OK. So I finally found you.

Kerryatoon

OH MY GOD. THIS. SO MUCH THIS. (I apologize ahead of time for this long post.. I needed to get this all out)

I've been feeling all the things written over and over by people in this group. I've thought I was alone in this struggle I've been dealing with. At times it makes me feel hopeless and I alternate between feeling like its a crisis I have to deal with NOW to just saying screw it and going back into periods of severe restrictions and the inevitable binges. This is so much more of a head thing for me than I thought.

I'm learning that I need a complete overhaul in my thinking about weight, food, exercise and health. As a kid and young adult I was an athlete and didn't have to worry much about food. I ate when I was hungry and never had problems with weight. As an adult.. I fell into that cycle of gain loss and unhealthy relationships with food and my body that have continued too long. I KNOW I have done damage to my metabolism over the years as I was a smoker, substance addict (I liked the ones that kept me from eating.. surprise) consistent breakfast (sometimes lunch too) skipper, off and on dieter, up and down in weight for most of my adult life. I bought the lie that less food meant less weight. I was taught that I could not trust my body's signals. It was a big fat liar that I had to ignore when it said I was hungry.. or tired.. or stressed. How common this is among women in other areas is making me realize I need to re-learn to listen to my body. It is wise. I need to love it.

In recovery I started learning to listen and pay attention when my body/mind/spirit were asking for relief. I've had to learn new ways to feed and nourish my mind and soul and it has been the best thing I've ever done in my life. I'm living a clean, sober and smoke free life and have never been more spiritually fulfilled as a woman as I am now. I feel that this body journey is just the last piece of the puzzle. I am officially considering my body in recovery now too. I need to learn to trust and listen to my body and take care of it like I take care of the rest of me.

Now I'm approaching 40 and just coming off a 1200 cal diet that netted me a loss of 25 lbs which has been stalled for two months now. I keep running into @heybales in every post I make about this rumor I hear about eating more to weigh less.. lol. Bless his heart he's giving me great advice but I am STRUGGLING with the mental aspect of it. Then I found this group and have been reading EVERYTHING I can and I'm literally writing this now in tears because I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. SO GLAD.

I started to run into this idea when I started my heavy lifting routine about 7 weeks ago. I got a membership at a gym and started in on a StrongLift 5x5 program with minimal formal cardio above and beyond my normal lifestyle. I have a kid and 2 dogs and we are pretty active overall. I knew I needed to eat more to fuel my muscle growth and have been floundering ever since. I've slowly crept up from 1200 to 1390 (2 weeks), 1500 for a couple weeks and then 1600 for 2 weeks. I was doing really well at accurate tracking and noticing improvements in my strength training but recently while being at 1600 cals things have taken a turn for me. I'm hungry all the time. Even when hitting my macros consistently.. I'm finding myself bingeing again. I have done multiple TDEE calculators... then ignored them.. because eating at 1900-2200 cals sounds INSANE! But what I'm doing obviously isn't working.

The good news is that I'm here. I'm certain I need a metabolic reset and I'm committed to doing this but I know I'm going to need support and encouragement. I'm so glad I've found you all here and I'll probably be here whining about putting on weight or freaking out because I'm eating at TDEE for a week. I'm not sure how to do handle the head part of all this but I'm going to stick around and give it a shot and let everyone here help me along. Thank you all for posting so honestly and sharing your struggles in your JOURNEY to health and fitness.. I feel like I've finally found people that get what I'm going through.

Nice to meet you all,
Kerry

justsayinisall

I just want to hug you! I'm so glad you found us. I was like you, in tears when I started reading here...everything started to make sense right??

I know it seems like you will never be able to get your calories up there but you will. I did the "add 100 extra calories per day for one week" route. Slowly upping till I got to somewhere in the neighborhood of my TDEE. You can do it, you are probably so hungry now because your body is just starting to run again. So don't binge, but maybe up your calories 200 per day for the next week. You don't have to wait, just start it tomorrow. Yes, you are going to gain weight, it's just going to happen. You've spent too long at too low of calories you HAVE to get your metabolism awake again. Just do it, and when you get to your TDEE, enjoy the extra energy and build up some muscle!

Don't worry about the mind game. Your mind will come to terms with it. It's just such a weird, strange, magical journey.

