Oh, I'm fat? I didn't know!

KateNkognito

Just got a concerned phone call from my mother. She wants to make sure I know I am fat. (You know, in case my pants not fastening and not being able to see my toes hadn't clued me in already.) Apparently, I should see a doctor. Because they have a pill for that? I don't know.

This is all coming from a woman that is almost double what she should weigh and smoked for 30 years and thinks exercise is a waste... or did until she had 2 strokes.

And she thinks that fasting is dangerous, but being on cholesterol and blood pressure medication is not.

Sorry for the rant, but I had to get that out.

oolou

*hugs*

Now, an intelligent woman like you knows what I'm about to say without me saying this, but I'm going to anyway!

This is part of your mother's job. Try to remember she loves you! It may be that she's wanting to spare you from the medication she's having to take, but probably said it all wrong!

That said, I get your annoyance. My mother says things all wrong a lot too.

KateNkognito

I know that she is just concerned. *deep, cleansing breath* It just struck me that if she was so concerned about my health, maybe she should have inspired some healthier habits when I was younger instead of waiting until it is a LOT harder to change. THAT is one of the main reasons I want to lose weight and get in shape. My kids are watching. I don't want them to be unhealthy and have to fight this fight. Thank you @oolou !

flumi_f

I get where you are coming from. Maybe she actually is disappointed in herself because she wasn't the role model she wanted to be. I agree with Ouloo, her inept way of hoping you do it better than she did.

flossyruby1

Hi Kate. You could have been writing about my mom. I've been dealing with that BS my whole life. She shut up after I lost my weight, but still manages to sneak in some comments about my sisters. This is despite her being "sensitive" to weight and her telling me she never brings it up. While she may not be bringing it up directly, she's very good at sneaking in through the back door ("are you really sure you should be eating that?", "you might want to order a larger size"). Having to hear these types of helpful comments led to a bought with anorexia then bulimia when I was in high school. I know firsthand how damaging this can be. Witnessing it with my sister is downright painful. Before I lost weight, I'd hang up on her every time she made weight comments to me; if it was face to face, I'd tell her to kiss my $&@...she finally learned. The reality of it is that even when you lose the weight, there will still be comments about your appearance. I think it boils down to her feeling threatened by your efforts. That and anytime a person tries to make a positive change, it holds a mirror up to other people's choices. So, yes, she loves you and deep down wants the best for you. But your changing may be a little threatening and may force her to have to admit things about her own behavior she's not able to. She may really be afraid of how it might change your relationship and some of the food-related things you've established with her. Hang in there and keep plugging along. Do NOT let this ruin your focus because I know it can.

ACSL3

flumi_f wrote: »

I get where you are coming from. Maybe she actually is disappointed in herself because she wasn't the role model she wanted to be. I agree with Ouloo, her inept way of hoping you do it better than she did.

My mom used to make comments to me as well. Things about what I should eat and that I should suck in my stomach. I finally got upset at her about it and we sat down and talked (I was mid-20s I think at this time). We came to the conclusion that she made these comments because she's insecure about her own weight and feels a bit of responsibility for mine. I stopped growing at age 12 but didn't stop eating like I was growing and she didn't know how to talk to me for fear of an eating disorder. That and we didn't eat healthy in the house and she feels like she wasn't a good role model.

However, I am sorry you're dealing with this Kate!

KateNkognito

@flossyruby1 Hugs and I am sorry you have to deal with that. Moms are a complex lot. They love us, but have trouble with how they show it.

flossyruby1

Right back at you, Kate. I don't deal much with it anymore. Your post just brought back years of unsolicited comments that date back to junior high. It's definitely impacted how I communicate to my boys, who have just as much insecurities about weight and appearance as girls. It saddens me when I hear about moms who make comments because it just seems so hurtful. As a mom, hurting my kids kills me. So it just baffles me when I hear stories like this or when I think about my own mom. They know those types of comments are hurtful because it has hurt them when they've been on the receiving end of it so WHY do the same thing?!? It's got to be one of the great mysteries of the universe, for sure.