Book/Media Club

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  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    For any of you speed readers chapter 17 has an example of a "contract" that is weight and fitness oriented. I am not knocking it if it helped bring about success but I do not think that is an example to follow. It is too rigid. It penalized any mistake. Some people can get away with demanding perfection routine but don't think it fits the rest of the book very well. We will discuss it more when that chapter is up.
  • FitByFifty1970
    FitByFifty1970 Posts: 127 Member
    This is interesting, I have requested it via my library system for either print or kindle (there are waiting lists for both so I'll take whichever opens up first). I hope it is sooner rather than later.

    I did read 'The Secret Art of Not Giving a F*(&' and it was very underwhelming if anyone was considering it I'd give it a hard pass.

    I enjoyed Marshall Goldsmith's 'Triggers' (he is an executive coach but not the totally full of crap kind (looking at you Blanchard), I'm not a huge fan of most of that stuff - Goldsmith is the exception for me). This specific book was about creating behaviors. My take away was that not making a decision IS making a decision...you are deciding to not change. It is not a new concept but that plus the rest of the book was compelling and can be applied beyond work. I read it when it came out (got a free download) but would read it again if anyone wanted me to do so.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Chapter 1 Discussion (yes I am a few hours early)

    When I was much younger I did summer work on a nearby ranch. One of the things I learned is that a job being done was fairly meaningless. No matter how much you got done by the end of the day there was that much and more waiting for the next. The more time you spent being overwhelmed by how much work there was to be done was time not getting things done. You couldn't worry about it. You just kept working until you could barely move and prayed that the night would restore you enough to go again the next day.

    The only goal I ever had was what was right in front of me. The big important projects were done by people older and with more skill. I was a grunt.

    I have never forgotten what the lesson was and I have applied it to many areas of my life. Just not to all and certainly not to weight loss until about 20 months ago.

    Clear says that we should concentrate on systems (aka processes) and only consider goals as a directional heading and not be goal oriented. I think it is a matter of how you view it. I start most days with the goal of being happy, staying in a deficit, and increasing my level of fitness. So my goal is the process. I do not start each day worrying about my bigger goals. I try not to think about them much until they are in view.

    In my 2 test cases the goals have different flavors.

    In my uke practicing the goal is to play music. Based on what I have learned in my weight loss and the book now I am concentrating on just doing the basics each day and adding proficiency instead of worrying about playing a song at all. Not a lot of improvement in the short time and the short practices but there is some improvement.

    In my bed making the goal is to improve my sleep and keep the house neater. Improving my sleep though is not immediate because the bedding didn't have an impact every night it only had an impact after a week or more of not making the bed. Keeping the house neater happens immediately after the bed is made.

    That was long-winded enough. I could go on but I would rather others start giving their thoughts first.
  • DogMom919
    DogMom919 Posts: 58 Member
    Although, I consider myself a very process/system minded person; Clear’s description was very enlightening for me. The idea of viewing this life changing journey (weight loss and maintenance) as a system really resonated with me....this is my life now....or as NovusDies would say my new normal. The systems that I am implementing to achieve this new and healthier life will carry me through the remainder of my life!

    In my test cases I have been on target. The first 2–getting dressed and putting on shoes have occurred for the past 8 days. I have tweaked it to include completing these 2 tasks before 10:00am. The reason for the tweak was I caught myself on the second day waiting until almost noon. Even though, getting dressed at noon was still a win for me, I wanted to do better.

    My other test case is to start meditating. I am using one of the Meditation courses from Audible. I am working on the course every other day. Hopefully, something will “click” for me and I will begin to look forward to it....so far, it has not happened. I have taken many of the Great Courses offered through Audible and have learned and enjoy all.....so, I’m hoping it will happen with this Meditation also!
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    Building habits is like a chain...every link added makes it stronger...could be compared to a faithful marriage....every year you add a link...if you cheat, you still have a chain but it is broken and weaker...you have to start building that chain again...the same with a healthy/ normal lifestyle....every day you are at or below goal you are putting links in a chain....each day you add another link or you break it and start over....breaking that chain isn’t the end of the world but you have to start over every damn time!....sometimes it’s easier to keep adding the links!....I guess the important thing is to not give up...if you break the chain you have to make sure it was worth it and then start building it again making sure it is stronger and better each time!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Building habits is like a chain...every link added makes it stronger...could be compared to a faithful marriage....every year you add a link...if you cheat, you still have a chain but it is broken and weaker...you have to start building that chain again...the same with a healthy/ normal lifestyle....every day you are at or below goal you are putting links in a chain....each day you add another link or you break it and start over....breaking that chain isn’t the end of the world but you have to start over every damn time!....sometimes it’s easier to keep adding the links!....I guess the important thing is to not give up...if you break the chain you have to make sure it was worth it and then start building it again making sure it is stronger and better each time!

    I can't really compare cheating on a relationship with eating over goal one day even if not intentional. The first breaks a trust between you and another person. The second is a day where less or no progress was made.

