Poll: "You've lost enough"
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Rachel0778 wrote: »Rachel0778 wrote: »Rachel0778 wrote: »I get slightly annoyed at any judgmental statement about my body. My body=my aesthetic choice. My token response was "well it's a good thing I don't have to conform to your physical ideals". Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world without body judgment (or where people kept it to themselves)?
This is one approach, but I find it leads to a more confrontational outcome. Easier to just thank them and suggest you'll discuss it with your health care provider at your next appointment. Sometimes it's just easier (and more correct) to attribute the statements to ignorance instead of malice.
I agree my response is confrontational. It definitely is easier to go the route you mentioned, but I think that comments about my body are inappropriate and prefer to make that clear right away.
Especially as a female in the US, we are constantly being through media messaging and people around us that we're too big, too small, too muscular, too thin, etc. I prefer to be a part of the counter-culture that says that this constant messaging is *kitten*. Even if a person is well meaning, their comment is inappropriate and so I respond to get the message across that is not something that I am in any way okay with.
The thing is, I doubt confrontation actually changes anyone's mind. They probably just shrug and think you're a *kitten*. It might be more productive to have a non-confrontational (but still principled) discussion about it. I mean, you could just say, "Its really not appropriate to make comments about my body." Gets the point across without stabbing people.
I don't think pointing out that I don't have to conform to someone's physical ideals is the same as stabbing them or being overly aggressive. I do think it is something that will make someone stop to think about what they just said. Maybe it's being interpreted differently online because I can't convey tone, etc. but I don't think that is at all a *kitten* thing to say. (although if a rando thinks I'm being a *kitten* for responding back to their comment I'm really not overly concerned). And depending on who says it responding back with what you said is certainly an option too.
I think you're right Rachel, tone is really hard to pick up online. I read your response as pretty aggressive too, and since I don't really 'know' you yet, I have nothing to help me interpret what you're saying and the tone behind it. I just try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I think we can all agree that it's not ok to be rude to someone who is rude. Bad behavior doesn't excuse or give a free pass to more bad behavior. And escalating things is never a good idea, especially in a family situation. Or at least I think we can agree
And I wish my younger self could have listened to my more mature self LOL 0 -
Rachel - I agree with your comment that tone gets lost in the digital environment. (Not sure I want to go to video chat, though!) I understand the value of "confrontational"; it's my Tier 4 response. I try to stick with an escalation process, depending on their persistence.0
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@linmueller I absolutely agree. My original comment wasn't directed towards a family situation since I'm fortunate that they are supportive and don't make inappropriate comments towards me or my body. As a young(ish) female I mostly get comments on my body from random men I don't know, which is a very different dynamic than coworkers, family members, etc., which ties well into @crewahl's point of tiered responses.1
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Rachel0778 wrote: »@linmueller I absolutely agree. My original comment wasn't directed towards a family situation since I'm fortunate that they are supportive and don't make inappropriate comments towards me or my body. As a young(ish) female I mostly get comments on my body from random men I don't know, which is a very different dynamic than coworkers, family members, etc., which ties well into @crewahl's point of tiered responses.
Oh heck! Men you don't know commenting on your body ... say whatever you want!!! LOL Totally different dynamic!1
