Off-topic: Books to love your body!

StephieWillcox

Hi all, completely off topic, but has anyone read any books that have helped them turn around their views of their body.

I have a 1 year old daughter and am very very aware of not wanting to pass on my own body issues to her.

I can appreciate what my body can do (I'm strong, I can lift lots of weight), and I'm working on being able to run around too, so hopefully I can be a good role model in the sense of being outside and running and playing together.

I'm working on the food although I still have binge tendancies, but low carb does keep a handle on it (most of the time)

But I still look in the mirror and am not pleased with what I see, always wanting to be smaller, less wobbly. Would love to come to some form of acceptance (whilst still making efforts to improve).

I feel like even if I could drop the weight I would still be unhappy when I reached "goal".

Any suggestions for what helped others turn their mindset around?

baconslave

I have no answer but bumping for you.

KnitOrMiss

This is going to seem really strange, but two books that really helped shift my perspective were:

"Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success" and Marie Kondo's "The Magic Art of Tidying Up."

Also, though, about 7 years ago, my best friend died unexpectedly. She was in her early 30's. She had been heavy for a number of years, and therefore, like most of us, she avoided cameras like the plague. She and I had even explored the option of applying for the biggest loser's first or second "partner" challenges to get on the show.

When she died, the thing I kept hearing over and over and over again from her husband and children (she had 6 total, 2 were her husband's from a previous marriage but that she had a large hand in helping to raise), was that the had no pictures of her. No memories. It got wiped out, all by her body image issues.

For me, this was an eye opener. My daughter was much smaller, and I'd been avoiding the camera. I realized that by not learning to love my body exactly as it was, regardless of whether I wanted to continue improving it or not, that I was stealing future joy from my child. I was telling my husband (at the time) that he wasn't important enough to make memories with... Our loved ones see us exactly as we are, and remember us as we are, whether or not we like it, pose for pictures, hid away, etc. If they can love and accept us as we are, not stopping to only see the physical, what is so broken in our brains that we can't do the same?

For me, as with anything, to get through to my stubborn brain, I must use intense visuals, brutal and harsh, to get through. I had to envision my daughter and now ex-husband sitting and my funeral, holding a single blurry and crappy photo, etc. Crying. All of it. The more disturbing this imagery, the more it got through to me. Both of the books above really work on imagery, visualization, and details...

I hope something in this helps you. I know it really changed my perspective, and it's been a long time to get here, but...I'm here. (HUGS) and good luck and so awesome of you to want to get out ahead of it, so to speak!

P.S. Work on finding things whether make up or clothes or accessories that make you feel beautiful, even if you don't like the nuances of your body's details, etc. The more often you feel beautiful the easier it gets to believe it!

StephieWillcox

@KnitOrMiss Well I almost cried at work

I was looking back at baby pictures the other day thinking, wow, I wish I had more of the two of us, and then the ones that I did have all I could think was "look at that double chin".

I am lucky in that my husband tells me often how gorgeous I am, and I wear full makeup each day which makes me feel quite "pretty", but with excess hair (I remember you from the PCOS board, so I'm sure you'll understand me there) and body issues it doesn't take much to knock my confidence.

A couple of girls that were friends with my husband once commented to each other about my moustache one night while we were out together and I haven't been out with them again since. It was traumatising.

I will certainly look into those books, thank you very much.

I think this is one of those situations where I must pull up my big girl pants and fake it until I make it - it worked professionally, it worked for public speaking. It is something that I simply know must change x

KnitOrMiss

For me, @StephieWillcox , it is almost ALL about the mental side of things. I started wearing more attractive lingerie, and finding clothes that actually fit me properly (before I started losing weight well - nothing fits in the middle stages - at least not on my budget!). My now fiance does the same as your husband, makes me feel attractive and wanted, and that helped, but I kind of had to get some of this distance myself. You're still young somewhat, and I will be the first to admit in my 20's I was a mess - not even a hot mess, just a mess. There is an article called the "F" Off Fairy - using my personal favorite cuss word in the title. It is well worth a read, too.

For the moustache comment, I would have gone full b-witch on them - or made more fun of it myself. Certain aspects of our lives are beyond control. I can't wear foundation because I have baby fine hairs all over my face, and I look like a chinchilla or something - amplifying my hairiness or something. Do you think I really care? Maybe on some level, but darn it, it's me. I rarely wear make-up at all, usually just eyeliner or something, and I'm blessed that my guy prefers me this way, too. Because makeup for me falls into that SO NOT WORTH IT category!

An exercise that helps, too, is to stare into a mirror, start with a minute a day and increase as time goes on, and find one thing you absolutely love. Maybe it's the way your eyes light up or the joy that comes through your smile. You are not allowed to negative self speak during this at all. Just focus on that feature. The next week, you add more time, and another feature. Focus on all the items in that feature that you love.

Much like with weight loss, we often get lost in the details - usually the negative ones. Step back and focus on the bigger picture and really get outside yourself. If this is too hard at first, focus on doing some kind of good deed for someone else. Buy someone's breakfast at the drive thru. Let an older lady at the grocery store go in front of you. Take coffee to a lonely neighbor. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or your daughter's school (day care?). Find something you can do to get outside yourself. Many times we get stuck in our heads, forgetting there is an entire UNIVERSE out there, waiting to remind us of the beauty abound!

Also, consider investing a bit of time and money in a professional photographer. Lighting, colors, and angles make so much difference in pictures. You're bound to find some you love. Focus on that type of aspect..... Good luck. It's a hard journey, learning to love our imperfect selves.

StephieWillcox

I simply love the idea of doing something nice for someone else.

And the Marie Kondo book will be with me tomorrow - I figure it's hard to do mental work on myself, so I will start with my house - hopefully that will bring me calm and peace and acceptance (and if it helps me keep a clean and tidy house then that's a win win!)

I will also be taking my husband and daughter for a walk this weekend, to enjoy the outside world where phones and the internet don't exist we can play on the swings and enjoy some fresh air together. I'm sure we will end up having coffee or lunch somewhere too.

You have already made me much more upbeat than I was feeling this morning, so thank you so much for that!

DorkothyParker

Not a book, but I suggest spending more time naked. Non-sexualized nudity is very freeing and connects me to a more primal self.

Oh, and there are lots of picture books about self acceptance for you to read to your daughter. One of our recent favorites is "I Don't Want to Be a Frog." Very silly. Kid media has great stuff that adults should pay more attention to IMO. But I've always been a "Everything I need to know about life, I learned in kindergarten" type of person.