How do you manage stress?
Panda_Poptarts
Posts: 971 Member
I've been dealing with a lot, lately; more than I am on a regular basis. Typically, I juggle the stress of a 50+ hour work week, grad school, fitness, and children rather well. However, we've been thrown some additional challenges.
-My son needs a bit of dental work. Cue various dental appointments.
-My daughter's school has labeled her special needs. Cue emotional meltdown.
-My daughter is having vision / visual processing issues. Cue 5 billion specialist appointments.
-I'm flying out to VA for 2 weeks in July for grad school. Cue mama-stress.
What are some things I can do to handle this stress more effectively?? Typically yoga or working out is helpful, but lately I've been too drained to even want to get to the gym. I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight and/or not lose weight as a result of stress hormones. I've also been emotional/boredom eating lately, and I'm sure it's all related to what's on my plate right now (ha! Very punny!).
Any tips and tricks for getting past this with my health in one piece?
-My son needs a bit of dental work. Cue various dental appointments.
-My daughter's school has labeled her special needs. Cue emotional meltdown.
-My daughter is having vision / visual processing issues. Cue 5 billion specialist appointments.
-I'm flying out to VA for 2 weeks in July for grad school. Cue mama-stress.
What are some things I can do to handle this stress more effectively?? Typically yoga or working out is helpful, but lately I've been too drained to even want to get to the gym. I'm afraid I'm going to gain weight and/or not lose weight as a result of stress hormones. I've also been emotional/boredom eating lately, and I'm sure it's all related to what's on my plate right now (ha! Very punny!).
Any tips and tricks for getting past this with my health in one piece?
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Replies
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Take some time out for yourself. You're too drained to go to the gym, but what about a massage or manicure, or a hot bath at home? Or even holing up in your room with a good book and telling everybody that you don't want to hear from them for an hour or so unless it involves blood or fire?5
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- Loud angry rock music is my favorite de-stresser.
- Followed by a brisk walk
- and/or taking 5-10 deep breaths.
- I also tend to buckle down my dietary intake tighter, as at least one thing in my life can be impervious to chaos.
- Find at least one good friend I can dump on (online friends are great for this).
- Then taking some time, even five minutes, to meditate or something in the morning - then another 5 to organize what you can of your day.
- deep breaths and hugs - because being "labeled" special needs is far more of a blessing than a curse. It means they school gets and will assign special resources to your daughter so that she can get what she needs, how she needs it. Getting plans figured out, even if they change and morph as she grows, you'll have a solid foundation now, and that's worth it's weight in GOLD, let me tell you.
- Remember, it's possible at least a portion of her problems at school may ease up or resolve when the vision/visual processing issues are addressed.
- Accept that needing to fly out is necessary - and so plan what you can all around it.
- Accept that this is a stressful time and you will do the best you can do.
- Determine if there is a spousal unit/co-parent who can share some of the "appointment" burden with you - an in-law, or even a grandparent or good friend, etc. Anyone who can help.
And remember that no matter how impossible it seems at the moment, this too shall pass. (HUGS)5 -
Meds! Lol2
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feel for you, am a single mum with a special needs child - the only time I get to myself is when my son is taken out by a support worker and in that time I make sure I get some quality me time - massages, haircuts, anything that makes me feel good - I totally get the emotional eating as have done that for over 20 years and don't have any useful suggestions with that - I have to admit I take medication for my emotional issues but I agree you need to take some relaxation time to yourself to heal your own body
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Separate the problems you can change from those you can't change. Then take a long hard look at the "can't change" pile and assess whether each item is worth your time, focus and energy. Meaning, all the stuff you can't change is outside your responsibility. So why suffer ?
...ok ok life is not THAT simple. But it helps cut down on ADDED stress. Good luck
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I wish I could just shake this off and say "I'm not going to stress over this". I'm pretty close to a master's in counseling... I know my approach is unhealthy! But the weight of everything just seems crushing at times. I took a mental health day on Friday because I just couldn't function at work. I've been having period panic attacks and bouts of depression, which is very unusual for me. I know this will pass.
