Could you????
jenbit
Posts: 4,252 Member
So I've been seeing alot of these thread on another board that I participate in.It seems alot of adults are worried about being a virgin in their 20 and even their 30's and that no one will want to date them if they found out....
My question are
1. Could you date someone who is in your relative age group and was a virgin?
2.Would you rather know or not?
My question are
1. Could you date someone who is in your relative age group and was a virgin?
2.Would you rather know or not?
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Replies
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1. Yes I'd date a virgin close to my age
2. I'd rather know0 -
I'm sure most of you know that I'm a virgin...in fact I've never even kissed a guy before. I hope that no one would judge me on that. it just doesn't mean that you're weird or odd or unattractive.
I'm a college graduate with a steady job, have plenty of friends with an active social life. I've just never done it. (I'm not religious one iota by the way). I didn't go on a date until I was 21 and the guy was not someone I wanted to kiss, let alone have sex with him.
Maybe because I haven't had sex I've placed more emphasis on the first time, but I know that for my friends, their first time was with a guy they truly liked. None of my friends just went out and had sex for no reason. They waited for the right guy. And I'm the same way...I haven't met the right guy.
I'm waiting for a guy I really like. And I've never met a guy who I liked who liked me back in the same way. When that day comes, and we have the same amount of attraction to each other, I'm all in. Waiting, and being a virgin doesn't mean I'm weird, or awkward, or anything than just me. My virginity should not be a dealbreaker to anyone, and if it is, then they're the one with the problem.0 -
A few thoughts here:
- I don't want to date someone I can't have sex with. I guess it would depend on why they were a virgin. Waiting until marriage? That's great but probably not a good fit for me.
- Is it for religious reasons? Nothing wrong with that, but the massive pentagram tattooed on my stomach might make for an interesting first time for her if so. Also we might not have a lot in common if religion was a #1 priority.
- I would want to know. I'd also want to know why and why she has decided to make a change. I would make a HUGE effort to make the first time really special.
No judgement either way. I'd probably find it really interesting. I like people that have something that sets them apart. I also find it admirable when people have a belief of their own and stick to it for their own reasons.0 -
I would make a HUGE effort to make the first time really special.
That made me well up!! Awwwww - you're a proper gent Chris. No woman could ask for more xx0 -
I think I'd have a problem with it at my age. A 40odd virgin male would probably not gel with my character at all, so I doubt there would be an attraction. On saying that, if he had been in a coma for 25 years then perhaps I'd pop his cherry for him!!! :laugh:
kiddin
But seriously, I dont have a problem with it. I've slept with a virgin before! Someone has to be the first, right?
Not sure if I'd want, or need to know. My first love didnt tell me till 5 years later! Bless him
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A few thoughts here:
- I don't want to date someone I can't have sex with. I guess it would depend on why they were a virgin. Waiting until marriage? That's great but probably not a good fit for me.
- Is it for religious reasons? Nothing wrong with that, but the massive pentagram tattooed on my stomach might make for an interesting first time for her if so. Also we might not have a lot in common if religion was a #1 priority.
- I would want to know. I'd also want to know why and why she has decided to make a change. I would make a HUGE effort to make the first time really special.
No judgement either way. I'd probably find it really interesting. I like people that have something that sets them apart. I also find it admirable when people have a belief of their own and stick to it for their own reasons.
I agree - I work with a girl who is waiting for marriage and her bf was very supporting of it. They did a lot of other things, and I give her props for being in the moment and not caving to her own pressure (she says her bf never pressures her)
I'd have no issues with it, but I'd probably want to know why they were a virgin and why, with me, they decided to change that.0 -
I'm sure most of you know that I'm a virgin...in fact I've never even kissed a guy before. I hope that no one would judge me on that. it just doesn't mean that you're weird or odd or unattractive.
I'm a college graduate with a steady job, have plenty of friends with an active social life. I've just never done it. (I'm not religious one iota by the way). I didn't go on a date until I was 21 and the guy was not someone I wanted to kiss, let alone have sex with him.
