How do you talk about fitness with judgmental friends?
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vienna_h
Posts: 428 Member
Does anyone else have trouble talking about fitness and working out or food and nutrition with friends who don't get "skinny fat"?
Since I'm really focused on getting fit these days, it's always on my mind, and naturally something I want to be able to talk about with my friends. While I have some that "get it", I have other friends with whom I just say anything about fitness and health too. I have a few friends who are not very overweight, but could stand to lose a few pounds. If I say anything about my body or what I eat, I get tons of criticism, like how dare I tell them how I'm trying to be "fit" and eat healthier. Because I'm already skinny! They take everything I say the wrong way, like I'm trying to rub my skinniness in their faces, which I'm not!
A couple weeks ago I mentioned to my friend how I bought some dumbells earlier that day and how my arms were already sore, and how I couldn't wait to see results and she starting acting weird. A few days later, I mentioned how I needed to do more cardio too, and she snapped at me "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't start talking about how fat you are and how your trying to lose weight, cuz some of us are actually fat you know, so if I were you I would stop pretending to be fat and just admit that you're super skinny and don't need to workout. it's pretty annoying when skinny say they are fat". I NEVER SAID I WAS FAT, I SAID I WANTED TO GET INTO SHAPE! And a couple months back I suggested I might join a gym and a friend gave me a whole rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off"... that doesn't even make sense!
Anyone else get this kind of reaction? Like just because you're not overweight you have no right to want to get fit or watch what you eat? How do you/ would you handle it?
Since I'm really focused on getting fit these days, it's always on my mind, and naturally something I want to be able to talk about with my friends. While I have some that "get it", I have other friends with whom I just say anything about fitness and health too. I have a few friends who are not very overweight, but could stand to lose a few pounds. If I say anything about my body or what I eat, I get tons of criticism, like how dare I tell them how I'm trying to be "fit" and eat healthier. Because I'm already skinny! They take everything I say the wrong way, like I'm trying to rub my skinniness in their faces, which I'm not!
A couple weeks ago I mentioned to my friend how I bought some dumbells earlier that day and how my arms were already sore, and how I couldn't wait to see results and she starting acting weird. A few days later, I mentioned how I needed to do more cardio too, and she snapped at me "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't start talking about how fat you are and how your trying to lose weight, cuz some of us are actually fat you know, so if I were you I would stop pretending to be fat and just admit that you're super skinny and don't need to workout. it's pretty annoying when skinny say they are fat". I NEVER SAID I WAS FAT, I SAID I WANTED TO GET INTO SHAPE! And a couple months back I suggested I might join a gym and a friend gave me a whole rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off"... that doesn't even make sense!
Anyone else get this kind of reaction? Like just because you're not overweight you have no right to want to get fit or watch what you eat? How do you/ would you handle it?
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Aw, honey. First, your abs look great! What's your routine? Secondly, I always try to have compassion for people who lash out due to self-esteem issues.
I have a lot of friends that aren't supportive of my journey to get healthy. Even some of my family. And even more strangers.
As far as my coping technique, kill 'em with kindness!0 -
Unfortunately this is something that you're just going to have to deal with.
You are passionate about being fit, and you want those in your life to share in that with you, I get it. I'm the same way. But, not everyone does and we have to respect that. We can't force our views on others. Though we may not see if that way, it can definitely be interpreted that way by others.
If/when you come across people who tend to be sensitive about it, just remind yourself that not everyone shares your passions. Its ok to not be able to discuss your fitness goals with everyone.
(I had to laugh at this: rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off")
Whuuuuuut? :laugh: Do people really think that? If you are already in shape and at the gym you're there to show off... Crazy, I tell ya.0 -
I have this problem, I always feel guilty if I talk about anything to do with exercise or eating healthily with some of my friends especially. The only way I get round it is I always feel like I have to emphasise the fact that I'm trying to get fit, healthy and toned BEFORE I mention anything else! I do have some friends that get it, but they are all my slimmer friends. Shame really. At the end of the day though its just jealousy so try not to worry about it.
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I never talk about fitness or diet to anyone except my husband and my mfp friends. Girls, especially, think you're trying to hint to them that they need to lose weight if you say that you're getting in better shape. Best to leave that alone.0
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That stuff is probably ignorance on a whole lot of sides.
