Unwelcome Comments

4legsRbetterthan2

@VeryKatie yikes, he sounds like alot to handle. I think your doing it right by just being blunt with him though, he sounds like the kind of person not worth trying to guard your relationship with, he will just *kitten* all over you if you let him.

spamarie

He sounds a pure delight!

I wouldn't want him around my kids either.

karen_thinmint

The same person 2x!

1) When we announced at 12 wks "I thought you were getting bigger"

2) At a party with my husband telling someone I'm pregnant, this guy thinking i didn't hear the whole story, "he's just explaining your pregnant and not fat, the other guy was calling you fat"

WTF - most people say "where's the baby? You haven't gained." And this guy thinks saying "you're fat, j/k your just pregnant" is really funny. I was so confused i think i just said "yeah, water weight". Next time he's getting some 'tude. And you know there will be a next time with this guy.

wantoldme

I've had the issue that people are trying to find a baby bump. I told people I was pregnant when I was 23 weeks. For some reason my friends just stare at my stomach and spend a good thirty minutes trying to see if I am showing. My husband says that because they all showed before 12 weeks they are trying to feel better about themselves. It's annoying because now I whenever I see them they pull my shirt tighter to see if I have a bump.

marianlyn

@karen_thinmint and @wantoldme I wish folks didn't feel like pregnancy gives them a free pass to comment on our bodies. We are still human women who don't need to know and don't really care what you think about the shape and size of any part of our bodies! I'm not showing yet and haven't told anyone yet, but I'm dreading what I know is coming. (3rd pregnancy) I might just be sassy enough this time around to snap back at folks...

4legsRbetterthan2

I went to a 4th of july party last week at a family friends house and happened to be wearing a shirt that discuises pretty well. So I stopped by to say hello and thanks for having us to the host, and she commented that I was barely showing. I just made a little joke about it being ky magical shirt, and not kidding she lifts my shirt up in the middle of the party. I had a moment of whoa, wtf! Its just a belly so its not really a big deal but at the same time geeze, really?

wantoldme

marianlyn wrote: »

@karen_thinmint and @wantoldme I wish folks didn't feel like pregnancy gives them a free pass to comment on our bodies. We are still human women who don't need to know and don't really care what you think about the shape and size of any part of our bodies! I'm not showing yet and haven't told anyone yet, but I'm dreading what I know is coming. (3rd pregnancy) I might just be sassy enough this time around to snap back at folks...

The funny thing is they never did this to anyone. It's like because I'm not showing yet they are shaming me. They also are trying so hard to find a bump.

Iknewyouweretrouble

"i'm SO glad you're pregnant you have NO idea i'm SO glad i thought you were just getting FAT but now i am SO glad OMG" and on and on.
same person 2 hours later...
...when i thought he was going to apologize for his earlier comment and therefore i didn't confront...
"let me know when you are ready for me to send the Goodyear" (took me a minute to figure out what he meant by Goodyear) the GOODYEAR BLIMP

I was told to report him but there's no form that addresses it, I don't see him but in passing maybe twice ever don't know his name and there's nothing in the employee handbook addressing this. but i think pregos are covered by the ADA

spamarie

Ah the uninvited bump touchers. I've had a few that have approached me, hands out, look of glee on their faces but then thought better of it. I must have an excellent resting b!tch face.

PS, I don't mind if it's someone I know well, and they ask me first. But uninvited, hardly know you acquaintances. No thanks. If anyone did, I might give their belly a friendly rub in return to see how they like it.

marianlyn

My father-in-law's girlfriend was my worst belly-toucher during my first pregnancy! Always uninvited, never asked. I got good at crossing my arms as she was approaching and adopting that ever-helpful resting *kitten* face, too.

karen_thinmint

I had someone kiss "for luck" my not even showing belly when they found out. They didn't land that kiss, but just odd. They are not a close friend.

People are just crazy when it comes to pregnant women

marianlyn

Woman doing intake at the eye doctor's office reviewing my medical form I filled out, noting that I am pregnant and had a c-section in December, "Did you intend to have them so close together?"
"The c-section was for my stillborn son."
"Oh, I'm so sorry! We just have to ask these questions..."
Really? Whether I intentionally or accidentally had two pregnancies close together is medically relevant for my eye health? Cause I think someone was just feeling a little nosy/judgmental... Meh.

artgalchitown

This is more of a random one - wasn't offensive but still left me wondering how perfect strangers can feel comfortable making comments to pregnant women. The woman working at the Walgreens photo counter told me with 100% certainty - and completely unsolicited, as I was merely just trying to scan some photos and wasn't even talking with her - that I am having a boy based on how my pregnant body looks.

4legsRbetterthan2

artgalchitown wrote: »

This is more of a random one - wasn't offensive but still left me wondering how perfect strangers can feel comfortable making comments to pregnant women. The woman working at the Walgreens photo counter told me with 100% certainty - and completely unsolicited, as I was merely just trying to scan some photos and wasn't even talking with her - that I am having a boy based on how my pregnant body looks.

I have to ask, are you? I find the old wives tales both intriging and ridiculous.

artgalchitown

4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »

I have to ask, are you? I find the old wives tales both intriging and ridiculous.

We decided not to find out, so no idea!

marianlyn

This one wasn’t so much unwelcome as odd, but I thought I’d share anyways. I was called “handsome” yesterday. By another woman. And then she said congratulations, so I’m quite certain she was talking about my belly. Meh?

VeryKatie

@marianlyn definitely weird. But I keep calling my baby boy beautiful by mistake haha so maybe the wrong word just slipped out?

brilliantwords

I recently told coworkers, and one lady said to me that when her and another lady found out, the other one said "Well, I did notice she was snacking an awful lot lately... but since shes pregnant it all makes sense now". Im only 10.5 weeks.

