
I'm not the right person to ask at all. I'm the girl that's content in the jeans and tank top 90% of the time, and I could care less about mens fashion - except when the hems are rolled up so the pants become high waters. No one looks attractive in that. I prefer my men to be dressed down so that we're fine chillin' at home, or if we feel like picking up and going on a hike all we'd have to do is put on shoes.
I hear ya. When I'm at home, I'm most comfortable in a t-shirt (white under shirt) at least in warmer weather. but I want to dress better than I have been in public most of the time, which means better professional attire when required for school/work, and more trendy clothing when I'm on a date with a lady.
What is the female equivalent to wearing a t-shirt (undershirt) at home, anyway? T-shirt? Tank top? I want a girl who is comfortable like this at home.The fit of your clothes matters 500x more than the brand name. You also need to dress for your audiance so we can't say "wear such and such" as it might look out of place in certain situations.
I agree, to a point. Like, what you mean is brand really doesn't matter, but it's how it fits. Can you give me an example of what you consider well-fitted for casual guys' clothing?
I live in tank tops and tights or fuzzy pants at home.. BUt I wear tank tops out alot to....... Usually with jeans but since I go to a lot of dive stlye bars my attire is appropriate0 -
What is the female equivalent to wearing a t-shirt (undershirt) at home, anyway? T-shirt? Tank top? I want a girl who is comfortable like this at home.
I am usually in running shorts or yoga pants and a tank top or t-shirt while at home.0 -
So honestly it's about what you want. You have to make yourself known to be a sexual creature or you'll become the teddy bear friend. The one that's "safe" (anyone else ever find that wording strange? Like I should feel unsafe around a guy because we might have sex? Eh).
I've heard this from a few women. I'm a big teddy bear. I've been teddy-zoned.. :sad:
Teddy bears are good... Women want to snuggle with teddy bears
^^^agreed. I really like this guy who dresses down for what I usually like but his personality is aweswome, I don't care what he's wearing. however when I met him it was after work so I know how can dress up nicely as well. I think its more about making a good first impression and then you dress like yourself t be comfortable around others without being sloppy.
ETA: to answer the OP's original question I think its possible for men to desexualize themselves as well. so while you don't have to dress up like you're walking the runway everyday, make sure u put some kind of effort into your appearance so you don't get overlooked by members of the opposite sex.
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I am a T-shirt and jeans guy. While I like the idea of dressing more trendy, I just don't know where to start. Plus I don't want to look like a D-bag.
u can look nice without looking like a D-bag. Even the most casual things can look nice like a nice pair of jeans and a polo it just depends on the fit and the way you carry yourself.0 -
I think most women and most men do not care about why the other is wearing as long as they're attracted to them. We all have preferences though. I prefer the all American guy. I love when my guy where's a cap, jeans and a nice tee. If we are going out, then a nicer top.
Of course, if my bf would have shown up all sloppy looking (ripped up tee, dirty jeans etc), I don't think I would have been attracted to him. So though clothes matter, it's more of a package deal. I wouldn't worry about where you shop, I'd be more concerned you're wearing what's comfortable and what makes you feel confident.0 -
also, sometimes you can get some ideas online, I've used polyvore a few times to get ideas for looks that I would like to try.
I believe they have a version for men: http://www.polyvore.com/men/collection?id=178127
look around and see what style is similar to yours and get ideas of how to polish it up a bit0 -
I'm not the right person to ask at all. I'm the girl that's content in the jeans and tank top 90% of the time, and I could care less about mens fashion - except when the hems are rolled up so the pants become high waters. No one looks attractive in that. I prefer my men to be dressed down so that we're fine chillin' at home, or if we feel like picking up and going on a hike all we'd have to do is put on shoes.
I hear ya. When I'm at home, I'm most comfortable in a t-shirt (white under shirt) at least in warmer weather. but I want to dress better than I have been in public most of the time, which means better professional attire when required for school/work, and more trendy clothing when I'm on a date with a lady.
What is the female equivalent to wearing a t-shirt (undershirt) at home, anyway? T-shirt? Tank top? I want a girl who is comfortable like this at home.The fit of your clothes matters 500x more than the brand name. You also need to dress for your audiance so we can't say "wear such and such" as it might look out of place in certain situations.
I agree, to a point. Like, what you mean is brand really doesn't matter, but it's how it fits. Can you give me an example of what you consider well-fitted for casual guys' clothing?
I live in tank tops and tights or fuzzy pants at home.. BUt I wear tank tops out alot to....... Usually with jeans but since I go to a lot of dive stlye bars my attire is appropriate
Bobbie Fett
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Nolachick-
Interesting site. I would like to see more if there are other sites geared toward getting ideas for men's fashion.0 -
if you Reddit, there's a mens' wear subreddit0
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I am a T-shirt and jeans guy. While I like the idea of dressing more trendy, I just don't know where to start. Plus I don't want to look like a D-bag.
u can look nice without looking like a D-bag. Even the most casual things can look nice like a nice pair of jeans and a polo it just depends on the fit and the way you carry yourself.
I didnt mean to imply that guys that dress nice are D-bags, bit rather that some that do look like it. :P0 -
if you Reddit, there's a mens' wear subreddit
pinterest0 -
A man can never go wrong with a loose tee (plain, not a tee shirt but rather a more tissue-type tee) and a good pair of jeans in the summer and a flannel plaid button up in the winter. Plaid makes my heart swoon. Later when I'm on the computer I can show some examples from websites.
Male no-nos:
- jean shorts
- immature logos on tee-shirts. You're a grown man not a child.
- clothes with holes and tears. If your jeans have a tear hike your booty down to the store and get more.
- Ed Hardy
- clothes with logos plastered all over.
- socks with sandals. Why do men do that!?
Learn what looks good on you. Take some selfies and see what you think. Take your clothes for a test drive with the tags on and if they're awkward return them.0 -
A man can never go wrong with a loose tee (plain, not a tee shirt but rather a more tissue-type tee) and a good pair of jeans in the summer and a flannel plaid button up in the winter. Plaid makes my heart swoon. Later when I'm on the computer I can show some examples from websites.
Please do. Tissue type T- ?0
