Guys opinion: Girls who don't drink
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i stopped drinking years ago. like 2000. some stuff went down with my ex and it was ugly so I refused to ever drink around him again. then i got pregnant and had babies for a couple of years. the ONLY times i have had any kind of drink since 2000 was around girlfriends that i KNEW i could trust. i have refused to drink around guys since 2000, unless my friends have their hubbies with them.
if a guy won't date me because he believes that you can't enjoy an event without a glass of something, we won't be a good fit, so i am ok with that. i'd rather date someone that knows how to let lose, have a good time, be stupid, silly, daring and throw caution to the wind without alcohol :-)0 -
Sigh. Not all modern Christians are teetotalers. Really, the only group of modern Christians with whom I have interacted who don't believe in alcohol are Baptists, in whatever form. Most other Christian groups take a much more moderate approach, i.e. drinking to excess is a sin, drinking in moderation is not. Jesus most definitely drank real wine.
Edit to add: Granted, I have not interacted with every Christian denomination out there, but being a church musician who goes where I am paid, well, I've worked with quite a few
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But I'm not sure I could date someone who allowed themselves to abuse alcohol until it became an addiction. That's lack of self-control, which is a huge turn off.
Good thing we're not trying to get in each other's pants.
Most medical professionals would argue that people do not "allow" themselves to build up an addiction - that there is a genetic predispostion as well as contributing factors with what conditions a child was raised in. Eventually it is something that person needs to take responsibility for and take control of whatever they've become. You can see this as a red flag for someone with issues or maybe even someone who has worked harder than most to overcome a bad deal of the cards. I understand if someone chooses not to date me because of my past - it's a valid reason.
Also, some people have simply never drank and choose not to drink because their family has history with drug/alcohol abuse.0 -
But I'm not sure I could date someone who allowed themselves to abuse alcohol until it became an addiction.
Good thing we're not trying to get in each other's pants.
Most medical professionals would argue that people do not "allow" themselves to build up an addiction - that there is a genetic predispostion as well as contributing factors with what conditions a child was raised in. Eventually it is something that person needs to take responsibility for and take control of whatever they've become. You can see this as a red flag for someone with issues or maybe even someone who has worked harder than most to overcome a bad deal of the cards. I understand if someone chooses not to date me because of my past - it's a valid reason.
Also, some people have simply never drank and choose not to drink because their family has history with drug/alcohol abuse.
Right again.
Like many things, alcohol addiction is not a choice...but something that the person has to recognize and deal with. Same as an addiction to food, gambling, etc.. There are changes in the brain when you're addicted.0 -
i know loads of baptists that get TANKED often! i've seen some of the women get so drunk at neighborhood parties they start FLASHING the crowd! the baptists i know are some of the heaviest drinkers i know, LOL!Sigh. Not all modern Christians are teetotalers. Really, the only group of modern Christians with whom I have interacted who don't believe in alcohol are Baptists, in whatever form. Most other Christian groups take a much more moderate approach, i.e. drinking to excess is a sin, drinking in moderation is not. Jesus most definitely drank real wine.
Edit to add: Granted, I have not interacted with every Christian denomination out there, but being a church musician who goes where I am paid, well, I've worked with quite a few0 -
Not sure which Baptists you've been interacting with. I went to two major Baptist institutions in undergrad, and in both institutions drinking alcohol in any form, even with one's parents at home, resulted in immediate expulsion.
Not saying Baptists individually don't drink, but according to the Baptist denominations it is a sin.
Also, forgive me. Apparently the United Methodist Church frowns upon alcohol as well, though not to the same extent as the Baptists.0 -
i don't know what kinds of Baptists they are. there is one HUGE baptist church in our town, and i've seen plenty of their members drunk, drinking, out at the wineries, bars, etc.
i was with a friend yesterday who goes there and she drank almost an entire bottle of wine by herself!
so, yeah, i don't know. this town is my first experience with baptists :-)0 -
When I mentioned religion I was actually thinking of Mormons and JWs.0
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When I mentioned religion I was actually thinking of Mormons and JWs.
That makes sense. I was responding to the allegation that modern Christians are teetotalers 0 -
I know Baylor University in Waco Texas is a baptist university. It is very conservative and I believe alcohol is banned on campus. About 10 years ago Play Boy did a Girls of the Big 12 Conference issue in which a few girls in bikinis were photographed with several guys in a volleyball pit outside a Frat House. The university expelled every student male and female in the picture and suspended the charter of the fraternity where it happened.0
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But I'm not sure I could date someone who allowed themselves to abuse alcohol until it became an addiction. That's lack of self-control, which is a huge turn off.
