Cari's online journal

WifiresGettingFit

Sounds like a good start to the week, keep it up!
That's one of my favorite quotes!

carimiller7391

Thanks Kayla!!!!

WifiresGettingFit

You're welcome Cari! I look forward to your next update!=)

carimiller7391

I shared this is another group I am in. @KnitOrMiss shared an article with me that truly hit home and this was my true, honest, heart felt reaction:

This entire process of losing weight SUCKS. I just read an article on Friday that my friend Carly shared where it points out that like only 3% of those who hit their goal weight remain there and don't regain the weight. Sometimes, quite often... I think..... WHY TRY!!!!!!! I currently weigh 273.8. I am at the same weight now that I was at 25. Lost some at 27-28, ballooned up to 411 in 2007 (when I was 34), but I truly wonder if this is where my body is comfortable.

SOOOO, instead of focusing so much on what the scale says, I'm going to try to work on increasing my activity level and get to the point I can climb steps without being winded. I'm going to focus on how my clothes fit and how I feel. I'm so tired of being bound by the number on the scale. I will be doing the lose 100lbs in 15 month challenge that I am starting October 1, 2016. BUT, I will only be weighing in one time per week. Saturdays..... I will not allow the scale to rule my life. 100lbs in 15 months equates to about 1.5 lbs a week and to me is doable if I focus on my activity level and not being winded walking and doing things. If I learn to treat my body like the temple it should be treated as, providing it good, non processed foods, not worrying about calories in, but rather how I feel. Can I do more today than yesterday. Am I doing more?? Am I enjoying more of my life?? I believe for the past number of years, I've been so focused on losing weight and not living life until...... until I hit goal.... until I was in a certain size jeans.... until I felt comfortable in my own skin. THAT'S OVER. I've allowed too much of my life pass me by. Today, I start living life. I truly think if I feel mentally, physically and emotionally better about myself... the rest has got to follow. I make my own destiny.

What's crazy.... I don't want to be "skinny" If I never make it to my goal weight but am healthy and can walk and do things without being winded.... To ME.... that's a huge win. I know that I do not have to fit into society's norms to be comfortable in my own skin.

tcunbeliever

That IS a huge win, you can totally have this healthy and active life!!!

carimiller7391

Thanks Tiffany. I always believed I had to fit into society's norms to do things. Now, I plan on getting out and doing things and experiencing life for what it is. I know that people will still stare and giggle, but that's their problem.....NOT MINE.

carimiller7391

OK... today's the big day for me. I started my journey to 100 lbs off in 15 months. I'm not weighing or measuring. I'm not tracking foods. What I am doing is eating one serving of the foods I want. Passing on the processed junk I do not need. Setting myself up for success by having salads with a protein once a day, vinegar and oil for dressing. Nothing reduced fat or fat free as that tends to be processed or fake. I've concentrated for so long on weight loss and been so focused on weighing and measuring and tracking. It's consuming everything I do and I feel like I'm not living a life like this.

Wish me luck

tcunbeliever

Good luck!!!!

carimiller7391

Thanks Tiffany!!

carimiller7391

X-post from another thread I'm on:

So I know I've been posting how sick and tired I am of feeling like I am tethered to tracking, so I gave it up. NEVER should have done that for myself or, better yet, to myself. Who the heck was I kidding when I thought I could do this without tracking. YES, I am very tired of feeling like food is all I think about. Planning, tracking, making, you name it... I know you guys and gals know exactly what I mean.

So what happened since 10.01.16 when I started this. I've gained 12 lbs in 16 days. I know that I cannot do SP. To me, it is way to restrictive and feels like a diet. But that's just my opinion. I know others are having great success with it and give them KUDOS for being able to do it.

All my dad ever wanted for me was to lose the weight and be happy and healthy. I've been fooling myself by saying, I'm big but healthy. It won't last like that forever. One day, this weight will ca ch up with me and it scares the dickens out of me.

So what am I doing now? Well, after careful journaling and consideration, I've decided to start back on points plus again. Leon was kind enough to send me the link to the weight watchers info for PP. Thanks again Leon!!!

I do not believe right now it helps that I am in the midst of a severe depression that started 04.09.16 when I had to euthanize my best friend whom I had for 16 wonderful years. Then the passing of my father 07.17.16.... Just seems like one thing after another this year and I haven't caught a break. My doctor is wonderful though. He's added Cymbalta to my med regimen. (I also suffer horribly from bipolar disorder-cycling ever 3-5 days when not in the midst of an episode).

I also have separated myself from 90% of the people that at one time I considered to be close friends, including my best friend of 28 years. I know, they say not to make major life decisions when going through a manic or depression episode, but I truly did not feel as though these people are or have been there for me for some time. One sided friendships, not what I need. What I needed was some support... It actually got to the point where I tried to find work where I wouldn't have to leave the house and just be a hermit. Can't get hurt if I don't put myself out there. My therapist talked me out of this decision though. I've actually landed a part time job at a local Staples working a couple nights a week and weekends to get me working face to face with the public again. Right now, my job has me tethered to a phone for 7.5 hours a day working in a call center sitting all day long. The only interaction I have with people is my coworkers and the people on the other end of the phone. I'm truly hoping face to face interaction with the public not only earns me a paycheck, but also helps the depression.