I meet a lot of people who either go into:
a) concern for me mode....why...why are you doing that *ED undertones*
b) concern for them mode.why...why must she get excited about this when it reminds me of things I think I should be doing
c) jealous mode - 'cause they think I'm something to be jealous over luls *flattered*
Then you look at the other people that they look at, who are also doing the same thing as me
a) ED patient
b) a unhealthy mindset that a calorie deficit is the solution to firming ones body. Many of these are underweight.
c) me.0 -
Wow I can totally relate. I agree with others in that you just have to watch what you say around people. Double standards of course because no doubt we are expected to listen constantly to how "fat they are"... You'll find people who you can be honest with, either on here or in your own life.
I've just learnt to keep things to myself. One thing I have found works is saying how I'm trying to get strong not skinny and that "I hate how weak I am". People can't argue with that because they know how weak I am, which is a standard trait of skinny fat girls (I have a BMI of under 18 but BF of 25%!). Before they can even get in there with a jibe of "but you have no weight to lose" I say I don't want to lose weight, I want to increase muscle, or that I know I'm slim but I'm not fit and I want to be able to run 10k. It's harder for someone to criticise when you take your goals away from astecthics. Whether that's entirely true for you they need not know! I mean for me saying that I want to lose the fat on my hips and thighs would get me no end of abuse, so I just miss that bit out
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Wow I can totally relate. I agree with others in that you just have to watch what you say around people. Double standards of course because no doubt we are expected to listen constantly to how "fat they are"... You'll find people who you can be honest with, either on here or in your own life.
I've just learnt to keep things to myself. One thing I have found works is saying how I'm trying to get strong not skinny and that "I hate how weak I am". People can't argue with that because they know how weak I am, which is a standard trait of skinny fat girls (I have a BMI of under 18 but BF of 25%!). Before they can even get in there with a jibe of "but you have no weight to lose" I say I don't want to lose weight, I want to increase muscle, or that I know I'm slim but I'm not fit and I want to be able to run 10k. It's harder for someone to criticise when you take your goals away from astecthics. Whether that's entirely true for you they need not know! I mean for me saying that I want to lose the fat on my hips and thighs would get me no end of abuse, so I just miss that bit out
I totally get what your saying, and many of these other responses so far too.
It's not like any of my friends are even overweight, maybe not as slim as me, but they aren't fat either! they just "feel" fat next to me. So it's like a double whammy of annoying when I didn;t call myself fat, I only said I wanted to get fit or toned, and then not only do I get accused of complaining I'm fat (which I didn't) now I get to listen to THEM complain they are fat (which they aren't either!) lol. Even if I emphasize "healthy" and "fit" all they heard is "I think I'm fat and I want to get super skinny, and that means you are super fat".
Guess I just expect that my best "friends" would rather be supportive, but I guess not. It sucks, I wanna be able to talk about whats going on with me, and have people to hold me accountable so I achieve my goals and don't get lazy, but instead I have to do it all in secret.
oh well
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(I had to laugh at this: rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off")
Whuuuuuut? :laugh: Do people really think that? If you are already in shape and at the gym you're there to show off... Crazy, I tell ya.
I couldn't help but respond "well maybe they are skinny BECAUSE they go to the gym..." but that just added fuel to the fire, and the anti-skinny girl rant continued. Because apparently, when girls get skinny they are suppose to quit the gym, there is no longer a point in going, unless they want a place to show off their bodies compare to all the "fat" people there... seriously, makes no sense lol.0 -
(I had to laugh at this: rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off")
Whuuuuuut? :laugh: Do people really think that? If you are already in shape and at the gym you're there to show off... Crazy, I tell ya.
I couldn't help but respond "well maybe they are skinny BECAUSE they go to the gym..." but that just added fuel to the fire, and the anti-skinny girl rant continued. Because apparently, when girls get skinny they are suppose to quit the gym, there is no longer a point in going, unless they want a place to show off their bodies compare to all the "fat" people there... seriously, makes no sense lol.
Lol I hear this all the time, and the looks I see people giving the 'skinny' girls at the gym is horrendous!! 0 -
(I had to laugh at this: rant about how much she hates when "skinny girls" go to the gym just to "show off")
Whuuuuuut? :laugh: Do people really think that? If you are already in shape and at the gym you're there to show off... Crazy, I tell ya.
