Advice Needed After 3 weeks on lchf

kaynagel

Background:
This is not for me but for my husband, but he won't ask.
Age 67
Current Weight 205 lbs
Goal Weight 150 lbs (his dad was 140 and my husband's low weight was 120, but that was before children and in the last millennium, but 150 is not unrealistic)
Height 5'6"
Health: Diabetic, High Blood Pressure (On medication for both)

I let him do his own thing for the last year. I was told not to nag and he would do the right thing. Almost a year ago he had a mild stroke related to his diabetes. His A1C was 12.7 and his blood sugar was 345. A year later his A1C was 10.7. He goes Yah, I'm doing well. He was only testing his blood at a fasting state with no food for more than 9 hours. I think he saw a bad reading as a fail. So, I finally put my foot down and decided to be the mom and put him on the lchf diet. Of course, I am doing it too just so I can say that it's not that hard and if I can do it you can do it. However, I am almost crazy with attempting to be perfect with it for me, I give him some grace. I have read as much as I could find on-line. I have listened to the lecturers and have read as much as I could on this site. Unfortunately, he is fighting me. He is reluctantly following it but I think there is deviation on his part. I work, so I cannot watch him and he forgets to tell me what he eats. I have given him a picture of the allowed foods. If it is on the picture he can eat it, if it is not, he can't. We have stocked the refrigerator and freezer with all the good food. I set up a MFP account for him, but he won't log in and won't go to the site. I log in when I know what he eats to check where he is with his macros and to show him. He has not done any research and has been unwilling to read anything. He has selective hearing. So because the ADA told him the wrong stuff, he doesn't want to listen to others who also might be wrong.

In the first 3 weeks, I have lost all my winter weight (6lbs) so I am at goal. At this point he has not lost any weight. I have not been concerned as the first step was to get his blood sugar under control and to reduce his medication.

In the first 3 weeks his blood sugar numbers have lowered and we are not seeing the huge swings that he was experiencing prior to the diet. He has been able to slowly reduce his medication. (I’m anxious to see his next A1C) He is also inconsistent in testing his blood sugar. As far as I know, his blood sugar has not exceeded 185 when tested 2 hours after his last meal. It has dropped as low as 83 in the morning but sometimes it is above 150.

I ask him how he feels and he tells me he doesn't know. I ask him if he is feeling better with the new eating plan and he says he doesn't know. He does complain that I want him to eat vegetables. With this horrible feedback from him, I was afraid that this diet might kill him, so lots of stress on my part. Thankfully, I found enough people who said this works and that it won't kill him.

Next struggle is to get him to exercise. Today was day number 1. He spent 7 minutes putting his shoes on. Then 7 minutes on the treadmill and then 11 crunches and 10 pull downs. Goal is to get him to exercise every day. If it is only 15 minutes cause putting on shoes does not count, then he has to do it every day.

At first, I thought walking would be a good start. He walks some, like to the mailbox and back but it seems like strength training would be better. His balance is off. He has a hard time walking up and down stairs. About 1.5 years ago, I had him with a personal trainer, waste of money for the most part, but he did go once a week for 30 minutes for strength training and whined about it the rest of the week. Of course, I have a hard time understanding his attitude. BTW our youngest child is 17.

Looking for suggestions for the next step. When should he start losing weight? What do you think he is eating that is preventing any weight loss? One thought is that he is eating too much red meat, too much protein and not enough fat. In the past, he did not have too much difficulty losing weight, however, he is much older and I don't think the swings in blood sugar help. Should I coax him into doing more exercise? If so, how much more? Does the exercise matter at this point? Or, should I just give this a little more time?

blacktie347

I'd like to tell you two stories.

First, my grandma (on my mother's side) used to smoke. She was addicted to smoking. I remember her, even when I was a child, smelling of smoke on occasion. I never saw her smoke, though.

Then one day, she stopped smoking, cold turkey, entirely.

Apparently she got pneumonia, and a doctor told her that if she didn't stop smoking, then she would die.

She passed away when she finally got tired of living, and told doctors to give her painkillers and not water, and she died in a couple of days, but at a very ripe old age.

So this story isn't just me relating a story from my life; it happens to bring me to my question for you: Has a doctor told your husband that if he doesn't lose this weight and exercise, then he will die?

It might motivate him to change, if he wants to live. And if he does want to live, perhaps he'd be willing to listen to someone (else).

That's my first story. Here's my second story.

So I'm married, and I told my wife that she needed to eat in a manner that was healthier for her, since she didn't look healthy. I told her about nutrition labels, getting proper amounts of various things, and it went in one ear and out the other. She didn't listen to me. So I asked her to speak to a professional, who explained it to her, and she reached a healthier weight.

My second story brings me to my next question for you. Have you considered asking your husband to speak to a nutritionist, who could tell him what his proper diet should be?