My best advice to you is do not rush the process!! Up your calories, get to your TDEE, and stay there for months. When you are at the point where you really don't want to lower your calories? THEN it's time for the cut. But nothing crazy...EVER. AGAIN. Max of 500 calories below your TDEE daily.

TerezaToledo

Welcome, Kerry! Kudos for seeing that there is more out there than they try to sell us.

The popular mentality of eat less and exercise more, take some "burners", use some wraps, do some cleanses, remove foods, eat even less, does not work. It may make us drop some weight on the scale, fit into our old clothes, but it does not take long for things to go down south and all the weight that as lost to return with friends. Those quick fixes, miracle promises are not sustainable, they end up ruining our metabolism, wasting our time and money and making us miserable.

Still, it's not always easy to change our mindset and stop listening to all the noise we are exposed to. Eating 1900/2200 cals a day may sound insane, but that what a grown-up person should be eating. Toddlers need more than 1200. Great job on increasing slowly,that will be easier on your body and help avoid bloating and feeling stuffed.

If you haven't done so, get our EM2WL free starting guide: http://training.eatmore2weighless.com/get-your-quick-start-guide/?utm_source=mfp&utm_medium=DM&utm_campaign=quick start and check out the metabolismet guide: http://eatmore2weighless.com/the-metabolism-reset-guide/

Feel free to ask any questions you have, we are here to help you.

Tereza
Team EM2WL

Raynn1

Welcome to the group! Im so glad you found us, and yes, there are a LOT of us:) We have all felt the same struggles, the same mind games, the same worries. We are all in this together and we are all helping each other out.

As the other ladies have said, getting the eats up to your TDEE is your first goal. Take your time to get there and dont rush the process. It took me over two years to hit my TDEE, and its over 3000:) its hard to believe we need that many calories, and I know 2200 sounds insane when you are programmed to believe 1200 is all you need, but I promise you, you will thank yourself when you hit that TDEE and give your body the fuel it needs. The gains in strength, the gains in health... the mental gains as well, its not just scale related. The hunger you have been feeling the last little bit.. thats your body saying "I need more food!!" Listen to it. Too often women are told to ignore the hunger pains, they go away.. sure they do, but there is a consequence for that, and we always end up paying for it at the next binge. By fueling your body properly, hitting that TDEE, you will find the binges stop happening.. the cravings stop happening, your body is THANKFUL for the energy you are giving it.

If seeing the scale weight creep up might bother you, Id suggest putting the scale away for a while. It will not be the way to determine how your body reacts to a reset at this point. The metabolism is so damaged that it will take time and patience to get it back to running the way it should be. Just trust the process, trust that we have paved the way ahead of you and will help guide you through:)

Any questions, feel free to ask:) Feel free to send a friend request as well:)

Kelly
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator

heybales

Great job making your mind over you want to do it more reasonably.

Now just the fun of putting it into practice!

Glad to see body responding already, your workouts have probably gotten better and activity level increased somewhat - so current level of eating isn't enough now - but at least getting good signals about being hungry.
Though there again - you listen to your body with your brain - and know the reasons why it may seem to be fooling you, or speaking truth.

When you finally reach TDEE up there somewhere - you'll come to fully appreciate that you can eat more than bare minimum and still lose fat weight - and do a better job of transforming your body at the same time.

AnitraSoto

Welcome! So glad you have found us! Feel free to send a friend request ... we are here to support you :-)

beastmode_kitty

Welcome to the group!! If you need support, you will for sure find it here! They have been an amazing group of people to me, and i love em all to pieces! I'll send you a FR!

obxsrfrgrl

Welcome, Kerry, so happy you're here! We were all you at one point and everyone is great about offering good advice and giving support when you need it. Feel free to send a friend request and keep us updated!

empressichel

Hi Kerry
So glad you found your way here.
I would say concentrate on one thing at a time, so for you, that would be to keep on increasing your calories slowly as you have been doing up to TDEE. Your energy and workouts will love you for it!
I'll send you a FR. You are sure to get all the support you need here.
~Ichel
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator

Kerryatoon

Good morning! Thank you all for your replies and support. I also accepted friend requests from those of you that sent them I'm going to stop this insane bingeing and keep creeping up slowly to my estimated TDEE. I believe this is what I need to do and I'm encouraged by all of your successes. I have read the reset guide and downloaded the quick start guide online.

