Living in two extremes

emaline2210

Ok, so I'm struggling. I'm beginning to see my patterns in life are very extreme, and I'm working with my counselor to address some mental health stuff I've got going on. I've always struggled with food and exercise in the sense that I do really well for two weeks and then falter, and then I get back on the wagon, and the cycle repeats. Same thing with exercise. I know what I need to do to be good to myself, but my brain messes with me. I've lived in this cycle for as long as I've been making food choices for myself. And, subsequently, I've put on about 5 pounds a year since my teen years.

I've noticed as I've gotten older, these food cycles have become more and more vicious, and I must be shocking my body with the two extremes. I've learned that it's not for lack of motivation or dedication on my end. It's literally tricks my brain plays on itself, and then I'm finding myself eating everything I shouldn't. I also don't believe it's tied to comfort for me. It's almost more routine, than anything. It's how my body has learned to adapt. Maybe it's the thrill of doing something mischievous.

I'm wondering if I need to choose a more moderate diet for myself, like low carb shooting for 50-75 grams of carbs a day. I love the way keto makes me feel, but I'm not sure going so extreme is good for my ability, or lack thereof, to commit to consistency. I've always done things in extremes. Perhaps this lends itself to going to a bigger extreme the other way, and then damaging the whole thing and ultimately, living in shame almost constantly. Practicing moderation might be a good thing for me.

Has anyone experienced healing from this sort of thing? Resources? Articles? Success?

Gallowmere1984

Nope. I never "healed" it. I just accepted that it's how I operate, and learned how to incorporate it into an eating/training schedule.

For example: during my cut from 195 to 150, I ate 1400 kcal/day, and lost about 2.5 lbs. per week.
Then I switched to a bulk, averaging 2800 kcal/day with a lot of calorie cycling, some days as low as 1100 kcals, some as high as 5000. I gained 27 lbs. in two and a half months.
Once I got pissed about how fat I had gotten, I ran two RFL cycles, totaling a month, and cut from 177 to 160 in three weeks.
Now I'm forcing myself to ride maintenance for a month before starting my next bulk, and it's killing me. I do great on 800 kcal/day. I do great on 3000+. 1800-2000 just pisses me off.