Good luck

dasher602014

oh my! I have had the same but different experience. Husband diabetic and me not. Diagnosis in the last 2 years, followed instructions and A1C not falling below 7. Diabetic counciling not helpful because it was food guide instruction and carbs needed at every meal and snack.

Fast forward and the doctor's office took some training in diabetic diets and Atkins was recommended. We both embraced it. Still only 7 months at it and only one check up since. A1C down to 6 and weight down 10lbs. Off blood pressure meds. That was 3 months ago and no weight loss since. I don't know about regular blood sugar testing, that is his concern, not mine.

You cannot do it for them. As you know, it isn't 'dead' that is worrisome, it is the lack of years of good health in that life. We have a neighbour who is a diabetic who does not take care of himself, and that certainly is an object lesson to my husband. Now there are still things that I wouldnt do if I were him and it is hard to watch him make those choices. also, besides golf, there will never be any exercise. At least not yet, maybe never.

Sounds as if your husband needs to be 'scared straight'. And by a medico who wont pull punches. Once he is clear on the risk of the life ahead, it really is his choice. I think when we overfunction, it gives them permission to underfunction. And create resentment on both sides. A friend of mine in the same situation carries on with cookies, cakes, breads etc that she makes at home sayiing that the diabetes is only a problem for her husband not for the rest of the household. We don't take it that far because we do restrict what comes into the house. But it really is up to him to eat for his disease and he is meeting the challenge most of the time. My support is to eat the same way.

However, your meal plan seems to be working and I hope your husband will either take responsiblity or be grateful for your efforts. I do think that weigh loss is harder when blood sugar is up and insulin is up so until those things are in better control, any weight loss will be slow. At our doctor's suggestion, my husband is concentrating on getting A1C better. Everything else is gravy at this point. Any exercise will help.

Good luck!

mlinton_mesapark

Since it sounds like he's very reluctant to take this on, maybe it would help to tweak your approach a little to try to get more buy-in from him. In the end, he has to be the one to decide to make these lifestyle changes, which are dramatic changes.

If he's not keen on eating vegetables right now, try forgetting the vegetables for a while. Which of the foods in your picture does he like? Can he eat just those for a while, and still reap some health benefits? With supplemental magnesium and plenty of dietary fat, a lack of fiber shouldn't present problems. @FIT_Goat eats lots of red meat and no vegetables, and has improved his health. (Don't forget electrolytes, especially salt! He might be on a low-salt diet due to high blood pressure, but if he's going LCHF, he's going to need to replace the salt he loses as water weight flushes out, or he will feel terrible.)

For exercise, 15 minutes per day sounds good, but who is choosing the exercises? If there is any opportunity for him to choose what to do, he might slowly come around to the idea.

As @blacktie347 said, finding a doctor who's on board with LCHF might be the turning point for him, and is also a really great idea just to make sure he adjusts any medication or insulin as he goes. Whereabouts do you live? Someone in this group might be able to recommend a doctor.

Wishing you both good health!

Christine_72

What is it with these manchildren??? They need a mother and a wife..

Sorry OP, but there's so many threads circulating about wives bending over backwards to help their husbands, to no avail.

GaleHawkins

These cases are heartbreaking. I was 63 and sinking fast requiring help to get out of cars and movie theater chairs.

It was only when I decided to eat for life rather than for death that my health and health markers started to move in the right direction. 1.5 years later I am still recovering.

I am the only one that can change the direction of my health. I did not want my kids to watch me slip a way without me trying to do way my brain was telling me to do which was to cut out sugars and all forms of grains.

While I was saying I planned to live to be 110 my way of moving/eating left me with few years to live on my old way of eating.

Life or premature death is only in our hands when it comes to what we eat. Others can not change that fact based on my personal experience.

It is NOT only a guy thing that gives up on life.

MyPrimalLife

I don't think diet is the issue. He sounds depressed. I do believe that he would benefit from being in some type of therapy, or having a general practitioner write a prescription for him for antidepressants. His unwillingness to change probably stems from the fact that he doesn't feel well, even if he can't put his finger on it. Many people who are depressed do not care about their outcome or life outlook. I know that was the case with me. It cannot be healthy for your relationship for you to treat him like he is your son. Unfortunately he has to take the motivation on his own. I think strength training at this point is probably a little too lofty a goal. I would suggest picking up on the walking. That is the best and safest place for someone to begin exercise, especially someone with balance issues. My mom is about your husband's age, and she goes through many of the same issues that you were talking about. She will not comply with what anyone says. We find candy wrappers and receipts for donuts, she gets it when no one is looking. There's nothing anyone can do. It's up to the individual.

kaynagel

Thanks for the feedback. I do believe you each hit the nail on the head. He watched his father go through difficult years due to his uncontrolled diabetes. So he knows what can happen. His stroke last year scared him but that was soon forgotten. The huge concern is that he will have mini strokes and as we tell him he will be sitting in a corner drooling. I currently have a little hope as he is following lchf although reluctantly. I heard or read somewhere that too much protein would be bad for him, for the diabetes control. That he is supposed to eat only an "adequate amount of protein". I'm looking for some progress so I can keep him in the game. And yes I feel I need to take care of my man child. i tried to let him be a big boy. It's not how I want it but we have been married for 39 years and that must mean something to me.

dasher602014

I do admire you for your care. Hopefully, if he starts to feel better he will be more of a participant in his own health. There are many ways to get there.

