How to want surgery?
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saralynn9230
Posts: 11 Member
So I have been trying to get approved for gastric sleeve surgery for almost a year. I started at one clinic which ultimately turned me down after 8 months. I have been working with a second clinic which have been far more amazing. For my insurance I need 2 diet visits and mental health clearance. I completed my diet visits but the mental health clearance didnt go so smoothly. Basically the therapist said we'd need to visit again because I never told her I wanted surgery. The thing is i don't want surgery. In fact the idea of surgery scares the crap out of me. I want to lose weight and I dont believe I can do it without the surgery but how do I tell her I want surgery when I don't want surgery? Did anyone else come to this difficulty?
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I haven't had surgery yet, but have jumped on board and embraced the necessary changes while I jump through insurance hoops. I wholeheartedly look forward to surgery. You have to want surgery for YOU. If you don't want it, try on your own. You may later decide surgery is the right path for you. Don't do it if you don't KNOW you want it.1
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I can completely understand what your saying saralynn9230...I know I need to change my life and surgery is looking like the best option for me but the idea scares me also! I have never had any surgeries ever and that alone scares me! I have a low tolerance for pain also so with the sleeve being a major surgery I am afraid of the pain afterwards....my suggestion is just tell the therapist what you said...."I don't think I could do it without the surgery but surgery scares me" it's honest and they shouldn't deny you for having fear of the surgery! See if you can get a follow up and explain so that you can get approved.3
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It is a major surgery but without it you will probably suffer from obesity and die decades earlier than expected if you don't do it. Those are FACTS. I'm not saying it's an easy decision or it's easy after but it's a WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY to create a healthy and long life.1
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Don't agree to a life-changing surgical procedure if you aren't 100% sure you want this. It is a MAJOR change as food is no longer you ever loyal comforting companion to see you through life. Once you have surgery, you can no longer self-medicate life's ups/downs with food. You will need to learn an entirely new set of coping skills to handle all those emotions from the positive ones to the negative ones. It is HARD.
Also, you must be committed to making LIFELONG behavior changes or you can stretch your new little tummy pouch over time and regain weight. Weight loss surgery has quite a high failure weight as these lifestyle changes are HARD.
I have BTDT. I have regained 40 lbs. of the 110 lbs. I had lost due to the discovery that I could once again tolerate junk and alcohol after 2 years of little/no tolerance. (Sleeve surgery Dec. 2014)
If you don't want this surgery you need to explore other ways to help you achieve your goals for healthy living.
Have you considered a lap band procedure?
Hope this helps.
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Thanks for all of your wonderful bits of wisdom. I am stuck on this concept. I don't WANT surgery but I know I NEED it. I know a lot of this is fear because I have never had surgery before and that idea alone freaks me out. I do wholeheartedly believe I am mentally prepared for the life changes it will require I have spent the last 3 years making many of those changes already. I have been on this weightloss roller coaster for about 20 years and I am sooo over it. I am ready to see what I can accomplish with a body that can function without constant aches and pains and increased mobility and without being exhausted constantly. It is my hope that losing weight will help with most of those things and for as much as I have tried to lose weight and seeing it always come back I know I am just wasting my life on this rollercoaster. Its so defeating! The clinic said we could try other weightloss tracks if I don't want surgery but I have done that. I know how it goes. It is the definition of insanity to keep doing that over and over again. Its time to try something different. Surgery is obviously the only thing I haven't tried. If I dont end up having the surgery then I have wasted the last year for nothing. All the time, energy, money, will have been for nothing.
