Living The Lifestyle Thursday 3/16/17

imastar2

Everyone says it, but just how do you do it? How do you take the guidelines of the WW program and turn them into a lifestyle you can live every day...from now on? That is what we are here to explore. Each weekday, a new topic is offered up for discussion. Newbie? Join in! Veteran? Join in! Your thoughts may be just what someone else needs to hear.

Monday -- 88olds (George)
Tuesday -- spospo1 (Steve)
Wednesday -- minimyzeme (Kim)
Thursday -- imastar2 (Derrick)
Friday --Jim376 (Jim)

Today’s Topic: Your demeanor when you were your heaviest. What was your attitude toward yourself when you were at your heaviest. Were you somewhat reclusive? Did you contine to be active and get out alot? Just throwing it out as to where you were at that point in your thought process. After your loss did that mind set change alot? Is there really a new you?

I think we discussed something similar before but I just thought it might be interesting to see if some of us really were different today at where we currently are.

Sorry for the delay I'm out of town and just slow getting started this am.

imastar2

At my highest I was pretty down on myself for letting go even though there turned out to be a medical reason for alot of it. There is so much difference in where I am now with my self confidence that it's almost like the old me didn't exist. So I'm interested in hearing about alot of you and how you felt about yourself when you were at your highest.

I know I have changed because I didn't want to do anthing because basically I couldn't even walk to the mailbox with out running out of breath and it was a level drive only 50 feet away. Today I'm in Dallas and will at a convention. I will walk no telling how much, I might even hit my 10,000 steps today who knows, But 6 years ago ther was no way this was happening. I still have a long way to go but hey at least I'm half way to my ultimate goal.

lilybbbbb

Interesting because I'm back up at my highest, but have a completely different perspective now from when I was here about 7-8 years ago.

Before, I was devastated and embarrassed. I could no longer participate in so many of my activities/hobbies, and I was not in a good place with my relationships or career, which was part of the reason for my gain. That embarrassment (and, yes, reclusiveness) became cyclical, as I avoided going out, activity became more painful, and I continued to turn to food and beverage for comfort.

This time around, even though I've had another rapid gain (50 in a year,) I've tried to focus energy where I could. I'm not saying I never ate or drank too much, but I had learned from past experience that I needed to reach out and stay connected as much as possible. I was much more accepting of myself in a number of ways. I went shopping with a friend to buy some larger clothes for work. I bought larger workout clothes, so that I could continue to be active as much as I could, comfortably as I could. I redirected some of my attention to helping others find or benefit from cycling (just posted more details about that in Pedaling Goadies.)

I joined the board of our women's resource group at work (and recently won a national scholarship from another organization for my leadership efforts!), took on a new risk/challenge in my career, and most recently, finally took charge of my personal health. I don't know that I would have done any of these things had I not faced a setback in my riding.

So, I really think that perspective and self-acceptance are extremely important.

Rachel0778

I think my biggest change was my self consciousness. It took me forever to find an outfit every day because I felt unattractive and uncomfortable in everything I owned. I tried so hard to hide or disguise my body and I would wear jeans everywhere because I was afraid comfortable clothes would make me look even less attractive than I already thought I was.

The biggest change was definitely my self confidence. I rarely think twice about what I wear during the day. I like my clothes and think they're comfortable. I find myself attractive and don't really care anymore if anyone else does.

The number on the scale isn't my biggest change though, its my fitness. I am proud of my body and what it does, and that pride shines through. I'm not afraid of having my photo taken because I like the way I look in them. And I love that other people's opinions no longer matter to me. This body ran a freaking marathon, participates in sports, and allows me to go on adventures. If you have a problem with it, that is clearly your problem, not mine. Even when my body can't do those things it's still going to be amazing, because it keeps me going!

podkey

At my heaviest I was around 220 and 5'9" and living in a lot of denial. Yes I hated being in a swimsuit and refused to choose going swimming etc quite a bit but otherwise had an OK demeanor toward myself. Think of the ole "yeah I am a bit 'husky'" attitude at least with clothes on. I was also not that big as a kid which played a role too. I am on the somewhat introverted side personality wise and that hasn't changed. I suppose in that sense I was always a bit reclusive. I have always enjoyed the outdoors and been at least a little bit active. I have been continuously active since late in grad school til now for many decades. I have done everything from modern cave exploration to dinosaur hunting (elusive baástards), rockclimbing, biking long distances etc etc.
I do feel better about my appearance but otherwise no big changes per se.

88olds

The bigger I got the smaller my life became.

But still, I envisioned WL as the death of fun. Wrong. WL is liberation.

goldenfrisbee

Part of why I started to care again about my weight was because I found myself just sitting around all night watching tv and every weekend feeling completely unmotivated to do anything around the house. So I was pretty down on myself and miserable as all of my NSV's had disappeared. And once my belly started to get sore from hanging over my belt buckle, I knew I had to change or just get heavier.