There are others on here who can help more about the protein issue. There are some online helps to set what your protein level should be. They talked about lean body mass which we found hard to fathom figuring out. But there were some calculators that worked on body weight or body mass. The Launchpad might help with suggested calculators. But if you ask the internet how much protein should I eat, you will get a host of calculators.

We set out using Atkins 20 grams net carbs. Then we worked a calculator to figure out protein levels. The fat levels then became obvious. We had to lower the proteins for my husband by about 10 grams to fall within the recommended boundaries. This wasn't much. He was eating a can of tuna, some lettuce and cheese for lunch. He took out the cheese and the portion size of meat at dinner has been getting smaller as our satiety point becomes more obvious. But we are so close to what the calcuator said, we aren't obsessing about protein.

But I suspect that lowering the carbs and going for a walk and having patience will give some good results. And remember, things take time, especially with our bodies.

LowCarbInScotland

kaynagel wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback. I do believe you each hit the nail on the head. He watched his father go through difficult years due to his uncontrolled diabetes. So he knows what can happen. His stroke last year scared him but that was soon forgotten. The huge concern is that he will have mini strokes and as we tell him he will be sitting in a corner drooling. I currently have a little hope as he is following lchf although reluctantly. I heard or read somewhere that too much protein would be bad for him, for the diabetes control. That he is supposed to eat only an "adequate amount of protein". I'm looking for some progress so I can keep him in the game. And yes I feel I need to take care of my man child. i tried to let him be a big boy. It's not how I want it but we have been married for 39 years and that must mean something to me.

@GaleHawkins is right, it's not just a man thing, women can be equally as stubborn and indifferent to their health (speaking as one of those women whose had plenty of "I just don't care if I live or die" days). I think the big difference is that as women, we're nurturers and we want to encourage our husbands to be well, whereas fewer husbands assume that role as carer. My husband, as well meaning and loving as he is, would happily feed my chocolate and candy needs in the past because he knew it would make me happy (albeit for a brief moment in time). Whereas as if the roles were reversed, I would be smacking his hand away from the cookie jar.

It's definitely a place one needs to arrive at for oneself. Try and get him to engage in the process and help him find LCHF food that he really likes. I agree with @mlinton_mesapark let him skip the veggies if he doesn't like them, at least for now, while he gets past the initial carb cravings and gets to that point where an LCHF diet reduces his hunger and cravings and hopefully also gives him the mental boost that I, and others in this group, have enjoyed.

I wish you and your husband all the best!

moe0303

Prepare for some intrapersonal reflection here. These are thoughts that apply to me. Even though I am using generalized terms, I do so for the sake of easy language. I mean no offense:
For me, as a man, I can understand the urge to push back on this. I find that the thought of being controlled repulses me even if I know deep down that I need it. I will push back for no other reason than the childish impetus to prove you wrong. As much as the world has changed, a man being watched and controlled by his wife still carries a negative connotation. For me to start undertaking this, I had to make it something that I did on my own.

I understand your stance in that you gave him time to do exactly that and he failed, but unless you can get him onboard, you're going to continue to have problems. Is he competitive? It might be a good idea to get him in a class at a local gym if there is one around. Maybe something a little dangerous like boxing if he is in to it, or any other type of group fitness thing he might be into...that he can do without you. The last thing a guy wants to do is workout with his wife and be shown up. Does he like gadgets? Maybe he can do an activity tracker of sorts. I know exercise is not necessarily necessary on LCHF, but I find it helps get me in the mindset.

If he is not logging, he may not even be on a LCHF diet. Perhaps as littlefinger (@blacktie374) suggested, a doctor or nutrition telling him to do it would be more productive.

I'm not knocking you. I think it's great what you're doing, but just like with kids, sometimes you have to let us hold on to the belief that this is all our idea.

