Changing lifestyle changing friends
HLaR79
Posts: 1,519 Member
The more I work towards getting the surgery the more I feel a huge wedge between myself and the person who was my best friend. She is also very obese, and says she wants to loose weight but everything positive I learn and try to share she makes excuses for not being able to do it. I dont want to sit on my butt and eat anymore, I’m trying to break up with food and I’m scared it means I will end up breaking up with her too!
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Replies
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My really good friend & me were like that, all around food. Now we get our nails done together, no food involved. We see each other, and are able to focus on our relationship, not food. I hope that your bestie is as supportive as mine has been in my journey.
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My whole family is about food....every gathering, activity involves food. I am hoping I can inspire eating healthier items and display you can limit what you eat. But do find things you can do without food as the center activity, like stated above. Did pedi/mani with my sister and no lunch date. Went to the movies with my family and they had a meal before we went versus going out. It is still fun and saves money. : )0
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My best friends are a couple, both very obese. One of them actually had gastric bypass and ended up gaining his weight back. Another bestie of mine is obese as well. Before I had surgery, our social lives definitely included LOTS of food. When I chose to have surgery, we actually talked about changing certain things. Now when we go out to eat, we share food, or they are ok with me just having a coffee while they eat, or if we do something and they want to go eat after and I don't, we just go our separate ways. They are super supportive and we don't judge each other. Thinking ahead about how things will change with the people in your lives, along with planning for it and communicating, really helps.2
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HLaR79, I probably had the same friend. Along with my personal weight, I also lost the baggage of a friend who just wanted me to remain the same. Over the years I believe she had some secret joy in seeing me regain lost weight. When I said I was having WLS she kinda treated me like I was cheating on weight loss. She knew I was a professional yo-yo dieter. She knew I was in the yo-yo dieting hall of fame and had received numerous awards for losing and regaining weight. But she also knew that WLS was my one chance at keeping the weight off. So far I've been successful. I'll be 3 years post-op next month and have maintained my weight loss for 18 months since getting to my goal weight. HW 267, SW 233, CW 138. I'm 3 lbs above where I'd like to be but I've never been able to maintain a weight loss for 18 months without putting it all back on. WLS can help you maintain pounds lost.
Hopefully, your friend will come around and be supportive but if not then you continue on your path to good health.4 -
Thanks all
I expected some people to not accept my choice and changes.
I guess I will have to see where things go. I have not talked to her in a week, and now it’s coming closer to Friday which is our usual go out and eat supper date, but I don’t think I want to go and I doubt she will be willing to do anything else. Well I guess I will stay at home stay warm and finish crocheting my blanket project I’m working on3 -
Thanks all
I expected some people to not accept my choice and changes.
I guess I will have to see where things go. I have not talked to her in a week, and now it’s coming closer to Friday which is our usual go out and eat supper date, but I don’t think I want to go and I doubt she will be willing to do anything else. Well I guess I will stay at home stay warm and finish crocheting my blanket project I’m working on
You will need that blanket because everyone I know who lost weight is freezing.
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I lost friends
After surgery and losing the first 10 stone they became openly hostile and if anyone complimented me they would start ranting about how I didn't lose the weight, the surgeon did...... all while eating double or triple portions
They would also criticize my exercise routine trying to make the case for me being a bad mother for exercising
Some people are just toxic for us6 -
I lost friends as well. What really surprised me was the attitude I got from some of my FAMILY. I got a lot of people saying I took the easy way out!! LOL, if they only knew! It used to hurt my feelings now I know how to rid my self of toxic people.2
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One of my co-workers the other day, when we were discussing weight loss, said "well, I'm doing it the hard way."... Uh, come with me for a day, see what my eating habits are, what my routine is (gym), then tell me this is easy... this is the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life!
I let another co-worker know my frustration about the "I'm doing it the hard way" comment... and she had sleeve surgery a year before my RnY, and she was like, "if it were the "easy way" I would be thin right now, but I'm still the same weight I was when I had the surgery."
Took all my might to bite my tongue and not say anything other than, "trust me, this isn't the easy way".2 -
@Samquentin I've been very fortunate in that most of my co-workers have been supportive of my new, healthy lifestyle. I think a lot of that has to do with that they SEE me around town walking/biking/running (I work for the county bus system). Also when I'm in the break room having a snack it's always something healthy. Usually some yummy crock pot or a piece of fruit. I have 6 co-workers that have had similar procedures. 4 are as big (or bigger) than they were when they had it and the other 2 are at least 30 pounds heavier than their lightest (and still gaining). So everyone knows that if it were "easy" they'd all be fit.
