Signs a guy is into you
Replies
-
actions speak louder than words with guys..
in my experience if they are making plans with you well before the date in question (ie planning the next date while you're still on a date or it's monday and he's asking you out for friday/saturday and then will call to confirm on wednesday only to see if he can sneak in a quick coffee date on thursday :laugh: ) then he's into you
also if he's coming up with excuses to see you then odds are they are into. for instance the last guy i dated pretty much teleported to my apartment, toolbox in hand when i mentioned that i was going to be putting together some furniture .
basically for me if i can tell that a guy is trying to spend quality time with me and being respectful of my time and schedule (ie not just calling to hang out ) then i'm pretty sure that he's into me..
there's also the thing when you run into a friend of his and the friend is like "oh YOU'RE x" :laugh:
ETA. I also found that when guys couldnt see me theyd also call to talk or sometimes to NOT talk (i seriously dont understand that. that seems to be a guy thing)0 -
and OP i certainly hope that's you're calling out these *kitten* who are treating you like a doormat. i think some guys (not all) like to test the waters to see what they can get away with and what kind of girl you are. saying something as easy as "dont be a d*ck" usually works to make them realize that you know that they know they are being a jerk.
but honestly at my age when i meet guys who try to see if they can get away with jerk behavior with me, i dont return their calls if they call for another date.0 -
I don't look for specific things really besides the usual: calling, texting, dates, etc. The main thing I look for is consistency, which takes time. A guy can be super excited about you one week then lose interest the next whether it's something you did or not. I've even done it! So I look to see if he's consistent with his actions and efforts. But you have to be patient!
(this is easier said than done.. I'm going through being impatient right now!)0 -
Oddly enough the first 2 items on your list have happened with the last few guys I have dated only not in your way but the other. Always the "what are you up to tonight" usually at suppertime and "let's watch a movie at your place or mine".
At what point has this been happening? Immediately and it means he assumes you're only a hookup. A few dates in or in a relationship and it's totally fine as long as it isn't the only time/place you see one another.
Pretty much right away. Hardly ever any "out in public" dates. Things like going for drives, or to the beach at night to talk, or movies at their place or mine ... and never planned in advance.0 -
and OP i certainly hope that's you're calling out these *kitten* who are treating you like a doormat. i think some guys (not all) like to test the waters to see what they can get away with and what kind of girl you are. saying something as easy as "dont be a d*ck" usually works to make them realize that you know that they know they are being a jerk.
but honestly at my age when i meet guys who try to see if they can get away with jerk behavior with me, i dont return their calls if they call for another date.
The lastest guy used me for drives, liquor, smokes, and even to try and get into my friends place as she was renting out a room and didn't want to rent to him. 10 minutes within her saying he could rent it, he had no more use for me and said we were going in 2 different directions/only wants to be friends. Told him everyone was right and he was only using me and he said it's ridiculous to think that because he wouldn't hang out with me just to get a place to live, but he did. Was I being ridiculous because it was a total doucebag user move in my eyes.0 -
If he offers to take you some place fancy like Red Lobster.0
-
If he offers to take you some place fancy like Red Lobster.
Every time I see your pic I think of the guy from Tosh.0 :laugh:0 -
I don't know you much at all but from a your posts on here lately you come across as someone who can't say NO, who is a doormat and sorry to say this, but easy.
If I can sniff this from my phone screen, I'm sure men can too! The reason why this is happening is because you're letting them. We all attract guys like this. The difference between you and I is that I say NO. Now, I have been played, don't get me wrong. But usually my relationships have been equal in the giving. There is no way in hell I'd drive a man around after 1 date or 2! And everybody has different opinions on this but I am all about letting a man express his interest in me, specifically in the beginning. Once I feel a bit comfortable, I might make a call. I might offer a round of drinks. I might even take him out to dinner. I don't have sex w/o commitment so I don't remember the last time I felt "used" regarding sex.
You need to seriously take a step back and find some boundaries. ASAP! Or you will be posting these type of posts forever.0 -
OP sorry you're having such a hard time distinguishing the keepers from the ones to throw back.
are you just ignoring warning signs at the beginning?
i know that there's a lot of debate about how much stuff to let pass when you first meet someone, but for me personally i usually have a 0% tolerance about stuff. i pretty much assume that everyone is going to be on their best behavior at the start and then people slowly will relax into their normalcy. if someone comes off as a jerk from the moment we meet, then my assumption is that IS him on is best behavior which means that his normal is going to be something even worse.
it might be old fashioned and unpopular, but IMO there is some value in letting guys do most of the heavy lifting at the start of the relationship. i totally agree with tube socks on that point. He should be courting (:laugh: i sound like my grandma) YOU, if anyone is buying gifts (be it liquor, cigs, whatever) it should be HIM buying for YOU, etc. any guy who's not willing to do that in the beginning you should say thanks but no thanks and move on. of course that doesn't mean that you take advantage of the situation either.
it's just been my experience that when you start treating yourself as if you have value and worth AND keep firm in that, then the guys you attract will do so as well. it might reduce the quantity of dates you get but you'll more than make up for that in quality0 -
Pretty much right away. Hardly ever any "out in public" dates. Things like going for drives, or to the beach at night to talk, or movies at their place or mine ... and never planned in advance.
