break-up eating

elize7

Just putting it out there that 3 months after a break up of a very short term relationship, I'm gaining weight, eating disorders are ruling the day, and even though I'm doing so many positive social things and am in therapy, I'm just stuck in pain and eating and drinking excessively. I live alone and even if I go out several times a week, that leaves a lot of time for me to feel like I'm rattling around my house like the empty nester ghost that I am. In order to keep away from my ex, I have had to give up so many friends whom I spent a couple years building into a feeling of community for myself after my last child moved out. I hate losing those friends as much as losing my relationship.
I recognize how badly I'm handling this situation and yet haven't been able to stop it, even though I try every single day.
Just putting this out there in hopes that by talking about it I might not eat over it.
It was so nice to like and feel good in my body for about a year and a half...I dont want to lose that feeling but it is already slipping away from me. Cant even fit into my clothes from last summer by 2 sizes!!!
Im terrified of regaining everything (145 pounds) as I have done in the past, but feel so out of control emotionally. After these three months, I still feel devasted and feel like I should be over it. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I'm not over it and any self respecting person would not even have these feelings after what happened. I want so badly to get past this, but it just ain't happening.
Thanks for being here, fitness pals.

amandaeve

HI! You'll get there, but it will likely take a while. I don't really have anything good to say, just know that you are not alone.

When the man of my dreams chose another woman over me, I couldn't bear it. He was so amazing, I decided I needed to be my very best possible person, just in case it didn't work out with the other woman. I knew that would never happen, but I needed something to hold on to. Every time I cried was a signal for me to go work out. I turned my tears into sweat. It was helpful for me to force myself to focus on something else. It still took a long time to move past it, but that break up was the best thing I've ever done for myself physically.

Best wishes to you!

elize7

Thanks Amandaeve. I'm trying the workout thing, and getting myself together as well. Not quite there yet, but chipping away at getting back to my better routines.

mekaerwin1

Elize, Try to think of it from a positive perspective. God has the perfect guy for you. Just believe and pray for his guidance. When you put your trust in his judgement then you'll look back at this time and just laugh at yourself. I understand that the pain is completely intense. I'm divorced and pretty much begged for that to not happen. I was completely in love with my husband. He was just not good for me and God knew that. I'm thankful for that drama to be over, even though I would have never broken that commitment on my own. Take care of yourself. Remember to shower, put your make-up on, go to the grocery store to look at fresh vegetables, take a walk, volunteer somewhere to keep your mind busy even if you have a job. Do what makes you feel good that isn't sinful and get in touch with God. He's waiting on you. You're so beautiful. He will bless you when you trust and obey in Him.

Opalprincess99

Oh honey, I gained all this weight cuz I wasn't worried about being perfect anymore since I didn't have so many guys judging me...I only cared about one and before I knew it...I gained 65 lbs in 2 years...I want to get the spark back and get back to the same weight I was (160) (5'6)or better yet even skinnier ! Thanks for the words of encouragement because it is really hard to want to leave the house someday's. Also your situation sounds complicated ...I'm sorry Feel free to add me and we can chat ! Amazing how much weight you lost be a shame if you gained it back!

elize7

What's hard for me now is living alone, and trying, as I deal with weight loss issues, to keep my heart and mind open in the wake of this break up recovery. So many changes. So easy to shut down when in pain, yet not helpful in the long run. I don't have friendships now where I can talk about struggles I have with relationships and so often I feel isolated and profoundly lonely. This, even though I have been going out more than ever.
I really long for the simple comfort of stable, everyday companionship.

Niki_Fitz

Just a quick post to say that I hope you're hanging in there.

elize7

Yeah, I'm hanging in. A lot of back and forth between feeling good and feeling desparate. I just keep plugging away, trying to cope with the moderate level self sabotage that accompanies the mood swinging. I guess this is better than the high level of self sabotage of a few months ago. But I feel unsettled. I'm trying new things, getting busier to keep from dwelling on fear, doubt, and insecurity; and hopefully will get past what's left of this episode sooner rather than later.
It's already eaten up 8 months of my life.
Not sure if it was worth it, but I don't regret taking the risk. Next time maybe I'll be smarter.

Gamliela

This little saying has helped me ' Time heals all wounds, and wounds all heels.' I don't know if its appropriate for you, but I have found that out of every seriously bad time, there is a silver lining, and that light can come ina variety of forms, like the right person, the right opportunity for travel, employment, change in family relationships that couldn't have happened had I stayed in the same place as I was before with someone. It comes from a different way of seeing, being more conscious of what is really happening in the present time, which these down times seem to almost create a more grounded view, painful as it can be, its a sort of blessing in disguise.