I realistically know that having my child be recognized as special needs is a good thing; she will get the extra resources she needs! I realistically know that VT is likely to assist her with overcoming these challenges. I realistically know that our crazy schedule at the moment is not permanent. Still, in the heat of the moment, my logical brain is overshadowed by my (heavy!) emotions.
I think taking some more me time may be a good place to start. It's not often (okay, really, really rare) that I spend any time on my own things, by myself. Maybe I need a massage. And to stop kicking myself for not going to the gym... ha!1 -
Panda_Poptarts wrote: »I wish I could just shake this off and say "I'm not going to stress over this". I'm pretty close to a master's in counseling... I know my approach is unhealthy! But the weight of everything just seems crushing at times. I took a mental health day on Friday because I just couldn't function at work. I've been having period panic attacks and bouts of depression, which is very unusual for me. I know this will pass.
I realistically know that having my child be recognized as special needs is a good thing; she will get the extra resources she needs! I realistically know that VT is likely to assist her with overcoming these challenges. I realistically know that our crazy schedule at the moment is not permanent. Still, in the heat of the moment, my logical brain is overshadowed by my (heavy!) emotions.
I think taking some more me time may be a good place to start. It's not often (okay, really, really rare) that I spend any time on my own things, by myself. Maybe I need a massage. And to stop kicking myself for not going to the gym... ha!
@Panda_Poptarts - And know, too, that you may need some antidepressants temporarily (if extra D3/K2 and B's don't help) to deal with this burst in everynegativeemotionontheplanetvortexinginyourbrainatonce! Or see about joining a therapy group - online or otherwise.
Knowing that it doesn't help is probably good in the back of your mind, but yeah, planning, even if I don't use those plans, helps me around the emotional chaos that happens with stuff like this.
And @Foamroller is 100 kinds of right. Separating it out and just assigning a "SCREW IT" column helps so much...2 -
Maybe it might be nice to connect with your emotions. They are leaking thru whilst your logical brain is bullying them n saying something lije "shut up, I am to busy for your nonsence". Queue child like emotional tantrum, even if it doesn't leak out, the physical stess hurts. Maybe you could try backing wonder woman off a little n spread load over more weeks or ask for live help (like you are doing online). Good luck dealing with grief of loss of old world view and acceptance of a new reality plus all the other stuff.3
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KnitOrMiss wrote: »Panda_Poptarts wrote: »I wish I could just shake this off and say "I'm not going to stress over this". I'm pretty close to a master's in counseling... I know my approach is unhealthy! But the weight of everything just seems crushing at times. I took a mental health day on Friday because I just couldn't function at work. I've been having period panic attacks and bouts of depression, which is very unusual for me. I know this will pass.
I realistically know that having my child be recognized as special needs is a good thing; she will get the extra resources she needs! I realistically know that VT is likely to assist her with overcoming these challenges. I realistically know that our crazy schedule at the moment is not permanent. Still, in the heat of the moment, my logical brain is overshadowed by my (heavy!) emotions.
I think taking some more me time may be a good place to start. It's not often (okay, really, really rare) that I spend any time on my own things, by myself. Maybe I need a massage. And to stop kicking myself for not going to the gym... ha!
@Panda_Poptarts - And know, too, that you may need some antidepressants temporarily (if extra D3/K2 and B's don't help) to deal with this burst in everynegativeemotionontheplanetvortexinginyourbrainatonce! Or see about joining a therapy group - online or otherwise.
Knowing that it doesn't help is probably good in the back of your mind, but yeah, planning, even if I don't use those plans, helps me around the emotional chaos that happens with stuff like this.
And @Foamroller is 100 kinds of right. Separating it out and just assigning a "SCREW IT" column helps so much...
I may need a screw it column. At the moment I have a "everything must be minutely examined from all angles" catch-all bucket. It's overwhelming.
