Identity Shift
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I don't think in absolutes. I have no problem being relaxed and indulging on holidays or vacations or other special occasions. But it wasn't just at the BBQ I was invited to on the 4th. It was all the next day, too, when I was at home alone feeling bored and lonely. THAT'S what I want to change.bobsburgersfan wrote: »I've been thinking about this a lot, about what future healthy me acts like, and I've been trying to tell myself "healthy me doesn't do this" in an attempt to shift some of my behaviors. But my holiday weekend was rough and I still ate way more than I should have. I did try saying that to myself but a part of me still didn't care. So I assume, as with most weight loss behaviors, that it's something that will take time to learn and to really sink in.
I still love the concept of just becoming the person I want to be now instead of waiting to become that person at some unknown point in the future.
It may also be that you are thinking in absolutes. My holiday/vacation eating identity has gone nowhere. I have no intention of getting rid of him. I do not care if my future always involves a week or so of deficit before and/or after holidays and vacation to allow me to enjoy eating more those days. Throughout all the weight I have lost I have still eaten more on special occasions. This has always been part of my plan.
It is my everyday food and exercise identities that needed to change. I compromise with the parts of me that want to eat more and give them special occasions.1 -
@bobsburgersfan - yup, "But it wasn't just at the BBQ I was invited to on the 4th. It was all the next day, too, when I was at home alone feeling bored and lonely. THAT'S what I want to change."
I'll add that I can feel bored and lonely even though I do not live alone.
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It is my everyday food and exercise identities that needed to change. I compromise with the parts of me that want to eat more and give them special occasions.
I think a problem is the expanded definition of special. What I recall about growing up was that holidays were special and Sunday dinner was special. Those were the times there was a tablecloth on the table and dessert. But I grew up before 7 day shopping. Other days were mostly about work and doing what had to be done.
Now it seems like there’s pressure (from where?) to make everything special all the time. Maybe its because we’re all so special ourselves. Or maybe it really is special that its Tuesday and Real Housewives of Chattanooga is on TV so I better call Dominos. Dunno.
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bobsburgersfan wrote: »
I don't think in absolutes. I have no problem being relaxed and indulging on holidays or vacations or other special occasions. But it wasn't just at the BBQ I was invited to on the 4th. It was all the next day, too, when I was at home alone feeling bored and lonely. THAT'S what I want to change.bobsburgersfan wrote: »I've been thinking about this a lot, about what future healthy me acts like, and I've been trying to tell myself "healthy me doesn't do this" in an attempt to shift some of my behaviors. But my holiday weekend was rough and I still ate way more than I should have. I did try saying that to myself but a part of me still didn't care. So I assume, as with most weight loss behaviors, that it's something that will take time to learn and to really sink in. I still love the concept of just becoming the person I want to be now instead of waiting to become that person at some unknown point in the future.
It may also be that you are thinking in absolutes. My holiday/vacation eating identity has gone nowhere. I have no intention of getting rid of him. I do not care if my future always involves a week or so of deficit before and/or after holidays and vacation to allow me to enjoy eating more those days. Throughout all the weight I have lost I have still eaten more on special occasions. This has always been part of my plan.
It is my everyday food and exercise identities that needed to change. I compromise with the parts of me that want to eat more and give them special occasions.
I stand corrected.
This is a food relationship problem. It wouldn't surprise me if most of us suffer from this in varying degrees. I have to push back against thinking that food is ever a solution to anything other than hunger and nutrition on a regular basis. Excess food is not a problem in short dosages but in long term practice it is a depressant and it perpetuates the very problem we are trying to "fix" with it.
I think the question on identity is do you need a separate identity specifically to help guard against this type of thinking or do you assume that any positive identity can't really afford to participate in off-book eating too often? I am definitely feeling the call of my outdoorsy self so I might be more of the latter. I want to support that identity even if that support is not always 100 percent. Perfection is never on the table.2 -
It is my everyday food and exercise identities that needed to change. I compromise with the parts of me that want to eat more and give them special occasions.
I think a problem is the expanded definition of special. What I recall about growing up was that holidays were special and Sunday dinner was special. Those were the times there was a tablecloth on the table and dessert. But I grew up before 7 day shopping. Other days were mostly about work and doing what had to be done.
Now it seems like there’s pressure (from where?) to make everything special all the time. Maybe its because we’re all so special ourselves. Or maybe it really is special that its Tuesday and Real Housewives of Chattanooga is on TV so I better call Dominos. Dunno.
For me I think there were two key reasons I felt this pressure:
1) The trap of "if some is good, more must be better." If some special occasion eating is good, then why not expand it more and more days? This flies in the face of moderation which seems to be the ruling concept in most aspects of life.
2) As I gained weight I reached a tipping point in which excess food and the resulting fat robbed me of so much of my life that I kept filling the void with more food. Trying to make it "special" was really just a bad albeit effective way of keeping myself in denial.3 -
2) As I gained weight I reached a tipping point in which excess food and the resulting fat robbed me of so much of my life that I kept filling the void with more food. Trying to make it "special" was really just a bad albeit effective way of keeping myself in denial.
As I got bigger, my life got smaller.2 -
2) As I gained weight I reached a tipping point in which excess food and the resulting fat robbed me of so much of my life that I kept filling the void with more food. Trying to make it "special" was really just a bad albeit effective way of keeping myself in denial.
