what do you do when life hits?

nikoba

I have struggled with my weight since childhood. As an adult, I know that I have an unhealthy relationship with food and use it as a coping mechanism. I had eaten low carb many times in my life...always with success. Not just in weight loss, but with improved health and well being overall. But without fail, when life throws me a curve ball, I fall off and gain back the weight. The most recent example being, the death of my grandmother.

I had been doing well since February of this year...then in July, my grandmother's health really took a nosedive. This woman raised me, so she's essentially my mother. As her health declined, so did my eating habits...and I've erased all the success I had achieved since February. She passed last month and I have to figure this out.

How do you stay the course with your eating, when you hit the hard bumps in life? How do you develop a healthier relationship with food so it's not your way to deal with emotions. I thought I had developed some tactics to cope (journalling, coloring books, relaxing baths)...but I still turned to food. I'd love to some first hand tips & advice from others who've found some actions that work to stay focused.

2t9nty

There are always setbacks. You start where you are, and that maybe a few steps back from where you were. I am perhaps not the best one with giving advice about resolve when things get tough. I have a capacity for stubbornly sticking with a dietary/behavioral rule, even if I am an emotional zombie going through the motions. It is who I am in some ways, and so it is not as if I have a strategy.

I say get back with it, and start making progress again!

PamamaJane

Perhaps you have the battle half won already. You have taken notice of your issue, put a name to it, recognized your need to change, and reached out for ideas and help. Your awareness may be the solution you needed.

KnitOrMiss

@nikoba I think we all do this. The only thing that has seemed to help me at all is using amino acids while doing low carb... When our gut is impaired (leaky gut, bad digestion, candida/h.pylori, or whatever), we can't synthesize and form the aminos we need for good mental health. Using various ones for a time helped me level out, and even though I've not been a good girl carb-wise in a while, I'm actually losing a little right now, I'm not binging, and I'm rarely using food as my crutch - but my ... home based issues ... are nowhere near as intense as yours, though they are constant... All the hugs! I'm sorry for your loss....

tcunbeliever

For me it's a matter of giving myself some tough love...I will allow my pity party, my entire quart of ice cream or entire pan of baked mac & cheese or whatever I need for comfort...but then, it's over, it's done, it's time to stop looking back and start looking forward.

Food IS comforting. But progress can only be made by letting go of the comfort, pushing past the comfort zones, and struggling through the unpleasant and uncomfortable parts of life.

You can't live in your comfort zone forever, nothing can grow there, and humans were made to grow and evolve and become more.

cstehansen

I am sorry for your loss. I know that is not easy to go through.

As for gaining control, this is different for everyone. My struggle is I like to eat. I REALLY like eating. It is among my favorite past times.

That said, for me, this WOE is about blood sugar control, so the "what" aspect of eating is easier as BG control is of utmost importance because I want to be healthy enough to walk my daughter down the aisle one day (in many years as she is barely 12 years old now) as well as play with any grand kids I may one day have.

My issues always revolve around frequency of eating and volume of eating. I used to lament that all these eating competitions weren't around when I was younger because I likely could have won many of them. In hind sight, I am probably healthier (or at least less unhealthy) since they weren't around.

What I have found helps me with my control is fasting. I no longer have weight to lose, but I do struggle with overeating. As a result, I yo-yo about 5 lbs or so. If I meal prep, I do pretty well, but when there are get togethers and food is there, I really struggle to not eat too much. What fasting does is allow me to balance out the total. On average, I do a 48 hour fast every 7-10 days.

In addition to adding balance to total intake, it also helps me reset my hunger signals. Maybe a better way of saying that is it allows me to get my focus off food for that period. On those days for my lunch at work, I will take a walk and listen to a podcast, for instance. This allows me to do something good for me (walk getting some sunshine hopefully) as well as keeping my mind distracted with something else with the podcast.

This has been my routine for the last 3-4 months. I think it has helped me not just with weight maintenance, but it has also helped me with cravings and with more frequently overcoming the urges to overeat when I am not fasting.

Chillycatmum

I totally understand how you are feeling i have just lost my Nan and Grandad over the last couple of months and have also had major surgery, the main thing is to not beat yourself up, try to stay on track as much as you can and when you can’t manage it accept it without stressing and get back on track as soon as you feel able to.

I am a huge emotional eater but by keeping as much as I could to my LC ways I haven’t put as much weight back on as I would have done previously - I am now finally able to re-focus on myself and I can do this without having the feelings of guilt that I would have put on myself before.

