Tales of Bigness

CapnDonkey

Tell me your tales of bigness. Funny, poignant, whatever. Share a 'big' story if you've got one, and I know you all do. I'll start.

Sandbridge, Virginia Beach, 2009. Family vacation. Hanging at the crappy dive bar at the one end of the island with my brothers. Younger brother is 29, 6'4 and 170lbs. I'm 6'2, 325, and my older brother is 6'8 and 250. We send my little brother off to get a round of beers and shots at the bar while we play golden tee golf in the back. As he's walking back, he accidentally bumps into a guys arm. Not even his drinking arm. Not a hard bump, either. He stops, says 'sorry, man. excuse me', and keeps walking to the back with his hands full. This townie eyes him up and down, and stands up and puffs out his chest and starts staggering after him, arm raised, ready to get in his face. My older brother and I take notice of this, and square up and look the guy dead in his eyes over my little bro's shoulder (who has no idea the guy he just apologized to is stalking him) and this little 5'6 twit just craps his pants and sits back down, silent. Didn't look our way again. Bigness for the win.

I used to bounce at a few local pubs/bars. Never got physical. Never had to. I could talk down just about anyone and convince them to leave quietly. If I couldn't, a stare down usually did the trick. One old man got up the drunken gusto to punch me in the chest when I told him that the bartender cut him off, and he politely asked for you to leave. Immediately after he hit me in the chest he looked up and said "I'm sorry." in just the drunkest, saddest voice ever. I smiled and said, "Let's get you a cab, pal" and walked him to the door and waited with him while a cab pulled up (they were always real close to the bars at night). He thanked me for not punching his head off. Got a chuckle out of that one.

Just recently, I was walking the halls of my new office building. We have high (6') cubicle walls, so any short people rounding corners are basically invisible if there is enough noise to mask their footsteps. I come around a corner and hear the footsteps just in time to stop before I almost truck a little young lady who works on my floor and she just kept walking, right into my chest. (I still don't get people who walk with their heads down) she bounces off, looks up and gets this crazy confused look on her face. I reply with an equally confused face, because, what the hell?, and she grabs my chest with her hands and squeezes! I continue looking at her like she lost her mind, and she finally says "You're harder than I thought." Realizing what she said, she immediately turns bright red and starts stammering. "N-n--no, your muscles. Are Hard. Not...you know. not..." I laughed all the way to the watercooler. She still blushes when she sees me walk by. Feelsgoodman.jpg

joshdann

greatness

I've got one (okay, maybe more than one): I bought my dream truck about 3 years ago. Brand New King Ranch F-250 4x4 diesel... love it. Probably will be the last truck I ever buy because I'll keep it till the day I can't drive any more. I'm in TX, so big trucks are a way of life for many of us... not just showoff oversized behemoths. I actually use mine for hauling my fifth wheel, working on projects in remote areas of various family and friends' land (soon enough, land of my own), things like that. Of course, since these large vehicles are necessary for many around here, lots of people who don't actually need the capability they bring will buy them just for show and to "fit in" or some such nonsense. A great many of the truck-for-show types are little guys who want to feel big on the roads. Not only is this a large vehicle, but the 2011 model introduced jsut a few features that made lots of people want to look and touch and ogle, at least at first. A few days after I bought it, the wife and I went into Lowes to grab a few things, and it was a bit chilly (November-ish. had to have been 60 degrees! lol) so I used the remote start to fire up the truck as we were walking out. I heard the cart boys talking as we approached. They commented on how quiet the new diesel is, and how cool the grille looks now, etc. Then followed that up with some true sour-grapes style snickering: "I bet it's some 5'5" f*** who can barely get in the cab. His truck is tough but I bet I could take him. har har". I just gave them a nice grin, a "what's up guys", and head nod as I walked by and got in the cab. This resulted in lots of intense asphalt examination followed by a mumbled "nice truck man" and a quick scurry back to gather more carts. good times.

A couple of years ago, I was exiting the highway in my 3/4 ton diesel truck and was cut off /really/ hard by someone who just wanted to use the exit lane to advance his place in the bumper-to-bumper traffic... and who then proceeded to slam on his brakes when trying to get back in. I nearly hit him twice within the 20 seconds we were near each other on the road. I gave him some horn (and who are we kidding, more than a little finger) and calmly made my exit... he decided to follow. Not just follow, but at the next light he actually got out of his 90's lexus and started walking over to where I was idling. I rolled down my window and he got a look at how much space I took up inside the big truck... his demeanor changed immediately. He suddenly was very conscious of his "parked" car blocking traffic and decided to be a more considerate member of society and go move it. I didn't even have to tell him I was armed

