Mega super binge
skigal303
Posts: 39 Member
I had a big binge today. I'm newly diagnosed insulin resistant PCOS which means that I have to eat basically as if I have type 2 diabetes or I'll get sicker and my symptoms will get worse. Restriction brings out my binge monster. No added sugar, minimal and only select carbs...I hear "can't" and I fixate and feel deprived until I get that thing. Does anyone else binge when presented with a similar scenario? Restarting tonight. Unsurprisingly, I feel like complete garbage right now.
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@skigal303
As a person with the same conditions, IR, PCOS, hypothyroidism, BED, and a few other messy issues in there, I find myself in a similar position.
For me, it's not about can't. If I tell myself I can't, it absolutely fuels that compulsive eating side of me. It's "I can have this if I want this. I choose health." OR "I can always have this later, if I want." Then I work on not wanting to.
I swear, for me, and I know different dietary eating plans can be very controversial with BED, etc., but finally daring to try a ketogenic diet was really the only thing that flipped the addiction/I can't live without that sugar (or other food trigger food) RIGHT NOW feeling. I never thought I could beat that compulsive voice in my head. But it did happen.
http://carbsyndrome.com/is-your-brain-two-quarts-low/
http://www.foodrenegade.com/how-beat-sugar-cravings-glutamine/
I swear, it seems impossible, because having to eat something with sugar or salt to stay awake for work was an issue for me. If I even started to feel tired at all, I had to have something or my body started freaking out, and I ended up eating 12 of something instead of 1, just to keep the panic reflex down, and such. I couldn't do "reasonable." Even a "just taste this to see if the recipe is good" became eating all of it, or eating everything else in the house to keep from eating all of something...
Eating keto, even temporarily (because I'm not eating that way now, for a number of reasons), helped me change some wiring in my brain. It made me see the impossible as possible. I don't know how to articulate it better. Words are escaping me this morning.
If you've ever had the thought of, "no way could I ever give up ________." Enter XYZ indulgence there. Coffee, ice cream, pizza, chocolate, chips, french fries, fast food, or whatever. Suddenly, that voice wasn't as loud. Within a few days or weeks. For me, I don't think long term that I can do something that extreme, as the foods I miss become the BINGE VOICE screaming at me again, and I sabotage myself. But I'm making my way in the lower carb world, most of the time, nowadays, which is intentionally restricting anything under 150 grams of carbs a day, or a specific type of carb. I still eat cake, and some days I eat higher than I'd like due to digestive issues (no gallbladder and ... digestive drama), and I'm still recovering, and the compulsive voice gets me...but I'm doing a heck of a lot better than my worst points...
It's a long journey, and recovery is a life-long plan. BUT, remember than perspective is key. In a month, will today's binge really still matter? In a year, will one single day matter? In 5 years, will you even remember this binge? In 10 years? In 50 years??
No one day or one single meal got us to where we are today. No one single day or single meal can "cure" us...or "break" us.
For me, I had to remove the importance for any single event, and focus on the crucial nature of my overall momentum. If I have more better days than bad ones, if I have more decent choices than poor ones, if I have more good bites than bad bites, or even if I stop a bad thought and make myself thing a good thought, those are all victories in changing my thinking, my way of life... Any change for the better, no matter how small, adds up...
Oh, and if you're like me (and I FELT MYSELF DEEPLY in your short message above), the nebulous threat of getting sicker or getting T2D was not and frankly even now IS NOT enough to motivate me. I had to find other things. Threats don't work with me. Recognizing successes for me (even a number of days binge free) is like taunting a temperamental teenager - it's a binge trigger, badly. So I'm here, and I read all the the check ins, but I can't post. I start getting all....twitchy just thinking about quantifying my own results. I can celebrate everyone else's...but mine, and I self sabotage. So I just don't track the binge free days, etc.
(HUGS) and good luck.3 -
OMG, this was an amazing response! just reading this really inspired me to keep going and know that I have to measure myself the way that works for me!1
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Wise and compassionate words, as always, Carly.1
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