Feeling a little cross
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Some people are just crass and don't know basic etiquette or when to keep their mouths shut.
Her opinion is irrelevant, just look in the mirror at your fabulous self and ignore her.
(or remind her how inappropriate it is to make uninvited personal contents about people. Particularly those she doesn't know. Particularly when she is representing her business. Sheesh, some people!!0 -
PaleoInScotland wrote: »@nvmomketo I wish that's the way my friend's mom meant it, but unfortunately she's quite cruel with the things that she says. Her mom is still mad at her for having the surgery, despite the insistence from her entire family (parents & sister) that she shouldn't do it. Any time she has any slightly negative affect, i.e. feeling too full after a small meal, her mom will remind her that she shouldn't have had surgery (as if a bit of an upset tummy negates losing over 100 lbs). Thank goodness her husband has been her rock through all of this.
Yeah..
. That is a shame. 0 -
People suck...that's what it comes down to. They suck when they are driving, they suck when they stop in front of you in the mall suddenly, they suck when they text on their phone while you're talking to them and they suck when they make judgemental comments that come from their own insecurities.
It's up to us to not give them any power and not spend even a second caring about what they said. I've heard the same comment before I just smile and say "nope, not quite done yet" and move on reminding myself that people suck
Yep. This. And just to add the word "can". People CAN suck. But most of them don't. It's just that the sucky ones stand out.
I agree though in questioning why people feel it's ok to say we've lost too much weight. It's a judgement about us. They wouldn't never to our face say we chose the wrong colour eyeshadow, or our yellow socks are an eye sore against our black dress pants and brown shoes... why is it acceptable for them to tell us we're too thin?
MY personal comeback is:
Well lucky for me, YOUR opinion of me has absolutely nothing to do with MY opinion of me.0 -
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Our admin assistants at work both asked me had I lost weight and was I trying to. Being less overweight than either of them, before I started this journey, 10 kilos ago, it has to be scary for them to see an even smaller version of me. It challenges their own normal. They shared their concern that I should stop loosing weight at about -6kgs. Genuine anorexia fear. I know the issue is their perception as I am just getting to a healthy bmi now. They had me in the one of the crew in their "normal" weight range which is overweight to obese. My new normal challenges theirs. I just thanked them for caring and being concerned and assured them my doctor was supervising me and that I would stop loosing so quickly soon when I get to a weight Dr and I will help me be healthier (what they care about). Hope that helps.
@PaleoInScotland some mums / people find fault in everything. That expressed perfectionism and criticism imo is only a small portion of how their internal dialogue which critically judges their own actions. I look on critics with more empathy knowing that it is not about me, but about them.0 -
@SamandaIndia you're so right about that internal judgement. My mom and I share all the same insecurities, though she hasn't had to struggle with weight like me, those genes come from my dad's side of the family. She blames her insecurities on her mom; I could easily do the same, except for the fact that I accept that I am responsible for myself and how I handle my baggage. I wish I could be as gracious as you, but I do admit, when my mom starts complaining about all the things her mom did to her, sometimes, "Yes, my mom did that too" slips out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I'll try and think of you next time and bite my tongue 0
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Everyone has different opinions of what looks attractive (and healthy, even if it's wrong!). Somestimes its generational or even cultural. My MIL genuinely thinks fat people are healthier than thin people, comments like "my cousin was your size and lost 50 lbs, she's ugly now" come out all the time when she sees me now. It annoys me when she says it (of course) but I try not to let it bother me because it's just the way she views things.
Congrats on your success!0 -
Frankly, the whole culture is so danged fat that normal sized people look too skinny.
Re-watch Wally.