Question.. do I HAVE TO buy the book to be able to do this? Also how many of you are using the EM2WL website and forums? Would you recommend using that as well or can I get all I need from this group?

Another question.. I am going to continue my 5x5 program 3 x week but was reading that they suggest adding in a HIIT 2 x week when you're cutting. Do you suggest doing the HIIT during the reset phase? Or should I wait until I start my cut?


Thank you again!
Kerry

Kerryatoon

So my average NET CALORIES for the last 30 days is 1565. This was done with VERY ACCURATE Logging/weighing of food etc. So I know this is correct. Clearly improved from 1200 but still not enough.

I have my cal goals set this week to 1780. I don't have any accurate data the last few days as I wasn't logging my food correctly because I was ashamed of the binges.

I've heard a couple different recommendations.. add 100cals/?day? until I reach my estimated TDEE or add 200cals/day until I reach it.

Am I reading this correctly? I should be adding that much per DAY?

justsayinisall

Kerryatoon wrote: »

So my average NET CALORIES for the last 30 days is 1565. This was done with VERY ACCURATE Logging/weighing of food etc. So I know this is correct. Clearly improved from 1200 but still not enough.

I have my cal goals set this week to 1780. I don't have any accurate data the last few days as I wasn't logging my food correctly because I was ashamed of the binges.

I've heard a couple different recommendations.. add 100cals/?day? until I reach my estimated TDEE or add 200cals/day until I reach it.

Am I reading this correctly? I should be adding that much per DAY?

For me I added 100 calories per day and stayed there for one week. So if you are averaging 1565 per day. Next week go to 1665 per day and stay there for one week, the week after that go to 1765 per day and stay there for a week. So on and so forth until you get to your TDEE. I recommend you use Heybales spreadsheet to get a good idea of what your TDEE is. Now if only I could find that link lol

Kerryatoon

@justsayinisall I did three different calculators.. I think since I'm already shooting for 1780 this week and finding myself starving and bingeing I'm going to keep it there this week and just log accurately. Then I'll increase next week.

Scoobyworkshop BMR 1418, TDEE 2199
EM2WL BMR 1418, TDEE 2199
Heybales BMR 1351, TDEE 2062

Here's Heybales doc

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1G7FgNzPq3v5WMjDtH0n93LXSMRY_hjmzNTMJb3aZSxM/edit?pref=2&pli=1#gid=0

TerezaToledo

@Kerryatoon , yes eat 100 cals extra per day for a week, just like Justsayinisall said. If you are hungry, eat a bit more, go for 200 extra a day. Those hungers cues are a good sign that your body is alive and reacting to the changes. Don't be afraid. Seems a lot because you have been undereating for so long, but it is not.

The 5x5 is a great idea for now and I don't see a need to add HIIT for now. You could do once or twice a week, but make sure you are picking the right activity level, you are increasing your calories, not doing a cut. If you like doing HIIT and it makes you happy do it, but it's not necessary.

You can start with the free guide and do your own research on the EM2WL site or buy the starter ebook wth all the information ready for you. It's a great read and will provide you with specific information and what to expect on this journey. It's all up to you, both will work.

The EM2WL forum is excellent, easy to research and navigate. The best part is the motivational/diary sub-forum. Lots of EM2ELers telling their journey stories from the get go and updating frequently. You will also find lots of support and friends there.

Don't be ashamed of anything, we all have been there. By fueling and feeding your body properly, the cravings and binges will subside, trust me. Eventually binge will not be part of your life. You will indulge sometimes, but that's a whole different story!

Tereza
Team EM2WL

heybales

You've been netting 1565 - and therefore eating back exercise calories too?
Was the 1200 also NET? But eating level actually higher?

So what has been the total eaten - you may actually not be that far off from TDEE?
This confuses many by MFP's way of doing it - they see the net amount appears small - but because of logging exercise or Fitbit adjustments - they rarely if ever actually eat that low, and are always 200-500 more - if they actually meet the MFP goal.

So remember the TDEE method includes planned exercise, you don't need to add back exercise calories.
But, if you have been eating them back prior - then don't drop back to 1565 to start working your way up.
Start at whatever the average total eaten is and work up from there - may be closer than you think.

