Different Treatment?

garber6th

I know this has been brought up before, but this topic always intrigues me. How have you been treated differently since you have lost weight? For me -

• People look me in the eye when they talk to me.
• Strangers smile and say hello.
• Men hit on me.
• I get treated better in stores when I go shopping.
• I get treated better by wait staff in restaurants.
• I get treated better in general - doctor's appts., the post office... etc.
• I sometimes get things for free - I was in Panera picking up goodies for a meeting, and I didn't get charged for half of them and I got free coffee.
• I feel like people actually listen when I speak, and respect what I have to say.
• I get compliments on how I dress.
• I'm not invisible to people any more.
  

joysie1970

All true...on the flip side to that people who have known me forever at work are in two camps 1) OMG YOU LOOK GREAT...and are so gushy over me it's comical or 2)Maybe if we ignore her weight loss completely she will disappear altogether LOL! I know these people like me, we have good relationships and I see them checking me out on the sly - I mean come on' I was 215 lbs heavier 5 years ago, I lost 90+ lbs in the last year...nada! It's amusing to me! I am not looking for kudos or anything, but swear to god some of them look at me like "is she dying?" and I have been very open and honest about my surgery. Just some of the flip side And those things that are true above, actually make me sad and angry some days - how about you? When I hear you look so pretty it's like a knife to the heart some days, I know people mean well but dang if it's not my head going you must've been a real mess before... I tend to reply with Thanks and I feel incredible! Healthy tends to give you a certain glow

garber6th

joysie1970 wrote: »

And those things that are true above, actually make me sad and angry some days - how about you?

I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes it's like, why was I perceived as less of a person before? It can mess with your head if you let it. There is another reason why this happens, I think. I know I have more confidence than before and I am more comfortable in my own skin. People sense that in others and they gravitate towards it. So while it can be confusing, it's really a positive result of a lot of hard work!

anbrdr

Yeah, it's pretty sad and disgusting, but I guess that's human nature. I also have to wonder if a lot of it is also due to self confidence and self-care. I know when I was "biggest" I never cared how I looked. Ratty t-shirts, worn-out cargo shorts, unkempt hair/beard. I could literally go days/weeks without looking in a mirror.

I have noticed that now that I'm buying new clothes, I'm dressing "better". I actually have shirts with long sleeves, and know that there are about 100 ways to tie a necktie. Things actually match now. I have more energy, so my walk is lighter. I'm out of the house more often, trying to meet new people at Meetups, or going on dates. I have more confidence, so I'm smiling a lot more and interacting with strangers a lot more. I think the confidence and self-appreciation really are infectious, and people can feel/respond to it. The physical transformation has really spurred on a mental transformation.

I'm sure that everyone is different, so these are just observations, not generalizations.

AngieViolet

Ohhh this thread made me cry. It is weird how we learn to block out so much of how others look at an overweight person. Once it all comes rushing back, it is really terrifying. I had a significant weight loss in high school...you would have thought that I was a new student based on how some people reacted. It was hard to handle at 17. However, I think that this time around at 35 it will be even more difficult. I'm cautiously optimistic, but not afraid of running off and leaving the "trapped" feeling aside (work wise...note family or friends).

Since I am still heavy at over 300#s, I also feel like I get a lot of sideways looks when I talk about my new habits and plans and exercise...as if "getting healthy" still equals "fat and lazy"...until you are thin.

I'm so proud of all of you. Anbrdr...I'm totally with you on the appearance thing. I'm quilty 100% of pretending that a wrinkled shirt didn't matter or buying 100 of the same thing in different colors was totally normal.

garber6th

I remember talking to a friend at the beginning of this journey. I said, I don't even know how to go clothes shopping. I have about three stores to choose from, and I have to cross my fingers that the biggest size will fit. That was my criteria - does it fit? I just wanted to make sure I was covered up. I probably helped to contribute to my being invisible to the rest of the world. Now I LOVE shopping (probably more than I should, but I am ok with that!) Adjusting to our new selves has it's challenges, but making sure we are surrounded by supportive people really helps. That's why I love this group

ThinGwen

Part of my motivation for getting the sleeve was the bias against overweight people. I really felt like it was holding me back in my career. I've always dressed nice and spent time on my hair and makeup. Now, at conferences, more people strike up conversations with me, and I don't have to fight to be heard and taken seriously. It's nice, but it also pisses me off.

garber6th

ThinGwen wrote: »

It's nice, but it also pisses me off.

Yep, this.