Tube pretty much summed it up, but I'll throw in my two cents as well.
You're not putting any value in yourself as a person. By letting a man "hang out" with you on a first date, you're establishing yourself as a booty call from the start. He's putting forth any effort, you're not setting any boundaries. There is no room for you to act like a lady and no room for him to treat you like a lady. "Hey baby, let's go to the liquor store". Don't accept hang out dates, don't accept last minute dates early in a relationship. This is my advice to YOU. I am one who will accept last minute dates because I'm a busy, working mother and understand that sometimes we have to seize the moment. The difference is that I can smell out a sleazy @sshole. You are incapable of doing this right now, so don't put yourself in the situation.0 -
I don't know you much at all but from a your posts on here lately you come across as someone who can't say NO, who is a doormat and sorry to say this, but easy.
If I can sniff this from my phone screen, I'm sure men can too! The reason why this is happening is because you're letting them. We all attract guys like this. The difference between you and I is that I say NO. Now, I have been played, don't get me wrong. But usually my relationships have been equal in the giving. There is no way in hell I'd drive a man around after 1 date or 2! And everybody has different opinions on this but I am all about letting a man express his interest in me, specifically in the beginning. Once I feel a bit comfortable, I might make a call. I might offer a round of drinks. I might even take him out to dinner. I don't have sex w/o commitment so I don't remember the last time I felt "used" regarding sex.
You need to seriously take a step back and find some boundaries. ASAP! Or you will be posting these type of posts forever.
Thank you for this! I do need to learn how to say No. I'm just too nice ... and don't want to come across as not that but but not being able to say no I'm starting to realize it's only making me come across as a doormat.
0 -
OP sorry you're having such a hard time distinguishing the keepers from the ones to throw back.
are you just ignoring warning signs at the beginning?
i know that there's a lot of debate about how much stuff to let pass when you first meet someone, but for me personally i usually have a 0% tolerance about stuff. i pretty much assume that everyone is going to be on their best behavior at the start and then people slowly will relax into their normalcy. if someone comes off as a jerk from the moment we meet, then my assumption is that IS him on is best behavior which means that his normal is going to be something even worse.
it might be old fashioned and unpopular, but IMO there is some value in letting guys do most of the heavy lifting at the start of the relationship. i totally agree with tube socks on that point. He should be courting (:laugh: i sound like my grandma) YOU, if anyone is buying gifts (be it liquor, cigs, whatever) it should be HIM buying for YOU, etc. any guy who's not willing to do that in the beginning you should say thanks but no thanks and move on. of course that doesn't mean that you take advantage of the situation either.
it's just been my experience that when you start treating yourself as if you have value and worth AND keep firm in that, then the guys you attract will do so as well. it might reduce the quantity of dates you get but you'll more than make up for that in quality
Thank you!0 -
Pretty much right away. Hardly ever any "out in public" dates. Things like going for drives, or to the beach at night to talk, or movies at their place or mine ... and never planned in advance.
Tube pretty much summed it up, but I'll throw in my two cents as well.
You're not putting any value in yourself as a person. By letting a man "hang out" with you on a first date, you're establishing yourself as a booty call from the start. He's putting forth any effort, you're not setting any boundaries. There is no room for you to act like a lady and no room for him to treat you like a lady. "Hey baby, let's go to the liquor store". Don't accept hang out dates, don't accept last minute dates early in a relationship. This is my advice to YOU. I am one who will accept last minute dates because I'm a busy, working mother and understand that sometimes we have to seize the moment. The difference is that I can smell out a sleazy @sshole. You are incapable of doing this right now, so don't put yourself in the situation.
Thank you! I do need to find a guy who is respecting of my time and establish boundaries.0 -
Loved this reply! Lots of great points.OP sorry you're having such a hard time distinguishing the keepers from the ones to throw back.
are you just ignoring warning signs at the beginning?
i know that there's a lot of debate about how much stuff to let pass when you first meet someone, but for me personally i usually have a 0% tolerance about stuff. i pretty much assume that everyone is going to be on their best behavior at the start and then people slowly will relax into their normalcy. if someone comes off as a jerk from the moment we meet, then my assumption is that IS him on is best behavior which means that his normal is going to be something even worse.
it might be old fashioned and unpopular, but IMO there is some value in letting guys do most of the heavy lifting at the start of the relationship. i totally agree with tube socks on that point. He should be courting (:laugh: i sound like my grandma) YOU, if anyone is buying gifts (be it liquor, cigs, whatever) it should be HIM buying for YOU, etc. any guy who's not willing to do that in the beginning you should say thanks but no thanks and move on. of course that doesn't mean that you take advantage of the situation either.
it's just been my experience that when you start treating yourself as if you have value and worth AND keep firm in that, then the guys you attract will do so as well. it might reduce the quantity of dates you get but you'll more than make up for that in quality
Thank you!
You will get there..... I don't care to mention how many sleezy d-bags I had to go thru until I realized I had to put more worth and value on myself and stick to my boundaries no matter what BS I was fed. Now I am happily in love hehe!0