Just to throw in an interesting perspective, your profile states that you were 50 pounds overweight. Curious if you would date yourself, given your unsexy lack of self control and abuse of food. 0 -
But I'm not sure I could date someone who allowed themselves to abuse alcohol until it became an addiction. That's lack of self-control, which is a huge turn off.
Just to throw in an interesting perspective, your profile states that you were 50 pounds overweight. Curious if you would date yourself, given your unsexy lack of self control and abuse of food.
I'm 6'3". I was never massively overweight. At my peak I weighed 234 or so. Also, I was never addicted to food. And perhaps most relevant to this discussion, now that I'm much thinner, I still eat food. I still have chocolate, beer, etc. I didn't decide to quit eating cake or drinking Scotch because I lost weight. I just did it in moderation.
I just don't like extremism of any type. Yes, there are some exceptions. But in general, if it tastes good, and you like it, why stop cold turkey?
--P0 -
I'm 6'3". I was never massively overweight. At my peak I weighed 234 or so. Also, I was never addicted to food. And perhaps most relevant to this discussion, now that I'm much thinner, I still eat food. I still have chocolate, beer, etc. I didn't decide to quit eating cake or drinking Scotch because I lost weight. I just did it in moderation.
I just don't like extremism of any type. Yes, there are some exceptions. But in general, if it tastes good, and you like it, why stop cold turkey?
--P
You obviously can pick apart any comparison that is not exact for exact instead of trying to open yourself up to a new point of view. 50 pounds overweight is overweight. You knowingly put things in your body that were damaging your health, lowering the respect of those around you, and chipping away at your self esteem. If this was not the case, you wouldn't have made a change. I'm not using the term "addiction" but am referring to "abuse", which is what I would call this.
My point is you realized you were doing something that was unhealthy and decided to make a change for the better. Instead of thinking "Oh man, this guy was a little chunky before. He obviously has no self control and will probably end up back there again" one might think "Wow, this guy saw an error in his ways and decided to make a correction. That is commendable and he is probably a better person for having learned this lesson."
EVERYONE has something in their history that might turn someone off if held up by itself and out of context. In my opinion, people that have been to a dark place and returned end up better for having the journey. They are forced to really look deep inside and learn about themselves and what they want out of life.
The concept of what addiction is, whether it exists, is genetic, etc, is irrelevant. I don't hope to change your mind, but it would be great if one person read this and spent a little time considering this point of view.0 -
Reminds me faintly of the guy on extreme makeovers (I think) who lost 300lbs, got a tummy tuck to rid himself of the excess fat and then dumped the heavy girlfriend who was by his side and motivated him through losing all that weight because now "I can get a better woman then I could before."
That said, I disagree that P's extra 50lbs necessarily makes him the same kind of overweight as someone who lost 200lbs. Not everyone who is overweight is plagued by insecurity and stuffing their face (abusing their body or calming insecurities with a food addiction). It can be little things that take effect over time like not noticing that metabolism changes as you get older and things like learning the food we eat out is not the same calorie or nutrition profile as the same dish at home.
Not knocking anyone who overcome substantial body abuse and food addiction. Kudos to all my MFP friends who overcame one of the HARDEST additions from which to break free.0 -
I wasn't implying that, merely trying to draw a parallel of someone halting a string of poor decisions. I'm exaggerating P's experience to try to make a point. Honestly, I'm taking it a little too personally and going off on unnecessary tangents. There are a million reasons to not date someone with any sort of psychiatric condition - those reasons are personal and can't really be argued with....
That said, I disagree that P's extra 50lbs necessarily makes him the same kind of overweight as someone who lost 200lbs. Not everyone who is overweight is plagued by insecurity and stuffing their face (abusing their body or calming insecurities with a food addiction). It can be little things that take effect over time like not noticing that metabolism changes as you get older and things like learning the food we eat out is not the same calorie or nutrition profile as the same dish at home.
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I just have a really hard time seeing how someone who is diagnosed by a medical professional to have a condition related to substance abuse and is then able to abstain 100% from that substance could possibly be seen as now having poor self control.0 -
I just have a really hard time seeing how someone who is diagnosed by a medical professional to have a condition related to substance abuse and is then able to abstain 100% from that substance could possibly be seen as now having poor self control.
One of the top two answers guys gave me about why not drinking is bad was that it could mean that I'm a recovering alcoholic. I can understand the too religious/not enough fun/no sex angle but why would recovering alcoholic be a bad thing. When I asked "why" I was told because it's like losing a lot of weight or overcoming any significant problem that society sees as a detriment: people are too scared that you'll fall back into it and if they have a multitude of other options (i.e. plenty of girls to chose from who never were alcoholic) they'd rather not deal with the potential of you falling back into it. IDK if that's true or an excuse, but it's plausible enough to me0 -
I just have a really hard time seeing how someone who is diagnosed by a medical professional to have a condition related to substance abuse and is then able to abstain 100% from that substance could possibly be seen as now having poor self control.