I haven't tried any supplementing. You're recommending D3 or K2 and B vits?0 -
SamandaIndia wrote: »Maybe it might be nice to connect with your emotions. They are leaking thru whilst your logical brain is bullying them n saying shut up, I am to busy for your nonsence. Queue child like emotional tantrum, even if it doesn't leak out the physical stess hurts. Maybe you could try backing wonder woman off a little n spread load over more weeks or ask for live help (like you are doing online)
You mean, don't do everything 1000% alone? You mean, I'm married so I should be sharing the load with my husband? Ha!
I know this, too. I'm not sure why my default is wonder woman status.
I've been bawling off and on all week. I tried to tell my boss what was up and just melted... then took a mental health day. I'm handling it better now, but the overall fatigue is pretty heavy.1 -
Panda_Poptarts wrote: »KnitOrMiss wrote: »Panda_Poptarts wrote: »I wish I could just shake this off and say "I'm not going to stress over this". I'm pretty close to a master's in counseling... I know my approach is unhealthy! But the weight of everything just seems crushing at times. I took a mental health day on Friday because I just couldn't function at work. I've been having period panic attacks and bouts of depression, which is very unusual for me. I know this will pass.
I realistically know that having my child be recognized as special needs is a good thing; she will get the extra resources she needs! I realistically know that VT is likely to assist her with overcoming these challenges. I realistically know that our crazy schedule at the moment is not permanent. Still, in the heat of the moment, my logical brain is overshadowed by my (heavy!) emotions.
I think taking some more me time may be a good place to start. It's not often (okay, really, really rare) that I spend any time on my own things, by myself. Maybe I need a massage. And to stop kicking myself for not going to the gym... ha!
@Panda_Poptarts - And know, too, that you may need some antidepressants temporarily (if extra D3/K2 and B's don't help) to deal with this burst in everynegativeemotionontheplanetvortexinginyourbrainatonce! Or see about joining a therapy group - online or otherwise.
Knowing that it doesn't help is probably good in the back of your mind, but yeah, planning, even if I don't use those plans, helps me around the emotional chaos that happens with stuff like this.
And @Foamroller is 100 kinds of right. Separating it out and just assigning a "SCREW IT" column helps so much...
I may need a screw it column. At the moment I have a "everything must be minutely examined from all angles" catch-all bucket. It's overwhelming.
I haven't tried any supplementing. You're recommending D3 or K2 and B vits?
Most B-Complex vitamins get labeled B-Stress-Complex. You want a good balanced one not the basic B, but a Super or "150" complex. And there are some that get absorbed more readily. I got a Jarrow Brand from Amazon called B-Right. I've been taking it a couple weeks and already feel more level.
Personally, I'm deficient in D3, so I always feel best when taking D3 with K2. K2 helps the D3 properly absorb. I also use a sunlight lamp and I feel so much better if I can't get outside to soak some up the old fashioned way.
Fish oil is another one that comes up a lot. I got one from Natrol that is lemon flavored. I never get fishy burps. I've been looking at supplements a lot lately, since I realized how deficient my whole body is...
If you start having trouble sleeping, I'd recommend adding L-Theanine (Melatonin helps some folks fall asleep, L-Theanine helps you stay asleep), and these are available in a combined form, too sometimes. My keto coworker gets a NatureMade brand, I think.
Make sure you're getting your magnesium, too, as that's a huge stress one. But being on this eating plan, you're likely covered there.
I'd focus in this order: mag, B, D/K, FO, and L-T/M, unless sleeping is an issue, then bump that last one up!
And we're here...all of us, as you quickly saw. So, love and hugs girlie... When you come out on the other side of this, you'll be stronger and hopefully wiser for it!Panda_Poptarts wrote: »SamandaIndia wrote: »Maybe it might be nice to connect with your emotions. They are leaking thru whilst your logical brain is bullying them n saying shut up, I am to busy for your nonsence. Queue child like emotional tantrum, even if it doesn't leak out the physical stess hurts. Maybe you could try backing wonder woman off a little n spread load over more weeks or ask for live help (like you are doing online)
You mean, don't do everything 1000% alone? You mean, I'm married so I should be sharing the load with my husband? Ha! I know this, too. I'm not sure why my default is wonder woman status.
