QOTW:
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I started at around 375 and am now down to about 318. Goal is between 150 and 200. Not sure till I get closer. I'm 5'11" so I imagine it'll be more than 150 but not sure by how much.
Like most people here I've had a difficult relationship with my body. But I've been working on that for a long time, and I'm only now able to do this change because I figured out the other stuff first. I was lucky to start therapy in my teens and it has really helped me figure my *kitten* out.
I haven't cut it down really, but i guess the big thing is usually hitting the 200 or 100 mark. I'm big into rewards but I take pretty good care of myself so it's hard to say "I'll buy x when i hit x". So instead it is experiences, but i am pretty motivated without a typical pedicure/spa day/new outfit kind of reward. I'll be watching this thread for ideas though.2 -
Thanks to you all!
It really is so very nice to find others who understand and sympathize! You are so right - its hard to relate to the other groups where folks are simply trying to get to a certain BF% or lose 50 lbs or such. Its not that they are unkind; its just that we are in completely and totally different worlds!
@rabidhamster87rabidhamster87 wrote: »It seems like so many people preach about how "fat acceptance" is unhealthy, but I've never EVER felt like people thought my fatness was acceptable. The only thing I've encountered is fat hate! Which just leads to self-loathing and definitely doesn't make me feel like I deserve any better or motivate me to try to be better...
Oh definitely yes to this! I see it here on MFP all the time! And on Youtube and any article dealing with obesity.......The one thing that I really hate is the folks who argue that "its an unhealthy lifestyle and should not be encouraged" as their excuse to essentially tell me that I cannot be affirmed as a person or accepted as a person because I'm "obese". Whether or not they realize it, that's what I hear coming from them and it absolutely makes me feel like I don't have value, I don't have a right to be accepted, that I should be guilty, etc.
They act like its perfectly okay and socially acceptable to tell me that I"m obese and therefore can't possibly be healthy. Yet they fail to realize no one takes well to having their flaws thrown up to them and criticizing and hammering one's flaws rarely helps that person actually desire to change or in their efforts to change. constantly harping on someone to quit drinking or quit smoking, that they are killing themselves, rarely ever encourages these folks to quit; usually it just pushes the behavior into hiding. Or causes the individual to pull into themselves, especially if its something they are struggling to defeat or have been struggling with for years. OR, as in my sister's case, it just cases them to "bull up" and get angry and become even more resistant to change as a form of rebellion or "you can't tell me what to do!"
This is probably why I refuse to get too involved in social media (drives my SIL crazy that I don't have a facebook account). People use the anonymity to be so vicious, saying things that they'd never say to someone's face and making snap judgments based on stereotypes. We'll all different and have a myriad of reasons for why we are the way we are and we shouldn't be judging folks without understanding where they are coming from!
Though I do say this with an ironic smile on my face, since I am perfectly aware that being judgmental seems to be part of the human condition, and I'm guilty of it myself
I do a lot of things by myself, but its always there in the back of my mind whenever I"m out in public, whether its eating at a restaurant or buying clothes or even going to the movies. I'm always feeling like I'm a spectacle and being judged. That's my feelings, of course, and feelings often run counter to reality and I realize that most of the general public don't even pay attention that I"m there, let alone take time to judge me because of my size, but I have a hard time with not projecting my own insecurities and negative self perception on others. But then to read article comments that others make about "fatties" and the "unhealthiness" just affirms those projected feelings!rabidhamster87 wrote: »But as far as dates go, you should try online dating! I had to kiss a few frogs before I met my prince, but eventually I did. My fiance and I met on OkCupid and we've been together for over 3 years now. It's worth a shot, right??
I'm so happy that it worked out so well for you! That's wonderful and best wishes to you both!
I'm afraid I can't even find the pond with the tadpoles, let alone the frogs to even start sorting through. I think I'm sitting beside a dried up mud-puddle lol
I did try online dating once, after being pestered by my SIL for a time. I put up a profile, trying to be honest, got a few responses, but kept getting asked for a picture. Well, as soon as I finally put a picture up, all contacts dried up.