Maybe because I haven't had sex I've placed more emphasis on the first time, but I know that for my friends, their first time was with a guy they truly liked. None of my friends just went out and had sex for no reason. They waited for the right guy. And I'm the same way...I haven't met the right guy.
I'm waiting for a guy I really like. And I've never met a guy who I liked who liked me back in the same way. When that day comes, and we have the same amount of attraction to each other, I'm all in. Waiting, and being a virgin doesn't mean I'm weird, or awkward, or anything than just me. My virginity should not be a dealbreaker to anyone, and if it is, then they're the one with the problem.
You dont have to justify your status Christine.......lol
You didnt answer the questions: would YOU sleep with a virgin and would you want to know?? Or would you prefer someone more experienced for your first time?0 -
I would date them and I would want to know.
I would also be willing to wait a bit before making any moves and try to romance her as much as possible. In fact, I would possibly wait until she brought it up and said she was ready. Being someone's first would be a huge responsibility, so I would try to make it as amazing and seamless for her as possible so even if we didnt work out long term, she would always carry a fond memory of it,
However, how long I am willing to wait depends upon the girl and how into her I am. It also depends on how sexually compatible we are (I am sure sex would be discussed at some point.).0 -
I'm sure most of you know that I'm a virgin...in fact I've never even kissed a guy before. I hope that no one would judge me on that. it just doesn't mean that you're weird or odd or unattractive.
I'm a college graduate with a steady job, have plenty of friends with an active social life. I've just never done it. (I'm not religious one iota by the way). I didn't go on a date until I was 21 and the guy was not someone I wanted to kiss, let alone have sex with him.
Maybe because I haven't had sex I've placed more emphasis on the first time, but I know that for my friends, their first time was with a guy they truly liked. None of my friends just went out and had sex for no reason. They waited for the right guy. And I'm the same way...I haven't met the right guy.
I'm waiting for a guy I really like. And I've never met a guy who I liked who liked me back in the same way. When that day comes, and we have the same amount of attraction to each other, I'm all in. Waiting, and being a virgin doesn't mean I'm weird, or awkward, or anything than just me. My virginity should not be a dealbreaker to anyone, and if it is, then they're the one with the problem.
You dont have to justify your status Christine.......lol
You didnt answer the questions: would YOU sleep with a virgin and would you want to know?? Or would you prefer someone more experienced for your first time?
Thanks Anna! See it is funny, I feel like I have to justify it to others. I don't think it's weird but others do.
Would I sleep with a virgin? Yes, it would actually be preferred. I am soooo scared of STDs. If a guy wasn't a virgin he'd be getting a STD check before we did the deed. So yes I would have to know!0 -
Noooo.........0
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As someone mentioned earlier... that depends on why they are still a virgin. I respect the decision to wait, but most reasons that I can think of would be incompatible with my personality.
That said, I have dated guys who were relatively inexperienced. With three that I know of, I was the 2nd girl they'd been with, having lost 'it' within a year before I met them. Sometimes those can be the best because they are eager to please and make up for lost time. :happy:
:blushing: 0 -
Maybe its because I lost mine around 11 that makes me not care but seriously, couldn't care less. The only person I ever loved was a virgin and she told me before hand (we were both 19 at the time)0
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Maybe its because I lost mine around 11 that makes me not care but seriously, couldn't care less. The only person I ever loved was a virgin and she told me before hand (we were both 19 at the time)
I was still playing with Barbies I feel like. Haha0 -
I'm sure most of you know that I'm a virgin...in fact I've never even kissed a guy before. I hope that no one would judge me on that. it just doesn't mean that you're weird or odd or unattractive.
I'm a college graduate with a steady job, have plenty of friends with an active social life. I've just never done it. (I'm not religious one iota by the way). I didn't go on a date until I was 21 and the guy was not someone I wanted to kiss, let alone have sex with him.