I've been bawling off and on all week. I tried to tell my boss what was up and just melted... then took a mental health day. I'm handling it better now, but the overall fatigue is pretty heavy.
We default to this, because we generally as women are culturally expect to "care for the kids" and all that. Personally, if your hubby is the supportive type, I'd go home and say, "Babe, I'm overwhelmed. These are the things I've got going on. Which two can you take over so that we all survive this better?"3 -
@KnitOrMiss Thanks so much! I'll definitely look into those supplements. I've been skipping the magnesium for the past couple weeks, too. I'm just generally done with pills, and want to try a liquid version in my ketoade instead. That could be part of it!
My husband is super supportive, but tends to handle things poorly. He often reacts with anger when something appears to be wrong with a child, so it's less stressful for him for me to just take over. But that's not less stressful for me. I need to communicate with him more on how I'm feeling.
The support from everyone here is always so appreciated - and more than expected. Thank you to all of you, even just for hearing me out!
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There are some good powder forms on Amazon, too. @Sunny_Bunny_ had a good one she recommended for the magnesium, and I know they had SEVERAL other blends.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001FXQED8/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_S_ttl
If that link doesn't work for some reason, search this: Pure Essence Labs Ionic Fizz Super D-K Calcium Plus - With Extra Vitamin D3 Vitamin K2 & Every Co-Factor Needed For Strong Bones - Raspberry Lemonade - 420 Grams
or Pure Essence Labs.
I almost forgot, vitamin C is a good stress vitamin, too! (hugs)1 -
I have to ditto the D & B supplements. Something quick and easy I found helpful were guided meditations... meditating is normally not my thing, but my massage therapist (who is also a yoga instructor - go figure!) recommended giving some short ones a try. Youtube is full of both short & long guided meditations for free. I use them regularly at bed time now. Helps shut the mind off. Walking has also become my new favorite past time. You have enough on your plate, that whatever you do, do NOT heap any "shoulda" guilt on there.3
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I'm probably not gonna be much help on this, but we are all here for you and I find it helpful when I was going through a rough time to come on here and talk to distract myself or just vent.
I have certain tolerances for stress, and I can't put things in separate columns to make it manageable. I can handle normal stuff but as things happen if there are too many all at once I start shutting down and gradually lose more and more control. After a certain point it's not getting back on track till those stressors are gone. I did find since coming here that mag glycinate or natural calm are quite helpful for relaxing at the end of the day. I'm trying to learn to deal with it better, walks with music help clear my mind a bit, but it wouldn't work for the severe stuff, at that point I need medication to get my equilibrium back.
I think a massage is a great idea, those really drain all the tension right out of you.3 -
Thanks for all of the great suggestions guys. I feel better just saying "I'm not okay!" and having someone acknowledge it. My daughter came home sad from school today because her desk mates are making fun of her for her "sloppy work" and telling her she won't be good enough, and I just so desperately want to fight her battles for her.
@auntstephie321 I've got some music going at work and it's helpful- excuse my poor singing Some of this I can't just let go of. It's going to be there, weighing on me. I just need to figure out how to cope with a higher level of stress than my usual high level of stress. I absolutely feel out of control. I may go get a massage after work. 2 -
If you want a very good magnesium that's also not expensive and you can add to ketoade I highly recommend this one.
BulkSupplements Pure Magnesium Carbonate (Micronized) Powder (250 grams) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOWINR2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_noNmxbFEJFJ5Z
I bought the 2.2 pound bag and it will last a very long time! This is a highly absorbable form and I take between 750-1000mg a day. I add it to water with other powder supplements. This is flavorless.
And if you're interested in guided meditation I like this app pretty well. I was able to get it free a while back. I'm not actually sure how much it is but I'm sure there are free ones too. This is an apple link, but you can probably find their website info from it if you need android.
