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I just realized I never properly introduced myself or told my story...
I'm Maureen and I just turned 32. Currently a stay at home mom with my 2 year old daughter, previously I worked as a medical assistant. I have had weight, self esteem and food issues since grade school. Reached my highest weight in my late 20's after I got married, then was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and PCOS when we were struggling to conceive. Doctor told me to try and drop some weight before sending me to a fertility specialist. Went home and lost 35lbs over 6 months and found out I was pregnant when I went back to see the doctor for the follow up. Gained all the weight back and more with the pregnancy. After my daughter was born I wanted to get back to pre pregnancy weight really bad. Last spring I joined MFP for the second and became obsessed with food and exercise. I was eating 1200 a day and using the elliptical 2 hours every day. I lost 65lbs and got down to a weight I have never seen in my adult life. I thought I was being healthy but I know now that I was starving myself. In October I went to see the doctor and was told I was malnourished and needed to eat more calories. That kind of opened the floodgates for my binge eating. At first it was a couple binges a month and then Christmas time came and it was everyday for weeks. Now I'm up 15lbs from my lowest weight and feel out of control.0 -
Hello All. I just found this group today. I have been searching and searching for ways to beat this disorder, on my own. There is so much going on here, I do not even know where to start, but I will try to keep it simple.
I think it all began a long time ago...an unhealthy relationship with food. Even when I was a kid, I was sneaking food, and hiding it from my parents and siblings. I just had cravings for junk food all the time. I knew my parents would not allow me to eat it as much as I wanted it, so I would sneak it and hide it. From time to time, they would find the wrappers, and scold me. I just tried to do a better job hiding them....I had all kinds of sneaky ways to get rid of the evidence.
Fast forward to now, and no one tells me what I should or should not eat. I know I need to eat healthy, but knowing isn't enough. Emotional decision making at the grocery store generally leads to me binging later at home. If I do not buy it at the grocery store, eventually emotion will drive me to the nearest store to pick out my next binge. I cannot seem to control the urge, or even have enough will power to not make the steps necessary to get the junk.
A little more background....I used to be a smoker, which I think helped control the binging somewhat, only because I craved something else that was slowly going to kill me....I quit smoking, and gained weight. I gave up one unhealthy habit, only to give in more to the other...binge eating. Now, 2 years after having quit smoking, I have been diagnosed with a rare lung disease. The treatment for which is prednisone. Ugh. So now I have B.E.D. combined with the prednisone power to never feel full. I could eat until it literally feels like my stomach will explode. Oh, and did I mention I am also clinically depressed? With no money for counseling...my medical bills are already astronomical thanks to my lung disease.
I am now topping off at a whopping 280 lbs, at the age of 31. I feel like if I don't get control of this soon, I don't know what I am capable of.0 -
Hi all,
I'm glad to have found this group. I just started MFP for the first time yesterday, but I'm not new to weight loss. I've been heavy and obese most of my life. I'm only 27, but can't remember the last time I was within a healthy weight range. I'm currently around 277 pounds.
I started my first diet when I was 8 years old. My dad taught me how to count calories and he put me on a 800 calorie diet. For years, I've been tracking and counting, whether on my own or on a program like weight watchers. I've done countless local programs and have even tried a couple different prescription medications. Nothing worked. Two years ago, I was put on a strict diet with no gluten, no grains, no sugar, not even fruit. I did this for approx 3 months until I cracked. I just went off the rails hard and was bingeing almost every day. I've always had bursts of binging, but this was the first time I would binge heavily for days on end. I developed a stomach fungal problem from all the sugar in my system.
I finally started seeing a therapist and then a psychiatrist for my issues, who determined I had BED. I've spent the last year or so working on recovering from BED and building up my trust around food and working on body image issues. I'm still working on this, but I'm at a much better place. I'm now learning that dieting itself is the root of binge eating and that restriction, particularly, when coming from a place of self-hatred and punishment is really the fuel for BED.
But now I'm at a place that makes me anxious. I want to start working on bringing my weight down, as it's at the highest point of my life, but I do not want to get back into an obsessive compulsive road of calorie counting and "dieting". So I'm doing my best to get involved in the MFP community so I can stay strong mentally through this process and not lose sight of my goals. I want to maintain a balanced life while still kicking butt with healthier habits.
I would love to meet some like-minded people. Please feel free to message/friend!
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@fedup30 I really relate to your post. BED is such a terrible experience, especially all the shame and isolation. I hate feeling like I can't trust myself. I've also been dealing with clinical depression. And especially because BED can be such a private experience, I think maybe the community aspect will help - it's helped me. Hopefully we can all support one another. Thanks for sharing!0
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aboutthatfitlife01 wrote: »Hi all,
I'm now learning that dieting itself is the root of binge eating and that restriction, particularly, when coming from a place of self-hatred and punishment is really the fuel for BED.
hey @aboutthatfitlife01 ~ Welcome. I hope you're still working with professionals.... since we're a little bit like the Cuckoo's Nest here. If you think you have a handle on your binging, then, I'd suggest you try starting with MFP like most newbies, and just log. With a mind towards eating at maintenance, and see how that feels. That's more or less what I've been doing for a couple of months... ( OK, I don't log, but my weight has stayed about the same ) and I'm not ready to try to drop calories into deficit territory.... but I haven't been binging, and I haven't been gaining, so I'm good with that, for now.
