Letting go after confusing body comments
Niki_Fitz
Posts: 951 Member
TLDR: I'm struggling with his comments about my body even though I'm trying so hard to shake them off.
I wrote a long post but it was too much.
I'll just say that I just see myself lifting less and less, forcing fewer workouts, taking extra rest days, really internalizing this crap when I'm trying so hard not to! I tell myself to be stronger & work harder but it's not working.
I wrote a long post but it was too much.
I'll just say that I just see myself lifting less and less, forcing fewer workouts, taking extra rest days, really internalizing this crap when I'm trying so hard not to! I tell myself to be stronger & work harder but it's not working.
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Replies
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@Niki_Fitz, First of all, hugs. And sorry to hear you're feeling low-
You have an amazing looking arms! Strong and muscular, it's what we aim for!
Keep doing what you enjoy. And don't let some comment drag you down. I'm sure your hubby doesn't mean to hurt you. He probably doesn't care if you gain much. I know my man loves me no matter what shape I'm in. He cares if I am happy or not.
Maybe that's the same for your hubby. He wants you to feel good about yourself. His focus may not be fitness, but your happiness?
I hope you guys had a good birthday dinner- You can vent here all you want! We're here for ya!3 -
@weatherking2019 Thank you, you got the full post, haha. I think his intentions do come out all wrong. He offends when he doesn't mean to, maybe his point is for me to lighten up about my body shape. I'm really sensitive since this path to being fitter has been so much trial and error and self esteem work too. I like when my body's at its best, and I like the process too. So I have to take your adviceweatherking2019 wrote: »
Keep doing what you enjoy.
because yeah, I really enjoy it. And that's it
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I'm rarely in here, but Niki my husband has learned to keep his mouth shut for the most part about my body. It's hard because what I perceive as beautiful is not what he perceives as beautiful in general, even though I know he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what if that makes sense. My husband finds muscle definition "disgusting". Yes, he's actually used those words. He'd never say he found ME disgusting, but well what is one to think when someone makes comments like that? As you know I've gone through an incredibly stressful few months recently and I'm at the lower end of healthy right now and I haven't lifted in months. He's made comments about how good my legs look right now. If I were a different person I'd think I needed to starve myself all the time so my legs were thin. As it is, I try to educate him as much as I can (if you don't like muscle definition, I can try not to let my body fat drop too low. My legs are looking thin because I've lost a lot of weight from stress, but it's not very healthy.)
Otherwise, we walk a fine line. He is grateful I've never commented negatively about his body and tries to make me understand that even though he has a body type preference, he finds me attractive no matter what.7 -
@Niki_Fitz I didn't get to read the full post so I don't know what it's about exactly but I have to say: I'd kill for well-defined arms like yours! Do you have a at-home-no-weights workout routine by any chance?0
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Happy to be single and your post reaffirmed that for me! Thank you. What Anybody thinks of you is None of your business.1
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Don’t know if it’s the same for you but in the past when I have been feeling low I have exercised to feel better and got quite stuck in this, exercising rather than living my normal life, think just be mindful of how you are feeling and that you have good balance in your life, taking care of yourself and feeling ok x0
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mom23mangos wrote: »I'm rarely in here, but Niki my husband has learned to keep his mouth shut for the most part about my body. It's hard because what I perceive as beautiful is not what he perceives as beautiful in general, even though I know he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what if that makes sense. My husband finds muscle definition "disgusting". Yes, he's actually used those words. He'd never say he found ME disgusting, but well what is one to think when someone makes comments like that? As you know I've gone through an incredibly stressful few months recently and I'm at the lower end of healthy right now and I haven't lifted in months. He's made comments about how good my legs look right now. If I were a different person I'd think I needed to starve myself all the time so my legs were thin. As it is, I try to educate him as much as I can (if you don't like muscle definition, I can try not to let my body fat drop too low. My legs are looking thin because I've lost a lot of weight from stress, but it's not very healthy.)
Otherwise, we walk a fine line. He is grateful I've never commented negatively about his body and tries to make me understand that even though he has a body type preference, he finds me attractive no matter what.
My husband is a family counselor and he knows better than to make any remarks about my body except to say that he thinks I am burning hot. And that is after I have gained some weight since we have met. He encourages me when I tell him that I am losing weight, as long as I don't go too far with it (I have in the past). You didn't say (or erased) what comments were said, but you are gorgeous! Incredibly lean and fit looking. I think that men talking about body preferences should ONLY be done when they are alone with their mates. It bothers me when women say their husbands talk about their 'ideal' women's body types to their wives. That should NEVER be done IMO. To otherwise do so is a passive-aggressive way to keep you in your place. To make sure that he still has the power in the relationship when it comes to your self-esteem. I would certainly recommend counseling - something isn't right. Your husband should celebrate your health and happiness ABOVE ALL. If weight lifting and strong curves make you happy, why would he want to chip away at that? To keep you in your place. I would ask you to consider whether he has ever liked your body - or has he always found things to 'comment' on? That might help you keep things in perspective. It's not really your strong curves - if they were as he liked it might become your hair. Or your face. Or your feet. I've had it all!!!!
If I am totally off base, please forgive me! It's just that I have been in both boats, and I hate to see anyone else suffer the kind self-esteem erosion that I have experienced. heart
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Oh dear - I meant to quote OP!! But actually your husband sounds like he might need some fine-tuning as well. lol0