Well, vent/rant over as my eyes are swollen with tears. Just typing this out helps. Thanks for reading.

Much love!

tcunbeliever

So glad to have an update from you!!!! Sorry the not tracking didn't work out, it's not something I can do either...if I stop tracking I just eat way more, plus since I don't eat meat I like to track to make sure I get enough protein and fat. You have had a rough year, next year is almost here and it's bound to be a less traumatic one!

carimiller7391

Thanks Tiffany. I sure do hope so.

carimiller7391

Days 1-3 are in the books. Tracked. Not saying I didn't dip into the weekly points allowance, but they're in there.

KnitOrMiss

Hey, it's a start - and we ALL have to start SOMEWHERE...

tcunbeliever

YAY to tracking!!!

carimiller7391

Thanks ladies!!!

WifiresGettingFit

That's great! @carimiller7391 Keep it up, you're doing awesome!

carimiller7391

Thanks Kayla!!!

WifiresGettingFit

You're welcome @carimiller7391! I look forward to your next update!

carimiller7391

Hey ladies and gents.... between my full time job, my part time job, my new boyfriend who wants more time than I have even if I had NO jobs...... I may disappear or be sparse for awhile. I'm doing ok. The bipolar (major depressive episode) is subsiding and I'm starting to feel like me again. Starting Monday 11/14/16, I will be using MFP to track cals but now sure how often I will be able to check in. Hopefully I can do something and check up/in about once a week. I'm checking in from work today. We aren't as busy on Saturdays as we are during the week.

50extra

Good luck moving forward, try not to let life get in the way of your health. It's really easy to prioritize other things first, trust me me I've been falling victim to it every other month.

WifiresGettingFit

Balancing life can get tough sometimes but you can do this @carimiller7391! I hope you do manage to check in with us from time to time, it's nice to know how you're doing and I look forward to your updates!

carimiller7391

So much for being back to normal. I took tylenol cold and flu severe.....made my bipolar meds non existent. So I feel worse than before. Waiting on word from the doctor to pull me out of work for awhile to get myself together. I'm at work right now, but not functioning well.

WifiresGettingFit

Hopefully you get the break you need and start feeling better soon!

carimiller7391

Thanks Kayla!!!

WifiresGettingFit

You're welcome @carimiller7391!

carimiller7391

To those that read my journal...... what non "drug" item or natural energy source do you use.

My life has spiraled out of control. I went out of work Dec 7th thru Jan 17th. The sadness, the depression, the low energy are all problems I'm experiencing on top of the just spiral out of control. My moods and emotions are just crazy right now. I need a natural energy source to aide in the low energy to help me get up and do things. Right now all I want to do is sleep and eat.

KnitOrMiss

I use a combination of amino acids and caffeine, as well as daylight therapy with double dose D3/K2/B-12, etc. To keep the caffeine from getting overwhelming, I have to balance it with taurine. Aside from that, focusing on sleep, relaxation things, etc., is about all I can think of. The urge to sleep and eat comes with the weather, and the dramatically smaller amounts of sunlight available, so I'd probably focus on the D3 (liquid if needed for absorption) with the K2 to aid absorption/direct traffic (AM). B-Complex (AM), with B-12 if needed in the PM. Daylight lamp/sunlight therapy would be 15 minutes direct sunlight or 30 minutes sun lamp (tanning beds are acceptable for therapeutic needs) as early as possible - upon just waking if possible, then again around 2 pm. This bumps up the circadian rhythm naturally to allow it to taper to a normal level at bedtime, when melatonin kicks in. If you don't use l-theanine to stay asleep or 5-htp (with tyrosine during daytime to balance) or something, you might do that, as improving sleep quality might help daytime wakefulness, too. But being off work means you don't have an automatically required schedule - so maybe make one for yourself?

tcunbeliever

My first go to for energy issues are things that feed the thyroid and adrenals - these are usually nutritionally deprived in an american diet. Your adrenals process stress, and your thyroid controls your circadian rhythms, so when these organs are nutritionally deprived, you are way stressed out and have no energy plus sleep quality tends to be poor. Assuming there are no issues with high blood pressure, licorice root is the very best single food for your adrenals, but it does tend to increase blood pressure in some people, so if that is a concern Nervous Fatigue is a better fit (it's a tcm, traditional chinese medicine, I know Nature's Sunshine has a version, but if you have a local herb shop you should be able to get it there too). I always use Nature's Sunshine Thyroid Support (1/day) and Thyroid Activator (1/day) plus lugol iodine (1 drop topically/day) for my thyroid - higher doses of the TS and TA are on the label, but I'm a fan of starting small and only increasing if you don't get any response within 3 days. Plus eating lots of adrenal/thyroid supporting foods...seaweed, fish, beans, coconut oil, avocado, olives, nuts - turkey and liver too, if you are a meat eater.

I'm so sorry you are struggling right now, hang in there!

WifiresGettingFit

I don't have any advice about energy but I hope things improve for you soon!