Just as well, I suppose. There really isn't someone out there for anyone, despite the old adage, and being single isn't the worst thing that could be - I have plenty of examples of the downside of relationships in my own family. I do believe that true love exists and that marriage can work and be beautiful. It's rare, but I do know of couples who still love and respect each other, even after 40 and 50 years of marriage. Of course, I know of several more who are either divorced, live in constant arguments and resentment, or are just non-communicative with each other.
Besides, as much as I hate, to, I have to admit my SIL is right - my family IS socially awkward lol I know that my likes and dislikes and interests are definitely not in step with anyone else I know personally and does come across as strange, odd, and just down-right weird, especially for a 38 year old......(we're going to totally ignore my huge LOTR memorabilia collection.......)5 -
@bmeadows380 Preach on, sister! It's so nice to see someone else saying all the things I've been thinking for so long. People tearing down fat people like they don't even deserve to exist in the name of "encouraging them to be healthy" reminds me of that quote by Frederick Douglass... "Never was there a clearer case of 'stealing the livery of the court of heaven to serve the devil in.'"
I understand about facebook too. I honestly haven't been on there since the election and I've been so much happier for it! People just get entirely too mean. It's bad enough when it's random strangers on the internet, but it's even worse when it's your uncle you've known and loved your entire life! I think facebook is like poison in more than one way.
I'm sorry that online dating didn't work out for you though
I think it helped that OkCupid was so personality-based when I did it! Now everyone wants another Tinder where you just swipe left or right based purely on looks. So stupid. Looks don't last!
"I'm afraid I can't even find the pond with the tadpoles, let alone the frogs to even start sorting through. I think I'm sitting beside a dried up mud-puddle" really made me laugh! Thanks for the chuckle.
You're right though. There's nothing wrong with being single. You never have to ask someone else what they want for dinner or if they mind you going to do x thing, etc. You can just cook what you want and do what you want when you want! And if you get home from work in a foul mood, you don't have to put on a smile for anyone. You can just go be a grump by yourself! There's no one there to try your patience or constantly demand your attention. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love my fiance! But being single was really nice too in its own ways.
Although, this part "we're going to totally ignore my huge LOTR memorabilia collection....." makes me think there's 100% the right sweet, nerdy soulmate out there for you!1 -
Glad I could give you a chuckle! 1
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Hello. This is Mike. 6’5 and 410lbs. Life long food addict. I have a very addictive personality. Food is my drug of choice. It’s legal, always available, comforting and inviting. It makes me content and complete. However, I realize it’s time for a change. Not eager to start Atkins again, although I did lose 80lbs on it in 2005 but cant eat low carb forever. I want to get to a goal of 250 lbs. i actually want ppl to tell me i look sick once again. They told me that when i was down to 217 lbs on atkins. My “plan” is start this Monday, right after Superbowl 52. Go Eagles, i hate the pats. Anyway, any support on this group would be awesome1
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welcome, Mike!
The best thing about losing weight is that the key is to burn fewer calories than what you use; any variety of diets (not including the extreme fad ones that damage health) are valid to use, so if you just didn't like Atkins for a long term solution, you might try something else that allows for more carbs. Or don't go with any official diet and just count calories and see where that gets you!
I know some folks find keto or other forms of low carb diets the best for them in terms of saity and how they feel, but I love my carbs too much and the cravings would be awful for me. So I just tried for more whole, filling foods and less processed and stuck to counting calories which has worked so far.
Others find a form of intermittent fasting to be the trick for them, and I'm playing around a little with that right now as I know my weakest time is in the evening, so I've been have a very light breakfast (usually just coffee with milk) as I want as many calories available for those hours as I can.