The best thing is to take care of yourself in the best way you can at the time.

kpk54

I'm sorry to hear about your grandMom and your sadness. I know the emptiness and know about turning to food in your loneliness. My struggle was really non existent until both my parents were diagnosed with terminal cancer the same week in April 2006. A very big part of me left with them in 2007 and 2008 and unfortunately my grieving period was long. 6 years. 60 pounds. Don't be me.

I know it must have been very hard to watch your grandMom's health go downhill July to her passing. There was always the hope she would rally but you watch her and you feel so helpless. And then she gone. And you miss her. You miss everything about her. The emptiness can be overwhelming.

Surround yourself with friends. They care and they will listen. Let them know you need help. Reach out as you have done here. They may not all have lost someone they loved more than life itself but they will listen and they will comfort. It will help. Seek professional guidance if you feel you need it. And maybe even if you don't feel you need it. A Grief Counselor. It won't hurt.

Grief is something you can't go around, under or over. You have to go through it. You will most likely have many sad days ahead. They come out of no where. But they pass. They become less frequent yet they never go away. Know that eventually you will smile-good memories are forever. And trite as it might sound, what would grandMom want for you? To love in her memory and to carry on.

My only suggestion is to keep your environment free of your "triggers". Stay busy and reach out. You do not have to go through this alone and food is not the answer. You know that. The comfort is only temporary. Grief is sort of like weight loss. It takes time and it is different for everyone. I hate that about both.

Something very dear was taken from you. We are never prepared for the emptiness. I wish you strength. Hugs.

AlexandraCarlyle

Everyone here has given you wonderful words of kindness and compassion, with much feeling and empathy for your situation.
I will neither add nor embellish, save to echo their generous and loving sentiments.
I've been Buddhist for just around 30 years; I have a different way of processing things like this, but it would be neither appropriate nor timely to elaborate.
Save to say, I will light a candle to both you and your Grandmother tonight, and send Merit during my meditation for you, and
a fervent heartfelt wish for your Grandmother's passing - according to my own personal creed - towards an auspicious and blessed continuation.

Fyreside

For me, it's all about wanting the result more than anything else... And I think it's safe to assume that your grandmother would have wanted you to be happy too. You could see this as an opportunity to honor her memory by being the best you, that you can be. Remember her with a smile.. And learn from her that life can be all too short. And find in that, the reason why you only want to eat the right amount... for you.

Good luck and take heart, you are not alone.

MicheleStitches

I am so sorry for your loss! I have let food be my comfort in the past and I totally get that.

My experience in no way compares to your loss, but I will share...I was in a bad car accident a few months ago. My car was totaled and it was a major life disruption, source of stress, and pain. It was so tempting to just "relax" my eating and indulge my inclinations to eat all the things. However, in midst of all that, I found that sticking to eating strict Keto was a lifesaver. It helped me to optimize my ability to deal with the struggles. Taking care of yourself is even MORE important while you are coping with difficult life circumstances.

Also, I will second what @KnitOrMiss said about gut health affecting mental health. Before I started eating Keto, I had begun to struggle with anxiety in the past year - something I had never dealt with before. It was awful when it came over me, and was really affecting my quality of life. I am happy to say that since going Keto, this has improved drastically! You may find that getting on track with your eating will help you better deal with your feelings of loss.

Take care, and know we are here for you!

KnitOrMiss

Also, especially in those of us who are gut-compromised, going keto can actually trigger or worsen depressive feelings - because carbs provide a serotonin boost...and if we can't convert it, and we aren't adding it...do the math there... Some folks are more susceptible than others...

P.S. That's why carbs are comfort food...

nikoba

Thank you all soooo very much. I teared up reading a lot of these. I really appreciate you taking the time to lend some support. Thank you!!

Sometimes I forget how connected our whole body is, and it really is a matter of taking care of both mind and body. Having a massage therapy background, you'd think I'd have this ingrained in me.

I almost think maybe trying therapy to re-wire my brain or get to the root of the emotional eating is worth a shot. It just makes no sense to me that I feel physically and mentally better when eating low carb...I totally acknowledge the improvement, yet I still choose to binge eat unhealthy food in times of stress/depression, which only leads to me feeling worse.

I will definitely try amino acids...though this is totally foreign to me, so my wise little friend @KnitOrMiss , if you have any tips on how to incorporate them into my diet, I would welcome the assistance. Maybe adding pre/probiotics too?

It's funny, I have two dogs who I make sure to feed a healthy, well rounded quality diet...I cook for them and give them joint supplements and digestive aids...and then I turn around and eat carbage and am lucky if I remember to take a muti-vitamin once in a while.

Thanks again everyone!!