How do I get my mind right about this?

Almoshposh

Please help. I'm going through a mental battle that's really stopped my progress and I need help to get over it. I recommited to sticking to keto basics for November and I was doing very well. That is until my best friend came to stay about 10 days ago. She was diagnosed with a particularly nasty cancer a year ago and the treatment really weakens her. She's very independent and has managed to continue with her life but recently it took a turn for the worse.
She came to stay so that I could drive her to and from work since my place is closer to her workplace than hers. I've also had to take her to check ups etc. Seeing her suffer and in pain like this has drained all the motivation to diet I had. I've always been very healthy and my weight loss wishes have always been motivated by vanity. Now I see my friend fighting for her life and I feel so shallow and vain for wanting to fit into a smaller size. And the depression has resulted in me eating almost nothing but carbs since she arrived. This has been the toughest challenge I've had since I started losing earlier this year and I know if I don't get my mind right I'll be right where I started soon. How do I get back on plan without feeling like a selfish and shallow b**ch?

erinseattle

Taking care of your health is the best thing you can do to honor your friend. I also feel so much more productive when I'm on plan - I have energy and am free of the self-loathing. If you can't do your normal plan with here there, do an abbreviated version. Get back to logging. Say no to sugar and grains. Drink tons of water. Start each day with a perfect breakfast. You deserve care, too ❤️

Stardust620

I can't speak from experience, as I haven't been in your situation, but maybe you can think about your weight loss in a more long-term way. I usually think of my goals as coming mostly from vanity, too, but then I realize that even though I'm healthy now, I won't always have my youth to keep me that way. I want to lose weight so that I can stay healthy as I get older so that I can take care of the people who will need me later on down the road - my future kids, my parents, my future husband, my friends. Maybe thinking of it in terms of being able to be your best self for your friend and for anyone else who might need you to be there for them in the future will help. Think of fitting into smaller sizes as a bonus, with the real reward being your long-term health and strength. Best of luck to you and to your friend. I hope things start looking up.

KarlaYP

Imo, your friend would want you to continue your woe for YOUR health. She has enough challenging things that she is facing/experiencing and wouldn't need your health piled on top of it all. It's okay to take care of you! Your friend would want you too. I hope you find the balance you need to make it through this trying time! Sending hugs!

macchiatto

I'm so sorry. That is tough. I think seeing her suffer can lead you to dig deeper about us own reasons for losing weight, like pp talked about. Sure, vanity can be a big motivation for many of us but a change in perspective can help us seek to choose a WOE and exercise plan that will help us take care of our own health, be more energetic and more able to live life with purpose for the people and causes we care about, etc. rather than take our health for granted.

I live with MS and the unpredictability and lack of control was scary and demoralizing for a while but then I decided I want to take advantage of the relative good health I have have have for now and make the most of it. I can't control what new symptoms I get when but I'll control what I can by making healthy and intentional choices.

NewSue52

If you don't care for yourself, you can't help her. I'm sorry that she's sick and not doing well but losing your focus doesn't fix that. You are not shallow, you are self-aware. You have only one body to live in so you need to take care of it to face all the future challenges you will face.

anglyn1

I'm on this diet to help with autoimmune issues and to keep inflammation at bay. Naturally I get excited when u lose some weight but weeks that I don't I keep the health benefits foremost in mind.

You shouldn't feel guilty for enjoying weight loss and being motivated by it. It's human nature to want to look our best and it's easier to stay motivated when you see immediate results. Just also keep in mind that it's improving your long term health and weight loss is just a bonus!

lithezebra

The things that you want in the life that you have don't go away no matter how badly you're grieving for your friend. Grieve, and take care of yourself too.

deksgrl

I can understand how this changes your perspective on things. But I think it is possible to find some middle ground where you can still work towards your goals, but not feel guilty about it. It might mean that you just try to get back on your plan as much as you can but without talking about it with your friend. If you are eating together, perhaps just choose smaller portions of the carb foods. Or if you have to mention anything about it to her, you could just say "I feel better eating this way" instead of dwelling on the main reason of losing weight. I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting to lose weight, and I see how it pales in comparison to your friends problems, but completely going the other way and feeling bad about it doesn't do you or her any good either. Maybe you have to accept that you will make slower progress on your goals while she is staying with you without giving up the goal completely.

nvmomketo

(hugs)
Carbs are comfort foods for many and you needed comfort. You havn't been LCHF long so the WOE hasn't been ingrained as a habit or lifestyle yet. That was a hard circumstance. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

I'm another who came to LCHF for health and am enjoying the weight loss as an added bonus. LCHF is a healthier WOE for many people. It's often better for those who have some cancers too since cancer eats glucose - without glucose it can stop.

You are improving your health with the LCHF diet. Chances are that it will improve your ability to deal with the huge stressors in your life than the carb roller coaster will.

If you can go back to LCHF, it will probably help your stress and may benefit you and your friend's health. That's something good to be selfish about.

And kudos to you for being such a good friend. You are building up some good karma there.

glossbones

From what I've seen of people's stories about the amazing health recoveries they attribute to LCHF eating, the way you eat is FAR from meaningless. The vanity aspect is a side effect. The inside of your body needs you to keep it up as much as your friend needs your help! Hugs to you both!