Best of luck to you!0 -
Goals... as with everyone else, they are multiple. The biggest one is to end the pain. Everything from the toes to the hips are in various stages of extreme to low level pain all the time. My weight has led to me developing DVT - deep vein thrombosis and then thrombophlebitis, where the blood clots exploded deep in the veins and out through the skin; and this has landed me in the hospital twice. I cannot reverse the damage done to my legs, but I can end the pain in the legs and joints by losing weight. I can barely walk about the produce section of the grocery store without being in agony. So, the daily goal, using a fitbit, is to add extra steps each day, until the pain becomes more than I can take. As I am an accountant, I sit all day, so the fitbit makes me move alot more often during the day.
As this past month has gone on (and I've dropped 20 pounds), I'm noticing that the pain is, slowly, going down, making it easier to walk, which lessens the pain, which helps with the weight loss... rinse and repeat. The goals are long-term and I hope that I can get to my goal weight (only 180 more to go!) and stay there. As with 12-step groups, I'm taking this a day at a time - or a step at a time.2 -
Thought I’d get a new QOTW going!
Are you an “emotional eater”? If so, what are you doing to replace eating as a coping skill?
I look forward to your answers! I’ll be back soon to share my answer.0 -
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I am on my way to lose weight , but i am sick and tried of body shaming and people telling others how to live !!! I say do what makes you happy and me being this big hurts so I am not happy so I am fixing it , so I can be happy !!!1
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@tammyfranks2 I totally agree. I don’t understand why people feel the need to comment on other people’s bodies (fat, thin, or anywhere on the spectrum) Now, I think that sometimes loved ones may need to express concern over health if they can do so in a loving and compassionate manner. Most people have trouble with that so it’s often best to show you care and be supportive. I can honestly say that having people comment on my weight never did anything but make me retreat further inside of my self.
I am an emotional eater. When I get stressed, I tend to kick the *kitten* it bucket, so to speak.
the best thing I’ve learned is that if I stay busy or distract myself with something else I enjoy, I can get past cravings. Yesterday I slipped a bit. I had a Doctor appointment scheduled and the office called me as I was halfway there to reschedule. I was already nervous about this appointment and rescheduling it just meant I have to worry about it
longer. When I made it back to my office, someone had left a cup of valentines goodies on everyone’s desk. About 450 calories worth. I ate them all. I managed to recover and finish the day under my calorie goal (though I did dip into exercise calories), but that stress really weakened my resolve to stick to my plan.3 -
QOTW:
I'm definitely an emotional eater! I find when I'm eating, my brain will turn off from whatever negative is happening there and turn to enjoyment of whatever the food item is. So, the more negative I am, the more I eat. Also, if I'm not paying attention, i.e. bored, I'll eat "just because" and not even notice how many calories I'm consuming.
I've also found that when I am losing weight, I'm much more spontaneous or have a don't-give-a-**** mentality. Like I'm more likely to do stuff I want to do that I'd be worried about getting judged on otherwise. Not sure if it's the chicken or the egg in that instance, but it seems like my emotions balance out when I'm in this mode so I like it, whatever it is!2 -
Mellykay88 wrote: »Yesterday I slipped a bit. I had a Doctor appointment scheduled and the office called me as I was halfway there to reschedule. I was already nervous about this appointment and rescheduling it just meant I have to worry about it longer. When I made it back to my office, someone had left a cup of valentines goodies on everyone’s desk. About 450 calories worth. I ate them all. I managed to recover and finish the day under my calorie goal (though I did dip into exercise calories), but that stress really weakened my resolve to stick to my plan.
That stinks about the curve ball you were basically thrown by the cancellation, but way to go on keeping under your calorie count! That's what those exercise calories are for, and it's all about the average anyway. You got this even with a slip sometimes. Gotta give yourself leeway to be human
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@bmeadows380 I've only just read your story. Thank you so much for sharing and saying so much that I've been thinking for so long. I've been lucky I suppose in that I haven't always been really heavy. Maybe a little overweight for most of my life but after knee surgery and a few personal issues, hubby having an above knee amputation and my horse of a lifetime being put to sleep 3 weeks later I have literally piled on the stones. Everything I did or didn't do came down to my weight. Can't fit in the hairdressers chair any more? Change hairdresser. Can't get in a plane seat? Don't fly. Can't stand up for too long? Don't go out with friends. Etc etc etc. My whole life was/is built around those things.