Meditation Studio by Gaiam, Inc.
https://appsto.re/us/gBII_.i1 -
I'm not great at stress management but I find hiking to be calming. I love being alone in the woods.1
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I am going through a similar thing with kids and life and work. I hear you and feel you. What is my suggestion. Realize you are human and set short goals and survive. Try to stay true to your way of eating but if you splurge forgive yourself there is a reason your body needed it and did it. Get back on the diet and go. High stress levels effect your cortisol levels which slow weight loss so don't get on the scale. Most important just love yourself, forgive yourself and know that you were given these challenges because you can and will handle them and either they will pass or you will adjust to dealing with Them. Believe you me when I say I feel your pain and I'm rooting for you 100%%0
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Long walks at dawn.
deep breathing when it gets super tough
yoga
hubs
pups
comfort food
wine
runs
pajama days when hubs can hold the fort down
The last couple of years, with PMS turning to peri-menopause, turning to menopause, my short PMS turned into long PMS which made stress harder, and made me feel less... resilient. All f the above helps.1 -
Lot of great suggestions here, but I wanted to caution you on one item: if you let someone other than your spouse take your kid to an appointment, make sure the medical place will let you. My kids' doc had a release form if someone other than custodial parent would be bringing a child for an appointment. If this is something you are planning, take the extra step to call the doc first and find out their policy. One day at a time!0
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Thoughy experiment: fast forward 20 years? If your daughter was going through what you are going through, what kind things would you suggest to her (other than give your problems to me!). Point being, sometimes we wonder women are harsher on ourselves than our expevtations of others. What can you realistically do and is that good enough. I put my whole to do list in one spot (an app) and realised some of it really didnt HAVE to get done. Agree with vitamins, exercise, time out, massage, meditation n yoga- all top ideas.
Good luck juggling...
When juggling life's balls, try to drop only rubber balls that will bounce back. Leave the glass ones in the air.4 -
I love you guys. What great advice and suggestions.
Yes, life is filled with stressors and it sometimes it feels overwhelming.
Lately, I often think of the Serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
This sentiment has been addressed across many different cultures for the centuries.
The 8th-century Indian Buddhist scholar Shantideva of the ancient Nalanda University suggested:
If there’s a remedy when trouble strikes,
What reason is there for dejection?
And if there is no help for it,
What use is there in being glum?
The 11th century Jewish philosopher Solomon ibn Gabirol wrote:
"And they said: At the head of all understanding – is realizing what is and what cannot be, and the consoling of what is not in our power to change."
The philosopher W.W. Bartley juxtaposes Niebuhr's Serenity prayer with a Mother Goose rhyme (1695) expressing a similar sentiment:
For every ailment under the sun. There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it.
More recently, If you’ve seen Bridge of Spies, my favorite lines are:
James Donovan: I have a mandate to serve you. Nobody else does. Quite frankly, everybody else has an interest in sending you to the electric chair.
Rudolf Abel: All right...
James Donovan: You don't seem alarmed.
Rudolf Abel: Would it help?
The other lines that are good in the movie, is that life will knock you around. The strong and brave will stand up.
Rudolf Abel: Standing there like that you reminded me of the man that used to come to our house when I was young. My father used to say: "watch this man'. So I did. Every time he came. And never once did he do anything remarkable.
James Donovan: And I remind you of him?
Rudolf Abel: This one time, I was at the age of your son, our house was overrun by partisan border guards. Dozens of them. My father was beaten, my mother was beaten, and this man, my father's friend, he was beaten. And I watched this man. Every time they hit him, he stood back up again. So they hit him harder. Still he got back to his feet. I think because of this they stopped the beating. They let him live. 'Stoikiy muzhik'. I remember them saying. ''. Which sort of means like uh, 'standing man'... standing man...
We have worries and stresses that is part of life. The fact that we are allowing it to enter our bodies does not change the outcome. It is better to remove your mind from the burden. It will free you up to then act.
Good thoughts for the day, being sent your way.
That, and come here to gripe and try the great suggestions that are posted here.3 -
You guys are all so awesome. There are some great suggestions here, as well as some really amazing words of encouragement. Thank you for being so supportive!
