I'm back...
maoribadger
Posts: 1,837 Member
...and I really need help. Am on my phone so too much going on to post it all tonight but checking in with the groups I trust to touch Base with a plan to start again
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Ditto what I said in the other group! Hugs and happy to see you back here!0
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Xpost alert
Well in a nutshell I was doing great last year, hitting the gym hard, had dropped over 50lb and was perilously close to hitting my 4 stone. Then the black dog bit me in the *kitten*. I have had mental health problems for years and should have seen it coming but I was so focussed on getting promoted at work I ignored all the obvious triggers. First I quit the gym in december. Then I started to eat crap and never really got back on it.
Over new year I suffered some flashbacks from a cardiac arrest I had dealt with the previous new year involving a kid the same age as my 4yo who is currently being assessed for ASD (which was adding to my stress as I cannot stand my family support worker) and I started self harming again after a 10 month break. Over Jan and the start of feb I just slipped further and further down. I stopped going out, stopped showering. I actually held it together long enough to secure the promotion I had been chasing and have been doing the job about 6 or 7 weeks now. Eventually I self harmed again 3rd week of feb and took an overdose
Went to the GP the following day and told him what I had done and he signed me off work with depression and increased my antidepressants. He asked me to see my psychiatrist and I refused but over the week that followed I ended up in the ER with chest pain. They phoned Child Services when I told them about the overdose. I can only think the stress caused what occurred next and over the next week I experienced my first true bout of mania, I have had times in the past where I have felt manic but have always been able to keep a lid on it, this time I simply couldnt.
I was sleeping maybe 3 hours a night. I cleaned everything I could get my hands on, I was texting some really random stuff now I read it back andI spent about £400 on new clothes. I had the most awful motor tics, my legs were shaking and jumping constantly and I didnt stop moving for maybe 5 days. In the end my friend took me to my GP who extended my sick note and forcefully redirected me to the psychiatrist due to the mania. I've seen a nurse from his office now and had a telephone consultation and they have readjusted all my tablets so I am now on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic plus sleeping tab as needed and am feeling the most stable I have in years. I have a full consultation with my shrink next week and am reengaging with my psychologist and self harm counsellor. I am aiming to be back at work in 10 days. Child services spoke with my kids school who said they had no concerns and felt we were a stable happy family and it was a blip so they shut the case. I have spoken with my kids headteacher who is happy with things.
So now I have made the decision to come back here. I have been just logging in daily for a week now and am going to recommence logging again from tomorrow. So I may need a little support to get myself back on track and know I can rely on you guys to help me. Sorry if thats all oversharing but I wanted to explain where I am at so I can be clear about what I want to do next and so you might understand if I seem a little random/off at times0 -
Oh dear Lise, my friend. I am so very sorry that I was not around during December forward..actually for a very long time. I feel horrible that you have gone through so very much basically alone, when I could have so helped you with the mania. I am so glad though that you are feeling more stable than you have in years.
I most definitely understand what you are going through. I went totally manic from July through October. Nothing would bring me down. I was seeing my doc monthly, he had me on Seraquel 300mg and I gained 6 pounds in 3 days. Couldn't deal with that, so went off the Seraquel. Now I use the 100mg pills when I feel I cannot sleep or have a couple nights of no sleep the second night I take it... I'm back to normal (or as normal/what is normal anyway) as a bipolar person can be within a couple of days.
I'm also sorry to hear you self-harmed again. I know you were very proud of going so long not hurting yourself.
I'm here for you Lise. I'll start coming back here more often. I did rejoin WW in September, but have been struggling a LOT lately, so maybe being on both sites will help. If you need anything, hit me up on Facebook, sending me a message. We are getting busier at work, so not sure if I can be here during working hours.....(I'm off this week due to leg surgery on Friday the 4th of March, and celebrating my birthday this week also). But, I can check IM's on FB on breaks and lunches. You are not alone Lise.... I'm here for you and not to speak for Carly, but I bet she will be also. We both understand and love you our friend.0 -
Thanks for coming back cari I will pm you to finish this conversation0
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carimiller7391 wrote: »Oh dear Lise, my friend. I am so very sorry that I was not around during December forward..actually for a very long time. I feel horrible that you have gone through so very much basically alone, when I could have so helped you with the mania. I am so glad though that you are feeling more stable than you have in years.
I most definitely understand what you are going through. I went totally manic from July through October. Nothing would bring me down. I was seeing my doc monthly, he had me on Seraquel 300mg and I gained 6 pounds in 3 days. Couldn't deal with that, so went off the Seraquel. Now I use the 100mg pills when I feel I cannot sleep or have a couple nights of no sleep the second night I take it... I'm back to normal (or as normal/what is normal anyway) as a bipolar person can be within a couple of days.
I'm also sorry to hear you self-harmed again. I know you were very proud of going so long not hurting yourself.
I'm here for you Lise. I'll start coming back here more often. I did rejoin WW in September, but have been struggling a LOT lately, so maybe being on both sites will help. If you need anything, hit me up on Facebook, sending me a message. We are getting busier at work, so not sure if I can be here during working hours.....(I'm off this week due to leg surgery on Friday the 4th of March, and celebrating my birthday this week also). But, I can check IM's on FB on breaks and lunches. You are not alone Lise.... I'm here for you and not to speak for Carly, but I bet she will be also. We both understand and love you our friend.
@carimiller7391 I actually responded in the MO group, too! LOL We're getting it from all sides...
I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling....family stuff still?? Or other?
Anywho, glad to see some activity here.
LOVE AND HUGS ACROSS THE BOARD TO EVERYONE!0 -
I'm back as well - went through a lot of yucky crud. Mostly my wife having some mental health issues and in the process of me trying to hold the family together I was harming myself with really bad eating. A couple days ago I snapped out of it and am trying to tap back into the resources that have helped me in the past. Namely the fine people who understand my struggles out here. So I am going to work really hard to stay engaged here so I can help others and be helped by others.0
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I'm back as well - went through a lot of yucky crud. Mostly my wife having some mental health issues and in the process of me trying to hold the family together I was harming myself with really bad eating. A couple days ago I snapped out of it and am trying to tap back into the resources that have helped me in the past. Namely the fine people who understand my struggles out here. So I am going to work really hard to stay engaged here so I can help others and be helped by others.
(hugs) It is so unfair that we must struggle and fight so much, but the flip side, methinks, is that we're all stronger than we even realize!!!0 -
Hugs to you Ron..... I know mental illness hurts. I'm bipolar and definitely know how hard it is to deal with.0
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