One of the top two answers guys gave me about why not drinking is bad was that it could mean that I'm a recovering alcoholic. I can understand the too religious/not enough fun/no sex angle but why would recovering alcoholic be a bad thing. When I asked "why" I was told because it's like losing a lot of weight or overcoming any significant problem that society sees as a detriment: people are too scared that you'll fall back into it and if they have a multitude of other options (i.e. plenty of girls to chose from who never were alcoholic) they'd rather not deal with the potential of you falling back into it. IDK if that's true or an excuse, but it's plausible enough to me
Yes, I think that is very valid and even proven statistically. I'm not a fan of the whole "alcoholic / addict" label and the 12-step culture it usually refers to, but that's jut me and a whole other topic.0 -
My best success has been dating guys who drink rarely (if at all) and most of them it's because they're into fitness/trainers/etc. Strangely not the religious guys. Hmmm, maybe that's why I'm always getting guys who give me a hard time about my weight haha0
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yeah, the guys that i have met that barely or never drink are really into training and fitness, or coaching, and want to set the best example they can.
i think i was only asked once if i was a member of AA. In my experience, once a guy gets comfortable with me, or goes out on a couple dates with me, they realize why me NOT drinking is not a big deal, at all!!
i do find it amusing that some people are so narrow-minded that they will automatically cast one aside for NOT drinking.......... their loss :-)0 -
As already mentioned, the simplest ways to handle the pressure are to find an 'excuse' that your peers find valid (Designated driver/medication interaction/work tomorrow - whatever works in your situation) and/or to make sure your drink looks like it's alcoholic. Most bartenders, if asked, are perfectly happy to put your soda in a glass that they'd normally use for a mixed drink, and/or put a slice of fruit on the side of the glass, so that you don't have any hassle to deal with.
I enjoy a glass of good wine, or a well-made cocktail, but drink sparingly, in general, for professional and personal reasons - one, or maybe two, is plenty for me in most circumstances, then I'll swap to soft drinks. It was definitely tricky when I was your age, but take heart - as I've got older, people are less inclined to make a big deal out of it, though it can sometimes be an issue for certain individuals.0 -
As already mentioned, the simplest ways to handle the pressure are to find an 'excuse' that your peers find valid (Designated driver/medication interaction/work tomorrow - whatever works in your situation) and/or to make sure your drink looks like it's alcoholic. Most bartenders, if asked, are perfectly happy to put your soda in a glass that they'd normally use for a mixed drink, and/or put a slice of fruit on the side of the glass, so that you don't have any hassle to deal with.
I enjoy a glass of good wine, or a well-made cocktail, but drink sparingly, in general, for professional and personal reasons - one, or maybe two, is plenty for me in most circumstances, then I'll swap to soft drinks. It was definitely tricky when I was your age, but take heart - as I've got older, people are less inclined to make a big deal out of it, though it can sometimes be an issue for certain individuals.
Perfectly worded.
It may be a problem when you're 21 but trust me even at 23 people have stopped caring for the most part.0 -
i stopped drinking years ago. like 2000. some stuff went down with my ex and it was ugly so I refused to ever drink around him again. then i got pregnant and had babies for a couple of years. the ONLY times i have had any kind of drink since 2000 was around girlfriends that i KNEW i could trust. i have refused to drink around guys since 2000, unless my friends have their hubbies with them.
Wait, this is a slight contradiction. Do you not drink at all or not drink around men? If it's the former, then so be it. If it's the latter I would assume you do not trust men in general (or yourself around them) due to the actions of your ex. That seems slightly concerning and perhaps a bit paranoid to me.0 -
I wasn't a big drinker at your age, and I am not now.
I basically skipped the binge phase and went straight to the artisan drink phase.
I have some friends that drink more than I do, but everyone knows me and my low tolerance are only going to have 1-2 cocktails and call it a night.
The harder part is finding more friends that have the limited drinker attitude. I was lucky, and half of my friends are also limited drinkers. Find like minded friends. And all types of places to hang out. The bar is one option, but there are many more.
I also find, generally speaking, the more expensive the drinks the less people drink. Go to nicer bars.