Maybe because I haven't had sex I've placed more emphasis on the first time, but I know that for my friends, their first time was with a guy they truly liked. None of my friends just went out and had sex for no reason. They waited for the right guy. And I'm the same way...I haven't met the right guy.
I'm waiting for a guy I really like. And I've never met a guy who I liked who liked me back in the same way. When that day comes, and we have the same amount of attraction to each other, I'm all in. Waiting, and being a virgin doesn't mean I'm weird, or awkward, or anything than just me. My virginity should not be a dealbreaker to anyone, and if it is, then they're the one with the problem.
Nothin' wrong with that, Christine...same sort of deal here, except I'm a guy waiting for the right girl. It really doesn't bother me that much. The thing that bothers me more is that I still haven't had a true girlfriend yet. Just haven't found someone. But here's the thing...I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to waste my life. I want to find her soon! Gettin' to the point where I'll start thinking seriously about online dating sites to find women to go on dates with...I just don't meet enough eligible ladies by chance in real life.0 -
I am 42. I really don't consider any woman under 30 as an option. Really anyone under 35 for that matter. When I was 24 I dated a gal who was 31 and a virgin. Based on that experience, I'd be really hesitant to do it again. I probably wouldn't give another lady the benefit of the doubt.
Yes I'd want to know.0 -
I would prefer not to, but yes I could and yes I'd want to know. No judgement but their reasoning would probably be key to understanding compatibility.0
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No. sex is a natural part of a healthy relationship. and furthermore their life choices that brought them to that decision would mean that we are most likely incompatible.0
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My only bf was a virgin. I was 25, he was 23. He just hadn't met anyone he wanted to have sex with. I'd had a few drunken/high one-night stands... I wish my first time was special, but yeah.......... not so much. My first time with him was super fun, though!
I probably would again, depending on their reasoning. If it's religious, probably not. I respect that, but it's not me (anymore). I do know a guy pushing 50 who is a virgin if anyone closer to his age is interested 0 -
No. sex is a natural part of a healthy relationship. and furthermore their life choices that brought them to that decision would mean that we are most likely incompatible.
So are you scared the person has never been in a relationship that lead to sex/is your hesitation about her lack of relationships? Are you hesitant because you think she won't have sex for a long time? What makes you hesitant about her?
And for that matter going back to an earlier thought in a different thread...what if you met an awesome girl, you went out on three dates or four or five and you think she's super awesome and you tell your friends about her and then she said "by the way Laces I'm a virgin." Surely that wouldn't be a deal breaker where you dump her on the spot? Perhaps you would like her in spite of it. I like to assume the best from people.0 -
Christine, here's my theory...I think people who are swingers, and have a lot of sex with different partners don't see it as an emotional connection thing most of the time...they've likely done it so much that it's just another deed. I know if I had had a lot of sex with tons of women, I probably would see it just as something to make me feel good. So, if the person doing it wasn't a professional at it, I'd probably want no part of them, lol. But that's not me...I'm just trying to put myself into other people's shoes and come up with reasons why people might see it that way.0
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In my case It would be very unusual to meet someone in my age range that was a virgin. . . If someone has made it to 35 or older and is still a virgin, then I would wonder what has prevented them from marrying and/or entering into some sort of committed relationship.. . That's not to say I wouldn't give them a chance. . Maybe nobody else ever has!. .
That being said, it's not THAT rare to meet a woman who is out of a marriage and has decided to save herself for her next marriage or long-term relationship. If I met a girl that gelled with me in every way, but wanted to save herself . . I would wait.0 -
Oh, and Christine...I forgot to add...
Seems like most these days are hooking up and having sex first, then dating and getting to know the person. We're going against the grain if we do it the other way. I don't like that; I wasn't brought up to do it that way!0 -
Oh, and Christine...I forgot to add...
Seems like most these days are hooking up and having sex first, then dating and getting to know the person. We're going against the grain if we do it the other way. I don't like that; I wasn't brought up to do it that way!
