Guys opinion: Girls who don't drink
amyotte1992
Posts: 39 Member
I am a 21 year old female who does not drink alcohol, none. I drank from age 16 to 20 and I feel like it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions. Being my age, nobody understand why I won't have just one or two drinks. It gets very irritating, feeling like I'm a nutcase for drinking a diet pop when I'm out with friends, but I can fit in well with the drunk crowd and nobody can even tell I'm sober.
My question is: How do guys see a confident, beautiful woman who chooses not to drink when it comes to dating and relationships? The answer to this isn't going to change my decision but it's just hard for me to understand why it's so sociably unacceptable to "not" drink?
My question is: How do guys see a confident, beautiful woman who chooses not to drink when it comes to dating and relationships? The answer to this isn't going to change my decision but it's just hard for me to understand why it's so sociably unacceptable to "not" drink?
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Perhaps it's because you are hanging out in places where the people are too drunk to realize you aren't drinking.
That's slightly serious and slightly not. It's serious in that your selection of friends will influence what is considered normal. If your college has any size at all to it, you can find people who do not drink. Given that you used to drink, that crowd may be different enough from you that they seem weird to you. I know when I was in college, the people who didn't drink and go out regularly seemed like socially awkward weirdos. The fact is that if you're in social settings where drinking is expected or the norm and you're not drinking then you are the one that sticks out for deviating from normal behavior.
As far as your question about guys seeing confident beautiful women: They are always nice to look at but if they don't meld with my lifestyle, they are awkward and/or annoying to deal with. If you don't rink at all and you don't want to drink at all, you probably aren't a good match for guys who want to drink almost every night. Find guys who aren't out in the bars.0 -
It personally wouldn't bother me and I would fully support her not wanting to drink i.e. I wouldn't pressure her into drinking. I'm not a big drinker myself. 2-3 beers a month is my average. I would date a girl who doesn't drink. I don't think it's weird and wouldn't be a "deal breaker" to me like smoking would. Also having a girlfriend who can be a designated driver wouldn't be such a bad thing either.
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Thank you for your time and opinions. I do agree, it may very well be the environment I am choosing to hangout it. It just seems like the bar is one of the most common places where I live to meet people and hangout.0
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I think the problem is is that people want everyone to drink. They don't want to be the one who gets wasted while everyone else gets tipsy or has a few drinks...it's like no one wants anyone sober watching their drunken actions. Some people also don't want sober people watching them drink.
Short answer - stop worrying about it. If people ask you why you don't drink you could just say something like you don't feel like spending money or you have to work in the morning. If a date asks you I'd be truthful. "I used to drink and it started being a little bit of a problem, so I don't drink anymore."
(And trust me once you're out of college no one gives two sh!ts. I used to drink all the time. Now that I graduate I drink maybe once every two months and its like two drinks.)0 -
To start, i should make it clear that i'm whats probably classified as a big drinker. hence my weight issues. 4-5 pints (2.5 litres) is a quiet drink to me. 10-15 pints (6ish litres) is a standard drinking session plus spirits.
in a lot of social situations, ie dancing it gives me the confidence to be more out going. But having said that I gave up drinking for 5 months without touching a drop last year in same social situation.
What I guess i'd say is i guess its about mind set. My closest friend will come out and meet us and she won't drink a thing and still be the life and soul, or will drink shandy's the whole night, when she could easily do the same on straight pints but chooses not to, and it doesnt change who she is. My former housemate and good friend has never drunk and would come out for many a session with me, and also my sister though she now drinks gave it up for years, and still ruled the parties.
So personally id happily date someone who doesnt drink. as long as they were equally happy in a social situation with people who do as they are in one where they don't. as with many issues discussed on here, the actual decisions are not so relevant, its the thinking behind them.0 -
^ I'm the same. I can go out and be sober or drunk and still have fun. I have friends who can't do that, they have to drink. So oftentimes I would sober cab and it would work out fine. I love to dance...I can dance all night and have a blast and be sober. I'm a little less socially awkward with drinks but its not needed.0
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My question is: How do guys see a confident, beautiful woman who chooses not to drink when it comes to dating and relationships? The answer to this isn't going to change my decision but it's just hard for me to understand why it's so sociably unacceptable to "not" drink?
I don't drink, ever.
I've found many guys say they don't care but it's actually a dealbreaker. I asked a few guy friends why this would be and most of the time they told me it's because if you don't drink they assume you are less likely to put out or perhaps you are a recovering alcoholic (yes go ahead and bring out the 2x4s this is what my guy friends have told me more often than not). Another big reason is that recreational companionship is a big deal for relationships and they don't want to date the girl who will never join them in the beer crawls or wine tastings (and tagging along with your cherry coke is not "joining them")
My closest friends do not drink for health and/or religious reasons. Most of my coworkers do, and I've found that as long as I don't appear judgmental about it they don't give me a hard time.
