Signs a guy is into you
raige123
Posts: 352
Apparently I am clueless ... so please help a girl out because I am attracting losers and users. How do I know if a guy is REALLY into me ... and not just for what he can get out of me?
0
Replies
-
evan marc katz. he has a whole blog about this :-) he's a dating coach for women.0
-
I would ask him.0
-
I would ask him.
But that' s too easy!
I'd rather pass him a note that says *Circle yes if you like me more than a friend, no if you don't*0 -
I would ask him.
But that' s too easy!
I'd rather pass him a note that says *Circle yes if you like me more than a friend, no if you don't*
I figured you were into the childish games..0 -
If you can't feel it, he's doing it wrong!
But seriously, ask him!0 -
I would ask him.
But that' s too easy!
I'd rather pass him a note that says *Circle yes if you like me more than a friend, no if you don't*
I figured you were into the childish games..
You seemed to like my childish games just fine last night Tyler.0 -
Is he talking to you more than just necessity. Then chances are he's into you. Don't get me wrong, I know all about female friendship but typically, if I'm talking to you, 9/10 I'm eye banging you while picturing you naked0
-
I would ask him.
This seems like the logical approach but all the guys I have dated lately say they like me, but are only there for what they can get out of me. I'm looking to find out more how you know if a guy is REALLY into you, like I originally asked. Anyone can say they like someone but words are words and actions always speak louder than them.0 -
I would ask him.
This seems like the logical approach but all the guys I have dated lately say they like me, but are only there for what they can get out of me. I'm looking to find out more how you know if a guy is REALLY into you, like I originally asked. Anyone can say they like someone but words are words and actions always speak louder than them.
So you ask a guy if he is into you, and he says I like you but I am just using you for sex? or money? or what?
If that's his answer, move on.
Us guys are not that confusing, I promise.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
I would ask him.
This seems like the logical approach but all the guys I have dated lately say they like me, but are only there for what they can get out of me. I'm looking to find out more how you know if a guy is REALLY into you, like I originally asked. Anyone can say they like someone but words are words and actions always speak louder than them.
So you ask a guy if he is into you, and he says I like you but I am just using you for sex? or money? or what?
If that's his answer, move on.
Us guys are not that confusing, I promise.
A guy will flat out tell me he really likes me. They don't actually say they are using me ... that becomes apparent by actions. What guy would come out and say I like you but just to get what I can out of you before I move on to my next conquest?0 -
OP, I get what your asking. You're saying that guys lie to get sex. Yes, we do that. And, unfortunately, you can't tell the difference. So, my advice, and this is serious, if you're into the guy, just go for it and hope he's into you too. There's no way to find out except to just take a chance.
It's actually simple, and sometimes heart-breaking.
There might be some clues though. Generally, if he's into you, he'll take an interest in you. He will want to know everything about you. He'll also share things about himself that maybe he wouldn't share normally. But, how you know the difference between friendly babble and genuine sharing, I do not know. That's why I say, just dive in and find out.
To get sex, drives, liquor ... its becoming heartbreaking to even try knowing my intentions are honorable ... just feeling like a doormat who is obviously clueless.0 -
You are probably overlooking huge red flags and then wondering why they hurt you... Personally I don't think you are trusting your gut instincts enough. Don't waiver if you feel creeped out by someone or if they ask you for favors early on. Trust yourself enough to be more decisive and listen to your intuition. With that said, we've all been burned before I'm sure, but the more I listen to that voice in my head/gut the less it has happened to me.0
-
This content has been removed.
-
I think you just know. If you have to make all the effort. If he's abusing your kindness. If you have to say to yourself 'is he into me?', then he probably isn't!
I agree with PJ. Try looking at the situation without rose tinted glasses. The answers are usually pretty obvious.
It may also help if you dont expect too much too soon! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't use people for sex, but here are some things I might to to indicate I was really interested in you:
- Make plans ahead of time as opposed to "hey, what are you up to tonight?"