It's definitely more of a "hookup culture" these days. That's fine if you're into that,but I am not.In my case It would be very unusual to meet someone in my age range that was a virgin. . . If someone has made it to 35 or older and is still a virgin, then I would wonder what has prevented them from marrying and/or entering into some sort of committed relationship.. . That's not to say I wouldn't give them a chance. . Maybe nobody else ever has!. .
That being said, it's not THAT rare to meet a woman who is out of a marriage and has decided to save herself for her next marriage or long-term relationship. If I met a girl that gelled with me in every way, but wanted to save herself . . I would wait.
I'm younger but I actually know a few people who've never been in a relationship but are truly awesome and would make someone a great partner.
I think a lot of it is random luck. Some people are in the right place at the right time. Some people could go to a bar tomorrow night and meet The One. Or you could go to the bar and just miss that person by five minutes. Or you could be at the bar next door. It's all crazy stupid luck.0 -
In my case It would be very unusual to meet someone in my age range that was a virgin. . . If someone has made it to 35 or older and is still a virgin, then I would wonder what has prevented them from marrying and/or entering into some sort of committed relationship.. . That's not to say I wouldn't give them a chance. . Maybe nobody else ever has!. .
That being said, it's not THAT rare to meet a woman who is out of a marriage and has decided to save herself for her next marriage or long-term relationship. If I met a girl that gelled with me in every way, but wanted to save herself . . I would wait.
Keep in mind some of us are just late bloomers. I didn't start dating until after I finished my Bachelors degree. I wanted to be on solid footing and be able to hold my own in a relationship. Some of the learning experiences people normally have in their teenage years I didn't have until my late 20s. Doesn't make me any less of an awesome person or less valuable as a partner.0 -
Keep in mind some of us are just late bloomers. I didn't start dating until after I finished my Bachelors degree. I wanted to be on solid footing and be able to hold my own in a relationship. Some of the learning experiences people normally have in their teenage years I didn't have until my late 20s. Doesn't make me any less of an awesome person or less valuable as a partner.
Yip, same here. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 25 (lasted just over 2.5 years). Yes, as I stated, I had a few one-night-stands prior to that, but not a relationship. I just turned 30, but that's the only relationship I've ever been in. Mine wasn't because I wanted to be on solid footing, though...it was because no one was interested.0 -
A few thoughts here:
- I don't want to date someone I can't have sex with. I guess it would depend on why they were a virgin. Waiting until marriage? That's great but probably not a good fit for me.
This pretty much sums it up for me as well. Depending on her her reason, I wouldn't care if the girl was a virgin. If she was wanting to wait until marriage, then it would not work out between us. Sexual compatibility is important to me and the idea of falling in love, getting married to that girl, and then finding out you are NOT a good fit (if you know what I mean :devil: ) would just :frown:0 -
Oh, and Christine...I forgot to add...
Seems like most these days are hooking up and having sex first, then dating and getting to know the person. We're going against the grain if we do it the other way. I don't like that; I wasn't brought up to do it that way!
It's definitely more of a "hookup culture" these days. That's fine if you're into that,but I am not.
What I meant, was I wasn't brought up the way most are today with respect to relationships, and I hate the drink-hookup-sex-then date game plan...like you said, similar to your take on it.A few thoughts here:
- I don't want to date someone I can't have sex with. I guess it would depend on why they were a virgin. Waiting until marriage? That's great but probably not a good fit for me.
This pretty much sums it up for me as well. Depending on her her reason, I wouldn't care if the girl was a virgin. If she was wanting to wait until marriage, then it would not work out between us. Sexual compatibility is important to me and the idea of falling in love, getting married to that girl, and then finding out you are NOT a good fit (if you know what I mean :devil: ) would just :frown:
Some people reading this quickly might interpret "someone I can't have sex with" to mean someone who has never had sex and is inexperienced with it. Just sayin'.Keep in mind some of us are just late bloomers. I didn't start dating until after I finished my Bachelors degree. I wanted to be on solid footing and be able to hold my own in a relationship. Some of the learning experiences people normally have in their teenage years I didn't have until my late 20s. Doesn't make me any less of an awesome person or less valuable as a partner.