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it's not a contradiction. i can count on ONE hand the number of times i have had alcohol of any kind in the past 13 years. one was some wine with a girlfriend that had just moved back to the states. one was with girlfriends ( and their hubbies) when we got snowed in back in 2009. and one was with a girlfriend a couple years ago. so, 3 times in 13 years. if that means i drink, well, i don't know what to say about that then. and no, i won't ever drink around guys unless they are married to my friends. that's my choice :-)i stopped drinking years ago. like 2000. some stuff went down with my ex and it was ugly so I refused to ever drink around him again. then i got pregnant and had babies for a couple of years. the ONLY times i have had any kind of drink since 2000 was around girlfriends that i KNEW i could trust. i have refused to drink around guys since 2000, unless my friends have their hubbies with them.
Wait, this is a slight contradiction. Do you not drink at all or not drink around men? If it's the former, then so be it. If it's the latter I would assume you do not trust men in general (or yourself around them) due to the actions of your ex. That seems slightly concerning and perhaps a bit paranoid to me.0 -
People generally just want to find a partner with the same interests as them. If you are into working out, you want to find someone to run with, bike with, go to the gym with, etc. You want to find someone to share your experiences, you probably wouldn't be into someone that sits around watching movies and playing video games while you're out hiking and mountain climbing.
It's the same with drinking. I like going to wineries, breweries and places like that. I like to go out with my friends or my girlfriend and tie one on with them and laugh all night. And I've been the sober person surrounded by drunk people enough times to know that it isn't fun. Maybe it's fun for some people, but not me. And I wish I could go to the bar and not drink, I just hate crowds and drunk people normally so it's the only way I can deal with it.0 -
i guess i never really thought of drinking as a hobby :-)
i love being around my friends when they're drunk because then they finally act like me, LOL! only i get to be the responsible and in control one that makes sure everyone gets home safely :-)
i can understand that desire to spend time together doing the same hobbies though!!0 -
People generally just want to find a partner with the same interests as them. If you are into working out, you want to find someone to run with, bike with, go to the gym with, etc. You want to find someone to share your experiences, you probably wouldn't be into someone that sits around watching movies and playing video games while you're out hiking and mountain climbing.
It's the same with drinking. I like going to wineries, breweries and places like that. I like to go out with my friends or my girlfriend and tie one on with them and laugh all night. And I've been the sober person surrounded by drunk people enough times to know that it isn't fun. Maybe it's fun for some people, but not me. And I wish I could go to the bar and not drink, I just hate crowds and drunk people normally so it's the only way I can deal with it.
I'm mostly the same ( except I don't have a problem going to bars sober although its more fun to drink). I love trying new wines, beers, etc..0 -
People generally just want to find a partner with the same interests as them. If you are into working out, you want to find someone to run with, bike with, go to the gym with, etc. You want to find someone to share your experiences, you probably wouldn't be into someone that sits around watching movies and playing video games while you're out hiking and mountain climbing.
It's the same with drinking. I like going to wineries, breweries and places like that. I like to go out with my friends or my girlfriend and tie one on with them and laugh all night. And I've been the sober person surrounded by drunk people enough times to know that it isn't fun. Maybe it's fun for some people, but not me. And I wish I could go to the bar and not drink, I just hate crowds and drunk people normally so it's the only way I can deal with it.
But I want to find someone who is into all that! Into fitness, video games,and still likes to sit around watching stuff, etc etc... I guess I want to have my cake and to eat it too. :sad: I'm screwed....time to adopt some animals! What's the male equivalent of "crazy cat lady", anyone know? :laugh:0 -
Oh you'll be fine. I've found you really just need to be with someone who is into some of the same things you are, it doesn't have to be all of them. I don't need to be with someone 24/7 or essentially date myself, I like time to myself and to try new things once in a while. And once you find the right person you just make it work.People generally just want to find a partner with the same interests as them. If you are into working out, you want to find someone to run with, bike with, go to the gym with, etc. You want to find someone to share your experiences, you probably wouldn't be into someone that sits around watching movies and playing video games while you're out hiking and mountain climbing.
It's the same with drinking. I like going to wineries, breweries and places like that. I like to go out with my friends or my girlfriend and tie one on with them and laugh all night. And I've been the sober person surrounded by drunk people enough times to know that it isn't fun. Maybe it's fun for some people, but not me. And I wish I could go to the bar and not drink, I just hate crowds and drunk people normally so it's the only way I can deal with it.
But I want to find someone who is into all that! Into fitness, video games,and still likes to sit around watching stuff, etc etc... I guess I want to have my cake and to eat it too. :sad: I'm screwed....time to adopt some animals! What's the male equivalent of "crazy cat lady", anyone know? :laugh:0 -
What's the male equivalent of "crazy cat lady", anyone know? :laugh:
Crazy Dog Loser? :bigsmile:
Not you Cesar :flowerforyou:0
