How do you talk about fitness with judgmental friends?
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lately my responses have been along the lines of this: just because I don't have the exact same issues with my body that you do with yours, that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to have issues with my body at all. I have plenty of things about my body that I'm self conscious about, like my broad-but-bony shoulders and my skeletal hands. Probably because people comment on them all the time! Just because it isn't a belly or cellulite or arm fat doesn't mean I'm not self conscious, and it's not okay for you to shut down and shame my feelings just because they differ from yours.
And just because I'm skinny, that doesn't mean that I'm healthy. If my BMI is 17, but I get winded after climbing one flight of stairs, my heart rate is sky-high, my skin is pale and dull, no amount of concealer can cover up the bags under my eyes, my nails are weak and brittle, etc...does that sound healthy to you?? I agree with some of the other commenters that making it less about looks and more about general health and "feeling better" can shut down some of the skinny shaming. I have straight up told some people that I am actually trying to gain weight, but in a healthy way. Sometimes that goes over well, sometimes it doesn't, but at least that shuts down the people who assume I have an ED.
Don't you just love those "You're so skinny, I hate you" comments? Like...is that really supposed to be a compliment?? You literally just told me that you hate me because of something I have no control over. I've had several friends over the years, especially in college, who have suffered from eating disorders, and it made me even more self conscious. I couldn't help but think "These girls are miserable and starving themselves because they want to look more like me." I still couldn't gain weight, so I starting wearing baggier clothes and hiding my body because I felt so guilty that I was thin and making other people feel bad about themselves. How messed up is that?? Luckily my friends have recovered now and I stopped feeling that way eventually.
Having said all of this...it is important to remember that people who have been skinnyfat our entire lives will NEVER understand what it is like to be overweight. No matter what I am going through or how unhealthy I may be, I still fit in more with society's idea of "pretty" than an overweight person would, and that's a privilege I try to keep in mind when someone is being insensitive about my weight or health. The person I am talking to may have struggled with an eating disorder, or been made fun of by strangers while out running for being too fat, or had someone on Tinder tell them "no fatties allowed," etc. I have my own issues to deal with, and it's still NOT OKAY for people to shame and belittle them, but I try to be grateful that I at least I don't have to deal with those types of attitudes. I think that's where some of the insensitivity comes from; they just want us to check our privilege and acknowledge that there will always be certain aspects of life that will be easier for a skinny person. The danger comes when they assume that EVERYTHING is easier for a skinny person, which we all know is not true.
Anyway, back to my chipotle burrito...1 -
I’m so glad you posted this because I get this all the time0
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Same thing happens to me. I guess people who are not trying to be fit and healthy just don’t want to hear it. Now, I only talk fitness with other like minded people. I’m grateful for my one coworker/friend who is on the same path as me. We talk all the time and share success stories. We are about the same age and experiencing the same obstacles, menopause, etc. I can also talk to my husband. He is a firefighter, so we have the same goals about staying fit and healthy.
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