I couldn't help but respond "well maybe they are skinny BECAUSE they go to the gym..." but that just added fuel to the fire, and the anti-skinny girl rant continued. Because apparently, when girls get skinny they are suppose to quit the gym, there is no longer a point in going, unless they want a place to show off their bodies compare to all the "fat" people there... seriously, makes no sense lol.
Lol I hear this all the time, and the looks I see people giving the 'skinny' girls at the gym is horrendous!!
Gosh, I feel bad for people who think so negatively about those of us who work out and try to take care of our bodies.
<Shrugs> Oh, well. We can't save 'em all :happy:0 -
When people say stuff like that to me I just respond with, "Yes, exactly, I'm skinny. Skinny went out of style in the 90s, I want muscles!"0
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Loads of people like to make everything about themselves and hear what they want. You mention YOUR fitness they make it out to be about THEIR weight. If you mentioned your education, your job, your hair colour/length/style, your beauty routine etc then you'd get the same thing. If these people felt they are skinnier, fitter, more intelligent, prettier etc than you these people feel the need to give you advice, if they aren't they take the 'what have you got to work on - your just showing off to get attention and I'm not impressed' type comments.
I don't talk to people about my weightloss/fitness journey because of this. If someone comments that I've lost weight I tend to say thanks and move the conversation straight on.0 -
As a former skinny fat girl (5'7" 125lbs of fat & bones) I suggest you stop describing yourself to those friends as "need to lose weight" or "feel fat" and start using a more accurate descriptions; "I'm out-of-shape", "I have no strength" and "I have poor cardiovascular endurance".
To them, your comments about "wanting lose weight" might sound like you're just trying to rub it in that you won the genetic lottery of being able to remain thin on an unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle. Or that you are fishing for compliments.0 -
I just totally relate to this!!!!
In general I don't discuss unless asked, most of my friends are not in the same mental place as me so I know they are not ready to hear about it. People seem to get really offended when i say i need a tummy tuck (until i haul out the loose skin i have from my pregnancies, that shuts them up quick)
If it comes up with new people, I make sure to slip in the fact that I used to be 200 lbs, suddenly that seems to make them accept that I watch what I eat and work out.
There is a woman at my office in middle of her weight loss journey and looking great- she said to me the other day "I can't wait until I get skinny so I can stop working out"(shaking head...!)
What you need to remember is that you are reminding them about something they are trying to ignore, the fact that they have body insecurities and if someone smaller than them is not happy with themselves, well what does that mean about them?
When all else fails I use humour - refer to myself as a health but and workout junkie, to make others feel more comfortable. In the end though I save my fitness talk for MFP.0 -
I have dealt with this for a very long time. I actually had college friends who claimed I had an eating disorder because I was so concerned with fitness and eating healthy, when, in actuality, I was just passionate about health. I have a tendency to talk about my passions, but I learned that I can't do that when it comes to health.
Sometimes, it is particularly frustrating when a friend or family member complains about illness, weight gain or pain and I want to provide what advice I can to them. It always falls on deaf ears because I've already told them many times. It's almost like you attack their religion when you say "have you tried doing this, or eating this?"
Secondly, my biggest struggle are overcoming the people who say I am skinny because I am young and therefore I should eat whatever I want. That's just not true because if youth was the key to being skinny, we wouldn't have obese children. No, I am the way I am because of what I eat (and I joined MFP to start focusing on fitness). But, sometimes those voices make it through. I've experienced a small amount of weight gain since I graduated college and got a desk job. It has been a struggle to stay around what I consider my ideal weight.0 -
Wow I can totally relate. I agree with others in that you just have to watch what you say around people. Double standards of course because no doubt we are expected to listen constantly to how "fat they are"... You'll find people who you can be honest with, either on here or in your own life.
I've just learnt to keep things to myself. One thing I have found works is saying how I'm trying to get strong not skinny and that "I hate how weak I am". People can't argue with that because they know how weak I am, which is a standard trait of skinny fat girls (I have a BMI of under 18 but BF of 25%!). Before they can even get in there with a jibe of "but you have no weight to lose" I say I don't want to lose weight, I want to increase muscle, or that I know I'm slim but I'm not fit and I want to be able to run 10k. It's harder for someone to criticise when you take your goals away from astecthics. Whether that's entirely true for you they need not know! I mean for me saying that I want to lose the fat on my hips and thighs would get me no end of abuse, so I just miss that bit out
I totally get what your saying, and many of these other responses so far too.