The extra calories is daily for a week at time. So you can figure out where to put those 100-200 extra calories for a week before the next increase.

Really, the small increase is best for only about 2 weeks to convince body more food is constant, and start topping off glucose stores with attached water - that increases LBM. But that's only 1-2 lbs at most.
On 3rd week might as well increase by 250 if still room to go.

Kerryatoon

@heybales I was attempting to use a TDEE so I wasn't logging exercise calories (I don't have a fitbit)

Average last 30 days
Net Cals - 1565
Cals Eaten - 1603

it seems that I logged one workout

So it seems to me that sticking with the 1780 for this week is a good place to start. Then I will go up to 1880 for the next week. Is that right?

Kerryatoon

@heybales the 1200 was definitely net. At that point I was still logging exercise and eating back 1/2 to all exercise cals.

heybales

Good, so not as low as many go.

So your first week or more increase was from 1600 to 1780 - good amount - 180 cal increase actually.
Could even do that 2 weeks.

I'd suggest make it 1900 next, only 120 increase then.
Then 2100 the week after and you are there at estimated TDEE and starting the reset time.
By the time of the 200 cal increase week, you'll know where to get extra calories from.

jerilynconn

Welcome!

Kerryatoon

Good morning, I had a really good lift session last night. (definitely happy with my strength gains in only my 7th week of Stronglifts)

Barbell squats: 5x5 115lbs
Bench press: 2x5 80, 3x5 75
Barbell rows: 5x6 55


Got in healthy cals and met my macros yesterday but I am finding that I'm starving after my weight sessions!
Either need to save a couple hundred cals for after or I need to just do the rip the bandaid off and go up to my estimated TDEE. After all was said and done I ended up eating 2050 cals yesterday anyhow. Not sure which way to go with this.. suggestions?

Took some progress pics because I was feeling a little discouraged and I could definitely see some good things. Feeling better about what I'm doing here today.

heybales

You need enough fuel to do a good workout - but indeed more after to aid recovery is better.

So some may find a snack 1-2 hrs prior is good, another snack and meal and snack after is needed too.

If you can arrange normal meals/snacks to aid in getting a good workout, and indeed have more for afterwards - it generally works better.
This is especially needed when you go to deficit eating and must cut from somewhere.

Your muscles do better getting fuel afterwards - only your blood sugar and brain benefit from fueling before, your muscles got enough energy to do the workout, you feeling like you can do it can be aided.

Kerryatoon

Came by to give an update for anyone interested:

First of all: 30 DAYS SMOKE FREE TODAY!

Still at 2000 cals (about a week in) and after a 3-4 lb increase in weight for a few days.. I have bounced back down to my normal holding pattern of 150-152 lbs. So I'm going to stay at 2000 for another two weeks and if I'm still maintaining I'll be bumping up to 2100. Searching for that TDEE.

My SL 5x5 workouts are good.. I'm feeling more energy and continue to increase weight on all exercises. So I'm very very very happy with that progress!

Still struggling with feeling "fat" and not extremely happy with the amount of fat on top of my muscles at this point but I know I'm just laying a foundation for my future health and I'm committed to seeing this reset through.

Thanks for your support!

Raynn1

Sounds like you are doing well. Congrats on the 30 days!! thats a HUGE accomplishment!!!

Everyone has those "fat" moments, but it does get easier to push them aside, especially when you look at how much strength you have gained:) Think about what the barbell shows for weight and not the scale:)
The fat will melt away when its time and show all those glorious muscles underneath. Concentrate on fueling those lifts and the rest will fall into place:)

Kelly
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator

justsayinisall

congrats on the 30 days!!!! you can do it! take it one day at a time. I quit over 7 years ago so it CAN be done. quitsmokingmessageboard.com was a great help to me during my early quit, check it out, maybe they can help you too.

empressichel

Congratulations on the 30 days smoke free!
And I LOVE that you are getting stronger! How awesome is that?
You are doing really well working your way up to TDEE. You are building a strong and healthy future for yourself.
And yes, we all have those fat days It's just all mental mind games, especially as you are increasing your calories.
Hopefully you will find reading this helpful;
http://eatmore2weighless.com/trust-process/

Thanks for the update!
Ichel
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator

Kerryatoon

Thanks everyone! @empressichel that was a good read for this morning reminding me what I'm doing here. Its a journey and there are so many good things I'm accomplishing I can focus on those.

