To tell or not to tell

MrsDreamer1974

So, before I had my WLS I lost 100 lbs on my own and I made sure to post it to my facebook page so that it wont be a shock when I start losing faster. Now I'm so scared that someone is going to find out that I had WLS. Am I being stupid to worry about it? I have see others put people down for having WLS and I just don't think I can handle that. Honestly if they knew what I have went through I don't think they would call it " Cheating " to lose weight. What has everyone else told people about their WLS? I guess I had an easy way out of telling people because I had a very sick gallbladder that had to be removed at the same time as my WLS.

RhiannonBecks

So here's my take... while I don't shout to every person and I didn't make a big announcement on FB that I had the surgery, I tell/told people who I thought needed to know. I am almost 10 yrs out and still choose who I tell the details of my weight loss journey. For me it wasn't that I was scared, but it was that I wanted to protect myself. Which in some ways, sounds like you want to do too. I have learned however, that 99% of people are really open and supportive to the idea. They may not understand in the beginning, but the more you tell them about it, the more they can be your SUPPORT system, which is huge. People are generally fearful/judgmental of things we(they) don't know about it- WLS is no different. It is a tool. that is it. The tool can be broken, it can be abused and it can go away just as fast as it is given. Not being a Debbie downer,lol, but people should understand that while you have this AMAZING tool, you too, have to work very hard. Mentally, physically, emotionally among many other facets to maintain that tool. To successfully keep off any/all weight you will/have lost.
--So in short, I say, whatever you are comfortable sharing, just be confident. It may take some time, but be open to sharing, the more support you have, I think success will come & stay. I know I have a big team rallying behind me. I have kept 100+ pounds off just shy of 10 years.
You can do this too

ki4eld

I was open about having WLS, because it *is* so stigmatized. I'm not lying about it. Lies always come out. Always. I don't want to have to keep covering the lie, so I don't tell one. I'm certainly not going to lie about something so integral to my health and well-being. The inability to talk about it would impact my mental health and I need my brain in the game all the time. This isn't a "tell it and it'll eventually pass" kind of lie. This is a "forever until I die" kind of lie and I don't want to waste resources for the rest of my life on keeping it going.

garber6th

Everyone is different when it comes to telling people. There is really no right or wrong as far as that goes. I was pretty open about it, but I didn't put it on blast on Facebook or anything - not because I was ashamed or afraid of negative feedback, I am just not really the sort of person that blasts super personal stuff. People kinda caught on anyway, and I didn't hide or avoid the fact that I had surgery. I was kind of in the same boat as you, I lost 70 lbs on my own prior to surgery, so people were used to me losing weight. I told my coworkers about the surgery. I worked in a small office and we all knew what the others were up to, and we all knew how we ate etc. I told my family and friends too, because they are close to me and I wanted them to know what was going on. They were all really excited for me. I didn't get any negative feedback from anyone. As far as the uninformed, unsolicited opinions of others, I don't really care to be honest. It is not anyone's business how I choose to manage my health. One other reason I chose to be open about my surgery is because I feel that the more open we are about it, the more open dialogue there can be about it, and the more people understand WLS, there will be less stigma attached to it.

AngieViolet

I've been very open....but still haven't (and won't) post it on facebook. One of my family members did put my surgery announcement on FB to update the rest of my giant family that it went well, but I have a filter that prevents others from posting it on my wall (only on their's). I asked them to delete it, and they did.

My team at work has been AMAZING! They had to put up with me during the initial 80+ lb loss...which wasn't easy. I invented a new mood swing that I call "stabby" during that time hahahaha.

I refused to talk about it to any family until 3 days before surgery (except my parents, husband, and grandparents).

This is such a personal and emotional journey. Everyone has a different comfort level and level of openness.

The more of us who do this for the right reasons, respect our surgeries and lifestyle changes, and share openly...the more we can teach others about the positive sides of WLS.

