I have returned!
geraldaltman
Posts: 1,739 Member
My sudden reappearance on MFP might raise some eyebrows and wonder. Here is a letter I wrote to family and friends last December/January. It should explain how I dropped out. I wasn't getting anything from it. My post-op PS is that basically I am back!! I am virtually pain free. I can move better which means doing more which I am and you better believe I've "got my smile back"! I am using MFP for three things: to continue to exercise and improve my mobility, lower my A1C to levels that make my doctor go "whoa!"and improve my general health. Weight loss is now secondary, if it happens it happens. I will check it at appointments or every few weeks. Otherwise, it gets into my head. I am currently stepping and treadmilling at home and walking doing a pool therapy program at a fitness center I intend to join. Here's the letter [bracketed words are current thoughts or removal of names].
"I have bad cases of arthritis and on January 28, 2019 pending completion of an as yet unknown schedule of preliminary tests, I will have the first of two hip replacement surgeries [2nd side was done on April 22nd]. How did I get here? you might ask. I don't have a definitive answer. Was it made necessary by a latent trait I've had in me all my life? I have no idea. Is it the accumulated effect of a lifetime of bumps,falls and bruises athat went untreated over the same lifetime? "I'm ok. I don't need to go to clinic, see the nurse or write it up." This is quite likely the correct scenario, if you know me. Then there's that "damn march of time" as I like to call growing older that constantly wreaks it's havoc on me (us)! More recently, if you saw me at [family] events, you had to notice I wasn't moving well and if you asked me about it you got an answer that was evasive or couched in denial. I think I began noticing difficulties perhaps in 2011 or 12. I had arthritis diagnosed (left knee) in 2013. It was exposed by the severe limping caused by a strained ligament in my right foot. A therapy boot took care of the foot while a cortisone shot helped the knee. This affected a 2014 Las Vegas vacation. What you never saw in pictures I shared of the trip was the scooter chair I used at the insistence of my travel partner because I just couldn't keep up. At work, It had become increasingly difficult to complete tasks. I took every opportunity legal and otherwise to get off my feet to rest. I still wasn't interested in seeking treatment. When my job duties were changed late in '14 (not my choice, which prompted my decision to retire), my assignments required more walking and climbing into and out of high step vans. I could do neither easily. In retirement, I have been more in control of the pace of my life, however that has done little to ease any described discomfort and having the extra time did nothing to inspire me to seek treatment or even talk about it during regularly scheduled check-ups with my doctor. Then in early 2017, I took a couple falls at home that xrays taken to check for injury revealed arthritis in other spots. Though treated for pains related to falling, I was not inspired to seek anything further although I was moved to reach out to others for help which I got in various forms with a mix of receptivity. I started using a cane purchased for me to help move around. I enrolled with a Dr. referral into a PT program during spring and summer of '17. I noticed some relief [a "denial" statement, looking back there was little or none] but insurance limited how much was allowed and covered. I just couldn't motivate myself into the next level of fitness programs. Through it all, I never wanted to not do things I liked doing or be places people liked me to be. I went to Phillies games and concerts despite the difficulty and discomfort of walking; but it didn't move me to do anything about it. Time passed into 2018 and I wanted to continue trying to do things. Early in the year, two concerts drew my attention enough to buy tickets. It turned out they were to be held on back to back nights. Yes, I did worry about how my bad walking might be affected by that. As that concert weekend approached, I began to think and one constant emerged, whenever I went shopping with a cart there was just a little more ease and fluidity to walking. I decided to buy a sturdy high weight capacity roller-walker with a seat. It made those two concert trips alot easier to attend. It took some accomodating stadium staff to get me seated because when I bought the tickets in January, I had no idea I would be using a walker in July. I learned about "accessible seating" after that which enabled me to take in and enjoy a few late season Phillies games despite that it was when they were fading out of contention.
Now, boil away everything you just read. It's meaningless!! What this is all about was and is the daily/nightly agony (the best perhaps only applicable word) of struggling to the point of screaming trying to raise my legs enough to clear door frame to get into my car to go somewhere; to change position while sleeping only to have to change it back when one hip, knee or other begins to ache; to find a way to get down and pick something up I've dropped; to possibly losing balance and falling doing almost everything; to taking ten or more minutes climbing two small flights of stairs to get to a dentist appointment; to the long time it takes me to complete routine tasks; to the sharp pains of sudden movements of my legs and dull aches of hips and knees that make it hard to sit through a movie; to getting unduly cold or wet simply because I can't move quickly enough to get out of the weather [today, I playfully tell people I had to "scurry to get out of the rain...AND I CAN!] It is these things unnecessarily endured over an insanely long period of time that has built up sufficiently for me to FINALLY say enough's enough [I've learned that everybody has an "enough's enough" point no matter what they go through. It just took me a lot longer to reach mine] and seek treatment and get my smile back (such as it is, 🙂 )."