    What I consider to be normal and what I am hoping to make normal for the rest of my life is adhering to my calorie goal for loss or maintaining most of the time. Some of the time will be days in which I intend to eat more because it is a special occasion. Some days will end high because I made a mistake or it was not completely in my control. So for me eating too much in a day is fine as long as it does not happen very often.
  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    I didn’t want to equate a cheating spouse to an off day on a healthy eating plan...I only used it as an example for building a strong chain...the more you repeat doing anything good or bad, the more it becomes a norm....( although if I do slip up it breaks a promise I made to myself )( whether it was a wise promise or not)

    I have to say that mentally I still think of eating too much or going off plan as something bad akin almost to a sin....guilt and shame!....especially after an uncontrollable binge when I actually make myself sick from eating...... I beat myself up so bad mentally....I was raised Catholic, what can I say?...I am working on this!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I didn’t want to equate a cheating spouse to an off day on a healthy eating plan...I only used it as an example for building a strong chain...the more you repeat doing anything good or bad, the more it becomes a norm....( although if I do slip up it breaks a promise I made to myself )( whether it was a wise promise or not)

    I have to say that mentally I still think of eating too much or going off plan as something bad akin almost to a sin....guilt and shame!....especially after an uncontrollable binge when I actually make myself sick from eating...... I beat myself up so bad mentally....I was raised Catholic, what can I say?...I am working on this!

    I have been guilty of feeling too much guilt over eating in the past. It can be a hard thing to shake. I had to keep telling myself that I need food to live and that my plan IS to go over on some days and to allow mistakes.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited November 2019
    Probably should have started this after Thanksgiving because even I am not posting as much right now...

    Let's open up the discussion for chapters 1-4 and we will leave it there for a couple of weeks.

    Chapter 2: How Your Habits Shape Your Identity (and Vice Versa)

    Chapter 3: How to Build Better Habits in 4 Simple Steps

    Chapter 4: The Man Who Didn’t Look Right

    Chapter 1 grabbed my interest because other than a few terminology differences I realized this was my plan already.

    Chapter 2 is the one that started making me think about changes. I started thinking about how I view myself. Am I an former sedentary person trying to be active or should I just be an active person? Am I a formerly super ridiculously morbid obese person or a healthy weight person trying to chip away at the fat that doesn't belong?

    With weight loss I have not really perfected how I should see myself now. Identity change probably takes a little time to determine what new labels feel comfortable. I see the merit in changing it just won't be immediate and it doesn't have to be.

    I find it easier to call myself an active person now though. Even though that label is not 100 percent true yet I don't find the mental resistance like I do with weight loss.

    I have always tried to be a neat person but making my bed seems to help me identify with calling myself a neat person now. It has snowballed into other new habits like taking my shoes off in the garage now instead of the kitchen and hanging my coat up on the hook each time I take it off. I am tidying things up a little quicker and more often than I once did. I think it is because I start the day with an act of 'neatness' it is helping me be that person. My wife is not complaining.

    However, I find it hard to call myself a musician when I can barely play 3 songs and not very well. I know the purpose is not to lie to myself but encourage musical thinking but it feels like a lie.

    I guess my real world results are mixed with assuming an identity change and then engaging in habits that support the change. If I am mentally rejecting a new label that can't work so I think the solution there is to try to determine an interim label that feels more comfortable. Maybe instead of calling myself a musician I can be a beginner musician. I don't know. It is all a work in progress.

    I won't jump into my thoughts on 3 or 4 yet.
  • I completed reading the book this weekend.

    The identity you choose as your future self is made up of many actions, small habits, routines and processes that are repeated time and time again, slowly shaping you into the results you desire, your future self. Learning to make your plan, your processes, your routines, your small habits, enjoyable, realistic and sustainable, and continually looking for ways to improve upon them is an important part of being your future self today. Another important part is just trying something, knowing full well it may or may not work. Don’t ruminate. Failure is way more valuable than rumination.

    Three songs is better than two. Trying is better than not. Jimmy Page was pretty much self taught. You too can aspire to such heights, assuming your desire and associated actions are in alignment. Keep asking yourself, from your “future self,” the accomplished musician or whatever you what do be, “What actions did I take to get here?” You may not have all the answers to get there today, but the gap will eventually be filled, just by continually asking yourself the questions, trying, and taking the actions you know you can today.

    Be your amazing future self today!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited November 2019
    I am not interested in aspiring to Jimmy Page heights. I want to play for casual fun.

    That is one thing I didn't like about the book. Most of his examples were extraordinary in an attempt to be inspirational. I don't respond to that. In fact, I do not find it helpful when practicing music each day. I want to be just content with improving a little each day. The next step will present itself when I am done with this one. At some point I will be content to stop or move on to another instrument.

    I took music lessons for 2 years. I now realize that my teacher was not teaching me how to plan as much as teaching me how to teach. In 2 years of weekly lessons and practicing most days I was still stuck at a beginner level. In all that time I learned maybe 2 chords. I could read music and pluck notes one at a time but that was highly disappointing after so much time. My music teacher didn't listen to my complaints and I finally gave it up.

    I see no problem with a goal being average or even mundane. That is realistic in a lot of cases. I am not trying to change careers and move into music I am just simply trying to add a little extra flavor to my life. Those type of examples are probably not great for selling books though.
  • I agree, the book gave many extraordinary examples. IMHO to point out how simple habits can result in greatness or casual fun, if that is what you desire. I never intended to claim being an “accomplished musician” is your desire. Casual Fun is Good! Do what you enjoy! Enjoy what you do!

    The book also expressed the value of exploiting your strengths. Do the things you excel in!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    That was not my point really. My point was trying to come up with an identity label that feels comfortable and accessible. It is not really something I need help with I was just making a comment that some of it feels more natural and some of it does not. I think the point of discussing the book and trying to apply it is to find the parts that work well as is, stuff that needs to be figured out, and stuff that may not work at all.

    I think eventually I would like to consider myself a musician even if it is just playing for fun but right now that doesn't feel right. Instead of it helping me to think like the person I want to become I am thinking about the label.