Living the Lifestyle- Tuesday June 4 2019

GavinFlynn1

We meet here to explore, share, celebrate and (sometimes) agonize over how we do (or don't) incorporate weight loss guidelines into our daily lives. "It's a lifestyle, not a diet" is easily and often said, but sometimes not so simply put into practice.

This is a thread for everyone. If you're new to GoaD, or to weight loss, your questions and comments are always welcome. If you're maintaining, or a long-term loser, your thoughts on the topic may be just what someone else needs to hear. If you're reading this, join in the discussion!

Each weekday, a new topic is offered up for discussion. Thread starters for June are below:

Monday -imastar2 (Derrick)
Tuesday - GavinFlynn1 (Gavin)
Wednesday - GadgetGirlIL (Regina)
Thursday - misterhub (Greg)
Friday - Al_Howard (Al)

Today's Topic: Compassion vs Criticism

Some research indicates that self-compassion, rather than self criticism, is critical when dealing with setbacks. In your own life, how do you respond when you fail in your goals? What works best for you?

imastar2

Pause, take a breath, tell myself it's in the past and I missed my mark. Spend what time is neccessary to strategize on what I need to do different then get back on course toward the new goal.

I don't put a date on a goal to lose weight simply because there are too many variables. I do place goals on daily meals, weekly planning and I also have a weight goal that I strive to accomplish per week. That goal is 1 lb to 1& 1/2 lbs a week. That does place a time goal on a short term basis but I'm not quite as disappointed at the end of the year if I don't make the 52 lb loss.

As far as criticism goes I am my biggest critic. However criticism of myself can yield depression if I'm not careful. My new RD nutritionist doesn't criticize me either and only looks towards the future. Constructive criticism can be productive and perhaps I prefer to call it constructive planning.

cakeman21k

I have never been one to believe in self compassion as a way to success, I prefer to do a "well I "kittened" that up" time to start again and do better this time" type of metal kick in the butt! Having said that I am not likely to dwell on it and wallow in self pity or loathing, so it works that way for me, but it may not work for everybody.

gadgetgirlIL

I used to be pretty harsh on myself. Obviously that didn't work well as it just led to more self-loathing and more comfort eating and higher and higher scale weights.

These days I try to understand what were the factors that led up to any falls off the wagon. And then try to figure out what I could have done differently.

misterhub

I am my harshest critic. Always.

Sometimes I really have to stop myself. My wife is good about telling me to lighten up.

Amazingly, I am super compassionate with most others. I can be firm, but it's almost always in a loving way.

Me, though...wellll....

myallforjcbill

I am learning this. I think there has to be a marriage with the accountability of yourself as well. But owning a failure, accepting your failure and finding determination to go forward is easier with self compassion. Less time is spent looking backward of what could have been and decisions I blew. It is easier for me then to learn from the past without having to constantly focus on it. I learned some of this in pain management mindfulness lessons. At first I rolled my eyes a bit, but after a while the fog cleared and I began to see the value in this. I have a long way to go.

88olds

I guess this puts me in the compassion camp.

Remember the 2 lists exercise? Why I want to lose weight and why I don’t?

Somehow I arrived at the idea that both sides were legitimate. And both sides were representing parts of me. My desire for a daily treat of some sort was ok if I could fit it in the plan. It wasn’t something I had to banish to the cornfield.

So instead of internal strife and conflict, I set about trying to find a solution, which I did. Some kind of “diet” modified ice cream. I’ve tried them all at some point.

Meanwhile the anti-treat side keeps me from going back for seconds. Both sides get respect.