A year ago I was bicycling and walking and doing 5k races (just walking) and I was 60 pounds lighter and this year I havent been able to do much. I fell victim to a back injury last October and it has had me in relentless pain since. The doctors all just tell me to lose weight. (Mind you during this whole time I have also been trying to get approved for this surgery so its kinda like no crap!) I have this crazy inner athlete that wants to get into jogging 5k's and weightlifting and maybe triathalons and cycling races. There is an inner beast in me but she is smothered by my 400 pounds and it needs to go! I am sooo ready to see how awesome I can be without all this weight. But with this recent setback of not being able to really say I want surgery I may be at the end of that dream. It is heart breaking. It makes me feel like a failure and a whole host of other awful emotions. I have spent the bulk of this weekend wallowing but I am done and once again ready to tackle this again. I am really starting to feel like one of those punching clown things that keep popping up after being knocked down. Its tiring but I'm still here.1 -
I would say go for it. I felt the same way as you did for 5 years. I have never had any type of surgery before and that word alone scared me. But what inspired me to change my mind was ME. I got tired of the yo yo of weight loss. I had a year before lost 40lbs and then I lost my mother. I regained and kept regaining. I ended up weighing 275 and had to take HBP meds. I wanted to be healthy, not depressed because of my weight. The depression was the hardest part. Finally I decided it was time to conquer my fear and get the procedure done. That was a long road in of itself but it was the best decision I EVER made. I had surgery on April 7th at a starting weight of 264 after two weeks of liquid diet and today I'm 212 and counting. The surgery itself was wonderful I felt no pain afterwards and I left the hospital the next day. Hope this helped. I would suggest that you join some baractic weight loss and virtual sleeve surgery groups on Facebook or Instagram for support and insight. Wish I knew about them before hand because I wouldn't have waited five years.3
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I was in the same boat. I struggled with the idea of having the surgery. I felt like it was giving up or cheating, but deep down, I knew I needed to do it. I gave myself a timeframe to lose some weight and if I failed that, I decided to move forward. I didn't meet the goals I had set for myself (like not even close), so I chose the surgery route. It took some time before I really accepted my decision. I spent quite a bit of time being mad at myself for failing. However, I don't regret it in the slightest.
There's not really anything you can do to make yourself want it. You just have to let yourself get there. Do NOT move forward with the surgery if you're not 100% on board with the idea of having it. My suggestions: make a pro/con list. Write out all of your reasons for being pro-surgery and all of the reasons you're not ok with it. Make another appointment with the therapist and discuss the list with them. If after that you're still not ok with the idea, spend some more time trying to lose weight on your own.3 -
It's crazy to think that if I just walked into a hospital and they said we have to do this surgery now I would be like okay yeah lets do it. Probably still not without a panic attack before hand but nonetheless I would get on with it. But since I have all this time to think about it I freak myself out and second guess the decision. I know in my gut this is what I need to do but doing it is the hard part. Isnt that the case with almost everything? I have the same battle with exercise for crying out loud. I know I need to do it and I even know I will love doing it once I get going its just doing it that is the battle. I have a bad habit in general of putting things off until its too late to do it anf I really dont want that to hapoen with the surgery. I dont want to look back in several years and no I screwed up big time by not pulling the trigger. Sometimes I wonder if part of the problem is my lack of necessity. I am not on my death bed and I do not suffer from any obesity related conditions such as diabetes, HBP, high cholesterol, etc...I am in really good health for as overweight as I am. I know it'll likely catch up with me at some point but it is not something I am currently dealing with. The biggest weight related issues I have is all over pain and exhaustion and my back and knees are just about over it. That could just as easily be a curse from my job as I know many of my skinny coworkers suffer from that too. So I think to some extent the surgery isn't going to cure me of the ailments I do have so what is the point right now?