I sometimes wonder if the prettier you are, the less guys care honestly, but that could just be my insecurity talking.0 -
I think drinking is a lifestyle. I dont know about America, but in the UK we have a pub culture. It's where drinkers hang out. And non drinkers dont seem to blend well, or last very long.
I couldnt date a non drinker because he wouldn't fit into that lifestyle. And I've known teetotal guys to be very judgmental about it, which would just get annoying very quickly. One guys said "the reason you have a stomach ache is because you drank last night" :noway:
I only drink once a week. I dont live in a pub, but I dont like being sober in a pub surrounded by drinkers.. I enjoy sober activities and all sorts of recreational pastimes, but a lot of my social life involves alcohol.
I just dont think the drinker and teetotaler understand each other much ..... however, if there is an understanding and you can be cool about your b/f drinking then there shouldnt be a problem. But you must understand that drinkers are very aware that non drinkers don't care to mix in the same arena most of the time. Hence, different lifestyles.0 -
I asked a few guy friends why this would be and most of the time they told me it's because if you don't drink they assume you are less likely to put out or perhaps you are a recovering alcoholic (yes go ahead and bring out the 2x4s this is what my guy friends have told me more often than not).
:laugh:
And of course, whenever I'm in the pub and all the women are getting banged against a wall......by each man in the pub.........in turn.......I love that!
/sarky
FFS! :huh:0 -
At 21 I think it is more of a deal than at say 31. At 21 going to bars and drinking is part of the coming of age cycle. I am in my 30s and hang out with a bunch of drinkers but we have people in our group that don't drink. No one is shunned for not drinking as we all think of it as a personal choice but none of them preach about the evils of drinking either. I don't think any of them has had an issue about getting dates just because they don't drink.0
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I'm female, but I would have a hard time dating someone who doesn't drink at all. As someone else stated, "tagging along with your Cherry Coke is not 'joining them'" :laugh: No but seriously...that's what my friends do and what I like to do. So if a guy doesn't drink and doesn't want to hang out with my friends and I eventually and would rather sit at home and watch a movie or play video games, that's not going to fly. Of course there are other things to do together besides drink, but my BIGGEST pet peeve is being shunned for it. Someone else said "Guys act like they don't care but they really do". It goes both ways. A guy who doesn't drink will also act like they don't care if a girl drinks, but eventually get annoyed or say "Can't you do something else?" I can't get the image of my ex saying "Was it worth it?" out of my mind. To this day, even though he still wants to get back together, I can't. If I don't complain about your video game addiction, don't complain about my drinking. Then you just end up not being compatible anyway. I'd advise against it. Find someone who fits you, not tries to change you.0
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Nearly every guy I know wouldn't care one bit. There are a things that guys are picky about, but drinking certainly isn't one of them.
Also, one of the clear signs of an alcoholic is someone who pushes drinks on people and makes them drink when they don't want to. So if you run into a partner that does this, chances are he has alcohol issues himself.0 -
I actually prefer it. I don't drink, so it makes for a better relationship. I like to get up early on the weekends, drive somewhere far away from the city traffic, and go hiking. That's a tough sell to someone who has been up until 3AM pounding shots of whiskey. For those who do both - you're a champion.
At 21, I can see it seeming difficult. Almost everyone drinks to excess at that age, at least in the circles I ran in. Some people get self conscious around or even offended by someone who won't do the same. For the most part, though, I think if you give you reason honestly and with a bit of humor it will only garner respect from those around you. Most people give me a chuckle and a "Oh man, I feel you - good for you, I should probably do the same" when I explain to them I got tired of waking up on the floor wondering what I did last night. Rare others have made it clear that they would not date me if I didn't drink. Good, dodged a bullet there.
I think the trick is to make it very clear that it is a PERSONAL choice and that you have absolutely nothing against alcohol in general or those who drink it out of a funnel. Sounds like you're already on track with that.0 -
:laugh:
And of course, whenever I'm in the pub and all the women are getting banged against a wall......by each man in the pub.........in turn.......I love that!
/sarky
FFS! :huh:
Please take me out the bars you go to, I have to see this.
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Wow Anna, really? So your opinion is the only one that's right? Somehow I doubt your opinion applies any more to a 21 year old from FL than mine does. I asked people why is it guys don't like it when they find out I don't drink (when they didn't have a problem with me up to that point) and those are the answers I got. I asked this back when I WAS in my early 20s and I suspect it still rings true for her demographic.0
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Wow Anna, really? So your opinion is the only one that's right?
