Almost there...

jennyb319 Posts: 36 Member
I've completed all the insurance requirements and am now just waiting for the approvals. My husband expressed concerns iinitially that I don't "need" the surgery and my lack of follow through. Which, I don't have a great track record but I'm committed to this. My problem... he has not really asked anything about the surgery and is not being very supportive. Any recommendations how to get him more on board? He also could use to lose about 80 pounds so this could help us both but he's resisting...


  • jcavanna2
    jcavanna2 Posts: 782 Member
    To be honest, if he has weight to lose he may not be supporting you because perhaps he is jealous?

    If he sees how you drop a lot of weight, feel better and look better then you may see him change.

    Here are some great websites to get familiar with. Some are Bariatric specific, others are not. I prepared some soups and things before surgery so that I had some quick go-to meals after surgery.

    The World According to Eggface (her ricotta bake is outstanding and great for the puréed stage)

    Bariatric Foodie (I love her taco casserole)

    Bariatric Eating (I really enjoy some of her recipes like the pie-less pumpkin pie, her protein powders, 3+3 multi-vitamin and hair balance vitamin, and protein crunchers)

    Bariatric Choice

    Good luck! The surgery is completely worth it, and you will be amazed how much better you feel!
  • anbrdr
    anbrdr Posts: 621 Member
    Seriously, if it's a problem now, it'll only get worse once you lose. You guys are heading for two different lifestyle paths, and there are only 3 options. 1, he changes, as starts working on himself as you do. 2, He stays on the same path, which down the road causes you to go off track and put on the weight. 3, your tracks go in opposite directions and harms the relationship.
  • Tristaan
    Tristaan Posts: 126 Member
    Agree with both of the above - not to scare you. You have to talk, honestly. My husband was really freaked out about the thought of surgery in general (what if something goes wrong, etc). I construed his silence and lack of questions as not being supportive, which had festered into a serious misunderstanding. He actually supported me 110%. All said though, it just depends on the people and the relationship and there are so many factors to that outside of weight-loss. TALK - and be realistic about red flags.
  • nakeddog
    nakeddog Posts: 79 Member
    Mine has the same lack of consistent support. Tho he has no weight issues, he is quick to comment on everything I try and fail. I did learn thru this process, that some of what he does is sabotage, but he never considered it that way. An example of this, I want extra healthy foods in the house, and I want to focus on changing small things that we've come to rely on. We have 4 picky kids...but it took me to keep insisting the health for everyone in order to have his support. Granted we never did get the kids to eat whole wheat pasta/rice...but we now buy Smart pasta with least it has more nutrition than regular. He would buy veggies but only enough that he and 2 kids could take lunch, not enough if I and the other 2 kids, could snack on them, we'd run out and he'd be mad about that., so I stopped eating fresh veggies as snacks...and that was something he never noticed. The other things he would do, buy case flat of full size chocolate bars, knowing I can't resist. Instead of what I was trying to do, 1 bar if I am in the checkout., 1 pop if I go out to get it...we agreed to not buy it in bulk. He kept buying in bulk...until I made the connection in my failure is not mine alone (as he would want me to believe).

    Now since we have talked, it's better...things (food wise) are moving along in a positive motion. So at the moment, he is looking forward to seeing the positives that we expect to happen, and we are committed to making a better we shall see.

    So as others have mentioned it may not work out, but you need to be asking and talking, and men in general think differently. He may be just as scared of these changes as you are. He's over weight...and he might love his life...if he's into being lazy, eating cheetos and watching will be feeling energized, sexy, and desire to be back into life around you...Or so I assume by reading others experiences. :)

    Good luck, I hope he becomes supportive., and maybe he can learn to love a healthier focus on his habits too.
  • jcavanna2
    jcavanna2 Posts: 782 Member
    @ nakeddog - glad he seems to be coming around a bit. Fortunately my husband has been supportive of my efforts. Before my decision to go for surgery, we would both indulge and coerce the other to indulge. Once he saw my success with my pre-op diet, he joined MFP and started doing what I am (food-wise, not surgically). He has lost over 40 lbs and I am just under 70 in total. He has become more supportive than before and instead of coercing each other to be "bad" he encourages me to be "good" even on days when I want to indulge...he has insisted on protein shakes for dinner because he wants to continue to lose as I do, and honestly I haven't been in the mood to have a real dinner after surgery..we get home too late in relation to bedtime to eat chicken or something. Shakes are a better option right now.

    When your husband sees you feeling better and looking amazing, he may also jump on the bandwagon. Lots of good luck to you!