At the moment my worst thing us that I desperately want to soak in the bath but I'm so scared I just won't be able to get out of I get in and the thought of being stuck naked and flabby terrifies me as there's no way my one legged husband could pull me out. I'm hoping I'll get down to about 260 and be able to give it a go then! No pressure lol.2 -
Mellykay88 wrote: »Thought I’d get a new QOTW going!
Are you an “emotional eater”? If so, what are you doing to replace eating as a coping skill?
I am an emotional eater. I eat most of my calories when I'm bored, which is a lot of the time. I find that getting up and getting out of the house and doing affordable things, like going to the gym on the city buses, help me out lots. I just need to find more productive things to occupy my time. Sometimes, that's hard, due to my injuries from working concrete.
I can do the elliptical machine and the weight machines (most of them) at the gym. But, standing is a definite no-no for me. So is walking, more than about 7 min at a time, and around a total of about 20 min a day. It is so painful and I just can't tolerate it. I also can't bend forward and do anything, or do much bending over. I have to be careful and not pick up & carry more than about 8 lbs at a time. Needless to say, he does a whole lot to help take care of us at home.
So, my physical limitations do limit what I can do, to distract myself from being bored at home and eating. But, that's no excuse and I just have to find more things that I CAN do. I always try to think of what I can do, and focus on that. I'm so happy that I can still walk and do what I can do. I stay positive!!!0 -
@fatoldladyonamission omg the bathtub , I haven't had a bath in years , I shower and even then I am very quick in the shower because standing like that hurts , I have a bath chair but those things are awful , my dream is to have a walk in shower , no tub at all , and have a built in bench , for if i need to sit down , people just do not get the whole taking a bath thing and how hard it is , even washing my hair is a chore , but i got it cut so it's easier. BUT since this time I am really doing it and losing and working so hard maybe by Christmas I could get into my tub and take a bath. man that would be awesome. Ya know I don't sleep with my husband I sleep in a chair , (it's a very comfy recliner chair) because I can not lay down , I would be in to much pain. so to sleep in my own bed and to take a bath , something everyone else does with ease , that is my goal , that is all i want 3
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@tammyfranks2 sending you huge hugs, I feel bad for whining now because I am so lucky in that we have a walk in wet room type shower and I’d never really appreciated it before. You will do all those things and I will be right here supporting you all the way. I am dreaming of a bath, I’m just hoping that it will be in a few months time. I’m pretty sure I used to have a bath weighing more than I do right now but the last one I had really scared me when I almost couldn’t heave myself out. What’s really bad is that my one legged husband is in the bath right now and gets himself out without any help from me or anyone else. We don’t even have a bath chair or any properly fixed grab rails so I’ve no idea how he does it but it certainly shames me that I can’t just due to the weight.
Bad thoughts aside, we can and will do this. We’ve got a lovely group of amazingly like minded and supportive people here, that’s what helps make the difference.2 -
fatoldladyonamission wrote: »@bmeadows380 I've only just read your story. Thank you so much for sharing and saying so much that I've been thinking for so long. I've been lucky I suppose in that I haven't always been really heavy. Maybe a little overweight for most of my life but after knee surgery and a few personal issues, hubby having an above knee amputation and my horse of a lifetime being put to sleep 3 weeks later I have literally piled on the stones. Everything I did or didn't do came down to my weight. Can't fit in the hairdressers chair any more? Change hairdresser. Can't get in a plane seat? Don't fly. Can't stand up for too long? Don't go out with friends. Etc etc etc. My whole life was/is built around those things.
At the moment my worst thing us that I desperately want to soak in the bath but I'm so scared I just won't be able to get out of I get in and the thought of being stuck naked and flabby terrifies me as there's no way my one legged husband could pull me out. I'm hoping I'll get down to about 260 and be able to give it a go then! No pressure lol.