Ermmm! nobody said that.......... I just dont know why you hang round with these guys that have no respect for women and are always looking for sex. In case you hadn't noticed ALL of your opinions are of that ilk and I just have the opposite experience in life. Which, in essence, gives the OP a balanced view...........is that okay, do you think?0 -
At 21 I think it is more of a deal than at say 31. At 21 going to bars and drinking is part of the coming of age cycle. I am in my 30s and hang out with a bunch of drinkers but we have people in our group that don't drink. No one is shunned for not drinking as we all think of it as a personal choice but none of them preach about the evils of drinking either. I don't think any of them has had an issue about getting dates just because they don't drink.
I agree.
And Chris I agree as well - as long as you make it clear that its your decision and not that you're against alcohol it should be okay.
This girl I used to be friends with is so self- righteous about drinking. She refuses to, which is fine. But anytime she goes out to a bar she writes a Facebook status like "all my friends are doing shots and I'm drinking Dr. Pepper." There's no need to broadcast it.0 -
I'm always a bit confused as to why it always seems to people that if one does drink, they must be out pounding whiskey shots until 3 AM all the time
That being said, I have a very good friend who took a vow quite a few years ago, and as a result of it, has stopped drinking entirely. Say what you will about vows, I do admire his strength of character. It was a little strange for us at first (not that my friends and I are huge drinkers -- we usually have one or two of J's homebrews apiece or some sake if we're making sushi), but since he is such a good friend, it really doesn't even occur to us now. We are just more tactful and don't offer him a beer when we're together.
I suspect your situation is a bit different, since you are hanging out at bars and are at an age where binge drinking is considered to be the norm. Perhaps if you just volunteered to be the designated driver? If you have an easy reason to give as to why you're drinking diet soda when everyone else is getting *kitten*-faced, then they might stop questioning. Even if you're not, just say you are :laugh: People aren't interested in a philosophical discussion when they want to get their drink on, to be perfectly honest. As long as you don't somehow think you're better than everyone else because you don't drink, nobody should be offended.
As far as relationships go, see above. Also, there are plenty of places to hang out that aren't at bars. Coffee shops, book stores, meetup.com. Lots of options out there!0 -
Wow Anna, really? So your opinion is the only one that's right?
Ermmm! nobody said that.......... I just dont know why you hang round with these guys that have no respect for women and are always looking for sex. In case you hadn't noticed ALL of your opinions are of that ilk and I just have the opposite experience in life. Which, in essence, gives the OP a balanced view...........is that okay, do you think?
No you didn't say that... but you don't throw out cursing acronyms at other peoples' opinions either. Why can't I have the other opinion? She asked the question and I think she should hear it. I sure wish 10 guys from this forum would PM me and tell me honestly they think I'm wrong. I bet they won't because they know my opinion isn't reflective of all men but it IS reflective of many men you're gonna find trolling the bars.
I don't think it's disrespectful of a guy friend to tell me the reason I didn't get much male attention is because they think a young girl who doesn't drink isn't gonna be any fun. I think it's honest. Why do you think that's disrespectful? It helped me adjust my expectations (and stop wasting everyone's time). And FWIW they also taught me to do what OS just said and just say I'm the driver. I'm in the ministry now and don't hang out in places where this is an issue, but she's 21 yrs old in FL hanging out in bars.
Just sayin.0 -
As long as a girl isn't boring I could care less if she drinks or not.0
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It's a product of your choice of hang outs. People go to bars to drink, not order soda or water. And for your lifestyle you shouldn't be interested in meeting people there. You should be meeting people at the gym or exercise events.0
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I don't understand the people that say you have to drink when you are at a bar. We always have at least one person with us that is the DD so they are not drinking. They are having just as good as time as the ones drinking because the ones drinking always make sure to include them in. They are usually the first ones on the dance floor dragging the ones that are stuck at the bar waiting for a drink.0
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I actually prefer it. I don't drink, so it makes for a better relationship. I like to get up early on the weekends, drive somewhere far away from the city traffic, and go hiking. That's a tough sell to someone who has been up until 3AM pounding shots of whiskey. For those who do both - you're a champion.
At 21, I can see it seeming difficult. Almost everyone drinks to excess at that age, at least in the circles I ran in. Some people get self conscious around or even offended by someone who won't do the same. For the most part, though, I think if you give you reason honestly and with a bit of humor it will only garner respect from those around you. Most people give me a chuckle and a "Oh man, I feel you - good for you, I should probably do the same" when I explain to them I got tired of waking up on the floor wondering what I did last night. Rare others have made it clear that they would not date me if I didn't drink. Good, dodged a bullet there.
I think the trick is to make it very clear that it is a PERSONAL choice and that you have absolutely nothing against alcohol in general or those who drink it out of a funnel. Sounds like you're already on track with that.
