Weight for protection? Does anyone have suggestions?

GalatiansTwoTwenty

This is my 18th day on MFP. After 10 days I weighed and had lost 3 pounds. I have not weighed since. I have been confronted by an old enemy. I thought perhaps this time it would not bother me, but here I am struggling again. I have been told many times that I use excess weight as protection - to keep myself from being hurt. I have done so much work overcoming the past, but this is one area that I can not seem to shake. Every time I lose a little weight I get scared and do the opposite of what I had been doing. On MFP I had been eating better and walking everyday. After I weighed I slowly started giving up on those healthy things until the last few days when I stopped walking all together and started not just eating more than I should but fast food that was sure to put the weight back on quickly - actually I had probably put on the 3 pounds before the fast food but that was a good measure to be sure I had regained it. Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any suggestions?

Gamliela

I have had something like this myself. I feel vulnerable when I get thinner. In some ways my perception of myself when I am large is that I am strong, when I lose weight and get to the middle of th bmi range for my height I start to feel vulnerable. I counter act the feeling by wearing a lot of clothes, loose fitting clothes, I sort of start hiding my body, even though I look so much better! idk? Eventually this backfired into a complete relapse into overeating a few years ago, from which I am just now reaching my goal weight area, so I'm really trying to do the right thing here and sort out any glitches mentally or physically that will send me back into overeating.

It happened again last week, these vulnerable feelings. I felt insecure about myself, about my thinner size, but also just insecure ingeneral. But, the main thing is that I actually realized I had this experience. I think the awarness of it is most of the work done. As I became conscious of the insecurity I just stayed with it. It seemed to go back to memories of body shaming I suffered throughout my whole life that I had never dealt with. i think I had always reacted to shaming comments by doing something to change how I looked, which was a way I avoided actually thinking about the shaming and the insecurity it generated. I would change my hair, my style of clothes, anything but address the real problems of insecurity.

So now I have something to go on at least amd I have begun to understand this vulnerability as something that is actually a good thing. I am naturally a more introverted person and once I stop trying to be a more 'in control' personality, I am free to experience just myself. Its a bit of a turn around, in that I no longer have to deal with so many things, most of the things I feel insecure about just have to be accepted. And finally, I would rather deal with these internal conflicts and be getting into my real nature than just eating my way into another unconscious, avoidance mode.

I do hope this helps, and you are able to get something out of it, I know it may seem complicated, but I'm still getting a grip on it myself. So glad you postd your thoughts on this idea of gaining weight to feel more protected! Thanks

GalatiansTwoTwenty

Thank you so much. I have overcome so many of the negative things from my past, but I think you really made me think here. I have avoided dealing with this one. It comes up and I notice it now, but I need to go farther than simply noticing it (although noticing is a big first step). And I so much hear what you are saying about 'avoidance mode'. It is time that I hit this head on this time, not just wait and hope it doesn't come around again. Thanks. You have helped me very much.