Dating while Overweight
VoluptuousComedyNerd
Posts: 12 Member
I'm sure I'm not the only one here who suffers from terrible self esteem. It's been a problem for me my whole life, so I basically just made a decision to never date because my brain (and society) convinced me that nobody would ever love me at the size I am.
Fast forward to today, and I've come to the realization that I'm not less worthy of love than thin people are. Why am I letting this stereotype dictate how I live? So now I am actively using a dating site to match me with people but I have yet to find someone who doesn't seem to mind my size. It's really frustrating because I am seeing everyone I know get married and have kids, and I am starting to feel lonely.
Are there any people here who have had similar experiences? Anyone still struggling, or have you been able to successfully navigate the dating pool? Please send tips
Fast forward to today, and I've come to the realization that I'm not less worthy of love than thin people are. Why am I letting this stereotype dictate how I live? So now I am actively using a dating site to match me with people but I have yet to find someone who doesn't seem to mind my size. It's really frustrating because I am seeing everyone I know get married and have kids, and I am starting to feel lonely.
Are there any people here who have had similar experiences? Anyone still struggling, or have you been able to successfully navigate the dating pool? Please send tips
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Replies
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The low self esteem is what is getting in your way. You are not defined by a single thing. Anyone who thinks that way is not worth having.
How are you fantastic?
What do you offer that not just anyone else offers?
What do you offer that someone is looking for?
Stop thinking of yourself as damage goods because you are not. Think of how lucky you are going to make someone.
Oh and the people that are not biting are the ones that are saving you the time of rejecting them.
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I was divorced at 36, obese with 2 kids and very few friends so I hit the dating apps. I had so much fun I should write a book. I approached it as looking for new friends and having a good night out rather than searching for Mr Perfect and I have met some lovely people who are now my bestest friends.
I had a few short relationships, and an 18mths and a 4yr one before I met my current husband.
I found it a bit of a numbers game too, for every 3 or 4 idiots, cheating husbands, boring people and those with 15yr old profile pics there was 1 who was lovely.
My attitude was - here I am, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it then "NEXT"
My bit of advice, based on my experience, is: put a few good pics up, if you think weight is an issue then be honest on your profile but don't sell yourself short and be proud of who you are, be a little bit fussy, don't expect to find "the one" straight away - you'll have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince. Always, always, always meet in a public place and let someone know where you're going. If you're not sure meet for a quick coffee rather than a full evening.
And the most important thing - have fun and enjoy the experiences.
Good luck!5 -
Jackie9003 wrote: »I was divorced at 36, obese with 2 kids and very few friends so I hit the dating apps. I had so much fun I should write a book. I approached it as looking for new friends and having a good night out rather than searching for Mr Perfect and I have met some lovely people who are now my bestest friends.
I had a few short relationships, and an 18mths and a 4yr one before I met my current husband.
I found it a bit of a numbers game too, for every 3 or 4 idiots, cheating husbands, boring people and those with 15yr old profile pics there was 1 who was lovely.
My attitude was - here I am, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it then "NEXT"
My bit of advice, based on my experience, is: put a few good pics up, if you think weight is an issue then be honest on your profile but don't sell yourself short and be proud of who you are, be a little bit fussy, don't expect to find "the one" straight away - you'll have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince. Always, always, always meet in a public place and let someone know where you're going. If you're not sure meet for a quick coffee rather than a full evening.
And the most important thing - have fun and enjoy the experiences.
Good luck!
This is extremely important. I am glad it was mentioned. All dating should be considered extremely casual with no thoughts of romance until it feels right. You are looking for a companion for an evening of fun and good conversation and nothing more and yes in a public place. You want next to no pressure involved.
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Jackie9003 wrote: »I had so much fun I should write a book. I approached it as looking for new friends and having a good night out rather than searching for Mr Perfect and I have met some lovely people who are now my bestest friends.
I found it a bit of a numbers game too, for every 3 or 4 idiots, cheating husbands, boring people and those with 15yr old profile pics there was 1 who was lovely.
My attitude was - here I am, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it then "NEXT"
My bit of advice, based on my experience, is: put a few good pics up, if you think weight is an issue then be honest on your profile but don't sell yourself short and be proud of who you are, be a little bit fussy, don't expect to find "the one" straight away - you'll have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince.
And the most important thing - have fun and enjoy the experiences.
Good luck!
You have no idea how much this helped... It is exactly what I needed to hear! I expected to meet the perfect guy the first time and when that didn't happen, I got discouraged. So I just have to be patient and go in without those kinds of expectations.
How are you fantastic?
What do you offer that not just anyone else offers?
What do you offer that someone is looking for?
Stop thinking of yourself as damage goods because you are not. Think of how lucky you are going to make someone.
This is probably the most difficult thing to do but you're right. I have to change my mindset in order to make it work. That's why it was such a big revelation to realize that I actually am worthy of finding a relationship after 30-something years of believing I'm not good enough.
Thank you both so much
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I met my husband doing online dating. I went into dating like Jackie with an open mind and just out to socialize, build my confidence and have fun. I went on a lot of first dates with all types of guys. Its alot of fun as long as you dont go in with too high of expectations..lol.. I agree with Novus about the whole self esteem thing.. as my Momma used to say "if you dont love yourself, how on earth you gonna love anyone else".. Enjoy your dating and have fun!💜😊0
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My mom always said, ( among other sage remarks )....” You have to dig thru a lot of rocks before you find a diamond”.....1
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Even post weightloss, online dating has been no fun for me. For all the messages I've sent out, I've had few replies. I read so many profiles where women complain that men just say "hi" or how the men are married, jobless, no car, sending pictures that aren't appropriate, not reading profiles, etc. Yet I make a genuine effort to start the conversation with something from the person's profile, usually turned into if not a joke, at least an attempted quip.
Oh well. If I've endured 6 years single, I suppose I can get through 6 more. Past that, not sure about being single and both boys out of the house.1
