I'm struggling!
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Jubee13
Posts: 132 Member
I'm doing what I've been doing for about 6 months now. I do great on MFP, reach goal or get very close, then start binging and gain all the weight back. I reached goal 3 weeks ago, and for the past two weeks, I've binged a total of 6 days. I really, really want to stop it now before I gain everything back. It's especially hard right now with so many holiday temptations. I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to stop and any encouragement!! (I have no idea how much I've gained because I'm afraid weighing will depress me too much right now.)
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I don't know much about psychology, but I wonder if you are somehow sabotaging your weight loss because on some level you don't want to lose the weight ?
To answer your question, I binge in different ways and for different reasons. What I do to get back on track depends on why I am struggling. I am becoming better at identifying what sort of binge it is, which helps me manage it better.
Some things that have worked for me: (depending on the 'type' of binge)
1. raising my calories to maintenance level. If that's not enough then raising them to above maintenance. But at least raising them to some level that I can eat within my calorie goals. Then once I am confidently hitting my calorie targets, I can start to lower my calories.
2. having loads of low calories foods (eg vegetables) available so that I can eat as much as I want and stay within my calories.
3. avoiding any situations in which binging is possible. Shop daily for food so there is limited food in the house, and not taking much money with me when I go out so I can't buy foods when I'm out.
4. Prelogging the day's meals in advance.
I would also say that I always log my binges. and weigh myself regularly. If weighing yourself is too scary, then perhaps you can set a date now when you will weight yourself. this gives you the chance to get back on track. For me the accountability of the scale helps a lot. It forces me to face the reality of what I've been doing. I guess it depends on how much the number on the scale affects you, and whether it motivates you or not.
But basically you know the drill. Calories in, calories out. If you eat more calories than you burn you will put on weight. There is no escaping that. Go back to what worked for you when you were losing. Look at one of your before photos. do you want to go back to that ? do you want to have to go through the whole process of losing weight again ? Since you managed to lose the weight, you can do exactly the same thing (but with more calories) to maintain.
Its hard but its worth it.
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This morning I word searched "binge" in MFP community groups. I was saddened to see how many groups had started so enthusiastically and lasted mere weeks, days, or even a single post...very telling, considering the subject matter. Then I found this one, started long ago, still going strong, with good membership. Why was I searching for a binge support group? For the very reason Jubee points out: a week ago, for the third time in a decade, I reached my goal weight, and then I binged two days out of the past four. Not to say I can't binge when I'm not at goal weight, but it is so frustrating when it occurs now -- because, to the previous poster's point, I can't figure out on what level I would want to NOT lose weight, as clearly I've devoted myself to just that cause. Running through the mental list of possibilities ....the only thing I come up with is some fear of losing my "friend," food. Funny when I put it that way, since I've battled food most of my adult life. Anyhow, Jubee, hope you are feeling better. I'm going to try not to let goal weight get away from me, and I hope you will also. Also, for the first time, I did as the previous poster suggested -- logged that first binge four days ago. It was both as bad as I thought and yet, not as bad as I thought once it was all logged. What's more, yesterday's binge was shorter and less caloric. Logging the first may not have been the reason for the lesser binge, but perhaps it was; and perhaps it would help you also. Best of luck. Know that you are not alone.0
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I would guess that it's because deep down we don't believe that we can actually achieve our goal weight. Or even more seriously, we might not think that we deserve to reach our goal weight, or are afraid to do so. So we jeopardize ourselves, and start to freak out when we actually approach our goal weight.0
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For me personally, nearly every time I reach some mysterious milestone, or someone comments on my progress/accomplishments, it's almost and instant trigger to lose my sh!+. I can't explain it. Like if it stays out there, unnoticed, unrecognized, it's okay, like I slipped it under the radar, but man, it's out in the open, and it's almost a "damn, someone noticed, won't take long, and someone will come and call me out because I am not allowed to succeed even in a minute" way.
How messed up is all of that, right?