I can't answer the second part because I'm only about a month back to mindful eating again and noticing the difference. But holy cow, it feels like I've been at this for much longer!! Time goes by so fast when you eat your way through life. You just go from one food coma to the next.

MurpleCat

Well, even at my heaviest (351#) I still went out a lot with my BFF who was about 375#. Most of our fun was food-centric, restaurants with plentiful portions, or beer tastings at bars, and so on. I threw massive, loud, drunken Halloween parties. I was the one who got the gang to go out for at least one drink, 21 nights in a row. I was aggressively extraverted, the funny party girl. So I never was really a recluse.

I'm actually far more introverted now (comparatively. I'm still technically on the extravert side of neutral). After a long week of being "on", I look forward to the rare weekend day when I don't have to speak to another human being and can just pursue my own agenda for an entire day. I think a big part of that is feeling comfortable in my own skin and not having to be a people pleaser. Its as if I was overcompensating for being fat -- I had to be super fun, super friendly, super accommodating so that people would overlook my obesity and be friends with me. Now, I'm not making up for anything. If I want to go home instead of going to the bar on a Friday, I just do that, and don't worry that I'll be left out next time just because I said 'no' this time.

If what I need to recharge is some time alone to work on a quilt, so that I feel like I've accomplished something useful that week, I just take that time despite my extraverted friends' cajoling.

I still go out, I just don't need to be the loud, funny one now. I'm the hot, quiet one.

Other things have changed, too. I play sports now and I'm not the worst in the group -- the one who had to be grateful just to be included. I'm now the one who is impatient with people who make mistakes (though I try not to make them feel bad about it, I remember what that was like). But I really enjoyed being the instructor's pet at the tennis club, LOL, and I'm proud of how quickly I can learn new skills. It turns out that I'm actually fairly coordinated and have good reflexes, and a positive attitude towards learning from my teammates and opponents even when I lose means I am a sought-out partner. It turns out, in our 30's and 40's, that sportsmanship matters more than winning.

The thread that runs through all of these things is that I am now convinced that I deserve a seat at the table, whatever table that may be. Whatever imposter syndrome I had -- professional, personal, athletic -- is gone.

That kind of confidence is mesmerizing. I used to get attention by demanding it -- splashy clothes, mouthy attitude (think Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds). Now I get it from a much quieter form of charisma. Partly its because my physical transformation has revealed a very pretty face, but largely its this new attitude that just radiates wordlessly from me.

Murple

gadgetgirlIL

My posture is better now than when I was 304 pounds. I'm still an introvert but at least don't feel like I'm the biggest person in the room anymore when I go to social gatherings.

imastar2

Thanks everyone great insight into where many of us have been.

minimyzeme

Wow, I could probably spend a week on this one...but I won't. Interesting question though. My demeanor was somewhat masked at my heaviest. On one hand, I was outwardly 'happy-go-lucky' and could summon up the funny guy with no trouble at all. Inwardly, I think I was more inert. I gained my (most recent) over several very stressful years. But I did so largely without understanding the relationship for me between those stressors and my unhealthy way of dealing with them. So I piled the food and drink in, made a good time of it and lived to do it again and see another day. Most of it with a smile on my face.

Every once in a while during that period though, I would 'ping' on the fact that I wasn't happy. I just didn't let it sit long and didn't really take the time or have the wherewithal to make the connections. As I got bigger and bigger, I regretted my behavior more and more, but still not enough to make the change. I didn't really look for it, but I didn't see a way out. Food and drink were my crutch and it was easier to keep doing what I was than really face the music that for me relate mind, body and spirit. So, I'd buy another size larger and have another beer...

Losing the weight has been interesting from this perspective. I suffered a personal / professional blow the same year I started WW. By that time, paying more attention to my relationship with food and drink had made me more aware of some of the emotional reasons I over-ate. I came to realize (like all good GOADies do) that what I put in my mouth is ironically enough, about the only thing I really do control. So, finally, I chose to control it. That part was great. However, being more attuned to what drove that behavior ironically enough made the most recent setback even harder to live with.

Some days I still struggle with it. These days, given the state of our country and world, I actually struggle with it almost every day. I do it, but it's a very different experience than when I was numb and mask my emotions with food, drink and humor. I'm not that guy anymore. Sometimes I feel like I traded one weight for another. That said, I have no regrets; I know I'm healthier and more productive now. I like myself better and I've found healthier ways to cope. When I set my mind to it, I can enjoy many aspects of my life more now than I did before making the weight loss changes. But I certainly agree with those who have said losing weight does not magically make everything better...

One day at a time, eh??

TimDumez

Very well stated Kim!!!