How do you find motivation when you are grieving?

crystalsan726

Trying to get my motivation back. After having 2 miscarriages back to back it is so hard. I just had my last D&C surgery right before Christmas. Which has made a total of 3 D&C surgeries since July. My last miscarriage I had to have 2 D&C surgeries. My body has been traumatized and after having an infection after surgery I am still trying to recover. I have been trying to eat right to no avail. My mind just isn't in it and I am afraid this is the final nail in the coffin so to speak on my weight loss journey. I don't know how to get motivated again. So frustrating because through doing low carb before my first miscarriage I was almost down to my goal. I don't know how to get back.

genmon00

First, I want to want to give you a big virtual (((HUG))). It must be incredibly hard to have gone thru all that in one short year. When I found myself very off track (due to family issues), i focused on small goals. Trying to wrap my head around more than one thing would've been crazy for me. Take it one day at a time, heck one meal at a time. But more importantly, talk to somebody about how you feel. Its ok to feel sad, to feel loss because you did suffer loss. If you have a good friend, pastor, therapist, share your feelings and give yourself time. Wishing the best for you!

kimberwolf71

Sorry for your loss. I echo genmon00 above. One step at a time. Maybe right now you need to focus on healing. This isn't the end of your weight loss journey, this is a pitstop for maintenance. Do your best not to use food for emotional support, but focus on recovery and reach out wherever you can.

crystalsan726

Thank you both so much for your support and advice. I do have wonderful support it is just so hard to talk about and deal with sometimes. I have been strong for so long it seems like that now I am actually starting to break. Trying not to emotional eat which I am really good at but that is hard. Hopefully I won't gain to much and I pray I can get back to my usual habits soon. I love that pitstop for maintenance. I will remember that. Thanks again!

MyriiStorm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had a miscarriage and a stillborn, so I can understand the emotional pain you are going through. Be gentle with yourself and focus on healing first, emotionally and physically. The rest can wait.

Feed your body good, healthy foods, and maybe the urge to binge on the unhealthy stuff will diminish. But don't beat yourself up if you slip up. You're dealing with enough as it is without piling guilt on there, too. ((((hugs))))

Cadori

I am so sorry for the loss of your little ones. (((hug)))

I think you should allow yourself to grieve for now. Focus on your mental and emotional well being. I would try to not use food to heal, but also not stress about my meal plan. This is also one instance where I'd put exercise before eating: stretching if it soothes you, running if clears your mind, weightlifting or kickboxing if it works through your anger.

And find someone to talk to if at all possible. Even if it means finding an online support group where you can share your feelings.

crystalsan726

Thank you I hope I can exercise soon. I have been craving it actually. I know it will help me mentally but physically I can't right now. I am having complications from surgery so it is taking me a lot longer to heal. As soon as I get the go ahead from my doctor I plan on trying to ease back into it by walking.

cstehansen

First I want to just say I am so sorry you went through that. I only know it from a husband's perspective but that was no fun.

I was listening to an interview with Joni Erickson this morning. She broke her neck as a teenager in 1967 and has been a quadriplegic since. Her advice was find someone worse off and help them. She said she was quite depressed but that in helping others, she ended up helping herself as well.

Sunny_Bunny_

I have no idea what to suggest to be able to find motivation under the circumstances. The only thing that makes any sense to me is to take care of yourself. Maybe if you see the food and activity you want to be participating in as a way of caring for yourself and you are able to find a way to just focus on that. Don't make it too difficult or even too strict if you don't have to. Pamper yourself with a long bath as often as you can and allow yourself to feel cared for by your own actions.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you begin to feel stronger very soon.

bametels

I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. My experience with such loss is the loss of two grandchildren who were miscarried. Through this I learned that there is no timeline for grief nor is there a particular way to grieve the loss of a child through miscarriage. Both of my daughters' experiences were different. One needed to grieve more privately, the other needed support from family and friends. She also sought out support groups, both in person and online, which were very helpful to her.

As others have said, now is time to heal - emotionally and physically. In term of your weight loss journey it can be put on hold. One thing to think about, however, when you feel the urge to stress eat is something that I believe @KnitOrMiss said in another thread. "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." There is a lot of wisdom in these words.

I wish healing for you and husband as you deal with the pain and loss you are experiencing.

nvmomketo

I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't have advice, but I do agree that taking care of yourself, even in small ways, might help you to feel better. Finding small ways to make help it (a little) better is the simplest place to start.

Best wishes.

camtosh

I am also sorry about your losses. You need to grieve in your own time in your own way. Did you read this article from a few weeks back? I live in Japan and have see Jizo statues at temples -- they seem to soothe the soul! Maybe you just need to find your own way. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/06/well/family/the-japanese-art-of-grieving-a-miscarriage.html?_r=0

tattoomary

Im so sorry for your losses. be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal. x

ccrdragon

My condolences on your loses - my wife had 2 miscarriages on the way to having our beautiful daughter (now 14) so I can understand the grief and pain that you are feeling now!