Renyna

I have just finished reading all you ladies stories and comments and I would like to say that I appreciate and totally understand a lot of what you ladies are saying. They have given me a little Ray of Hope. I am currently going through a breakup from a four and a half year relationship and I am just traumatized. It has only been a month-and-a-half since The Break-Up and I too am going through a barrage of emotions being alone in a home that we moved into together. All my dreams have been shattered I'm so heartbroken. I feel as though I will never even find another man that is worthy of my time. Even me 46 years of age there are so many immature men in the world and even more very eager women who are hell-bent on getting and having a man at whatever cost. It's very scary. I just feel hopeless.

Roaringgael

Its so automatic to eat my feelings, particularly judging ones. What I've found over the years is that I don't actually feel them and I just keep right on eating! So if at any time you can pause before you eat; even just 5 minutes sometimes the emotions actually register.
One time I paused with my head in the fridge and my thoughts were, "Its not enough". I was flabbergasted; I hadn't even chose anything! I walked away from the fridge knowing that there wasn't an answer there for me.
Sometimes I exaggerate the thoughts "Oh my god I could eat everything in Woolies" (or Coles or whatever the supermarket down the road is called). This helps me realize that the food wont solve the problem. Of course I still over eat, I often feel over full when I'm anxious. But I just keep on trying to name those feelings.
I've maintained a 40 kg (88lb) weightloss for 3 years.

elize7

I like the "stop and think" in front of the fridge. And you're right about there not being enough food to fix whatever it is at that moment. Taking a moment to pause might help me pick a better plan of action...like painting or yoga. Would still distract me from the issue at hand and not sabotage the overall plan.
At this point, I might be able to do that sometimes at least; and I'll take progress where I find it these days .
Still working on the break up situation...some progress, but not really happy yet. I can see that it will be alright down the line. Need to set more realistic boundaries right up front, next time. Trying to alter my dating habits as well, and I'm working actively on that, getting out more to a bigger variety of activities, and connecting with more groups of people so that I don't fall into that "all my eggs in one basket" trap ever again. It's just not healthy for me.

shaylaw

elize7 wrote: »

Just putting it out there that 3 months after a break up of a very short term relationship, I'm gaining weight, eating disorders are ruling the day, and even though I'm doing so many positive social things and am in therapy, I'm just stuck in pain and eating and drinking excessively. I live alone and even if I go out several times a week, that leaves a lot of time for me to feel like I'm rattling around my house like the empty nester ghost that I am. In order to keep away from my ex, I have had to give up so many friends whom I spent a couple years building into a feeling of community for myself after my last child moved out. I hate losing those friends as much as losing my relationship.
I recognize how badly I'm handling this situation and yet haven't been able to stop it, even though I try every single day.
Just putting this out there in hopes that by talking about it I might not eat over it.
It was so nice to like and feel good in my body for about a year and a half...I dont want to lose that feeling but it is already slipping away from me. Cant even fit into my clothes from last summer by 2 sizes!!!
Im terrified of regaining everything (145 pounds) as I have done in the past, but feel so out of control emotionally. After these three months, I still feel devasted and feel like I should be over it. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I'm not over it and any self respecting person would not even have these feelings after what happened. I want so badly to get past this, but it just ain't happening.
Thanks for being here, fitness pals.

I have been there. One particularly awful break up is one that made me go into a depression for two years about. In that two years I gained 40 pounds... I had to give up friends and my ex's family members who I dearly loved. I know your struggle, friend. It does get better. Maybe tell yourself that gaining this weight back would be like letting your ex win by still having power over how you feel. Time is the best healing tool here. Nothing much else helped for me.

jknight001

@elize7 - I am new to posting in this group, however, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your honesty. I see your post as a step out of the pain onto the path of healing. It may take time but that kind of openness and honesty will lead you back into knowing that you are a valuable person and worth maintaining your weight in the midst of a bad season. Love your plan to get involved with other groups. It will allow you to meet people with common interests which can be very emotionally rewarding. Hang in there. It will get better.

elize7

Thanks. Been having some good days mixed with bad ones. Staying on course as best I can. I realize it's a combination of time and putting one foot in front of the other every day. I'm not a young girl. I know that time heals, and that caring about my life in the meantime will get me all the way through this.
On a good note, I have a 2000 mile road trip coming up, to see my Mom, and I actually love road trips. Gonna blast right out of this rut. Cat is coming with.

no6016

This thread was beautiful. Such support. I am replying to this now so I can find it again to add my thoughts.