"I have bad cases of arthritis and on January 28, 2019 pending completion of an as yet unknown schedule of preliminary tests, I will have the first of two hip replacement surgeries [2nd side was done on April 22nd]. How did I get here? you might ask. I don't have a definitive answer. Was it made necessary by a latent trait I've had in me all my life? I have no idea. Is it the accumulated effect of a lifetime of bumps,falls and bruises athat went untreated over the same lifetime? "I'm ok. I don't need to go to clinic, see the nurse or write it up." This is quite likely the correct scenario, if you know me. Then there's that "damn march of time" as I like to call growing older that constantly wreaks it's havoc on me (us)! More recently, if you saw me at [family] events, you had to notice I wasn't moving well and if you asked me about it you got an answer that was evasive or couched in denial. I think I began noticing difficulties perhaps in 2011 or 12. I had arthritis diagnosed (left knee) in 2013. It was exposed by the severe limping caused by a strained ligament in my right foot. A therapy boot took care of the foot while a cortisone shot helped the knee. This affected a 2014 Las Vegas vacation. What you never saw in pictures I shared of the trip was the scooter chair I used at the insistence of my travel partner because I just couldn't keep up. At work, It had become increasingly difficult to complete tasks. I took every opportunity legal and otherwise to get off my feet to rest. I still wasn't interested in seeking treatment. When my job duties were changed late in '14 (not my choice, which prompted my decision to retire), my assignments required more walking and climbing into and out of high step vans. I could do neither easily. In retirement, I have been more in control of the pace of my life, however that has done little to ease any described discomfort and having the extra time did nothing to inspire me to seek treatment or even talk about it during regularly scheduled check-ups with my doctor. Then in early 2017, I took a couple falls at home that xrays taken to check for injury revealed arthritis in other spots. Though treated for pains related to falling, I was not inspired to seek anything further although I was moved to reach out to others for help which I got in various forms with a mix of receptivity. I started using a cane purchased for me to help move around. I enrolled with a Dr. referral into a PT program during spring and summer of '17. I noticed some relief [a "denial" statement, looking back there was little or none] but insurance limited how much was allowed and covered. I just couldn't motivate myself into the next level of fitness programs. Through it all, I never wanted to not do things I liked doing or be places people liked me to be. I went to Phillies games and concerts despite the difficulty and discomfort of walking; but it didn't move me to do anything about it. Time passed into 2018 and I wanted to continue trying to do things. Early in the year, two concerts drew my attention enough to buy tickets. It turned out they were to be held on back to back nights. Yes, I did worry about how my bad walking might be affected by that. As that concert weekend approached, I began to think and one constant emerged, whenever I went shopping with a cart there was just a little more ease and fluidity to walking. I decided to buy a sturdy high weight capacity roller-walker with a seat. It made those two concert trips alot easier to attend. It took some accomodating stadium staff to get me seated because when I bought the tickets in January, I had no idea I would be using a walker in July. I learned about "accessible seating" after that which enabled me to take in and enjoy a few late season Phillies games despite that it was when they were fading out of contention.
Now, boil away everything you just read. It's meaningless!! What this is all about was and is the daily/nightly agony (the best perhaps only applicable word) of struggling to the point of screaming trying to raise my legs enough to clear door frame to get into my car to go somewhere; to change position while sleeping only to have to change it back when one hip, knee or other begins to ache; to find a way to get down and pick something up I've dropped; to possibly losing balance and falling doing almost everything; to taking ten or more minutes climbing two small flights of stairs to get to a dentist appointment; to the long time it takes me to complete routine tasks; to the sharp pains of sudden movements of my legs and dull aches of hips and knees that make it hard to sit through a movie; to getting unduly cold or wet simply because I can't move quickly enough to get out of the weather [today, I playfully tell people I had to "scurry to get out of the rain...AND I CAN!] It is these things unnecessarily endured over an insanely long period of time that has built up sufficiently for me to FINALLY say enough's enough [I've learned that everybody has an "enough's enough" point no matter what they go through. It just took me a lot longer to reach mine] and seek treatment and get my smile back (such as it is, 🙂 )."
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Replies
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How did I even miss this post?????
I did read the other post and it sounds like you are on the right path. A big welcome back.0 -
Congratulations on getting your life back! You did it! And so true, "Now, boil away everything you just read. It's meaningless!!" That's all in the past now. And you are going forward now, and you got your smile back. That's a wonderful think.2
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Thank you!0