I took a little time to myself to wander the grocery store last night. I was too tired to drive across town for a massage. Instead, I went on the hunt for manchego cheese (and found it!). Score! That kind of made my night. I also went to bed a couple hours early, and got a really good night's sleep.
I am feeling a little better today. I'm certainly still carrying this stress, but guilt-tripping myself less today. I think once I get through finals week (Friday night!) I'll be able to juggle just a little bit better. I like the glass/rubber balls suggestion. Quite a lot of mine is glass, but there's some rubber, too. I said eff the housekeeping this morning and just did the very minimal basics. It'll bounce back later. That's a start, I think 4 -
I'm late to this party, but just understand you are not alone! As mental health professionals we KNOW how important good self-care is, but there are times when it seems like there just isn't time to take good care of ourselves, especially when we work long hours and have kids with special needs. I'm glad you were able to take a mental health day and that things are feeling a bit more manageable. I wish I had some answers for you, but truthfully I came here to find suggestions.2
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DianaElena76 wrote: »I'm late to this party, but just understand you are not alone! As mental health professionals we KNOW how important good self-care is, but there are times when it seems like there just isn't time to take good care of ourselves, especially when we work long hours and have kids with special needs. I'm glad you were able to take a mental health day and that things are feeling a bit more manageable. I wish I had some answers for you, but truthfully I came here to find suggestions.
How is it that, as mental health professionals, we are the worst at our own self care? Ha! I've been incorporating more things that I enjoy doing, even if it's just 5 minutes. Taking regular tea breaks amidst the sea of homework I'm swimming in, checking on my garden to see if anything has grown 3x a day (lol), spending 5 minutes with my chickens in the chicken coop, snuggling my favorite little dude, drawing a picture with my daughter, etc. I think the balance for me is still going to primarily lean towards work, school, stress, and more stress, but just taking 20 - 30 minutes a day total is really helpful for me.0 -
For me it's being close to my sig other. When I feel bad or stressed I need his hugs. He doesn't talk, he just quietly reassures me. That's the only way I de-stress.1
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Panda_Poptarts wrote: »DianaElena76 wrote: »I'm late to this party, but just understand you are not alone! As mental health professionals we KNOW how important good self-care is, but there are times when it seems like there just isn't time to take good care of ourselves, especially when we work long hours and have kids with special needs. I'm glad you were able to take a mental health day and that things are feeling a bit more manageable. I wish I had some answers for you, but truthfully I came here to find suggestions.
How is it that, as mental health professionals, we are the worst at our own self care? Ha! I've been incorporating more things that I enjoy doing, even if it's just 5 minutes. Taking regular tea breaks amidst the sea of homework I'm swimming in, checking on my garden to see if anything has grown 3x a day (lol), spending 5 minutes with my chickens in the chicken coop, snuggling my favorite little dude, drawing a picture with my daughter, etc. I think the balance for me is still going to primarily lean towards work, school, stress, and more stress, but just taking 20 - 30 minutes a day total is really helpful for me.
@Panda_Poptarts - For me, it's the whole "be a woman" crap. We're supposed to be Superwoman, yet emotional, vulnerable, able to handle anything, blah blah blah. And by "supposed to be," I mean familial, cultural, and self expectations. We want to think that we can help folks, but we hold ourselves to a higher, and typically impossible, set of standards. We, as humans in general, want to believe that WE are the exception to the rule. Plus, it's always easier to help someone else, because we see them as worthy and deserving of our efforts - plus the distance between us and their situation is easier to see clearly, whereas our own situations get blurry from staring too close and too long. We lose perspective, and especially those of us with folks depending on us put them as our focus. So that being said, I think this whole world would be a better place if most of us who are seen as lesser, weaker, softer - if we would put ourselves in the spotlight, in priority, and be selfish sometimes. This book has been recommended to me by numerous people, though I've yet to read it. https://www.amazon.com/48-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene-ebook/dp/B0024CEZR6
That being said, I think that we can be better people for and with our family when we practice what we preach - so take some time to love yourself today, and put yourself in a better position to help and support your loved ones with their needs, too. (HUGS)0