That's my 2cents. I've chosen to use my journey as a teaching point; however, I don't advertise over facebook because negative mindless comments would hurt me to much at this point. Being a "big girl", people sometimes think that their opinions don't hurt and that you are "hard"...farthest thing from the truth for me.

cabennett99

Either way is ok, tell or don't tell, you get to own that decision. I wouldn't feel the need to find an alternate explanation, you can just say it's been a lot of work and a long journey. There are haters, and you'll see that on the other MFP boards if you bring up WLS, but those are with strangers and life's too short to care about educating everyone. All that said, I was personally very open from the beginning with everyone - my family, extended family, neighbors, church friends, co-workers, boss, etc. I had absolutely nothing but positive responses. Frankly it's been overwhelming, in a good way. I would never have known how much people were concerned about my health, or how happy and supportive they are about my decision to do something about it, if I had kept it secret. It took someone sharing with me about their WLS journey before I could really wrap my brain around it. Now I have co-workers pull me aside to ask about it for themselves. Most people aren't comfortable about talking about weight unless you give them permission by bringing it up first. I also did most of my communications in person, and eventually you have to respond somehow to the compliments and questions that you are likely to get after a few months. I didn't say anything in Facebook until 8-9 months after surgery, after I was comfortable talking about it, after most of the "local" friends already new from face to face encounters, and at first only in response to someone Facebook post about my appearance...depending on the likely audience I'd reply "Thanks, I had gastric bypass surgery 8 months ago, it's been quit a journey and a powerful tool along with diet and excercising, but clearly the right decision for me". Sure, I have an occasional discussion with someone who's aunt had surgery, lost weight, then gained it back...but that's o.k., I use those conversations to reinforce that WLS is just one tool, and that there is hard work and discipline required for that tool to work. But I'm glad that I shared, I would have missed a lot of support and positive energy had I kept it a mystery.

anbrdr

I guess i'm pretty open about things, so I tell everyone that asks. I'm proud of my choice to become healthy. Also, I am knowledgeable enough in the procedure and process that I want to educate folks who may have doubts or concerns. I've yet to meet a single person who has called it "the easy way out" or has been dismissive in person. People tend to be less rude when they are not hiding behind a screen.

crogers9189

I used to believe that WLS was cheating, taking the easy way out. What I have come to realize is (football fan here) WLS is like your quarterback, it's your Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers. All my attempts to lose weight before was like benching the QB and letting your 3rd string backup play. I was losing the game. Now that I put my QB in and had the surgery on the 9th I am winning the game! Long story short... Don't let anyone shame you, you made a decision to better your life!!

martabeerich

I've told no one in my family (except hubby). Not even my SIL & BIL who both have huge weight issues. I've told about a dozen friends. No "this is my journey" crap on Book of Face... I told the world I've taken a year to reboot my life, get healthy, and get a handle on my weight. The biggest thing I bemoan on social media is "My Year Without Booze." Everyone who knows me knows I'm a total wino. (I have class, so I spell it WINEAUX.) My husband and I do wine tastings with friends, do wine travel, etc. Plus, I volunteer and pour beer at a brewery, where beer is free to volunteers. So those-not-in-the-know assume that giving up booze makes you drop a ton of weight fast! (LOL) My thought is it's only your business if I choose to share it. Most people don't need to know.

Tawnykakers1

I've told my close family members. I knew I needed their support in my journey. There are other people who I will not tell just because of their negativity. I had lost 60lbs before my surgery and had several of these negative people ask how I did it and I told them the truth. I told them I exercised more, cut carbs, cut sugar and I focus more on protein and non-processed foods. That satisfied them. If minimal info works why expand on it? Truthfully if someone came right out and asked me if I had surgery I would probably tell them. It is all a personal choice. You have to find out what is right for you. As far as FB goes I don't give much personal info on there anyway.

Ultima_Morpha

I've been pretty open with people that I see every day but my primary response when asked how I've done it is "eating less and moving more"...which is the truth. Even though those that know I've had surgery understand that I still have to work at it and have been incredibly supportive.

sinderstorm

I've privately told my family and most of my friends who I'm close to. I've not opened up on FB about my journey, as like when my husband and I went through fertility treatments to get pregnant, it isn't their business. I'm now 80lbs down postop, and am getting some comments, but like many others are just saying I'm eating less and moving more. I don't owe my medical history to everyone in my life, and FB isn't a place that I share everything anyways.