The point is that I am about 32 years old. I'm not married, I have no children, I have a decent job but certainly not a dream job, I have no energy to live my life and I have nothing going for my future all of which are very reasonably due to my weight. So basically at this point I am just waiting to die and how sad is that? I have nothing left to live for except to see what sort of opportunities could arise from losing this weight and I have already determined I can't seem to do that on my own. So basically the decision is move forward with the surgery or commence sitting here waiting to die. Somedays the answer is easy and I have no question or doubt in my mind what I need to do and other days I prefer to hang out with the devil I know. Change is hard and scary.0 -
saralynn9230 wrote: »The point is that I am about 32 years old. I'm not married, I have no children, I have a decent job but certainly not a dream job, I have no energy to live my life and I have nothing going for my future all of which are very reasonably due to my weight. So basically at this point I am just waiting to die and how sad is that? I have nothing left to live for except to see what sort of opportunities could arise from losing this weight and I have already determined I can't seem to do that on my own. So basically the decision is move forward with the surgery or commence sitting here waiting to die. Somedays the answer is easy and I have no question or doubt in my mind what I need to do and other days I prefer to hang out with the devil I know. Change is hard and scary.
I feel like my situation and feelings were very similar, except I waited until I was 49 to have the surgery, and on top of all those feelings, I felt like I wasted too much time struggling and feeling unhappy and hopeless. When I was in my 30's I was also fairly healthy for how overweight I was, but let me tell you, if you don't address the weight issues, the health issues WILL affect you, it really is just a matter of time.
Having surgery turned my life around. It helped me to have a quality of life that I never thought I could have. It gave me energy, self confidence, and not to sound sappy but it gave me hope for a happier future. If you do decide to have surgery, this is a great time for you to do it. You are young and have a very bright future ahead of you!!!
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saralynn9230 wrote: »It's crazy to think that if I just walked into a hospital and they said we have to do this surgery now I would be like okay yeah lets do it. Probably still not without a panic attack before hand but nonetheless I would get on with it. But since I have all this time to think about it I freak myself out and second guess the decision. I know in my gut this is what I need to do but doing it is the hard part. Isnt that the case with almost everything? I have the same battle with exercise for crying out loud. I know I need to do it and I even know I will love doing it once I get going its just doing it that is the battle. I have a bad habit in general of putting things off until its too late to do it anf I really dont want that to hapoen with the surgery. I dont want to look back in several years and no I screwed up big time by not pulling the trigger. Sometimes I wonder if part of the problem is my lack of necessity. I am not on my death bed and I do not suffer from any obesity related conditions such as diabetes, HBP, high cholesterol, etc...I am in really good health for as overweight as I am. I know it'll likely catch up with me at some point but it is not something I am currently dealing with. The biggest weight related issues I have is all over pain and exhaustion and my back and knees are just about over it. That could just as easily be a curse from my job as I know many of my skinny coworkers suffer from that too. So I think to some extent the surgery isn't going to cure me of the ailments I do have so what is the point right now?
The point is that I am about 32 years old. I'm not married, I have no children, I have a decent job but certainly not a dream job, I have no energy to live my life and I have nothing going for my future all of which are very reasonably due to my weight. So basically at this point I am just waiting to die and how sad is that? I have nothing left to live for except to see what sort of opportunities could arise from losing this weight and I have already determined I can't seem to do that on my own. So basically the decision is move forward with the surgery or commence sitting here waiting to die. Somedays the answer is easy and I have no question or doubt in my mind what I need to do and other days I prefer to hang out with the devil I know. Change is hard and scary.
Waiting to die, I was at the same point. You're not alone in that feeling. This is an opportunity for you to get your health and life back. This is a second chance. Don't waste it.
The goal is healthy, what ever you choose to do.
I'm saying this from a place of caring. You have been unsuccessful for 20 years. You can let your fears stop you from change. Or get serious about treating this disease.
What does your health look like when your 45 and still obese?
My reality check:
(1) My internal organs shut down. My heat stopped. Dr's resuscitated me.
(2) I watched my mother battle cancer.
Any person in hospice care with months to live would happily change places to deal with our weight issues.