- Make plans that involve more than "come over to my place and watch a movie"
- Offer to bring you out with my friends (but this one might take a while, I could be really into you and not have this happen for a long time. My friends are crazy, so it's more of making sure you are ready for it)
- Do something that shows there was thought or research involved - like look into something you said you were interested in or bring some little trinket of a gift that is relevant to a conversation we had
- Let you know something about myself that could be used to judge me negatively
- Listen more than talk
- Take you somewhere I am a regular at (mine is a cool local cafe / bakery)
- Do something slightly out of character showing an effort - I might wear a collar shirt and make damn sure I point it out. Too relaxed might mean uncaring, but maybe not
Probably more stuff.0 -
You can try making them wait. Typically, a guy who just wants to use you won't wait. They get tired pretty quick and move on. If you play hard to get, the good ones will understand and wait for you.
Or, you could *kitten* him on the first night and see if he calls.0 -
I don't use people for sex, but here are some things I might to to indicate I was really interested in you:
- Make plans ahead of time as opposed to "hey, what are you up to tonight?"
- Make plans that involve more than "come over to my place and watch a movie"
- Offer to bring you out with my friends (but this one might take a while, I could be really into you and not have this happen for a long time. My friends are crazy, so it's more of making sure you are ready for it)
- Do something that shows there was thought or research involved - like look into something you said you were interested in or bring some little trinket of a gift that is relevant to a conversation we had
- Let you know something about myself that could be used to judge me negatively
- Listen more than talk
- Take you somewhere I am a regular at (mine is a cool local cafe / bakery)
- Do something slightly out of character showing an effort - I might wear a collar shirt and make damn sure I point it out. Too relaxed might mean uncaring, but maybe not
Probably more stuff.
Will you marry me?? Please??? :flowerforyou:0 -
I just had another thought. People who use and abuse other are generally (I would like to think) insecure and unhappy. Where would you meet people who were generally the opposite?
Does anyone have ideas? Happy people tend to have hobbies other than picking up chicks at bars. Maybe some sort of activity group, group class, volunteer work, etc. I just joined a hiking group on meetup.com and it is great. I also run into really interesting people volunteering for a local organization. Mostly old gay men, but hey it's a start.
Carly, of course.
0 -
i didn't read these all the way, so they might not apply
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/how-to-know-if-youre-wasting-time-on-the-wrong-men/
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/a-checklist-to-determine-that-hes-just-not-that-into-you-once-and-for-all/
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/evan-marc-katz/how-tell-if-guy-likes-you
hope they help a little :-)0 -
I just had another thought. People who use and abuse other are generally (I would like to think) insecure and unhappy. Where would you meet people who were generally the opposite?
Does anyone have ideas? Happy people tend to have hobbies other than picking up chicks at bars. Maybe some sort of activity group, group class, volunteer work, etc. I just joined a hiking group on meetup.com and it is great. I also run into really interesting people volunteering for a local organization. Mostly old gay men, but hey it's a start.
Carly, of course.
It's funny you mention meetup.com. I just recently signed up in my area and it looks amazing. I think a different setting like you mentioned, rather than a bar or specific dating sites could have a completely different type of people. Finding like minded individuals could lead to some kind of relationship, you never know. Especially if you are in the same group then you already have something in common. I think you are on to something.
)
Thank you!!....I am thinking beach wedding in Bora Bora.
0 -
I don't use people for sex, but here are some things I might to to indicate I was really interested in you:
- Make plans ahead of time as opposed to "hey, what are you up to tonight?"
- Make plans that involve more than "come over to my place and watch a movie"
- Offer to bring you out with my friends (but this one might take a while, I could be really into you and not have this happen for a long time. My friends are crazy, so it's more of making sure you are ready for it)
- Do something that shows there was thought or research involved - like look into something you said you were interested in or bring some little trinket of a gift that is relevant to a conversation we had
- Let you know something about myself that could be used to judge me negatively
- Listen more than talk
- Take you somewhere I am a regular at (mine is a cool local cafe / bakery)
- Do something slightly out of character showing an effort - I might wear a collar shirt and make damn sure I point it out. Too relaxed might mean uncaring, but maybe not
Probably more stuff.
Oddly enough the first 2 items on your list have happened with the last few guys I have dated only not in your way but the other. Always the "what are you up to tonight" usually at suppertime and "let's watch a movie at your place or mine". I think I need to start putting my foot down and if a guy isn't putting in the effort, I will follow suit and put in the same amount. Thank you for these.0 -
I just had another thought. People who use and abuse other are generally (I would like to think) insecure and unhappy. Where would you meet people who were generally the opposite?