KnitOrMiss

kaynagel wrote: »

Background:
This is not for me but for my husband, but he won't ask.
Age 67
Current Weight 205 lbs
Goal Weight 150 lbs (his dad was 140 and my husband's low weight was 120, but that was before children and in the last millennium, but 150 is not unrealistic)
Height 5'6"
Health: Diabetic, High Blood Pressure (On medication for both)

I let him do his own thing for the last year. I was told not to nag and he would do the right thing. Almost a year ago he had a mild stroke related to his diabetes. His A1C was 12.7 and his blood sugar was 345. A year later his A1C was 10.7. He goes Yah, I'm doing well. He was only testing his blood at a fasting state with no food for more than 9 hours. I think he saw a bad reading as a fail. So, I finally put my foot down and decided to be the mom and put him on the lchf diet. Of course, I am doing it too just so I can say that it's not that hard and if I can do it you can do it. However, I am almost crazy with attempting to be perfect with it for me, I give him some grace. I have read as much as I could find on-line. I have listened to the lecturers and have read as much as I could on this site. Unfortunately, he is fighting me. He is reluctantly following it but I think there is deviation on his part. I work, so I cannot watch him and he forgets to tell me what he eats. I have given him a picture of the allowed foods. If it is on the picture he can eat it, if it is not, he can't. We have stocked the refrigerator and freezer with all the good food. I set up a MFP account for him, but he won't log in and won't go to the site. I log in when I know what he eats to check where he is with his macros and to show him. He has not done any research and has been unwilling to read anything. He has selective hearing. So because the ADA told him the wrong stuff, he doesn't want to listen to others who also might be wrong.

In the first 3 weeks, I have lost all my winter weight (6lbs) so I am at goal. At this point he has not lost any weight. I have not been concerned as the first step was to get his blood sugar under control and to reduce his medication.

In the first 3 weeks his blood sugar numbers have lowered and we are not seeing the huge swings that he was experiencing prior to the diet. He has been able to slowly reduce his medication. (I’m anxious to see his next A1C) He is also inconsistent in testing his blood sugar. As far as I know, his blood sugar has not exceeded 185 when tested 2 hours after his last meal. It has dropped as low as 83 in the morning but sometimes it is above 150.

I ask him how he feels and he tells me he doesn't know. I ask him if he is feeling better with the new eating plan and he says he doesn't know. He does complain that I want him to eat vegetables. With this horrible feedback from him, I was afraid that this diet might kill him, so lots of stress on my part. Thankfully, I found enough people who said this works and that it won't kill him.

Next struggle is to get him to exercise. Today was day number 1. He spent 7 minutes putting his shoes on. Then 7 minutes on the treadmill and then 11 crunches and 10 pull downs. Goal is to get him to exercise every day. If it is only 15 minutes cause putting on shoes does not count, then he has to do it every day.

At first, I thought walking would be a good start. He walks some, like to the mailbox and back but it seems like strength training would be better. His balance is off. He has a hard time walking up and down stairs. About 1.5 years ago, I had him with a personal trainer, waste of money for the most part, but he did go once a week for 30 minutes for strength training and whined about it the rest of the week. Of course, I have a hard time understanding his attitude. BTW our youngest child is 17.

Looking for suggestions for the next step. When should he start losing weight? What do you think he is eating that is preventing any weight loss? One thought is that he is eating too much red meat, too much protein and not enough fat. In the past, he did not have too much difficulty losing weight, however, he is much older and I don't think the swings in blood sugar help. Should I coax him into doing more exercise? If so, how much more? Does the exercise matter at this point? Or, should I just give this a little more time?

@kaynagel While I agree with what everyone else said above, that you can't do it for him, one way to entice him is to find his favorite foods and make low carb versions of them. Do not have any non-compliant food in the house at all (your kids can be healthy eating this way, adding in some veggie carbs and such). That way if he wants to cheat, he has to work at it. As long as the options are there right in front of him in the house, they will stay in the forefront of his mind until he finally has a mental breakthough (and I agree with the notion of medication/therapy above, too.).

Say he loves pizza - make fathead pizza crust. Don't even tell him it's low carb.
Make hot wings.
Make a low carb cheesecake.
Find fabulous modifications for his daily coffee/tea/hot beverage of choice.
Find fat bombs that he likes and make in small quantities.
Taco salads - just skip the shell, beans, rice. but load up on sour cream, guacamole, and even cheese if he likes it...

There are just too many options of delicious food for him to go on for too long. Just google the words "keto" in front of any food for online recipe options. You don't have to go as hyper strict on all the things as full keto, but this is a simpler search term than low carb, etc.

And I don't eat many veggies... The key component to making this work for him properly is fats. Meals should have more fat than carbs or protein or both together.

Something else I will say though is it's not particularly fair if you're making one thing for the kids, and one thing for you/hubby, and basically slapping his hand and not allowing him what is right in front of him. It needs to be a household change for it to be easier to adjust to all around. "This is the new reality of this house."

That being said, he will rarely be compliant until he decides to do this for himself, and for that, you've got great advice above.