Then live your life and consider the source - our obese culture.0 -
PaleoInScotland wrote: »@SamandaIndia you're so right about that internal judgement. My mom and I share all the same insecurities, though she hasn't had to struggle with weight like me, those genes come from my dad's side of the family. She blames her insecurities on her mom; I could easily do the same, except for the fact that I accept that I am responsible for myself and how I handle my baggage. I wish I could be as gracious as you, but I do admit, when my mom starts complaining about all the things her mom did to her, sometimes, "Yes, my mom did that too" slips out of my mouth before I can stop myself. I'll try and think of you next time and bite my tongue
Very kind of you. My best friend argues with her dad. Fundamental differences on racism and other hot buttons. Her husband asked does it really matter if your dad thinks the grass is blue? So now everytime she starts feeling upset by a comment she thinks "the grass is blue" breathes deeply and thinks "blue oceans". Works for me and also has led to some funny sms between her and I when we get stuck in tough momments. "Grass is blue momment" Good luck!!0 -
Take it as a compliment. Be grateful she didn't come prancing in announcing that you need to stop eating because you're too fat , that would have been worse
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Sunny_Bunny_ wrote: »<snip> it seems like these kind of comments only come from people that are heavy and not trying or interested in losing weight themselves. Not all the time, but very often. I think it's often related to an emotional response that comes from seeing someone else do what you perceive to be either impossible or extremely difficult. <snip>
Bingo.
I've had a few of these, usually from people who later offer me things that they know I can't or shouldn't have. They want me back on their misery train and I ain't getting on board. Later, they'll comment I'm too skinny. Again, they miss me as a passenger on the misery train. Tough *kitten*.
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Saboteurs are everywhere! One of the people I consider to be a "bestie" gave me a bag of carbage for Christmas! Chocolates, and pecan brittle! She is now the biggest she's ever been and really doesn't like being the biggest of my circle of close friends! I had questioned her true friendship when she told me I would regain weight after weight loss surgery! Now, I know she's not!0
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The comment I get the most is "are you sick?" Yes, I've lost over 80lbs, but still have another 30 to 35 to go. So it's not like I'm sickly thin. People are just rude.0
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So yesterday I reached my 2nd weight target. The one that I gave myself after I reached the original one and thought I could do with losing a little more, so yay for me. I'm was all happy and feeling good about myself. So lunchtime today, in walks the lady from the cafe/restaurant next door delivering lunch for one of the lawyers at my office. Looks me up and down and says in front of everyone "Your too thin now, you've lost too much weight". Why do people feel it necessary to make judgments about how people look? Found myself telling everyone I'm not losing anymore and am happy how I am (not entirely true as I need to start working out a little more and get fitter) but was annoyed that I had to justify myself. I have worked hard to lose this 30kgs and have had nothing but positive responses up until now. I know I shouldn't feel bad as she probably didn't realize that it would hurt me, but I do feel really cross about it. Feel like losing another 3 or 4 kgs just to spite her lol jk
I really feel what you are saying! Isn't it funny, that when people are way overweight and medically speaking, a wreck, people will sometimes downplay your appearance with expressions like, " you look ok...you're big boned...you're not THAT fat, etc OR secretly think you look awful....and those same people, especially those closer to us, would visit us in the hospital or send a card after bypass surgery!!!!!!! (Or the funeral parlor, heaven forbid) But, when you take the stand to shed harmful weight, you get all kinds of people needing to validate THEIR perception of what looks healthy, by making such remarks. Compared to the majority of people, who unfortunately are overweight or obese, you may look too thin, when in actuality, you probably looked more like what people looked like 30 yrs ago. NORMAL LOOKING. When I was young, you rarely saw big people. Oh well, I've rambled long enough. Hold your head up.... You have achieved what many only dream of doing.0 -
Ugh, I'm sorry. The same happened to me when I went on to a second, lower, goal weight a couple years ago. It was exasperating.0
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cynlyn2010 wrote: »The comment I get the most is "are you sick?" Yes, I've lost over 80lbs, but still have another 30 to 35 to go. So it's not like I'm sickly thin. People are just rude.
Yeah a friend of ours asked my husband if I had cancer.... I was never hugely overweight to begin with either, and I'm no where near being underweight. My bmi is around 23-240 -
I think the 'are you sick, do you have cancer, are you purposely losing weight' comments are because keto is such a fast acting way of losing body fat compared to the old 1 or 2 lbs a month CICO low fat style - people assume something may be wrong if the weight drops that quickly. Lots have no frame of reference for a WOE that works so quickly for our better bmi & general health.
I just laugh if someone says something to me like the OP heard from that woman.0
