Me vs. the Binge -- December 2017 Challenge
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I haven't been keeping track..
I think at this point i am done trying.
I worked hard to figure out a plan for new years... my elliptical just broke before i could even start..
No word from the job that could of changed my whole life. Without the income that job would of provided, I cannot replace the stuff i lost. I have no skills.. all im qualified for is min wage jobs.. and the only thing i will be able to do on min wage is just wake up and just barely scrape by.
When i move.. i won't be able to afford a moving truck.. so the only things i can bring with me are a few boxes of stuff like my dishes and belongings.. and the mattress part of my futon..
I will be moving into a new apartment with even less then I have now because i am going to have to abandon it all.
The sad part is, is now i wont be able to replace any of it..
31 years old.. and all i have is a futon mattress...
I worked so hard to lose my weight... to come up in the world.. coming home to a beautiful place was confirmation to me that i survived the years of abuse and achieved something in the end..
instead it seems like.. I exist in this world solely to be *kitten*. Anything i try and make for myself is taken away.. i don't deserve anything good in life i guess.
I am so broke my dad had to pay my rent.. I can barely afford to feed myself and my cat.. can't pay my bills..
all the weight i took off.. is just piling on... i really truly just wanted to get started today.. and im not even able to do that.. it's like im just meant to be a fat disgusting pig for the rest of my life. stuck with this stupid eating disorder... no medical plan to pay for the pills.. eventually im just gonna be that obese piece of *kitten* all over again.
i spent all day cooking that soup.. but.. at this point.. i don't even see the point anymore.. so im just gonna throw it in the trash.
I don't wanna lose the little bit left of me that i worked hard for.. if there is no food here.. I can't get any fatter..
Happy New year..2 -
@HellYeahItsKriss, please treat yourself gently. Yes, I know I do not always practice what I preach — one is always one’s own worst critic. But kind words such as yours to me a few days ago remind me that the outside world doesn’t see us as harshly as we view ourselves.
Although I’ve been through some tough times in my own life — financial, work, personal relationships, and certainly weight-related —I don’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through. So I don’t want to say, “do this, do that,”as if I am minimizing your troubles. But if you can, try not to focus on specific goals such as losing X amount of weight by a particular time, or even starting a particular food plan by a certain day. The fact is that next month, or that special party or vacation or our birthday, is going to arrive right on schedule whether we’ve lost the twenty pounds we wanted to or not. And if we haven’t met the goal or followed the plan meticulously, we feel we’ve failed and often end up in worse circumstances. It’s taken me thirty long years to realize this, but I would rather get to a special event having lost a single pound than get to that special event having gained five because I gave up when I failed to follow a plan to lose the 10 I wanted to.
This time of year can be particularly tough: just as joy and hope can be magnified over the holidays, so too can sadness and despair. Although we are only avatar acquaintances, please know that I am thinking of you and wishing you the best in the New Year.2 -
Im not looking to lose a certain amount of weight in a certain time.. i wanted to /start/ in general.
I paid $500 for that elliptical and i barely got to use it before it broke. Like.. a week. I tried to glue it back together and the glue won't hold.
But honestly.. it doesn't matter.. clearly life has decided that i do not deserve anything. No healthy weight, no furniture, no friends, no peace of mind cause im stuck with an eating disorder and no good job so i can't even rebuild what i lost.
I have been abused my whole life, verbally, mentally, sexually. The abuse was so bad as a kid that I have blacked out my entire childhood short of a few memories. I got sexually abused in the process of trying to get away from my psycho mother and then spent 3 years living on the streets.. I dropped out of school to get away from being bullied every day of my life and i crawled out of that steaming pile of *kitten*.. got a job and worked my butt off to get my own place and fill it with things worth coming home to.. then the bed bugs took that all away.. now im gaining the weight i lost back... im trying to get my high school credits but its looking like it may take years.. i lost my good job trying to get my binge eating disorder under control.. and am struggling now with min wage jobs to pay the bills.. now i have no job, didn't get a call back from the one job that could of changed my entire life for the better and i am back to searching for another min wage job because i have no qualifications in life to do anything.
My rent is going up in April, I am being forced to move, when i move the few bits of furniture i have left since the bed bugs will have to be abandoned cause i can't afford a moving company to take it with me.
In 9 short months I have lost my entire life.
... and all i wanted to do was just start. Start with the one thing I could start on. That didn't cost any money.. but it's like i can't even do that, I have an elliptical sitting right here beside me and i can't even use it to better my health.
I have been trying so damn hard to stay positive and the more i try and stay positive the more i lose. I had $11,000 from my RRSPs and by the time i finished paying off my bills and debts and paying for the cats vet care, all i got out of it was this stupid walmart futon which i won't even be able to take with me when i move.
In April.. the government is going to tax me up the *kitten* on the $15000 dollars (I only got $11,000 of it cause they already taxed it once) and i will be stuck paying into the government lord knows how many hundreds or maybe even thousands of dollars.. If i can't find a new job in 2 weeks, i won't even be able to pay my rent in february and my father said he cannot pay it again.. so if i fail this month.. im out on my *kitten*.
So yeah.. im just done with this. I spend all my time trying to motivate and give others advice all day.. and in the end, i can't even accomplish anything myself. I am basically useless.2 -
Me: 30
B: 0
DBF: 40
I did overeat over the holidays, but I just ate more meals than usual, and there were no binges! I am proud of myself!3 -
Good evening! The January challenge is up!
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10626509/me-vs-the-binge-january-2018-challenge/p1?new=10 -
Me: 31
B: 0
DBF: 441 -
@Hellyeahitskriss ,
I just read through your recent postings within this group & you've had one heck of a crappy year!
You said you were going to "throw the soup you made in the trash"--I'm hoping you didn't do that as those pics you posted of those soups look fantastic and very healthy too!...and I think you mentioned before how you made soup, portioned it out and froze it so you could just pull out what you need when you need it. That sounds like something good to do this time too as eventually you'll have to eat anyway & better to have something healthy & tasty to grab for a meal than nothing & risk getting sick.
On the job prospect you were hoping for--have you asked them, recently, if the position has been filled yet (if not, then there's still hope!).
Hang in there, Kriss, & hopefully, 2018 will turn out to be the break you needed it to be and it's here now, so, here's wishing you the best for 2018!1 -
well my laptop just broke and i needed it to send out resumes for a job, look for an apartment and start my school work in 2 days.. so looks like 2018 isn't going to be any better.
sigh..2