I kind of look at it this way, if I had a rich uncle that owned a company and he gave me a job that I knew I was qualified for and could excel at would I refuse it just because it was "easy" to get? NO. I'd still have to go to work everyday and prove my worth. Having VSG has definitely given me a new lease on life and an invaluable tool to accomplish my health goals. Whether people think it's easy or hard is on them. I'm too busy being healthy and happy!5 -
@Aztec4Life I guess this is the downside of working from home!
She does see me not eat the crap foods that she brings in (chocolate candies, chips, other junk foods-and shares with everyone) when we are onsite for something. She does see my eating lunch when we are onsite too. But she lives 3 hours from me, so seeing me outside working out, doesn't happen. (granted, it is WAY too cold here in the mid-west to be outside working out, super stoked that it's going to be a high of 50 tomorrow!)
Just have to remember, some people are jerks, and try to bring everyone else around them down, because they aren't happy with themselves.1 -
It's not always a case of others seeing what you do
My friends saw me on a daily basis, we would go out to lunch several times a week where I would have a small salad or fish with vegetables and they would have 3 courses of high calorie food
They saw me running daily, knew I swam every morning and still made digs and threw pure hatred at me
It boils down to jealousy. Yes I had surgery but I changed my lifestyle and that made them uncomfortable because they were not willing to make the changes
They threw the "I'm doing it the hard way" line at me many times but would be back to thier regular habits by the end of the week4 -
This isn’t just a WLSurgery issue...my son who is now 18 and 6’ft tall, weighed about 220 last year at this time, did not have WLS...he worked his butt off in the gym (a couple of hrs a day, almost daily) he completely changed how he ate and started taking care of himself nutritionally (protein, vitamins, supplements etc) he now weighs about 183 and very fit.
2 nights ago, he went to a birthday celebration for one of best friends that passed away 1 1/2 years ago...when he got home I asked him how it went, he was bummed, understandably..but not for the reasons I thought.
He said he was mocked, called Protein boy and Mr Flex, and they gave him crap saying he was addicted to weight lifting and working out and didn’t care about hanging out with them anymore ( not true, several of them were just here last week, and came over many times a week) I asked by who, he said almost everyone..keep in mind, these are young adults and his “friends” ..many of them had been for years, and about 85% of them are at least a little overweight and he’s asked many of them to work out with him, and several have over this last year.
It’s very sad that he’s worked so hard to be fit and healthy, and now has pride in himself and what he’s accomplished and his friends mock him and distance themselves from him for it.
I firmly believe some people just don’t want to see you succeed, if they themselves, are not willing to change or work for it. It’s not surgery itself that causes this, it’s the people who are doing it, whether it’s jealousy, fear of something,laziness..whatever the reason. Please don’t let it upset you and sidetrack your progress towards your new life journey.4 -
One of my friends has pretty much stopped communicating with me and I couldn’t figure out why. I pinpointed that the time she ghosted me is around the time I had surgery. She’s obese and has tried to lose weight, so I’m guessing she just doesn’t want to see my progress, as it likely makes her feel even worse about herself.
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A profoundly obese (~400+ pounds) friend ended our friendship six months ago. She was constantly sniping at me and bragging about how healthy she is because she walks a mile every day. Saying I’d mutilated my body. She even had a “Ban WLS” badge in place of her FB avatar. I made it very clear: My body - My choice. No one held a house n to my head and forced me into this. Since my June 2015 VSG, my sleep apnea, high blood pressure, swollen calves, incipient diabetes - all gone. I can cross my legs and tie my shoes without a struggle. I find I honestly don’t miss her, and expect I’ll outlive her by many years.... moreover, I will be there to see my grand babies!! I’ve gained 12 pounds since my lowest weight, but have lost 2.8 pounds this week, and am turning my back on some bad behaviors I’d allowed to creep back in, because I am #nevergoingback !!! It’s been useful to go back and read my post-op food journals, btw. 3
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Sometimes the best weight loss is getting rid of a friend who needs to be gone. Congrats akindofmagic on your weight loss.3
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Yep I too had to clean house of obese friends. All they ever wanted to do was eat and party and they were all over 40 not youngsters. Now I have wonderful friends from my community who support me every step of the way. I was once 497 and am now 211 and getting my second excess skin removal surgery March 19th. It was the best thing I did for this 60+ body.
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