Past frustrations due to gendered eating habits

timtam163

I'm 5' tall and sedentary (I'm a student) so I have struggled in the past with the sheer injustice of dieting. Part of the reason I've tried and failed to diet successfully in the past is that I'd get frustrated that guys can do zero cardio, lift some weights 3x/week, and then eat giant portions, and still lose weight. I've hung out in many male spaces, as a scientist; I also had brothers growing up, and I lived on a floor with mostly male students freshman year of college. I've had groups of female friends, but when I'm around male friends the bonding seemed to be around eating, so I'd want to fit in by eating a lot. I preferred to bond with guys over eating than with girls over not eating. I don't know. It makes no sense that those should be the two options.

In any case, I can absolutely not eat as much as even a moderately active 5'6" guy. I was definitely trying to ignore hunger/fullness indicators for many reasons, to fit in with guys/alleviate loneliness as well as to prove to myself I'm "not like other girls". Which is obviously a very problematic sentiment. And maybe eating to fit in with guys made me feel not-so-small, and more protected... as time goes on, I realize just how freaking small I am compared to the general population, and that being bigger doesn't actually make me feel more protected. Or at least, not as much as being smaller but stronger and healthier.

skymningen

Your size can't protect you. Your mental and physical strength can.
I also used to hang out with males more, partially based on my job, partially based on childhood friendships with my cousins. There is nothing wrong with it. It does not make me less female or feminine that I am able to fit into a male group. Because, by definition, I am a woman. There is nothing (but my own choice to change my gender) that could make me "less of a woman". Also, there is no sense in blaming being female for anything. Half of the world is, and has always been. I am not willing to make myself weak by believing I am week as a woman, as a small person, as a thin person, as a overweight person, as a black/blue/white/brown/yellow person. Because first and foremost I am me. I try to foster my strengths and stick to people who appreciate them. I cannot be everything and anything at once. If I have to try and fit in somewhere I am at the wrong place.

There are men and woman with bad eating habits alike. And there are strong and healthy woman and men. And there are so many overweight men with bad habits, as many as woman I am sure. I see quite a bit of sedentary, overweight/obese, unfit men in my job. What should they say? Dear woman, be happy that your athletic body fat percentage is 10 % higher than ours? That you do not need to diet down to 10% body fat to be able to show your muscle?

Also, the way a person sees you is mostly based on that person, not on yourself, so there is little you can do. There will always be the ones which perceive you as weak, because they are unable to see your strengths. There will always be people who perceive you as ugly, because their taste is different.

osubeam

timtam163 wrote: »

I'm 5' tall and sedentary (I'm a student) so I have struggled in the past with the sheer injustice of dieting. Part of the reason I've tried and failed to diet successfully in the past is that I'd get frustrated that guys can do zero cardio, lift some weights 3x/week, and then eat giant portions, and still lose weight. I've hung out in many male spaces, as a scientist; I also had brothers growing up, and I lived on a floor with mostly male students freshman year of college. I've had groups of female friends, but when I'm around male friends the bonding seemed to be around eating, so I'd want to fit in by eating a lot. I preferred to bond with guys over eating than with girls over not eating. I don't know. It makes no sense that those should be the two options.

In any case, I can absolutely not eat as much as even a moderately active 5'6" guy. I was definitely trying to ignore hunger/fullness indicators for many reasons, to fit in with guys/alleviate loneliness as well as to prove to myself I'm "not like other girls". Which is obviously a very problematic sentiment. And maybe eating to fit in with guys made me feel not-so-small, and more protected... as time goes on, I realize just how freaking small I am compared to the general population, and that being bigger doesn't actually make me feel more protected. Or at least, not as much as being smaller but stronger and healthier.

This is so true! I'm also part of a male heavy friend group and eating and drinking are how they bond. I finally had to pace mysf and listen to my body more. Turns out, they don't really notice.

Verdenal

Can you try to slow down while eating and drinking with them? Order water with your beer. Nurse it. If they're having chugging contests they're not worth it. I know it can be hard because drinking, which I enjoy, makes me relax my inhibitions and I usually drink and eat more because of it.

Some of the bros are going to have huge cuts in early middle age.