As for how to recover, allow yourself to heal emotionally and physically, take the time to experience all of the emotions that your mind/body want to experience. As others have said, concentrate on small things like skipping a snack here, an extra glass of water there, parking farther from the door, using the stairs, etc. Over time, the small things will add up to big differences.

mmultanen

I'm so sorry for your loss and I have experienced that pain though I don't know what you're feeling know that you're not alone.

I have fallen and "bounced" so many times. The motivation to start up again comes from strange place. This last time I outgrew my wedding ring and just wanted to wear it without pain. Yes, it can be resized but so can I! I think, as others have said, dont manufacture it, work on healing your heart, and something small and meaningful will pop up. Hold on to that little bit as you "bounce" .

2t9nty

I will speak from a spiritual perspective and my own experience.

Sometimes you feels as if you are going through the motions. This is when good habits are critical and community is a help even if you are inclined to hide and feel stuck. It is a desert place that is familiar to many. You will emerge and be stronger for it. For the time being, fall back on the familiar and healthy habits even if they do not especially engage you. Stay in contact with those who are there for you and supportive without giving easy and trivial advice about "getting over it" or whatever.

People tend to be oddly dismissive of the miscarriage experience, and they don't want to think about it really. There is an organic quality to all healing - physical as well as spiritual. It takes time and the pace is different for everyone. There is no cookie cutter solution. You wrestle with it and know that things will get better.

Foamroller

I'm sorry for your loss. Take time to allow the grieving. Pushing it away only worsens it. By dealing with your emotions now, you may one day find you have moved past it.

KnitOrMiss

@crystalsan726 - I am so sorry for your losses, including that of hope, dreams, normalcy, and physical health, even aside from the overwhelming grief and struggles of faith and understanding.

I really have nothing specific to add other than you've had some incredible suggestions above, wise words, suggestions for spiritual and emotional comfort, and I never cease to be amazed at the depth of knowledge and wisdom in this group... I am wishing you nothing but ease and whole soul healing. I imagine is hard for you, too, managing the grief of your family during this time of grieving yourself. And the added amplification of multiple surgical complications compounds things by limiting your use of physical activity to power through the grief. Please remember to take time for yourself, too - even if that means asking someone to help with the girls/hubby/household just to give you a break if you need it, though it's likely not too much of an issue. As others have said, there is no timetable or limit on grief...and even the grief between your losses can vary wildly...

I hope you can take solace in knowing that you aren't alone. Grief and coping techniques probably change from the moment. It took me years to recover from my miscarriage, and then after that and then the birth of my daughter, followed by the emotional "Failure" roller coaster that is secondary infertility. Even now, decades later, a small trigger can let loose my stored grief, and I'm in the throes of it all over again... It happens less often and fades faster these days, but it is still there. As long as I breathe, it will always be there...


I do also very enthusiastically second what @cstehansen said - whenever I get in the worst of my ... dumpy/emotional/messy moments, I do my best to get outside myself and focus on helping someone else. One of my favorite writings that encapsulates this intention is this one: annewheaton.com/the-kindness-of-strangers/


@bametels - I was not the one with that awesome quote... If I did say it, I was quoting someone else (please forgive me if I neglected the reference). I would imagine that was likely @kirkor @Sunny_Bunny_ @Dragonwolf @FIT_Goat @baconslave or one of our other strong veterans who said this before. And I agree that there is a veritable ton of wisdom in those words, "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." I'm definitely a person who consumes knowledge the re-formats it for the easier consumption of others, but that quote belongs to another of our wise members.

kirkor

If you have truly decided that a LCHF lifestyle is what is best for you, maybe check in with yourself on what it is about the grief process that makes you revert to eating differently?
For example, are you resorting to foods from your childhood that you miss, or are there foods that seems more convenient to prepare for those times when you don't feel like dealing with the raw logistics of meals?
Or could it be about the flavor or textural components of foods, like are you going for sweet or starchy things?

Even naming the fact that you are emotionally eating is a good step. You can take that beat to process what you are about to do. Possibly do your shopping in your better moments, and meal prep as well if you can fit it in, so that if you are having a bad day you don't end up at the store or drive-thru buying things you'll regret.

crystalsan726

I am not able to respond to everyone that commented on this but I do want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your responses, encourangment, compassion, and advice has brought me to tears. Thank you all for the support and understanding. It means so much. This group continues to blow my mind everytime I need advice or post something the support is unbelievable. Thank you all so much and for taking time out of your lives to help me. I appreciate y'all.

bjwoodzy

I'm sorry for what you've been going through

Good tips here from others. Have suffered loss of my own, but am new to this lifestyle/dietary change, so I can't offer advice on keeping up with it during grieving periods.