Do you have a plan?
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Hello to all the new people and welcome. I am glad you found us and hope you find support and answers here.0
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@sloth3toes I feel like it's such a tough situation. BED is so tricky and has so many psychological and physical moving parts. And BED groups, I would imagine, could be a feeding ground for firing up more ED neuroses. Right now, I don't think I'm 100% recovered (if that's even possible), but I'm much more stable now. I've been relatively stable for the last several months, but I did notice that I gained about 5 pounds in the last month or so, not so much from binging, but general overeating and going out to eat too much. But for months, I've been wrestling the urge to start eating less in order to lose weight. I had that voice in my head saying "well you haven't binged in a while, and for your health, you DO need to lose weight eventually, so maybe you're ready to start reducing food intake. I think you can handle it". But ultimately, I was told by my therapist that that's that eating disorder voice lulling me back into the diet mentality. Just recently, she did mention she thinks I could handle maneuvering my food a bit, but she thinks a food plan would be counterproductive for me. The second I feel like I have to eat certain kinds of foods or at a certain time, I tend to rebel and binge.
As of now, I don't have a plan per se. Since yesterday, I've been logging at about 1500 calories. But I'm eating the same types of foods I always gravitate to. I'm not trying to eat more fruits or veggies or anything. And I don't necessarily want to suggest this is a good solution for anybody else, since I'm experimenting right now. But I am noticing that my binges do have a bit of that orthorexia mentality. Since I've been dieting for decades now, I have picked up so much nutritional information that I tend to be a little obsessive compulsive about "clean" eating. So it'll be all or nothing - completely clean or complete takeout binge fest. So right now, I'm just trying not to cut out any type of food, which means I'm thinking I will allow myself to have pizza, sandwiches, chinese food, desserts, so long as its within the calorie count. And if I notice that my BED tendencies are rearing their ugly head, I may switch to doing what you mentioned, which is logging, but logging at a higher calorie count (2000 or so) in order to just get in the habit of logging for a bit.
But we will see! This is only my second day, so I do not want to suggest this is a good solution for anyone else. I will report back!
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@aboutthatfitlife01 ~ After I typed out 'logging' I started to rethink that. I am not logging for two reasons. One is laziness, and what I think is a reasonable ability to judge how much I'm consuming by my weight. And Two, is that I think it adds to my obsessiveness with calories and 'what' I'm eating. I think what you've just described is ample plan for now. 0
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Welcome Noel, there are a few different treatment types, cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, medication, and therapy are just a few. I personally struggled for 3 years and had no idea what was wrong with me. I finally went to a psychiatrist and rattled off everything I was going through with depression and other things, and mentioned my eating and how it was out of control, so they took out a check list and started to ask me questions which is how I came to find out I had B.E.D. I started this group because I did not want other people to have to go through what I went through, also I could not find much about this disorder from a man's perspective. So I wrote a few blog posts sharing what I was going through in case other people were as lost as I was. So in short welcome to the group and I hope you can find support here, and get some answers to questions.2
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Hi all, I'm Ash and I'm 21 - currently studying psychology at university in London. I'm so glad I found this group! I've always, always, always struggled with this disorder and didn't get it diagnosed until October last year. I got discharged from therapy last month so I'm back at it alone and honestly it still feels like a losing battle despite how helpful therapy was.
I was consistently overweight/obese because of BED until I turned 17 when I figured I'd finally do something about it and managed to lose a quarter of my body weight in six/seven months, putting me in the healthy weight range for the first time in my life. Over the next four years I lost and re-gained those 50lb repeatedly and I'm back at my highest weight, trying to lose it again.
I think the hardest part is the lack of understanding. People don't understand that it's a genuine eating disorder and that it's not just gluttony or lack of willpower.
Feel free to add me, it'd be great to have MFP friends who understand this and be there to mutally support one another 0 -
Hello and welcome. I am glad you found his group and I hope you find support here. You are right about the lack of understanding from people who do not know about it. To an outsider it may look like we have no willpower or we are just eating to eat. That is a very hard thing to try to educate others about this.1
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Hello!
I have been out of control of my eating habits nearly all my life. Growing up, I was known to eat anything and everything, but I was a tall skinny girl... Until I overheard my aunts talking about me one day - saying that one day it would catch up with me and I would end up like another family member - who was then overweight. Panic immediately set in and I spent my middle school years being anorexic. My high school days were a little more normal, but I started binge eating in college. I remember the first time I started eating and felt that I couldn't stop... Purging was occasional... I hated being sick in the bathroom (still do). I would compensate by overexercising and/or fasting... And this has been my life, off and on for the last 20+ years. I am not 42 years old, and I have let my compulsion come between me and really great jobs, it's isolated me from family and relationships, and it has taken a toll on my body. I no longer have the stamina to exercise as much as I used to - my joints can no longer take it.