LOL I'm a Champion then (I don't get hangovers so drinking doesn't slow me down the next day)
I think your biggest problem with not drinking is your age group. Your young and most people your age are just testing thier boundries. Dont make a big deal of it. I have a friend whose a nondrinker but loves coming to the bar with us...SHe just puts a lime or lemon wedge on the side of her sprite glass. No one can tell there no vodka in that glass... So no random stranger bothering her about not drinking...... I think alot of people might feel that they are being judged if you go to a bar and are the "sober one" ... On the other hand my friends would love having you around because you would be permanite DD lol..... Also try meeting guys in places where they are sober.... They are less likely to care you don't drink0 -
Oh I didn't realize your from FLlike me. That probably part of the problem lol.... We do have quite a party culture around here don't we . Alot of nondrinkers I know simply tell people ther not big drinkers and their the DD for the night. It usually gets the guys pushing drinks to back off.0
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I don't necessarily drink every time I go out myself, so I suppose I wouldn't mind a girl who doesn't drink much (or rarely).
However, I'd like a girl who doesn't mind: trying a new beer she's never tried before, drinks on the odd occasion, celebrate a good news with a glass of champagne once a year.
In other words, someone who doesn't make a statement of not drinking and isn't judgmental if I choose to drink on a particular night.0 -
almost every guy that i have spoken to, or gone on a date with, has had an issue with me not drinking. i can't say i understand it at all. they get all uncomfortable even if i'm sitting AT the bar with them! i've had some make comments about lowering inhibitions, etc. they don't even bother to get to know me, to learn that i have zero issues lowering inhibitions stone cold sober, LOL! i have dated ONE guy that didn't seem to mind. he never drank when we were out either, by choice.
my friends are all big drinkers. we go to clubs, and bars, and wineries ( there are millions where i live). i am always DD. i'm ok with that. if they go out and i don't go along, they usually call me if they need a ride. i'm ok with that too! i'm more daring and willing to take risks, meet random strangers, and kiss someone in public sober than most of my friends are under the influence :-)0 -
I won't date women who don't drink. It's just not normal. This is one of the red flags on a first date that almost guarantees there won't be a second date. I know that sounds strange, even a bit closed minded, but I've had lots of experience: I'm just not compatible with women who don't drink. So no need to waste each other's time.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for someone who drinks a lot. I certainly don't. I only drink socially, and rarely more than once or twice a week, max. But what's wrong with having a glass of wine with a nice meal? Or sitting outside in the summer having a beer or two? Celebrating a birthday or holiday with champagne?
As the Greeks noted, everything in moderation.
--P0 -
I drank from age 16 to 20 and I feel like it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I just can't follow the logic here. Where is the link between having a glass of wine with dinner and your "goals and ambitions"? Are you worried that after one glass of Merlot with your steak you're going to assault your boss?
Similar logic:
I played squash from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I collected stamps from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I drank organic milk from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
And this is why I just couldn't date someone who doesn't drink. It's not about the alcohol per se, it's the logic behind the decision not to drink. It rarely makes sense. That's what irks me.
--P0 -
I drank from age 16 to 20 and I feel like it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I just can't follow the logic here. Where is the link between having a glass of wine with dinner and your "goals and ambitions"? Are you worried that after one glass of Merlot with your steak you're going to assault your boss?
Similar logic:
I played squash from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I collected stamps from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
I drank organic milk from 16 to 20, but I feel it's just unnecessary for my goals and ambitions.
And this is why I just couldn't date someone who doesn't drink. It's not about the alcohol per se, it's the logic behind the decision not to drink. It rarely makes sense. That's what irks me.
--P
What if someone is a recovering alcoholic or it was against their religion?0 -
Recovering alcoholic, sure. That I could understand. But I'm not sure I could date someone who allowed themselves to abuse alcohol until it became an addiction. That's lack of self-control, which is a huge turn off. So while I certainly understand her reason for not drinking (recovering alcoholic), I probably wouldn't want to date someone who got into that situation. Perhaps that sounds cruel, but I'm just being honest.
As to religion, well that's just silly. Who cares what people wrote 2500 years ago about alcohol consumption? These were people who kept slaves and believed evil spirits caused illness.
Besides, religious people are very selective in what they deem verboten, anyway. Christians, for example, cherry pick parts of the Bible they still consider relevant, ignoring the rest.
And by the way, why are Christians against alcohol consumption? Muslims, OK, I understand why, Mohammed was quite clear on that. It's still ridiculous, but I understand Muslims' reasons for not drinking alcohol.
But Christians? Didn't Jesus (assuming he existed, which I highly doubt) turn water into wine? I assume it was to drink, no? So what's the problem? How did modern Christians evolve into such teetotalers? "No thanks, Jesus, I'm a good Christian, so no wine for me! I'll just have the bread." LOL!
-P0
