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Caught Him on POF - What To Do??

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  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.

    Peace out.
    You obviously don't trust him.


    This ones easy, call it quits.

    I wouldn't trust him either though. Why should she? Trust should be earned, not a given from the get-go. I learn to trust someone mainly through their actions if they prove to be trustworthy. I don't know about you but I don't go around trusting people I don't know that well! AND he's given her red flags.

    Tell him to kick rocks and move on chica. Feel free to PM me.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
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    You obviously don't trust him.


    This ones easy, call it quits.

    I wouldn't trust him either though. Why should she? Trust should be earned, not a given from the get-go. I learn to trust someone mainly through their actions if they prove to be trustworthy. I don't know about you but I don't go around trusting people I don't know that well! AND he's given her red flags.

    Tell him to kick rocks and move on chica. Feel free to PM me.
    [/quote]

    Did I say she should trust him?
    I don't think I did..
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
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    Drop him! Way too much for 2 months!!! You're already having to give him long talks and on something that should be common sense (you don't look for other women when in a relationship- duh). Like I said, you should be in honeymoon right now.

    Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to rush into it with him. He doesn't seem very serious.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
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    It appears some of you are just plain mean. I wasn't spying. His active pic flashed in the bottom scroll bar while I was reading the FAQs on how to delete my account. Geez, quick to judge.
    How do you know he wasn't doing the same thing?

    But yeah you never said the naked pics on his phone were of his ex in your original post, that's not cool.

    I knew he wasn't doing the same thing because I asked him. He said he was bored at the station and him and the guys were searching girls on his phone. This wasn't the first time either. The first time was when we were dating and my account was already hidden and we were at his sisters house and girls were messaging him. He said he would hide his account and never did. Then after we went exclusive is when he was searching for girls. Major red flag for me. I had a long conversation with him about it last night.
    Now that you had a conversation with him and with all the information you provided (he gave you his reasons, and he basically wasn't deleting his profile), then the answer to your question is: no. "Searching for girls" isn't probably a "normal" behaviour for a guy in a relationship (although it isn't way off the normal behaviour either, as it really depends on the context).

    But... Regardless of my relationship status, I (and many men) check girls out in the street, or models on the web/publications, or "hot women" in general.
    So if he was "just looking", then I suppose there isn't any harm done (but it can be a red flag, indeed). If he was testing the water with those women (what he seems to have been doing from what you are saying), then this is a different story.

    What is more worrying is: he said he would hide his account and never did. This makes him a liar, instead of a guy who just checks women out... And you can just imagine any context you want as to why he was "searching for girls", whatever truth he will be telling might just be a lie now.
    So yeah, from there, I would myself have a hard time believing anything he says and call it the end, plus these kinds of "silly games" are just too complex, too boring and too childish for me to bother.

    So, just let him go and find someone else basically.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
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    So "he and the guys" are looking through the girls at the station..... Yeah, I've heard that story before. Then I got divorced and finally heard the true story. Save yourself the heartache. As Dianna said.... this is a hot mess. Run away.
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    Now that you had a conversation with him and with all the information you provided (he gave you his reasons, and he basically wasn't deleting his profile), then the answer to your question is: no. "Searching for girls" isn't probably a "normal" behaviour for a guy in a relationship (although it isn't way off the normal behaviour either, as it really depends on the context).

    But... Regardless of my relationship status, I (and many men) check girls out in the street, or models on the web/publications, or "hot women" in general.
    So if he was "just looking", then I suppose there isn't any harm done (but it can be a red flag, indeed). If he was testing the water with those women (what he seems to have been doing from what you are saying), then this is a different story.

    What is more worrying is: he said he would hide his account and never did. This makes him a liar, instead of a guy who just checks women out... And you can just imagine any context you want as to why he was "searching for girls", whatever truth he will be telling might just be a lie now.
    So yeah, from there, I would myself have a hard time believing anything he says and call it the end, plus these kinds of "silly games" are just too complex, too boring and too childish for me to bother.

    So, just let him go and find someone else basically.

    LOVE IT! :heart: :drinker: :flowerforyou: :love: :happy:
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    I say drop him quickly. This reeks with tons of red flags.

    1. If he is on a dating site,then he is obviously looking for dates. There is no other explanation. He is actions is telling you everything!
    2. He still have pics of a supposed ex-girlfriend on his phone. I am sure they didn't break up yesterday, so they should've been gone months ago. It's likely a girl he met recently and not an ex.
    3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."
    4. He lied to you!
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
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    3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."

    Not sure I agree with this.

    My current bf asked me to be exclusive - well he called me his girlfriend and I told him he couldn't assume I was, so he asked me - and that was after about 1.5 months. It took me off the dating sites, and it progressed our relationship a lot. I don't think it was too early, and I don't think he has a personality disorder, I just think he knew he wanted to snatch me up before someone else did.

    Yes in her case there are a lot of red flags - is him asking her to be exclusive one of those flags? I am not so sure, but I think that's a pretty bold statement nonetheless.
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
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    I don't agree either. If im looking for a relationship and so is he, a month or 2 should be enough. I don't think anybody has personality disorders. From what I have seen in my experience, men don't like to rush BUT when they're really into someone they want to snatch her up!
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    I say drop him quickly. This reeks with tons of red flags.

    1. If he is on a dating site,then he is obviously looking for dates. There is no other explanation. He is actions is telling you everything!
    2. He still have pics of a supposed ex-girlfriend on his phone. I am sure they didn't break up yesterday, so they should've been gone months ago. It's likely a girl he met recently and not an ex.
    3. After TWO months he was asking you for a relationship/exclusivity. Honestly, that is very quick for man in most cases. Sometimes people with PERSONALITY disorders get you into a relationship very quickly after a short period of time, but usually they are looking for additional sources of sex outside of their "main supply."
    4. He lied to you!

    1. He said he was bored and looking at girls. I figure that if he was lying he could come up with a better excused than that!

    2. I have ex b/f pics on my phone. Its no big deal and certainly doesn't mean anything apart from I like the pics!

    3. I also disagree. If you like someone, you just go for it. Also, most people are not hung up on sex, or feel the need to be devious about it.

    4. See 1.

    You have a highly suspicious mind EBFN!! :noway: Of course, you could also be right!! :laugh:
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    Well obviously things differ with different men, but the thing is this guy asked YOU for a exclusivity but he's still on a dating site. Which means he is still fishing...Maybe he doesn't have a personality disorder, but he is up to no good. If you buy his excuse, I say carry on.
  • hdtvcamera
    hdtvcamera Posts: 1 Member
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    It's normal for cheaters to lie. Any man who keeps his POF account active knows they are doing it.

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