This one is very similar to one of CapnDonkey's stories, but I wanted to share anyway... A few years back, I was working for a small company doing my usual computer nerd thing. The girls in the office thought it was fun to flirt with me, since they know I'm married and I guess being a big guy I didn't pose much of a real threat to their self-confidence. At the time I was about 10 lbs lighter than I am right now, but we all know 10 lbs isn't much of a difference on our frames. One of them decided to give me a good-bye hug one day (this wasn't uncommon. again, small, close-knit company) and she tripped over her high-heeled shoe with the last step as she approached me. She wasn't more than 5'6" and 120 lbs, actually pretty attractive, but the flirting up till this point was obviously just a game she enjoyed. When she tripped, I was already prepared for a hug so I just caught her. it didn't budge me one bit, it just planted her face squarely in my chest as I supported all of her weight for a few seconds. She kind of reached up and touched my chest and blushed very deeply. She mumbled "thanks... god you're solid" and looked at my shyly, then away... the flirty games stopped. I was no longer just the big guy . I love my wife and I would /never/ cheat on her... but it's nice to be considered 'venerable' once in a while.

baird3605

I'll chime in with a story from me, and one from my short friend.

I was hanging out at a bar watching some friends in a local band play. I'm 6'5" 360 lbs. The drummer's cousin came out too and he's 6'8" and had to be over 375 lbs. Then there is my best friend, 5'4" 230 lbs. My best friend had been drinking a bit, (he can hold his liquor pretty well) while I don't drink (never was much of a drinker). Anyway, out of nowhere, my best friend turns around and says, "I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE **** I WANT!" That was kind of unlike him, and he was always sort of a quiet guy. I looked at him and asked why. He replied, "You behind me on the left, and him behind me on the right... I'M INVINCIBLE!!!"

Now back onto my short best friend... He is in his mid 20's and until recently, he's had zero self confidence in himself. He hadn't had much luck with the ladies. I guess no one wanted a 5'4" 230 lbs guy... Well he started working out and losing a bit of weight and it was really starting to show. With that muscle came some more self confidence. Shortly after he started talking to this very attractive girl he met through a mutual friend. They were hanging out one night when she playfully punched him in the shoulder. Her face went from smile to confused as she stopped, and then grabbed his bicep. Her eyes got bigger and she sort of smiled. My buddy, the quiet shy guy, looked right at her and said, "Ya damn right!" I never laughed so hard in my life! That's my motivation to drop this weight and start lifting.

dactonaw

Well, I'm 6'10 and at my height at 355 lbs I was generally ignored by most people except for them to walk around me and avoid eye contact from fear of me. I was always quite shy, the science nerd in high school (of which I still am). Now that I have lost a 115lbs and am down to 240 and have gained a lot of muscle, I feel confident in going to bars and such now (and this time not only as the bouncer). Anyway onto the story. a couple of months ago I was walking across the bar with a drink in my left hand and a girl who was obviously drunk tripped and grabbed my right arm to keep herself from falling. I didn't budge an inch and she pulled herself up with a look of shock on her face and then started feeling up my arm. It was sort of awkward but hey I enjoy it. Then she called one of her friends over to feel my arm too. Her friend (a 5'6 140lb hottie) on the other hand I recognized from my microbiology class in last semester. I ended up sitting down and chatting with them the rest of the night and long story short I have been dating the 5'6 one for a few months and my confidence hasn't ever been higher.

BigNathan76

Lol, great thread... I've had the same sorts of things happen so i'll change it up and tell a story about my oldest son. All the ex-football players should get a kick.

He's 6'1" 240 lbs... oh ya and he's only 12 yrs old. Having never played organized football before because he was always too big for his age bracket he decided to try out for his middle school team (in 7th grade this year). Of course no coach is going to cut someone that big, but he was worried about his chances since he was always last in the wind sprints.

When the coach called him in his office to make the cuts he said "You can't run for crap, but you're a beast and can block like no one else" Made his day. :-)

Power_Man77

Now back onto my short best friend... He is in his mid 20's and until recently, he's had zero self confidence in himself. He hadn't had much luck with the ladies. I guess no one wanted a 5'4" 230 lbs guy... Well he started working out and losing a bit of weight and it was really starting to show. With that muscle came some more self confidence. Shortly after he started talking to this very attractive girl he met through a mutual friend. They were hanging out one night when she playfully punched him in the shoulder. Her face went from smile to confused as she stopped, and then grabbed his bicep. Her eyes got bigger and she sort of smiled. My buddy, the quiet shy guy, looked right at her and said, "Ya damn right!" I never laughed so hard in my life! That's my motivation to drop this weight and start lifting.

Same here..good story

KiltFuPanda

Here's one from high school (17 years ago, but it still makes me laugh):

Our physics class was on the fourth floor of the science building, and at one end they had a stairwell that was mostly unused while classes were in session.

As an experiment in forces and horsepower, we did the following experiment: in groups of 2, we would run up all four flights of stairs with stopwatches. We then measured the vertical height of the stairwell, and weighed ourselves on a scale. We then took all three numbers to calculate the amount of horsepower generated to climb that height. When everything was done, we then wrote our horsepower on the board to get an idea of what the average person's output was. We were getting numbers around 0.5 to 0.7.

I walked up and wrote down... 1.0. The teacher asked to see my work, double checked it herself (on the board, in front of the whole class), and verified it was correct.

That was the day I realized that I wasn't just the "fat kid" like everyone was saying.