Yep; I understand that! Everything in my life does relate back to my weight. Now I don't have all the troubles that a lot of folks do at my size, and I think it comes down to my body-build and perhaps the fact that I've been obese my whole life. From a health perspective, all m number from cholesterol to blood sugar are fine, and I've been able to do what I want physically pretty much anytime, though there are a few things I've wanted to do but can't, such as go horseback riding. But there are things that are more difficult, and I'm hoping will become easier when I lose more weight.
The bath thing for me wasn't so much getting out, it was fitting in the tub! My parents have an old claw-foot tub that is huge, and even at my biggest I could use it, though climbing in and out was a challenge just because of its height!
You can do this, though! And it will amaze you the things that you'll find yourself doing as you lose the weight that you didn't realize had happened! I'll post more about that as an NSV.tammyfranks2 wrote: »tammyfranks2 wrote: »I am on my way to lose weight , but i am sick and tried of body shaming and people telling others how to live !!! I say do what makes you happy and me being this big hurts so I am not happy so I am fixing it , so I can be happy !!!
Amen to both of these! I HATE this trend of people excusing their belittling and demeaning of fat people in the name of "health"!Mellykay88 wrote: »Thought I’d get a new QOTW going!
Are you an “emotional eater”? If so, what are you doing to replace eating as a coping skill?
Well, I've never truly considered myself one, not really. I do struggle a lot with a very negative self image and because of it, I tend to slip into depression easily, even more so because I"m an introvert and spend a LOT of time by myself, but having too much time alone with my thoughts can lead to a lot of self evaluation which turns into self criticism......
But even when I'm in the midst of some of the worst of it, I'm not the sort to go bake like crazy or eat mindlessly or reach for comfort foods, nor does it happen when I've had a bad day at or or bad news.
My problem is that I just downright love food and love eating. I enjoy it like some folks enjoy a hobby or a passion like golf or something. I like to bake and cook and try new recipes and make familiar favorites, and I love the taste and aroma and texture. I go to a buffet and there's so many things that I just want to try because they look so good!
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@bmeadows380 you sound so much like me! I have low blood pressure, low cholesterol and definitely no diabetes. Hubby is a type 2 diabetic and he tests me quite regularly with his monitor always annoyed that I can seemingly have anything and not have my blood sugar go out of normal range!
I can't wait to be doing some of the things I've dreamed of. Up until 18 months ago I had two horses. I couldn't ride either due to my weight and my biggest regret is that my boy I'd had for 16 years died suddenly before I lost the weight to ride him again. That's not going to happen again. Daughter wants another horse so we will buy one hopefully soon but I'm going to ride it.
Emotional eating? Well no actually I think I just love to eat. Mostly savoury things and chocolate. I will eat until my stomach hurts and then go back for more as soon as it stops. I feel disgusting admitting that but it's the truth. Currently I'm doing around 1100 calories a day and taking orlistat. It seems to be working so the switch is flicked into diet on position. I can only pray it stays that way because I'll never forgive myself if I relapse this time.
Sorry feeling a little low for some reason tonight. Best hope the morning comes around fast and brings non achy legs with it so I can do more on the treadmill!2 -
Taking a bath is a great goal! I love baths. I actually have been taking baths and reading instead of eating lately. Two years ago I tore some ligaments in my knee and I've been rolling up onto the edge of the tub and then leveraging myself out when I take a bath because I can't put pressure on my knee. It's humiliating even in front of myself. I'm going to get up out the tub like normal one day soon! We will get there!
As far as emotional eating, I struggle with this some. Not so much eating when I'm sad, but my family marks every occasion with food. We have birthdays and vacation coming up and I'm already trying to figure out what to do. I also substitute food for sleep and rest when I get really tired. If I've had too many sweets you can bet I'm exhausted. I'm trying to get enough rest and recognize tired for what it is. I also have been ordering groceries and picking them up on my way home from work so that I'm not exhausted and standing in the candy aisle!2