Does anyone have ideas? Happy people tend to have hobbies other than picking up chicks at bars. Maybe some sort of activity group, group class, volunteer work, etc. I just joined a hiking group on meetup.com and it is great. I also run into really interesting people volunteering for a local organization. Mostly old gay men, but hey it's a start.
Carly, of course.
It's funny you mention meetup.com. I just recently signed up in my area and it looks amazing. I think a different setting like you mentioned, rather than a bar or specific dating sites could have a completely different type of people. Finding like minded individuals could lead to some kind of relationship, you never know. Especially if you are in the same group then you already have something in common. I think you are on to something.)
Thank you!!....I am thinking beach wedding in Bora Bora.
I'm going to look into this meetup.com. Have never heard of it. Could prove to have possibilities.0 -
Been there, done that... guys will lie and talk you up to get anything they want (I am sure girls do it too)....
What I have learned is a few things. Stick your boundaries and your values (ie don't have sex when he is ready but when YOU are ready, etc.) and if he hangs around you can see his interest in you or not.
Be careful he isn't promising you hopes of a future for what he wants in the present - it's called 'future faking' look it up
'baggage reclaim' website has lots of good info.
But when you are content in you, you have set your boundaries & worth and won't waiver you find the quality men and leave the d-bags behind.0 -
I don't use people for sex, but here are some things I might to to indicate I was really interested in you:
- Make plans ahead of time as opposed to "hey, what are you up to tonight?"
- Make plans that involve more than "come over to my place and watch a movie"
- Offer to bring you out with my friends (but this one might take a while, I could be really into you and not have this happen for a long time. My friends are crazy, so it's more of making sure you are ready for it)
- Do something that shows there was thought or research involved - like look into something you said you were interested in or bring some little trinket of a gift that is relevant to a conversation we had
- Let you know something about myself that could be used to judge me negatively
- Listen more than talk
- Take you somewhere I am a regular at (mine is a cool local cafe / bakery)
- Do something slightly out of character showing an effort - I might wear a collar shirt and make damn sure I point it out. Too relaxed might mean uncaring, but maybe not
Probably more stuff.
Great!0 -
You are probably overlooking huge red flags and then wondering why they hurt you... Personally I don't think you are trusting your gut instincts enough. Don't waiver if you feel creeped out by someone or if they ask you for favors early on. Trust yourself enough to be more decisive and listen to your intuition. With that said, we've all been burned before I'm sure, but the more I listen to that voice in my head/gut the less it has happened to me.
Agree 100%
In my reply I started to list off all these red flags then didn't.....0 -
I'll give you some clues to watch out for early on to tell if a guy is really into you.
He's nervous and awkward, his hands shake, he forgets how to do simple *kitten* like read a menu. He blurts out really awkward things. He talks too much. He screws up the goodnight kiss.
This is me anyway. . I'm very cool and charming and confident until I'm blown away by a girl.. Then I'm a blubbering fool. .
True story!0 -
I'll give you some clues to watch out for early on to tell if a guy is really into you.
He's nervous and awkward, his hands shake, he forgets how to do simple *kitten* like read a menu. He blurts out really awkward things. He talks too much. He screws up the goodnight kiss.
This is me anyway. . I'm very cool and charming and confident until I'm blown away by a girl.. Then I'm a blubbering fool. .
True story!
I don't believe this to me true for all men.
I was highly played by someone who acted the same way - and admitted it - once he got what he wanted he dropped me like a hot potato.0 -
Oddly enough the first 2 items on your list have happened with the last few guys I have dated only not in your way but the other. Always the "what are you up to tonight" usually at suppertime and "let's watch a movie at your place or mine".
At what point has this been happening? Immediately and it means he assumes you're only a hookup. A few dates in or in a relationship and it's totally fine as long as it isn't the only time/place you see one another.0 -
that's why i put up those links.
he talks about how the guy who calls that night or weekend looking for plans knows how little you require of him. he could be "into" you, but not like boyfriend "into" you.
there is a difference! he is a guy and gives the usual things to look for from a guy that shows you are more than just sex or a ride, or money.
a couple examples are, he calls you to talk ( not just texting and messaging). he makes contact daily. he makes plans for the weekend WELL before the weekend. he is willing to wait for sex, and more..........0
