those last few! (first post)
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eadams103
Posts: 14 Member
i've been a lurker for a long time.... took the plunge to post today. here's my story in a nutshell.
i was overweight growing up. at 20, i went from 170 to 148 after 3 months at a weight loss clinic. first time i was introduced to nutrition. gained and lost weight for the next ten years. always staying within 20 pounds. i've struggled with binge eating most of my adult life. over the past two years, (31-33) i've managed to get my weight very slowly down to 135-140 and been maintaining this at 5'7". i ride my bike most days for transportation in the city. i quit smoking last year, and really put a hold on my drinking alcohol. (i've also had a problem with this for years).
now, fast forward to the most recent times. about 6 months ago, i started seeing a therapist. reflecting on alot of causes for my behaviors, i was faced with alot of realizations about myself. anyway, in the quest to love myself more, i became determined to lose these last few pounds for good; because, hey i deserve it, right!
i dusted off the old MFP account and started logging calories. all of them. it made me realize where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and indeed the month of december was a success. now, keep in mind that i was going on vacation to a very warm place where i'd absolutely be wearing just a bathing suit. i was extra motivated. i left the country at a steady 133. i was feeling really great, physically, mentally, spiritually.
whilst on vacation, i was very physically active, but i also allowed myself to eat foods i wouldn't normally have, although bingeing did not occur. and i drank sugary tropical drinks that i would never order. i came home thinking that surely i must have gained weight. miraculously, i weighed 131 the day i stepped foot back in the US.
anyway, since being home on 1/6, i lost control. i started eating whatever i wanted. i binged numerous times. i stopped logging calories. i've been consuming considerably more alcohol than usual. i wasn't exercising at all.
so now fast forward to a week ago, and i tipped the scale at 142. and it was only after my clothes were already feeling tighter. well naturally, i started the descent into the familiar shame spiral. but i had to snap out of it. and on that hungover day, i got a hold of myself. i made it through that day. i felt better ten fold the next morning. and that day was a bit easier. by the third and fourth and today, i feel even better. the bloating has subsided. i've ridden my bike most days. i went for walks. i started the 8bit app workouts. i've logged calories (truthfully) again. i'm even starting a mindful eating group via my health care services.
i know i need to just stay the course. because i know after just one month, i'll feeling like one hundred dollars. but, i lose motivation.
how do y'all stay on track. not plummet down the endless pit of guilt and shame.
edit: i guess it was my second post
i was overweight growing up. at 20, i went from 170 to 148 after 3 months at a weight loss clinic. first time i was introduced to nutrition. gained and lost weight for the next ten years. always staying within 20 pounds. i've struggled with binge eating most of my adult life. over the past two years, (31-33) i've managed to get my weight very slowly down to 135-140 and been maintaining this at 5'7". i ride my bike most days for transportation in the city. i quit smoking last year, and really put a hold on my drinking alcohol. (i've also had a problem with this for years).
now, fast forward to the most recent times. about 6 months ago, i started seeing a therapist. reflecting on alot of causes for my behaviors, i was faced with alot of realizations about myself. anyway, in the quest to love myself more, i became determined to lose these last few pounds for good; because, hey i deserve it, right!
i dusted off the old MFP account and started logging calories. all of them. it made me realize where my strengths and weaknesses lie, and indeed the month of december was a success. now, keep in mind that i was going on vacation to a very warm place where i'd absolutely be wearing just a bathing suit. i was extra motivated. i left the country at a steady 133. i was feeling really great, physically, mentally, spiritually.
whilst on vacation, i was very physically active, but i also allowed myself to eat foods i wouldn't normally have, although bingeing did not occur. and i drank sugary tropical drinks that i would never order. i came home thinking that surely i must have gained weight. miraculously, i weighed 131 the day i stepped foot back in the US.
anyway, since being home on 1/6, i lost control. i started eating whatever i wanted. i binged numerous times. i stopped logging calories. i've been consuming considerably more alcohol than usual. i wasn't exercising at all.
so now fast forward to a week ago, and i tipped the scale at 142. and it was only after my clothes were already feeling tighter. well naturally, i started the descent into the familiar shame spiral. but i had to snap out of it. and on that hungover day, i got a hold of myself. i made it through that day. i felt better ten fold the next morning. and that day was a bit easier. by the third and fourth and today, i feel even better. the bloating has subsided. i've ridden my bike most days. i went for walks. i started the 8bit app workouts. i've logged calories (truthfully) again. i'm even starting a mindful eating group via my health care services.
i know i need to just stay the course. because i know after just one month, i'll feeling like one hundred dollars. but, i lose motivation.
how do y'all stay on track. not plummet down the endless pit of guilt and shame.
edit: i guess it was my second post
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Replies
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Hey fellow lurker!
First of all congrats on all the positive steps you've made so far and great work in getting back on track. Good work on giving up smoking too - that's my plan for March (turning 30!).
I feel your pain with losing motivation, I have a tendency towards being a bit all or nothing myself so am well acquainted with the spiral of shame and subsequent "sod it" moments.
Like you, I've always been bigger and smaller (I'm 5'10 and as an adult have been everything from 144 - 178) but I committed about 18 months ago to changing my thought process and focussing on being healthy rather than getting slim - it worked and I lost 18lbs, better skin, better sleep the whole works! Then I stopped logging because I thought maintenance would be easy and over a year, I regained 10lbs so have started again this January.
This time, I'm taking the long view and will commit to logging even when I'm back down at my GW of 154-158.
For now, I'm congratulating myself on good decisions - last night I had calories left but rather than picking up a chocolate bar, I grabbed a yoghurt and some cashews...and enjoyed it. BIG step for me! I log faithfully (sometimes pre pig out which often give me incentive not to do it or at least to swap some of the high calorie stuff for other, healthier options). And I don't only measure myself by the number on the scales but by how my clothes fit, whether a walk was easier than the last time I did it, heck, even how my skin is looking, I'll take anything! Also, if I have a bad day I try to remember that every good decision helps - yes, I might have eaten 4 chocolate biscuits but if I stop there then have a balanced dinner it won't have as much impact as if I eat the rest of the biscuits...(it's not fool proof - I love biscuits
)
Be kind to yourself and remember this is about a lifestyle change, everyone has off days, it's the long haul that counts. Feel free to add me if you'd like.0