Bingo.Yip, same here. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 25 (lasted just over 2.5 years). Yes, as I stated, I had a few one-night-stands prior to that, but not a relationship. I just turned 30, but that's the only relationship I've ever been in. Mine wasn't because I wanted to be on solid footing, though...it was because no one was interested.
In my case, women like me, and I like women. I get a little flirty and like to tease/get teasted sometimes. I really enjoy it. But I've never moved past that stage, because it seems like most people just want to drink and have sex and not really connect. On the rare occasion that I've asked a girl out (3 to 5 times total ever, including one in high school, one or two during college, and one or two after college) I've always gotten friend zoned. All except one of those cases were with girls I didn't know were into someone else, and were about to start dating that person, or had already started. The other ended up just being the wrong type for me.
I had a roommate in college say to me once that his girlfriend was really surprised I didn't have a girlfriend of my own, b/c she felt I was a good guy, hilarious, good-looking, and sarcastic. (Since when is sarcastic a positive attribbute, lol?). He then told me I should increase my social life. I told him I didn't like the drinking/partying stuff, and he told me I didn't have to drink and still participate. But I didn't. That was senior year.
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1) would I date a virgin probably not because I am one. Oh yeah I reached the great age of 36 with never have had sex.
2) I am appreciating everyones answers on this because unless I am anywhere near the point of being intimate with someone I would not tell them. The is just too much stigmata about it.
And here is how I still have not lost it and it isn't because of religion as I am athiest or because I am waiting for marriage.
My frist boyfriend was when I was 17/18 and he dumped me because he was a virgin and didn't want his first time with one.
I then went to college while all my other friends went to another college. I ended up not really making friends because back then I was introverted and prefered to read or talk to my friend through IRC (old school chat boards). Well I met a guy online and ended up long distance dating him for most of my college years when I passed up a lot of oppurtunities. I didn't meet him until later and there was just no physical attraction.
After college I was focused on finding a career which during that time I ended up gaining most my weight and my self esteem took a nose dive. So my 20s were pretty much just following the same routine day in and day out with no changes and I barely dated. As we all know a overweight person that has no confidence really attracts the guys.
Now I have reached my 30s and have the stigmata of being a virigin in my 30s. It is a big cloud that rests over my head. I didn't find myself as a person until around 32 which is when I started coming out of my shell again. I quickly fell into another long distance realtionship with a guy back in MN. He traveled a lot for his job but never to my area so it was hard on our timing for us to even see eachother, which is why we broke up. The next guy I was intersted in (another long distance thing) I was up front with and told him I was a virigin and he seemed cool with it and we sexted and had phone sex but nothing ever came of it.
So really it was just bad circumstances that have led to the point that I am at now. Really I am to the point of getting drunk and having a one night stand just to get it over with.0 -
I'm also in my mid-40's, so at my age the odds of dating a virgin are close to impossible. For me it's a catch-22....I don't think I'm interested in dating a virgin--I prefer someone with some experience but then again I don't want someone who's been around the block hundreds of times either.
I actually went through a phase in my early 30's. I started going to church and at that time made the decision to not have sex with anyone else until I was married--at the time for religious reasons and also because I wanted to find someone who wanted me and not just sex. I went 4 years without it. As if the dating pool isn't small enough, trying to date a guy who is understanding of that makes it nearly impossible to be in a long-term relationship. I give props to those of you who remain virgins and are waiting!!
Would I date a virgin? More than likely no--but it depends on the man. It is commendable!
Would I want to know? Definitely!0 -
Well since I put the question up I guess I should answer it...
1 I would probably date a virgin though most men around my age (espicailly in my area) probably arent one...
2 I wouldnt care if he told me or not... I have 1 male friend who was in a LTR since high school and has only been with the 1 partner.I know he told women and they were ok with it.0
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