It's not like any of my friends are even overweight, maybe not as slim as me, but they aren't fat either! they just "feel" fat next to me. So it's like a double whammy of annoying when I didn;t call myself fat, I only said I wanted to get fit or toned, and then not only do I get accused of complaining I'm fat (which I didn't) now I get to listen to THEM complain they are fat (which they aren't either!) lol. Even if I emphasize "healthy" and "fit" all they heard is "I think I'm fat and I want to get super skinny, and that means you are super fat".
Guess I just expect that my best "friends" would rather be supportive, but I guess not. It sucks, I wanna be able to talk about whats going on with me, and have people to hold me accountable so I achieve my goals and don't get lazy, but instead I have to do it all in secret.
oh well
I seriously finally for once in my life feel like I fit in with people!! I'm skinnyfat too and whever I say I want to start working out my friends who are always trying to lose weight just tell me I don't need to work out, when I say I want to be more fit and have a nice butt and abs and bigger legs they just go off on a rant about how I'm a lucky "skinny b*tch". For some reason I guess its ok to joke about skinny people but if you were to say that to a fat person it would be another world war.
Luckily I have my fiance who I can talk about this stuff with, but in all honesty it hurts that I have to hide my fitness journey to my friends so I can avoid the comments. I remember once I told my friend I was going to try to start eating salads and she went off on a rant that she just doesn't even know me anymore and that my boyfriend (now fiance) has changed me - like seriously?? Apparently trying to be healthy is a bad thing to some people if its a skinny person trying to better themselves.
I now know I can't really talk about this with my friends since I know how they'll react, but if they're on the subject I do sometime throw in comments but I NEVER mention being skinnyfat since the word fat coming from me sends them off on a rant. I try to dodge the bullet by saying how I want to have bigger legs and an *kitten*, thats my only reason that flies with them cause God forbid I actually tell them I'd like to decrease my bodyfat percentage.
By no means am I happy that you're going through this struggle as well, but misery loves company so I do have to admit I'm slightly comforted by the fact that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. I hate the double standard between skinny and fat people.
Oh and lastly - when I was about 20 years old I was about 110 lbs (I'm 5'8" so I was a twig) and someone at work saw me grabbing a bunch of junk food (which I used to eat all the time) and said to me "wow everyone upstairs would be surprised that you actually eat!"....Funny yes, but why is it OK to poke fun at a skinny person cause I guarantee if I was a fat person buying healthy snacks nobody would've said anything like "i'm surprised you actually eat healthy".
K had to vent since I've finally found a group who understands me. 0 -
I can be bad, for this myself, when I see some of my friends who are skinnier and I tell them they have nothing to worry about. First of all let me apologize for people like me. Everyone has goals on fitness and weight loss. Once people reach one goal they move on to another, and we all have to support each other.
I feel I don't get the support I need to, I am not quiet the skinny fat yet, but hope to be there soon. I have 15 lbs to lose, but because I am 5'6 and it is all in my mid section. But sometimes I don't see what others see either. Regardless I am not happy with what I see especially as I know where I was at before having kids, and I want to be there again. Part of it, is I know what it is like to grow up with over weight parents, you never want to be like them, so I find that if I am fit and happy my children will never have to worry about poor self body image and if I am making healthy choices so will they.
So ignore your friends, take it as a compliment as they probably wish they were where you are at and keeping working hard.0 -
HATERS GONNA HATE!!!!! YOU PUT IN THE EFFORT AND HARD WORK, ENJOY IT LAVISH IN IT AND KEEP TRYING YOUR BEST TO STAY FIT.
They are just haters cuz they dont know that it takes a ton of effort. Perhaps you should explain to them the committment it takes.0 -
This happens to me on a daily basis! People have no problem telling me how "skinny" I am getting. I guess they don't notice the muscles.... ugh. They also ask me how long I'm going to all that "healthy stuff" and ask me if I'm still "on a diet". I don't even bring up fitness to these people! The other day I finally told a girl that I think it's inappropriate for her and others to constantly comment on my body while I'm at work. I picked the biggest busy body at the office to react to, so I think she spread the word. I would love to find like minded people to share my progress with, so feel free to add me!!!0
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Exactly! Me too. 0