As I got bigger, my life got smaller.
And part of the identity shift is the appreciation of the reversal. To me numbers on a scale are cold and outside of a milestone they just don't do it for me. The excitement of a new low lasts for a few moments. The excitement over NSVs can last for a long time and keep reoccurring. The novelty of sitting in a booth has not worn off. One week ago today I went out to eat with my wife and it still meant something that I could do it and it was one of the less forgiving booths too with very little space. The numbers just tell me how things are going. Living a bigger and healthier life gives it real purpose. It is a reason to grab a hold and keep pulling yourself towards wherever this leads.
The shift changed how it all felt too. It went from feeling mentally like I was rowing upstream to just kind of coasting downstream with the current. It did not do away with bad days and all my mental weaknesses but it helps most of the time.2 -
2) As I gained weight I reached a tipping point in which excess food and the resulting fat robbed me of so much of my life that I kept filling the void with more food. Trying to make it "special" was really just a bad albeit effective way of keeping myself in denial.
As I got bigger, my life got smaller.
And part of the identity shift is the appreciation of the reversal. To me numbers on a scale are cold and outside of a milestone they just don't do it for me. The excitement of a new low lasts for a few moments. The excitement over NSVs can last for a long time and keep reoccurring. The novelty of sitting in a booth has not worn off. One week ago today I went out to eat with my wife and it still meant something that I could do it and it was one of the less forgiving booths too with very little space. The numbers just tell me how things are going. Living a bigger and healthier life gives it real purpose. It is a reason to grab a hold and keep pulling yourself towards wherever this leads.
The shift changed how it all felt too. It went from feeling mentally like I was rowing upstream to just kind of coasting downstream with the current. It did not do away with bad days and all my mental weaknesses but it helps most of the time.
Keeping the NSVs going is difficult for me. My perception of myself is terribly distorted; I truly cannot feel the difference spatially that I should be, and its only in pictures that I can see it. I'm still reaching for larger clothes on the rack, still see myself as sedentary, and still seem to be unconsciously practicing all the old cautions I had before. Course I never could see myself as severely obese, either, even when I was 380 lbs. Only in pictures could I see it; never in the mirror.
I just seem to be aware of myself as being "there" apparently; I don't seem to have a real perception of my height, size, or proportions. Makes me wonder what a psychologist would have to say about that lol Though I've always figured a psychologist would have a field day with me anyway, especially when introduced to the characters that live in my head *laughs*
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@bmeadows380
It’s been years and I still struggle with the visual, especially clothes. I spent years purging the fat clothes from my closet. I finally accepted that I wasn’t going to get rid of more that 5-6 things at one time. Don’t know why. And I still always go for the large size even though I’m frequently swimming in it. But sometimes not. Clothes sizes are just inconsistent.
I think a better place to go for verification of progress is what I can do. When I started I couldn’t walk more than about 2 blocks due to back pain. But within a couple of months I was going out every Saturday and walking about 90 min without stopping. It was a big deal.2 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »
2) As I gained weight I reached a tipping point in which excess food and the resulting fat robbed me of so much of my life that I kept filling the void with more food. Trying to make it "special" was really just a bad albeit effective way of keeping myself in denial.
As I got bigger, my life got smaller.
And part of the identity shift is the appreciation of the reversal. To me numbers on a scale are cold and outside of a milestone they just don't do it for me. The excitement of a new low lasts for a few moments. The excitement over NSVs can last for a long time and keep reoccurring. The novelty of sitting in a booth has not worn off. One week ago today I went out to eat with my wife and it still meant something that I could do it and it was one of the less forgiving booths too with very little space. The numbers just tell me how things are going. Living a bigger and healthier life gives it real purpose. It is a reason to grab a hold and keep pulling yourself towards wherever this leads.
The shift changed how it all felt too. It went from feeling mentally like I was rowing upstream to just kind of coasting downstream with the current. It did not do away with bad days and all my mental weaknesses but it helps most of the time.
Keeping the NSVs going is difficult for me. My perception of myself is terribly distorted; I truly cannot feel the difference spatially that I should be, and its only in pictures that I can see it. I'm still reaching for larger clothes on the rack, still see myself as sedentary, and still seem to be unconsciously practicing all the old cautions I had before. Course I never could see myself as severely obese, either, even when I was 380 lbs. Only in pictures could I see it; never in the mirror.
I just seem to be aware of myself as being "there" apparently; I don't seem to have a real perception of my height, size, or proportions. Makes me wonder what a psychologist would have to say about that lol Though I've always figured a psychologist would have a field day with me anyway, especially when introduced to the characters that live in my head *laughs*
Some of that is ""fat brain" and it takes some time to unload that baggage. I have been in the vanity weight range for many months now which means I am more or less happy with my weight and I have made progress with fat brain but much still remains.
Some of that is you needing a kinder and supportive identity towards yourself. You are routinely reaffirming your harsh views of yourself. You weren't born with this identity, you adopted it. Do you like feeling this way? Does your best friend treat you this way? Would you still be friends with him/her if they did?
One of the things that happened when I started losing weight is I broke up with myself. I didn't like the relationship I was in with me. I asked myself if I wanted to live this way for the next 5 years and the answer was absolutely not. I had already spent too many years with that version of me. That is the sign you you exit a relationship. So little by little I sent him packing and it wasn't just my fat it was an entire mindset.3