You deserve having your life back! You deserve happiness in life!2 -
saralynn9230 wrote: »Thanks for all of your wonderful bits of wisdom. I am stuck on this concept. I don't WANT surgery but I know I NEED it. I know a lot of this is fear because I have never had surgery before and that idea alone freaks me out. I do wholeheartedly believe I am mentally prepared for the life changes it will require I have spent the last 3 years making many of those changes already. I have been on this weightloss roller coaster for about 20 years and I am sooo over it. I am ready to see what I can accomplish with a body that can function without constant aches and pains and increased mobility and without being exhausted constantly. It is my hope that losing weight will help with most of those things and for as much as I have tried to lose weight and seeing it always come back I know I am just wasting my life on this rollercoaster. Its so defeating! The clinic said we could try other weightloss tracks if I don't want surgery but I have done that. I know how it goes. It is the definition of insanity to keep doing that over and over again. Its time to try something different. Surgery is obviously the only thing I haven't tried. If I dont end up having the surgery then I have wasted the last year for nothing. All the time, energy, money, will have been for nothing.
A year ago I was bicycling and walking and doing 5k races (just walking) and I was 60 pounds lighter and this year I havent been able to do much. I fell victim to a back injury last October and it has had me in relentless pain since. The doctors all just tell me to lose weight. (Mind you during this whole time I have also been trying to get approved for this surgery so its kinda like no crap!) I have this crazy inner athlete that wants to get into jogging 5k's and weightlifting and maybe triathalons and cycling races. There is an inner beast in me but she is smothered by my 400 pounds and it needs to go! I am sooo ready to see how awesome I can be without all this weight. But with this recent setback of not being able to really say I want surgery I may be at the end of that dream. It is heart breaking. It makes me feel like a failure and a whole host of other awful emotions. I have spent the bulk of this weekend wallowing but I am done and once again ready to tackle this again. I am really starting to feel like one of those punching clown things that keep popping up after being knocked down. Its tiring but I'm still here.
What I understand from this post is that you DO want the surgery. It is the fear of the surgery that is holding you back--NOT that you don't want the surgery. That jumped out at me. I may be wrong.
I had become pretty dependent on my family to do things for me that I used to be able to do. The thought that I would continue to gain weight and need more and more help is what helped me to overcome my fear of surgery.
I think you really need to focus on the fear of the surgery and seperate it out from deciding if you DO or DON'T want to have it.
Hope that helps!0 -
saralynn9230 wrote: »Sometimes I wonder if part of the problem is my lack of necessity. I am not on my death bed and I do not suffer from any obesity related conditions such as diabetes, HBP, high cholesterol, etc...I am in really good health for as overweight as I am. I know it'll likely catch up with me at some point but it is not something I am currently dealing with.
Sara, I was still healthy in my 30's, too. However, I got to my 50's, and WAS VERY ILL. Diabetes, HBP, ruined joints due to weight, high chol/trig, essentially metabolic syndrome. My doctor told me that I had less than 5 years to live if I did not have the surgery. In the meantime, I lived twenty years increasingly uncomfortable. I married and had two sons, and then divorced and was a single mom, and had a successful career. However, I sure wish this surgery had been available in my 30's and that I had it done then!
Since I had the RNY, I've had my right knee and my left hip replaced, and I've lost 145+ pounds. Me and my orthopedic surgeon are watching my left knee; it will have to be replaced in another year or two. So far, fingers crossed, the right hip is ok.
TALK YOURSELF INTO THE SURGERY NOW BEFORE YOU DEVELOP MORBID OBESITY HEALTH ISSUES!!
Moira
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saralynn9230 wrote: »Basically the therapist said we'd need to visit again because I never told her I wanted surgery. The thing is i don't want surgery. In fact the idea of surgery scares the crap out of me. I want to lose weight and I dont believe I can do it without the surgery but how do I tell her I want surgery when I don't want surgery? Did anyone else come to this difficulty?
Very interesting. I don't recall the therapist asking me directly if I wanted the surgery. I honestly couldn't say I wanted the surgery but I did want to be healthy. Even up until the moment I was rolling down the wall I was asking myself if I made the right decision. Happily I can say even without just truly "wanting" the surgery I've been successful. Surgery 2/2/15, SW 233, CW 135. The surgery works to help you get healthy and stay there if you stay focused.1