Then, to top that all off, I realized, I was kind of in a holding pattern. I hit a new low back at the end or March, then been doing the kiddie-roller coaster up and down crap in a 10-15 pound range since then. So, cue me, the overthinker. And I realized, while sitting there trying to figure this out, that I'm OMG-SO-OVERWHELMED-TERRIFIED-CAN'T-LOSE-ANOTHER-POUND/INCH-EVER-BECAUSE-WTH-WILL-MY-WORLD-LOOK-LIKE-THEN-AS-I'VE-NEVER-BEEN-THERE-IN-A-POSITIVE-WAY-I-CAN'T-HAVE-THIS/DON'T-DESERVE-THIS-WHAT-WAS-I-THINKING-I-CAN'T-DO-THIS-IT-ISN'T-ME-IT'S-A-FLUKE-OR-LUCK-BUT-I-DIDN'T-EARN-IT-SO-OF-COURSE-IT'S-GOING-AWAY----OH-THANK-THE-GODS,-WHAT-A-RELIEF-I-KNEW-IT-WASN'T-THE-REAL-ME-THIS-CRAZY-FAT-PERSON-IS-SO-MUCH-MORE-COMFORTABLE-AND-EASY-TO-BE-happysigh
I realized that I was utterly terrified to have to be something, someone, anyone other than who/what I am in this exact moment, this exact weight, etc. I wasn't directly physically abused, though someone tried to get to that point, and I was emotionally abused and psychologically manipulated to a point where it took me 5 years to recover enough to take a breath. I don't know if I am scared to BE again, but when we are thinner (I started at 319, and I'm in the 255 range now, so I'm still MORBIDLY OBESE, but thinner), we can't hide from (insert terrifying thing here). We are seen. We are noticed. We can't fade out. We have to find a voice. We have to BE. And for those of us who have generally hidden away for whatever reason (fat, ugly, abused, not worthy, stupid, blahblahblah, the sun is shining, etc.), not being a part of the scenery, and having to live is terrifying on an instinctual level.
So that's my take on it. Until we figure out what all we're scared of - and for me it's that I don't even know the person I was at 319 anymore. She's an utter stranger to me. If I can change that much in 60-some-odd pounds and 3+ years, who the heck will I be in 6 months, in 6 pounds less, in 50 pounds less, in a year, tomorrow, 0.1 pound less? If I've changed that much, lost/found that much of myself, what does the next minute hold? When I can stop being afraid of myself, of my potential, or at least find the courage that says that something else is more important than that fear, I can't move on...
So for now, that is where I'm at. Scared to move forward, scared to fall back, scared to stay still...and scared to be courageous.
So hugs to all of us!0 -
I had a very good news today, and since couple days i'm back to normal eating, good choices and stopping eating fooling food (december was a nightmare I binge the half of the month)
after having this really good news there's a voice inside me who tell me 'you did it great, you deserve a sweet big desert, go buy a big big cake with chocolate" then I realize and tell to myself "nope you didn't need this, You do not need to punish you or to sabotage all your efforts... if you make it you are going to ruin all your efforts it will bring you nothing good..."
so I didn't buy it. just a simple thing which this bad thoughts remind me : I am strong enough to not hearing the Binge...and yes it's hard.... sometimes like a fight, but WE all can do it
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I had a very good news today, and since couple days i'm back to normal eating, good choices and stopping eating fooling food (december was a nightmare I binge the half of the month)
after having this really good news there's a voice inside me who tell me 'you did it great, you deserve a sweet big desert, go buy a big big cake with chocolate" then I realize and tell to myself "nope you didn't need this, You do not need to punish you or to sabotage all your efforts... if you make it you are going to ruin all your efforts it will bring you nothing good..."
so I didn't buy it. just a simple thing which this bad thoughts remind me : I am strong enough to not hearing the Binge...and yes it's hard.... sometimes like a fight, but WE all can do it
congratulations ! that story is really inspiring
yes, it is hard. but we can do it !!!
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