Message board question - should your SO be able to tell you to lose weight?
GoRun2
Posts: 466 Member
Should your Significant Other, family member or very close friend be able to tell you to lose weight? Under what conditions?
I saw this question on the message board and thought it might be worth discussing here.
My first reaction was heck no. But then I thought about Jim who said his son was the one to give him a push to lose half his weight. I also thought if a family member was on drugs or drinking too much it would be OK to tell them under the right conditions.
On the other hand, if it isn't a health issue then definitely no way. However there are people that nag and that doesn't help.
So, what do you think?
I saw this question on the message board and thought it might be worth discussing here.
My first reaction was heck no. But then I thought about Jim who said his son was the one to give him a push to lose half his weight. I also thought if a family member was on drugs or drinking too much it would be OK to tell them under the right conditions.
On the other hand, if it isn't a health issue then definitely no way. However there are people that nag and that doesn't help.
So, what do you think?
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Replies
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Tell?? Never. Suggest, probably, if you really should. Conversely, if you're at a comfortable, non-health threatening, weight (either above or below) probably no.0
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Should be able...?
They can talk, they’re able. How I react depends on their motive.
Like I was reading on another board, SO is a shallow nitwit worried that my out of shape body poorly reflects on them. I say go to blazes.
SO is my wife and fears for my life, I say go to blazes and hopefully think better of it later and make some changes.1 -
I think it depends on your relationship and how you communicate with each other and agree motive ia key. In general, I'd say:
Tell - - no.
Express concern for his/her health and offer to help - - yes.
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@GoRun2 yes, my youngest son talked to me in 2012 about my weight/health in such a manner that I promised him I would do “something”. The lightbulb moment was because he made me realize I was killing myself with food and it brought to mind how my Mother would not quit drinking not matter that me and all my entire family would have done anything to to help her. She died at age 54, I was 64 when he talked to me.
I think we all know discussing weight with anyone is a sensitive area.
During my lifetime I had Drs tell me, I had an USAF Col who was my supervisor (I was Civil Service) mentioned my weight, my other two sons tried the “kind/gentle” approach. I KNEW I needed to lose weight! No one needed to remind me.
My SO always was supportive when I tried to lose but she never nagged me to lose weight. I think primarily because she always dealt with her own weight issues and I never told her to lose weight.
I remember mentioning to a female friend that my WW Meeting was having an Open House and I asked her if she wanted to come. She didn’t speak to me for weeks!!! LoL Lesson Learned! MYOB
ETA: My SO joined WW with me in 2013 to support me, she lost 30# and has been Lifetime ever since.0 -
It's probably semantics but I'm in the 'don't TELL me what to do' camp. In fact, I'm less likely to even try it if I'm told to do it in most situations. The exception would be if the messenger was truly sincere and looking out for my best interest and able to convey that convincingly.0
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I agree, never 'tell'.
Having a thoughtful conversation with someone REALLY close, showing love and concern, maybe, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't have heard that in the way it was intended and would have been hurt, embarrassed, angry.
Never say anything to anyone who you aren't super close to! And never shame!0 -
Tell? Oh hell no. DH tried that when I was pushing 300 pounds and miserable in the summer.
And I'd never tell DH what to do about his weight either. If he asks for advice then I'll give it, otherwise I just keep my mouth shut.0 -
I agree with the prior sentiments. The reality is that concern over one's significant-other's health and well-being are fair and appropriate. But, wow, that is a tricky discussion to have. In fact, it's probably not a single discussion, but rather a conversation that happens over the course of time, slowly, gently, carefully, and obviously, coming from a place of love rather than confrontation. Easier said than done though.0
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I talk to my brother so much that I got tired so one day on is on own when to ww and sign up so far he doin fantastic losing overall 57 pounds.on the other hand when come to my DW is a no no1
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I give thanks that TOL and I have gone through thick and thin together. It's always been together we feast, together we fast. Although, now that she's regained Lifetime, she busts me, since I'm still struggling to drop the last 40+, that I'm costing her money. LOL2
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Tell? Oh blazes no! Should SO/wife bring up her weight and wish to discuss it why sure. Even then baby steps as SteveO says.0