I was so uncomfortable and self conscious after hearing that, pregnant or not, and still am when it comes to work meals/snacks. What if I hadnt been pregnant? It was apparently something people were clearly watching and being attentive to before they even knew anything. I didnt think it was so strange to snack a lot when dinner is at 5pm at work, but cant go home to bed until 11pm. Im certainly not going to wait to go home to eat at midnight- lol.

marianlyn

I was at a family Christmas party and my husband made a joke that I was eating an extra dessert for baby, and my cousin sitting across from me responded, “For Joshua?” (Joshua is my 3 year old). I said, “No, this one” and pointed to my 31 week belly. She hadn’t realized I was pregnant! She fumbled and said something along the lines of she noticed something but knew that it’s hard to lose the baby weight... Good to know I can still pass for fat instead of pregnant! Lol!
(And this cousin is 51 years old with 4 kids of her own).

Balanced_Elephant

I'm in the military and I'm a personal trainer on the side. I have a FB page that I use to post workout videos, food, tips, etc. Since finding out that I was expecting (19 weeks ago) I have been focusing more on the food side of things. No crazy workouts... Apparently, that gave ppl the green light to say rude crap. "You sure you aren't farther along? Your face is looking fat."... "Why aren't you posting more fitness videos? You gained too much?"... "You better slow down on the eating or you will look like a whale by the time you deliver."... This is my 3rd baby... I've bounced back pretty quickly with my last 2 but it's still irritating and it's hard to be taken seriously while pregnant. There is also a girl at work that is a week ahead of me (first baby) that feels the need to always comment on how much bigger I am than her. I just want to stay home in my pajamas haha.

marianlyn

@Kinsey214 Ugh!! That is so frustrating! It’s baffling how carrying a life inside us gives everyone a green light to comment on everything we do! Do you need a bunch of us to counter-post some body-positive messages on your wall?? Just to say well-done for listening to your body and your doctor and doing what’s best for baby??

karen_thinmint

@Kinsey214 I'm sorry that's awful. Why would people leave those comments? With a 3rd, your body goes into muscle memory for the shape of the belly. Of course a ftm doesn't have a bump as big. I'm sure you're being healthy and keeping active, and that's the most important thing

Balanced_Elephant

@marianlyn I appreciate the offer. None of the rude comments will change how I'm doing everything. I'm sure I'm healthier than the rude people so I'm ok with it lol... I also saw the comment you put about your cousin- wow. Some people amaze me haha. I'm sure you look pregnant

SaritaJack

I still can't decide if it's welcome or unwelcome, but I'm starting to get tired of people telling me I'm barely showing. It's true that most of my outfits have been pretty loose-fitting, but even when I hold my shirt against me to show how massive my bump actually is, most of the time no one believes that I'm actually 32 weeks along.
It's so weird, because to my husband and I my bump is huge. With my other two pregnancies I gained all over and just looked like a whale, but this time I've mostly gained baby weight, and we're both always commenting on what a big baby he is, haha.
But seriously, my normal clothes don't fit. My body has changed drastically. If you can't tell I'm pregnant, how unhealthy do you think I am?!

marianlyn

This morning I dropped my 3 year old off at daycare and one of the teachers looks pointedly at my belly and asks, “Do we know what it is?” I assumed she meant to ask if we know baby’s sex, so I said no. And she responds, “Well you’re no fun!!”
Oh. Ok. I had no idea how to respond. I think I just shrugged and went to help my kid hang up his jacket. My tolerance for this stuff is pretty low and my hormones are high at 35w4d! :P

VeryKatie

I'm having a rough time at work. I returned from my mat leave for baby 1 three weeks ago. I informed my boss on Tuesday that I'm pregnant and told him I'm not announcing publicly yet.

Within 1.5 days he has already hinted in front of other people that I'm pregnant 3 times. And he's inappropriate with what he says. He asked when I told him I was pregnant "Is this a planned pregnancy"? Last pregnant he asked when we conceived (i.e. when my husband and I boned wtf). All through my last maternity leave he would contact me a minimum of weekly on Facebook messenger to get photos of my child. I couldn't get him to leave me alone. When I returned, I discovered 3 photos of my child only on display on my desk (I didn't tell him he could). He also kept showing up at my house while I was on leave and I had to keep pretending I couldn't answer the door. Now he keeps attempting to guilt trip me by saying things like "My prince (he means my kid) is special to me" or "But I'm not allowed to see my Prince" (when I kept declining to meet with my boss on my maternity leave. Or by saying "Why didn't you tell me earlier you were pregnant! Now I have to meet with my boss again!" (Well whoopitdy-doo you have to spend 15 mins talking to someone who is awesome, why should that affect any of my decisions?)

I ended up going to HR to make an informal complaint. Now it's the day after and I'm getting worried that the situation might get worse not better.

Why do people have to be so stupid/inappropriate/insane around pregnant people and mothers???

I just can't seem to shake my anxiety. It's not as bad as it was post-partum, but I kinda feel like it's becoming consuming again...

sunnyhike58

@VeryKatie That is really inappropriate and weird!! I think you should find a new place for work if you can. Keep track of everything and keep HR in the loop. Also, block him on Facebook.

cooliocat123

With my last pregnancy, I was super puffy and sick with preenclampsia. I had someone tell me that it must have been due to a sin of mine that I got sick, and that she hoped God would use it. I was so ill I didn’t know what to say, and I can’t even remember today who it was, but it still hurts (and to be clear- I don’t believe what she said at ALL!) I remember another person the same day saying she could hardly recognize me.