Introduction
tomaura7
Posts: 4
Hi all. I think I posted an intro in the wrong place, so I'll post it here too.
My name is Maura and I've been using MFP for about a month. I'm a professional student from the US, living abroad in the UK since May.
I tipped the scales in March at 370 after avoiding the scales like the plague. It was a huge eye-opener. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I was a big baby and kid, and my parents made weight a big issue from the time I was 4 or 5, even though I was active and healthy. There was a lot of emotional strain and dark places in my childhood, and food became my escape and how I took control. Whether or not I actually was, I spent my childhood and adolescence as the fat kid. I was probably around 270 in high school. I was able to loose a lot of weight when I was 17 or 18 while in counseling with an ED specialist, and went down to 230 or so (which is a reasonable weight for me, really). But in the past ten years, while all the while denying my food problems and avoiding scales, I've slowly put on nearly 140 lbs.
My food/weight issues have stolen most of my 20s, and have prevented me from having the confidence and ability to do a lot of the things I want to do. I feel completely unloveable in my body, so I have avoided intimacy even though I have so much love to give. I want to be able to walk in a room and not feel ashamed and let a wall come up between me and everyone else because of weight. I don't want to obsess over food during every waking hour.
Healthwise, until the last 4 or 5 years, I've gotten by. I've been a severe asthmatic since childhood and suffer from depression, but recently I've had a lot of skeletal/muscular problems that have made life pretty miserable. I have disc herniation in S1/L5/L4 along with facet joint problems that make both my job (sitting at a computer, mostly) and activity difficult. This has become chronic pain, along with acute episodes every few months that leave me incapacitated for days. Luckily I have been able to avoid any narcotic pain meds. I have intermittent, but severe, foot and heel pain, and occasionally have knee trouble, especially when I bump up the exercise. I basically feel like an old woman, and I'm only 28. Also, (TMI) I rarely have my period anymore, which is really worrisome to be, since I want to have a baby someday soon more than anything else in the world (and to be able to care for that baby). I don't have diabetes or any heart problems yet, but they are in my future if I don't change.
The last time I weighed, I was 356 lbs. That was in May before I moved abroad. I've been very active here (don't have a car) and have been using MFP for a little over a month. I don't have a scale (which I think is a good thing...I'm one of those people who won't go to the doctor because I'm so terrified of the scale), but I think I have lost some weight. If I were guessing, I'd say I was down to 340ish.
My ultimate goal is to go down to 200ish. I'm 5 foot 11 and really big-boned, so my ideal weight according to all the websites would be 180, but I'd be overjoyed at 200. Right now, I'm just trying to get out of the 300s and give my body a break.
Thanks for listening. It's been nice to read these introductions and know that I'm not alone.
~Maura
My name is Maura and I've been using MFP for about a month. I'm a professional student from the US, living abroad in the UK since May.
I tipped the scales in March at 370 after avoiding the scales like the plague. It was a huge eye-opener. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I was a big baby and kid, and my parents made weight a big issue from the time I was 4 or 5, even though I was active and healthy. There was a lot of emotional strain and dark places in my childhood, and food became my escape and how I took control. Whether or not I actually was, I spent my childhood and adolescence as the fat kid. I was probably around 270 in high school. I was able to loose a lot of weight when I was 17 or 18 while in counseling with an ED specialist, and went down to 230 or so (which is a reasonable weight for me, really). But in the past ten years, while all the while denying my food problems and avoiding scales, I've slowly put on nearly 140 lbs.
My food/weight issues have stolen most of my 20s, and have prevented me from having the confidence and ability to do a lot of the things I want to do. I feel completely unloveable in my body, so I have avoided intimacy even though I have so much love to give. I want to be able to walk in a room and not feel ashamed and let a wall come up between me and everyone else because of weight. I don't want to obsess over food during every waking hour.
Healthwise, until the last 4 or 5 years, I've gotten by. I've been a severe asthmatic since childhood and suffer from depression, but recently I've had a lot of skeletal/muscular problems that have made life pretty miserable. I have disc herniation in S1/L5/L4 along with facet joint problems that make both my job (sitting at a computer, mostly) and activity difficult. This has become chronic pain, along with acute episodes every few months that leave me incapacitated for days. Luckily I have been able to avoid any narcotic pain meds. I have intermittent, but severe, foot and heel pain, and occasionally have knee trouble, especially when I bump up the exercise. I basically feel like an old woman, and I'm only 28. Also, (TMI) I rarely have my period anymore, which is really worrisome to be, since I want to have a baby someday soon more than anything else in the world (and to be able to care for that baby). I don't have diabetes or any heart problems yet, but they are in my future if I don't change.
The last time I weighed, I was 356 lbs. That was in May before I moved abroad. I've been very active here (don't have a car) and have been using MFP for a little over a month. I don't have a scale (which I think is a good thing...I'm one of those people who won't go to the doctor because I'm so terrified of the scale), but I think I have lost some weight. If I were guessing, I'd say I was down to 340ish.
My ultimate goal is to go down to 200ish. I'm 5 foot 11 and really big-boned, so my ideal weight according to all the websites would be 180, but I'd be overjoyed at 200. Right now, I'm just trying to get out of the 300s and give my body a break.
Thanks for listening. It's been nice to read these introductions and know that I'm not alone.
~Maura
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