A few years back, I took part in a research study that testing a medication for BED... For the first 6 months I was in a control group (I didn't know that then). I took the placebo and felt no change in my behavior. But then for the next year I was given the study medication and something actually clicked... For the next year, my urge to binge was greatly reduced. I got my weight under control and felt so great! Sadly, the study had to end, and my old compulsions came right back. I wish I could remember the name of the drug they were testing... I just saw my regular doctor today and what she could do to help me medically with this... We have been testing out several antidepressants with no effect on my eating... although I am feeling less depressed about it, thank you very much.
I have been to OA, I have been to counseling... I have had periods of several weeks or months go by where I can get some control of my habits, but I always fall back into old ways. I am not so concerned about aesthetics anymore... Who cares what I weigh... I am worried about my health... what has this done to my cholesterol, glucose level, organs???
I feel I will relate to others my age who have been struggling with overeating for a long time. I really don't want to hear from folks that just want to "get skinny", or think that a binge is just an extra scoop of ice cream at dessert. You don't know the struggle until you have eaten the whole carton and are on your way out to the store for more -- even though your shirt is stained with melted ice cream and you have no money in your account because you spent it all on food.
Thanks for letting me share a little. I will stop now before I carry on for 3 weeks straight... Have a good day.0 -
Welcome to the group and thank you for sharing. As far as medications go I take Vyvanse for my BED. I am not sure if there are other medications on the market for it yet or not.0
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Welcome to the group and thank you for sharing. As far as medications go I take Vyvanse for my BED. I am not sure if there are other medications on the market for it yet or not.
A quick Google indicates that Vyvanse is about the only drug being specifically used for BED. You're probably aware it's main use is for ADHD, I think?0 -
Yes it is an ADHD med that was also approved for BED0
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[apparently, not so....] Quick hello. I've read each and every one of your stories and it surprised me to find that there are certain things in every post that I can relate to. I've not been diagnosed with BED, but it's clear to me that my eating tendencies certainly lean that way.
I've been heavy most of my life, at some points being able to control things by consistent exercise or watching my diet. But, in general, I've lived my life as fat. Like many of you, there are certain emotional things in my childhood that stand out as exacerbating my weight problems including my mom's friend coming over only to look at me and say 'Wow, you're sure gaining weight. Pinch an inch." And, with that, she proceeded to pinch my abdomen. As I got older, I remember my aunt, who, at the time was also heavy, said 'You and I, Hazel...' nudging me and smiling, essentially insinuating that we were both part of the 'fat club'.
Fast forward, I just turned 46 and am, for the most part, at my heaviest I've ever been at 225lbs. (228lbs was my tops) Over the last 20 years or so I went from 140lbs (using phentermine.....baaaad!) , to about 190lbs over about 8 years when I started working from home and spent 16 hour days at my computer. Then, I quit smoking in 2006 and gained another 35lbs to bring me to my weight to day.
When I quit smoking I gave myself a free pass to eat. I was already fat. What was a few more pounds if it would help me quit smoking? Well, it worked. I have been quit for 10 years in January...yay me! (would I do it again? Yeah, I totally would....I would rather be fat than smoke!) BUT, I never really pulled that free pass to eat. Looking back I know I had BED tendencies even as a child, but I believe it was when I quit smoking that really brought them out.
Like so many here, my mornings start out great, with lots of promise and conviction....then, as the day progresses, BED rears its ugly head and by the end of the evening I've eaten half of the pizza we ordered (only because I have to leave the rest for everyone else!), 2 brownies, and boy, those chips sure look good right about now, oh, and don't forget the fruit....healthy!
I'm slick....if I don't eat the entire bag/box, it doesn't count as bingeing, right? *insert sarcasm* I'll eat 10 cookies and then, realizing that, put them away and get chips; eat half the bag, put it away and grab the crackers -- wash, rinse and repeat.
And, once again, I work from home. This can sometimes work to my advantage as I'm less likely to go out to eat, but it also leaves me prey to the food in my cupboards. With a family of 6 our cupboards are always full, and ALWAYS harbor bad bad thing....
So, here I am, grateful that you started this group, and encouraged that I get to participate in a place where people understand, with the goal of helping each other. 0 -
Hi, my name is Alexis and I'm 42. I've had periods in my life where I binge a lot and then other times I'm fine. I used to eat an entire box of Entemanns chocolate donuts in college in one sitting. When I was younger it didn't seem to affect my weight too much. But now that I'm older, I keep losing and gaining the same 25lbs due to my out of control eating. I binge eat to deal with my emotions. About 6 was ago I started a Keto diet and lost 8 lbs in a month. Last Tuesday I couldn't deal anymore without carbs and went off Keto. Since then I've been binging every day. I've gained all 8lbs back in less than a week and my eating is more out of control than ever. I feel like I can't get enough food and just want to keep eating. I'm eating 3-4 bowls of cereal at a time. Several bowls of ice cream with toppings. I do pretty well at breakfast and lunch, but lose it completely around dinner. I'm sitting here having a hard time breathing because my stomach hurts so much from binging. I'm so uncomfortable and unhappy with myself right now.0
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Hello and welcome @WildHazel and @Lexikat21 I am glad you found this group and I hope you find support here as well.
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