I'll keep on checking in!

TerezaToledo

@kerryatoon How's everything going? Send us an update! How are you feeling lately? Still doing 5x5?

Tereza
Team EM2WL

Kerryatoon

I'm back! I got into a bit of a funk and was pretty much all I could muster to deal with life so I took a break from here for a bit. No excuses really.. just needed a break. So glad you're all still here doing the deal!

So here's what's up with me:(sorry its kindof long, I need to write down my progress so I can see it clearly too)

1. I'm celebrating 58 days smoke free today! WOOT! It's been emotionally difficult as I have been 100% nicotine free for almost 4 weeks. Brain chemistry is a bugger but its getting better every day. I'm still doing it and proud of my accomplishment.

2. I'm still eating at "maintenance" although I've not been tracking the last couple weeks. So my best guess is that I've been eating around 2200 cals on average daily. It's been nice to not be stressing or obsessing around food and I've noticed that many of my good habits continued to be a part of my life which is awesome since I was aiming for a lifestyle change that would be sustainable.

3. I've been eating at estimated maintenance around 2000-2200 cals for 4 weeks. I've gained 6 lbs in the last 7 weeks which I expected during this metabolism reset and quitting smoking. I'm at 156 now and I'm really not too freaked out (which surprises me).

4. I am still lifting heavy at the gym and have continued to make gains on my weights lifted. I'll post my last workout later.

5. So I still have 4-8 weeks left of my reset.. which is nice as I'm enjoying the break.

Since I started at 175 lbs I'm pretty happy to be sitting at 156 right now. Still transitioning my way of thinking about my goals from strictly scale weight to strength and appearance goals, its a slow process to change that but I'm committed to this metabolism reset. I never want to eat 1200 cals again.

TerezaToledo

@Kerryatoon kudos on being smoke free. That in itself is HUGE! Plus making gains at the gym, wow, you are on a roll, girl! Eating at maintenance is a great thing to do, specially because you stopped smoking. Tackle one thing at a time and master it before moving on to the next. Thanks you for updating, I loved hearing about your achievements!

This is an excellent reading on consistency: http://eatmore2weighless.com/trust-process/

Tereza
Team EM2WL

empressichel

Thanks for the update @Kerryatoon That is a MASSIVE achievemnet on being smoke free for 58 days! Congratulations!
So glad to hear that eating more is working for you, that's great that you are smashing it in the gym! Boom!
Ichel
EM2WL Ambassador and Moderator

Kerryatoon

WEEK 5 of Metabolism Reset
64 Days Smoke Free

Hi Ladies! Sorry I'm just having a really hard time getting on here as often since I'm just eating maintenance cals and not stressing the food diary for at least another 6-8 weeks.

I can share some of what's going on with me. I'm working really hard at the gym, have disposed of my scale and measuring tape and am focused on my strength and developing a healthy relationship with food. When I look in the mirror I'm not 100% happy with what I see.. I think I'm still going to be cutting this last 15-20 lbs once I'm done with my reset but I am STILL seeing increases in what I can lift and still fitting into the clothes I was fitting into almost 10 lbs ago. So I don't know where I'll be in my head 2 months from now. I don't know the answers.. but I do know that I'm trying to shift my focus onto enjoying life, loving my body as it is right now and appreciating all it can do. I think of myself as in recovery from a pretty unhealthy relationship with food and my body image.

I do know that I feel good. I don't panic when I eat a cookie.. I don't feel hungry all the time.. I am making progress at the gym.. and I'm proud of how hard I'm working. I"m here and going to keep sharing and I love hearing how you're all doing too. I think we learn a lot from each other. Hope you all have a great week!!!!

Here is my workout from last night.. Broke 3 personal records for my Stronglifts program!

Treadmill Walk/sprint 1/2 mile
Squat: 5x5 130 lbs
Bench Press: 5x5 80 lbs
Pendlay Rows: 5x5 90 lbs

Accessories (HIIT Style)
Face pulls: 3x10 70lbs
Assisted dips: 3x10 90lbs